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California Man Files Suit to Take Wife's Last Name...

Old 01-20-07, 10:19 AM
  #51  
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I'm curious, what last name do the kids get if you guys have different last names?
My twin daughters took my name, but to each their own. There is no way I would change my name to my wife's, but then again, I also hate my last name. It's all personal opinion .
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Old 01-20-07, 11:38 AM
  #52  
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That a man who takes his wife's name should lose esteem in the eyes of others speaks volumes about the place women hold in out society.

Consider that women are born with their father's name and are expected to take their husband's name carries a strong implication that women are subservient to and property of the men in their lives.

It seems to be a throwback to a more primitive, less enlightened time and value system.

Were my girlfriend and I ever to take the plunge (we're going to be building a house together and splitting the cost, so being married might have some advantages) and get that little piece of paper that makes our relationship official in the eyes of the state, neither of would probably change our names or hyphenate. We do fine as-is, and with who we are. Her taking my name or not taking my name would mean nothing to me.

She is a hardcore feminist, so that also enters into the decision on some levels, I'm sure.

The feminist angle is amusing, considering she's the most level-headed and rational woman I've ever known. We respect each other and give each other enough space to be our own people. Just looking at my circle of friends, the women who want to recite the wedding vow to "obey" and take their husband's last name tend to be difficult, controlling shrews who make their marriages miserable. My girlfriend and I have outlasted most of these marriages, too.
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Old 01-20-07, 11:47 AM
  #53  
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Originally Posted by Josh-da-man
Were my girlfriend and I ever to take the plunge (we're going to be building a house together and splitting the cost, so being married might have some advantages) and get that little piece of paper that makes our relationship official in the eyes of the state, neither of would probably change our names or hyphenate. We do fine as-is, and with who we are. Her taking my name or not taking my name would mean nothing to me.

She is a hardcore feminist, so that also enters into the decision on some levels, I'm sure.
Don't be so wishy-washy...That IS the reason.

Originally Posted by Josh-da-man
The feminist angle is amusing, considering she's the most level-headed and rational woman I've ever known. We respect each other and give each other enough space to be our own people. Just looking at my circle of friends, the women who want to recite the wedding vow to "obey" and take their husband's last name tend to be difficult, controlling shrews who make their marriages miserable. My girlfriend and I have outlasted most of these marriages, too.
When you have a "I'm free to leave because I feel like it" commitment, perhaps... just perhaps both people are a bit more uncertain about their future together so "fear" at some level keeps them on their toes. I wouldn't take pride in that.
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Old 01-20-07, 12:02 PM
  #54  
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Originally Posted by Josh-da-man
.

Were my girlfriend and I ever to take the plunge (we're going to be building a house together and splitting the cost, so being married might have some advantages) and get that little piece of paper that makes our relationship official in the eyes of the state, neither of would probably change our names or hyphenate. We do fine as-is, and with who we are. Her taking my name or not taking my name would mean nothing to me.
Just to warn you Josh and no insult intended, but every time I have ever seen two people go in together on a house... well lets just say:



Your experience may be different though
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Old 01-20-07, 01:04 PM
  #55  
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Originally Posted by sracer
When you have a "I'm free to leave because I feel like it" commitment, perhaps... just perhaps both people are a bit more uncertain about their future together so "fear" at some level keeps them on their toes. I wouldn't take pride in that.
You presume much about our relationship.

We have been together for seven years, going on eight.

In that time, we have attended eighteen weddings.

Of those eighteen weddings, eight of them have already ended in divorce. Another three are currently in counseling, and probably won't last until the end of the year. And another one has a lot of infidelity going on.

Funny, but it seems to me like fully two out of three of those lifetime commitments turn out to be "I'm free to leave because I feel like it" commitments.

There is no "fear" in our relationship, though I really have no idea what you meant by that.

We are two people who have a number of common values, common interests, respect for each others' individuality, and great chemistry. Standing in front of a holy man and begging for permission to fuck and getting a slip of paper from the state won't improve on anything one bit.

And maybe... just maybe... people who think a big wedding and a ring and a marriage certificate will make anything better are doomed to fail.
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Old 01-20-07, 01:13 PM
  #56  
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Originally Posted by crazyronin
Just to warn you Josh and no insult intended, but every time I have ever seen two people go in together on a house... well lets just say:



Your experience may be different though
We'll take our chances, though we are looking into options regarding marriage just to legally dot our i's and cross our t's. The current gay marriage issue has sort of made us, for the first time, seriously consider the special rights and privelages legally granted to married couples, so we're reluctantly looking into that option.

The thing is, being married or not doesn't really matter to either of us. Neither of us believe in God or are religious, so that aspect of marriage doesn't hold any power for either of us. We are the ones who need to make our relationship (marriage or not) work; and we've been doing a good job of it for the past seven years.
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Old 01-20-07, 02:44 PM
  #57  
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Originally Posted by Josh-da-man
We'll take our chances, though we are looking into options regarding marriage just to legally dot our i's and cross our t's. The current gay marriage issue has sort of made us, for the first time, seriously consider the special rights and privelages legally granted to married couples, so we're reluctantly looking into that option.

The thing is, being married or not doesn't really matter to either of us. Neither of us believe in God or are religious, so that aspect of marriage doesn't hold any power for either of us. We are the ones who need to make our relationship (marriage or not) work; and we've been doing a good job of it for the past seven years.
All I'm saying is that any small cracks in a relationship tend to really grow into huge fissures in the stress of building a house.

