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The Official "Stupid Things You Heard Dan Rather Say" Election Thread

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The Official "Stupid Things You Heard Dan Rather Say" Election Thread

Old 11-03-04, 03:29 PM
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The Official "Stupid Things You Heard Dan Rather Say" Election Thread

Didn't watch much...but a little went a long way.

For instance, at one point early in the night, Dan said:

"We'd need Billy Crystal to figure out what might happen."

Huh?!

I'm guessing he meant to say, "We'd need a crystal ball to figure out what might happen."


This is the place to post your favorite "Ratherisms" from Election Night!
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Old 11-03-04, 03:31 PM
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I loved the 'whispering axe' comment, when it was clear to everyone the ax was screaming.


Oh, and every time he screamed Attention Please and blew a load to call a state for Kerry.


I love that goofy bastard.
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Old 11-03-04, 03:31 PM
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You guys are way too hung up. You're just praying he gets fired so you can celebrate. I hope he sticks around just to piss off some folks. And for the record, I didn't watch one second of his broadcast. I watched, CNN, MSNBC, FOXNews and the local 24 news channel for local races.
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Old 11-03-04, 03:32 PM
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Re: The Official "Stupid Things You Heard Dan Rather Say" Election Thread

Originally posted by Shannon Nutt
"We'd need Billy Crystal to figure out what might happen."
No, no, no. I refuse to believe Kerry lost until Billy tells me it's true!
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Old 11-03-04, 03:32 PM
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[paraphrased]
Election nights like this are notoriously hard on campaign managers. That's why so many of them drink so much.
[/paraphrased]

(He appeared to be speaking seriously rather than jokingly)
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Old 11-03-04, 03:33 PM
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I heard him say late last night . . . as they went to a break . . . that the audience should not turn the channel because they were "going to be on this like white on rice". It sounded pretty funny coming from Dan Rather.
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Old 11-03-04, 03:34 PM
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Originally posted by VinVega
You guys are way too hung up. You're just praying he gets fired so you can celebrate. I hope he sticks around just to piss off some folks. And for the record, I didn't watch one second of his broadcast. I watched, CNN, MSNBC, FOXNews and the local 24 news channel for local races.
Vin, after last night - I want him on there for life. He won't be pissing me off. and you missed pure comedy last night.


What's pissing me off is that I don't expect results from their internal memogate investigation, ever.
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Old 11-03-04, 03:36 PM
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At some point he said something was akin to rocks growing or something like that.
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Old 11-03-04, 03:36 PM
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VinVega

You guys are way too hung up. You're just praying he gets fired so you can celebrate. I hope he sticks around just to piss off some folks. And for the record, I didn't watch one second of his broadcast. I watched, CNN, MSNBC, FOXNews and the local 24 news channel for local races.
You really missed a good time, then. I didn't fully understand what people were talking about until I watched this guy for a few hours straight. It was both disturbing and hilarious.

"You can start singing Johnny B. Goode, because Michigan has gone to Kerry."

With 99% of the precincts reported in Ohio. "Ohio, Ohio, Ohio. This thing is just so darn confusing. It could be days before we figure this out, and when we do, you'll be the first to know."

"Welcome to Accuracy Central ..."

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Old 11-03-04, 03:50 PM
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I loved the look of pure panicked hope on his face as the OH Secretary of State mentioned that they wouldn't be counting provisional ballots until 11 days after the election.

CBS, please throw enough money at the man to keep him around for 2008.
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Old 11-03-04, 03:50 PM
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I heard him say something about this race being "hotter than the devil's anvil". I also heard him say making accurate projections is as complex as "engineering plans for a hydro electric dam". If I didn't have to go into work today, I was going to play a Rather drinking game. Everytime he says some odd analogy take a drink. I'd have been ripped before they announced who won in New England
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Old 11-03-04, 03:52 PM
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Originally posted by talemyn
I heard him say late last night . . . as they went to a break . . . that the audience should not turn the channel because they were "going to be on this like white on rice". It sounded pretty funny coming from Dan Rather.
I missed that.
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Old 11-03-04, 03:53 PM
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I would also agree with "Welcome to Accuracy Central"

It was great to be a part of that thread.
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Old 11-03-04, 03:57 PM
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"The situation in Ohio could give Aspirin a headache, because it's so complicated!"
"John Kerry can hear the whisper of the axe...IF he doesn't carry Ohio."
"This race is hot enough to peel the paint off houses!"
"The Kerry camp is not yet ready to celebrate." (said after 1am)
"I know some of the other outlets have made statements about some of the states, but they do not have the information we do, and it is still ... too close to call."
"Ohio is filled with lawyers already, flown in by car or train ..."
"Do you hear that knocking? President Bush's reelection is at the door. Knock knock knock."

Sadly, I'm not making any of that up.

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Old 11-03-04, 03:57 PM
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Originally posted by nevermind
What's pissing me off is that I don't expect results from their internal memogate investigation, ever.
Don't worry. I'm sure they'll show up around the same time O.J. finds the real killer.
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Old 11-03-04, 04:00 PM
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Originally posted by das Monkey

Sadly, I'm not making any of that up.

das
sadly?!?

He is completely responsible for my lack of sleep last night .







Is he on the nightly news tonight, or is he on a morphine drip, recuperating?
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Old 11-03-04, 04:01 PM
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Originally posted by das Monkey
"Ohio is filled with lawyers already, flown in by car or train ..."
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Old 11-03-04, 04:02 PM
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Originally posted by das Monkey
"Ohio is filled with lawyers already, flown in by car or train ..."
Flying trains!! Run for your lives!!!
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Old 11-03-04, 04:09 PM
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Yeah, I heard that "knock, knock, knock" line, too!
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Old 11-03-04, 04:09 PM
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"Texas: 32 electoral votes, another of the so-called big enchiladas or if not an enchilada at least a huge taco."
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Old 11-03-04, 04:12 PM
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Dan Rather was too aloof last night. But that is okay. He rocks! Screw those damn fake documents!

Dan Rather can't get fired! He just can't! Now that my boy Tom is leaving, Dan is all I have left.

Go to hell (Canada), Peter Jennings! Go straight to hell!
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Old 11-03-04, 04:16 PM
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"Texas: 32 electoral votes, another of the so-called big enchiladas or if not an enchilada at least a huge taco."
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Old 11-03-04, 04:39 PM
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Originally posted by nevermind
Oh, and every time he screamed Attention Please and blew a load to call a state for Kerry
ROTFLOL
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Old 11-03-04, 04:47 PM
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Originally posted by das Monkey

"Welcome to Accuracy Central ..."

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My personal favorite.
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Old 11-03-04, 05:00 PM
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Originally posted by VinVega
You guys are way too hung up. You're just praying he gets fired so you can celebrate. I hope he sticks around just to piss off some folks. And for the record, I didn't watch one second of his broadcast. I watched, CNN, MSNBC, FOXNews and the local 24 news channel for local races.
I used to feel that way, but last night rocked. I watched NBC until the outcome was clear (to me) then tuned in CBS to watch Dan.

CBS just needs to transfer CBS news from the Reality Show division to the Sitcom Division. It was great.

I used to be very angry over the memo forgery, but watching last night's meltdown showed me a broken down old man entirely unable to deal with the reality, and the fact he isn't relevant enough to defeat a sitting President despite his best attempts. I'm good now.
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