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17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists...by Michael Moore

Old 11-05-04, 03:32 AM
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17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists...by Michael Moore

11/5/04

Dear Friends,

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in
the words of Monty Python, 'always look on the bright side of life!' There
IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:

1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since
Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults
(Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always
wrong and you should never listen to them.

4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of Americans still think the
country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth fighting (51%), and don't approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the
Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the
Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats do
their job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.

6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of
our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West
Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water,
all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in
lava. And no more show tunes!

7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any
old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut.
May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will
no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If
you're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly
golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.

9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married
in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won't
have to buy now.

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress,
including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to
have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates
can't.

11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!

12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.

13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3
chambers in Tuesday's elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state
legislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the
2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53
chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47
chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber
(Montana House) is still undecided.

14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than
the one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out --
and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard work
that will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12th
grade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat the
next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the
ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved his
point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.

15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very
dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two
scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the
Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear
that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so that
history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for
too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and
arrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such
major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from
office.

16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of voting
age. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- it
means we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards
to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of
those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go
home crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the three
yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are
coming!!!

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the
candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total
number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore.
Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for
a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time
since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has
always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is
that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact,
that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones
who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November
2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of
surprise in 2008.

Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "My
Romanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a
wonderful country -- it doesn't even need a president!'"

But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.

Yours,

Michael Moore
[email protected]
www.michaelmoore.com










um.... after reading that, i realized what an idiot the guy is.
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Old 11-05-04, 03:35 AM
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That's what it took?
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Old 11-05-04, 03:41 AM
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I don't know. Number 12 isn't such a bad reason.

<img src="http://us.news1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/rids/20041014/i/r3745151353.jpg"><img src="http://us.news1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/rids/20041014/i/r3693004850.jpg"><img src="http://us.news1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/rids/20041103/i/r308466963.jpg"><img src="http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20041030/capt.njbp10410302215.nj_bush_daughters_njbp104.jpg">
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Old 11-05-04, 04:22 AM
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Whats with all the white/black garbage?
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Old 11-05-04, 04:51 AM
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Sore Loser
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Old 11-05-04, 05:03 AM
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He is so fucking stupid..... such a freaking sore loser..... LOLOL.... i am personally going to send him a freaking email and the only come back he will have is..... i have more money then you.
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Old 11-05-04, 05:26 AM
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Hurrr hurrr he's fat.....
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Old 11-05-04, 05:26 AM
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Michael Moore speaks

Friday, November 5th, 2004
17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists...by Michael Moore

Dear Friends,

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in the words of Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life!” There IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:

1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.

4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of Americans still think the country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth fighting (51%), and don’t approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats do their job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.

6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water, all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in lava. And no more show tunes!

7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If you're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.

9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won't have to buy now.

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can't.

11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!

12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.

13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3 chambers in Tuesday's elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state legislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the 2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53 chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47 chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber (Montana House) is still undecided.

14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than the one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out -- and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard work that will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12th grade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat the next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved his point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.

15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so that history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and arrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from office.

16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of voting age. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- it means we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go home crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the three yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are coming!!!

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact, that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.

Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "My Romanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a wonderful country -- it doesn't even need a president!'"

But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.

Yours,

Michael Moore
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know this is in the other forum but i felt that it should be here.

Its funny because he is still a moron.....
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Old 11-05-04, 06:09 AM
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I hate Michael Moore like poison, but I do give him props for this. His writing seems humbled (for a change) and actually very witty and humorous. Very amusing article.
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Old 11-05-04, 06:14 AM
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DarkFlounder responds

1. We've got a good majority now. Repealing the 22nd amendment is within our grasp. Bwah ha ha!

2. Bush's victory was the first election won by more than 50% since 1988.

3. The children of the sixties are the parents of the 2000s. So, who needs to teach who's parents?

4. Fahrenheit 911 made 25% of the box office receipts that Shrek 2 made, so Fahrenheit 911 must be 25% the truth of Shrek 2. Anybody can throw around numbers, what matters is the end result.

5. If the Democrats continue the "We're right, you're just too stupid to realize it" attitude, the Republicans WILL have a filibuster-proof majority in 2006.

6. The entire midwest, south, southwest and northern plains voted Republican. We can starve you (no grain, corn, beef, etc), separate you (ya gotta come through us to get to each other) and nuke ya (we got the missile silos in South Dakota)

7. What's worse? The single nut in Ohio, or the nut that dumped $25 mil of his own money to defeat Bush?

8. Yeah, socialized medicine will ensure your prescriptions will be substandard, your private hospital room will be shared with 15 others, and the rest of us will be paying 50% taxes for it.