Good luck
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Old 01-20-07, 07:20 PM
  #58  
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Originally Posted by crazyronin
All I'm saying is that any small cracks in a relationship tend to really grow into huge fissures in the stress of building a house.
I can attest to that. Did it 20 years ago. It's one of the most stressful things we have done in our 33 year marriage. But we did survive.
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Old 01-20-07, 07:59 PM
  #59  
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The clowns calling that guy a wuss are the same clowns who think that there is something wrong when a married couple decides not to have kids or only have one kid.
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Old 01-21-07, 03:42 PM
  #60  
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Originally Posted by Ranger
The clowns calling that guy a wuss are the same clowns who think that there is something wrong when a married couple decides not to have kids or only have one kid.
Over-generalize much? I have only one child and I applaud any carbon blobs who decide not to breed.
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Old 01-29-07, 06:30 PM
  #61  
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Originally Posted by Breakfast with Girls
My last name sucks. I'd love to change it to my mom's maiden name—I'm more attached to her side of the family anyway. But I know that it would be a giant hassle and it would result in some hurt feelings on my dad's side.

I don't think I'm brave enough to ever do this, though.
You and me both, brother.

It's not that big of a deal to me, but my mom's maiden name is way cooler than the one I have now.

And I have to join in on the chorus of those who speak out against the "haters". I just started reading this thread today, and...sheesh! The people calling out a guy for being a wuss are the barometer for what's "manly"? Who cares what another person wants to do with their life. Being an armchair critic is one thing, but belittling someone for something that doesn't effect anyone else is another.
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Old 01-29-07, 08:28 PM
  #62  
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So, any updates on the wuss' quest?


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Old 01-31-07, 10:18 AM
  #63  
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Originally Posted by bhk
So, any updates on the wuss' quest?
Not much. He was a loser when he made the decision to take his wife's name, and he's still a loser today.
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Old 01-31-07, 10:35 AM
  #64  
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It's nice to see that 5th Century BC values are still alive and well in modern America.
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Old 01-31-07, 12:06 PM
  #65  
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Originally Posted by Tracer Bullet
It's nice to see that 5th Century BC values are still alive and well in modern America.
Why do you say the Socratic method is still used?
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Old 01-31-07, 12:36 PM
  #66  
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Originally Posted by ukywyldcat
Not much. He was a loser when he made the decision to take his wife's name, and he's still a loser today.
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Old 01-31-07, 01:12 PM
  #67  
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Originally Posted by Numanoid
Those that disagree with you are the guy from American Beauty? Nice.
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Old 01-31-07, 01:18 PM
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Originally Posted by ukywyldcat
Those that disagree with you are the guy from American Beauty? Nice.
You don't think he'd say something like, "He was a loser when he made the decision to take his wife's name, and he's still a loser today"?

Excellent reference. 5/5
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Old 01-31-07, 01:23 PM
  #69  
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Originally Posted by CRM114
You don't think he'd say something like, "He was a loser when he made the decision to take his wife's name, and he's still a loser today"?

Excellent reference. 5/5

He likely would say something like that. But that guy was the idiot of the movie simply because he had a different opinion. He wasn't politically-correct. So he was the jerk.

So my statement is also true: Those that disagree with you are the guy from American Beauty? 5/5 for accuracy. kthanks.
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Old 01-31-07, 01:29 PM
  #70  
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Originally Posted by ukywyldcat
He likely would say something like that. But that guy was the idiot of the movie simply because he had a different opinion. He wasn't politically-correct. So he was the jerk.
He was the jerk because that was the only way he could manifest the self-loathing he felt. He was internally conflicted, and the stress of that led him to be abrasive and overbearing to his family and everyone else.

But if that just means "he had a different opinion" then I guess you're right.
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Old 01-31-07, 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by jdodd
He was the jerk because that was the only way he could manifest the self-loathing he felt. He was internally conflicted, and the stress of that led him to be abrasive and overbearing to his family and everyone else.

But if that just means "he had a different opinion" then I guess you're right.
I'm confident that the use of the picture in response to my comment wasn't to suggest that I said what I said because it was the only way I could manifest the self-loathing I feel, and that I was internally conflicted, and the stress of that led me to make my comment for the world to endure.

The picture was used to call me an idiot...as a backward thinker...for saying something that conflicts with the way the other poster thinks. And honestly, I'm not insulted by the pic. He is free to express himself, and I'm an adult...I can take it. But it is in fact labelling me for my opinion, an opinion which was putting a label on someone else, but a label that the other poster doesn't agree with. Which tells me that Numanoid thinks its ok to label, as long as the label I use is one in which he can agree with. If I use a label he disagrees with, I'll be insulted.

Last edited by ukywyldcat; 01-31-07 at 02:00 PM.
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Old 01-31-07, 02:32 PM
  #72  
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I agree with your assessment but I would suggest that the photo was in direct response to what you said and how you said it, not just because you happen to disagree with him, as you implied in your initial response.
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Old 01-31-07, 03:37 PM
  #73  
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Originally Posted by ukywyldcat
So my statement is also true: Those that disagree with you are the guy from American Beauty? 5/5 for accuracy. kthanks.
I took the pic to mean someone with repressed emotions. I view comments such as yours to be rooted in some masculine identity issues. Call me an arm chair psychologist.
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Old 01-31-07, 04:44 PM
  #74  
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Originally Posted by CRM114
Call me an arm chair psychologist.
Why not, we've called you a lot worse behind your back.
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