9. Gays couldn't get married in 48 states before the election. The passed amendments just ensure that a single judge can't overrule the wishes of the people.

10. But now there's 8 fewer Democrats in Congress, with 3 still to be decided, including Daschle. They better hope Bush's economy can provide them with jobs.

11. The Senate Minority Leader got voted out. Think he'll be moving back to the land of corn and bitter winters?

12. Sure, the twins are nice to look at. But it's daddy at the door with the shotgun you need to be mindful of.

13. Silver linings in clouds are also a sign of approaching storms.

14. And now that he doesn't have to worry about re-election, he can do pretty much whatever he wants. We're invading Mexico, the President needs more salsa for his chips!

15. Kind of like how Clinton's legacy is one of stained dresses and medicine plants hit with cruise missiles to distract America?

16. The biggest voter turnout ever. High voter turnout is usually very good for Dems. And Bush won by 3.5million votes. A sports analogy? How about it aint' over till the fat guy with the camera gets it in the ass?

17. But more people still voted for Bush. No matter how you sugar coat it, re-electing Bush, 4 new Republican senators, 4-7 new Republican representatives killed the liberal agenda in this country.

And, Michael, the mainstream media is more in line with your flawed thinking. The only difference is they have real jobs, and have to tell the truth at least occasionally.

-----

Sorry for going on so long. I've been wanting to respond to that since I read it earlier. The guy had to shut his web site down for almost an entire day, along with DU.com. Didn't want us to see you cry, I assume.
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Old 11-05-04, 06:40 AM
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nice response darkflounder

I guess it took Moore this long to finally speak because hes been wallowing in donuts and ice cream ever since the exit polls were wrong
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Old 11-05-04, 07:40 AM
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Re: DarkFlounder responds

Originally posted by darkflounder

1. We've got a good majority now. Repealing the 22nd amendment is within our grasp. Bwah ha ha!

Never gonna happen

2. Bush's victory was the first election won by more than 50% since 1988.

uh... don't know why republicans like to throw this figure around - Clinton beat dole by like 8 percentage points.

4. Fahrenheit 911 made 25% of the box office receipts that Shrek 2 made, so Fahrenheit 911 must be 25% the truth of Shrek 2. Anybody can throw around numbers, what matters is the end result.

That makes alot of sense.

5. If the Democrats continue the "We're right, you're just too stupid to realize it" attitude, the Republicans WILL have a filibuster-proof majority in 2006.

Democrats need to get their shit together, sure - but this statement is wrong on many levels.

6. The entire midwest, south, southwest and northern plains voted Republican. We can starve you (no grain, corn, beef, etc), separate you (ya gotta come through us to get to each other) and nuke ya (we got the missile silos in South Dakota)

Sounds like fun.

8. Yeah, socialized medicine will ensure your prescriptions will be substandard, your private hospital room will be shared with 15 others, and the rest of us will be paying 50% taxes for it.

Sure it will... guess we'll never know.

9. Gays couldn't get married in 48 states before the election. The passed amendments just ensure that a single judge can't overrule the wishes of the people.

As long as Bush leaves it up to the states, that's fine. If he writes it into the constitution, won't it be the first time we've had an ammendment meant to discriminate rather than grant freedoms?

12. Sure, the twins are nice to look at. But it's daddy at the door with the shotgun you need to be mindful of.

I think they are fugly

14. And now that he doesn't have to worry about re-election, he can do pretty much whatever he wants. We're invading Mexico, the President needs more salsa for his chips!

So he wasn't doing whatever he wanted to before? scary thought.

15. Kind of like how Clinton's legacy is one of stained dresses and medicine plants hit with cruise missiles to distract America?

Let's bring up clinton's blow job now - should've known that would come up again.

16. The biggest voter turnout ever. High voter turnout is usually very good for Dems. And Bush won by 3.5million votes. A sports analogy? How about it aint' over till the fat guy with the camera gets it in the ass?

I don't see how high voter turnout is usually good for Dems - what info do you have to back this claim up?

17. But more people still voted for Bush. No matter how you sugar coat it, re-electing Bush, 4 new Republican senators, 4-7 new Republican representatives killed the liberal agenda in this country.

liberal agenda? And what is that exactly?

And, Michael, the mainstream media is more in line with your flawed thinking. The only difference is they have real jobs, and have to tell the truth at least occasionally.

right... mainstream liberal media. good one.
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Old 11-05-04, 07:47 AM
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Ever get the idea that a large numer of the Moore-bashers here are like that guy in the bar in Roxanne whose greatest insult is "Hey! Big Nose!"??

Hate to break it to you kids but the majority of Americans are considered overweight or obese. That's not funny. That's sad.

Want to attack the man for his politics? Fine..fire away. But the weight jokes are just tired and show a pathetic lack of humor.

At least I give props to darkflounder for attempting a point by point rebuttal without once resorting to the weight jokes
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Old 11-05-04, 07:49 AM
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Originally posted by Trigger

uh... don't know why republicans like to throw this figure around - Clinton beat dole by like 8 percentage points.
I think the point trying to be made is: Bush is the first president since 1988 to be elected with over 50% of the total vote. Clinton got 42% in 1992 and 49% in 1996.
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Old 11-05-04, 07:55 AM
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I don't care how much you all hate Michael Moore, #6 was damn funny! At least he can keep his sense of humor about it all, unlike a few of you.
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Old 11-05-04, 07:58 AM
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Wow, people throw around the term sore loser, but I think I need to mention the term sore winner.
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Old 11-05-04, 08:03 AM
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Originally posted by Bushdog
Wow, people throw around the term sore loser, but I think I need to mention the term sore winner.
There's a little difference between the impact of Michael Moore & folks on this forum - wouldn't you agree?

It's somewhat more important how Moore views the election than it is how a member of this forum views it.

Well, maybe not. Apparently he didn't have the effect on this election that some on this forum said he would have.
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Old 11-05-04, 08:09 AM
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That's another thing, how do we know what his impact was? I thought this election was going to be a blowout. Maybe he has some responsibility for keeping it closer?

Also, Moore was doing his job, which is pandering to his audience. He's an entertainer and is doing what he needs, to remain well fed.
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Old 11-05-04, 08:22 AM
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Originally posted by Bushdog
That's another thing, how do we know what his impact was? I thought this election was going to be a blowout. Maybe he has some responsibility for keeping it closer?

Also, Moore was doing his job, which is pandering to his audience. He's an entertainer and is doing what he needs, to remain well fed.
He appears to have accomplished the well fed portion rather well.
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Old 11-05-04, 08:38 AM
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Funny, witty and positive. Great to see he didn't go the other route and start whinning.

And Moore haters are saying he's a sore loser...give me a break!
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Old 11-05-04, 08:44 AM
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Re: Re: DarkFlounder responds

Originally posted by Trigger

As long as Bush leaves it up to the states, that's fine. If he writes it into the constitution, won't it be the first time we've had an ammendment meant to discriminate rather than grant freedoms?
dear sir, bush can't write it into the constitution.
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Old 11-05-04, 08:57 AM
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Some of our members seem to be a little confused as to how the Constitution is amended.
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Old 11-05-04, 09:45 AM
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Re: DarkFlounder responds

Originally posted by darkflounder

9. Gays couldn't get married in 48 states before the election. The passed amendments just ensure that a single judge can't overrule the wishes of the people.
Yes, thank GOD the wishes of the majority can now repress the rights of a minority.



X
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Old 11-05-04, 10:37 AM
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• Tarnower •

I hate Michael Moore like poison, but I do give him props for this. His writing seems humbled (for a change) and actually very witty and humorous. Very amusing article.
I hate the guy too, but come on. This is pretty funny and light-hearted compared to his typical rants. Give him some credit.

Well, except for this:
10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can't.
Considering the rest of the tone, I'm assuming this is sarcasm. If not, he really doesn't know wtf he's talking about.

das
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Old 11-05-04, 10:57 AM
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Racism, threats of drowning the opponent [even in jest], the supporting of the incredibly disrespectful filibuster [which ironically means the congresscritters *aren't* doing their job], promises of revenge, calling all of Ohio a 'poisonous nut', the intentional disrespect of parents, etc. And of course the Hollywood ideal that people's worth is based on their looks, and the twins are 'good to look at'.

Not quite as vitriolic and hateful as he usually is, but, well, he's still a jerk.

#18. If you do, you won't be able to buy my next book/mockumentary so I can be even richer than you while wanting the government to 'take care of' and 'provide for you.'

I do agree, fat jokes are tasteless, tacky, immature and irrelevant regardless. Besides, he offers so much more to mock/argue with : )
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