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My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

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My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

Old 09-27-21, 01:22 PM
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

Originally Posted by LurkerDan View Post
This makes me think that lots of this story is significantly embellished or fabricated. Nobody randomly describes a british guy as scottish, but if one is spinning a tale, it's the type of fact that one might forget and screw up the next time you post.

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Old 09-27-21, 09:46 PM
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Old 10-12-21, 12:51 PM
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

Originally Posted by LurkerDan View Post
This makes me think that lots of this story is significantly embellished or fabricated. Nobody randomly describes a british guy as scottish, but if one is spinning a tale, it's the type of fact that one might forget and screw up the next time you post.
Its not fake. Not by any means.

Anyway, the latest update is we have both agreed to try and work on things until the end of the year at least. She’s apparently trying to see if that “spark” can come back. Meanwhile I feel like I’m waiting to see if I qualify for a loan or something. We both acknowledged our faults, and she says she wants things to be good with us but doesn’t see how it’ll work with all the pain she’s suffered in the past. Half of my family (including hers) says stick around, see what happens. The other half says get the heck out of Dodge. That I shouldn’t have to wait for her to decide.

She still doesn’t initiate anything. Says she has no desire to. She’s trying to see if that’ll change. She only goes out with me for the food and experience. Says I’m “pleasant or tolerable” when she’s with me. I compliment her and she says “thanks” with no emotion whatsoever. I’ve been spoiling her and going out of my way to give her space and time, and make up for all the hurt I caused in the past. But she says while things haven’t gotten worse, that nothing has changed. She says stuff like “if I wasn’t trying to make this work, why would I let you kiss me or hug me or have sex with me? I don’t want to do those things but I let it happen.”

It just makes me feel so wanted. You know?
Old 10-12-21, 01:23 PM
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

“pleasant or tolerable”
Like a cuck.
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Old 10-12-21, 01:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Why So Blu? View Post
Like a cuck.
You know sometimes I feel like one.
Old 10-12-21, 01:33 PM
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

Originally Posted by nickdawgy View Post
She says stuff like “if I wasn’t trying to make this work, why would I let you kiss me or hug me or have sex with me? I don’t want to do those things but I let it happen.”
Dude, cut your losses.

And unless you’re both seeing a therapist right now, staying together until the end of the year is just a waste of time.
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Old 10-12-21, 01:55 PM
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

"Of course I'm trying. I let you put your vile penis inside me while I stare off into the distance with a stony gaze, don't I? I let you kiss me, although I'd certainly never kiss you back. What more could you ask for?"
Old 10-12-21, 01:58 PM
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

Originally Posted by nickdawgy View Post
Its not fake. Not by any means.

Anyway, the latest update is we have both agreed to try and work on things until the end of the year at least. She’s apparently trying to see if that “spark” can come back. Meanwhile I feel like I’m waiting to see if I qualify for a loan or something. We both acknowledged our faults, and she says she wants things to be good with us but doesn’t see how it’ll work with all the pain she’s suffered in the past. Half of my family (including hers) says stick around, see what happens. The other half says get the heck out of Dodge. That I shouldn’t have to wait for her to decide.

She still doesn’t initiate anything. Says she has no desire to. She’s trying to see if that’ll change. She only goes out with me for the food and experience. Says I’m “pleasant or tolerable” when she’s with me. I compliment her and she says “thanks” with no emotion whatsoever. I’ve been spoiling her and going out of my way to give her space and time, and make up for all the hurt I caused in the past. But she says while things haven’t gotten worse, that nothing has changed. She says stuff like “if I wasn’t trying to make this work, why would I let you kiss me or hug me or have sex with me? I don’t want to do those things but I let it happen.”

It just makes me feel so wanted. You know?
I have nothing more to add except...

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Old 10-12-21, 02:17 PM
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

Jesus, dude. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?
Old 10-12-21, 03:25 PM
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Old 10-12-21, 04:44 PM
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she knows she has you wrapped around her finger and while she is getting off on treating you like an escort she is losing more and more respect for you as they time goes on. this won't end well.

any chance you two have is you moving on, focusing on yourself, being your own person, and maybe putting a little fear into her that you won't be around when and if she is ready to recommit.
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Old 10-12-21, 04:50 PM
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

Originally Posted by nickdawgy View Post
try and work on things until the end of the year at least. She’s apparently trying to see if that “spark” can come back.
The level of commitment in these few words is all that needs to be understood. It's all over but the uncomfortable silences.
Old 10-12-21, 05:11 PM
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

I wish you happiness Nick and hope you can find it.
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Old 10-12-21, 05:23 PM
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

Nick, only you know what is best for you. Please just make sure you are not fooling yourself and trapping yourself in a less-than-ideal situation while being stuck in the past. Good luck and I hope you have found a therapist to work you through these issues.
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Old 10-12-21, 06:53 PM
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I know, guys. It seems like its a lost cause. But I wasn't a very nice guy and I've changed. Even she says she sees it. But she's so broken over the pain from before, she's not sure if she can continue. But both of us don't want to wonder "what if" so we are trying. I do know she's not going out with any dudes or talking to any of them. She's broken all contact with them (her reason was if she does leave she doesn't want me to blame them for the reason she left) and hasn't talked to any of them in over a month.

I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary to make her stay. I'm not her whipping boy, and if she tries to argue, I stand my ground. I tell her all the time if she's not happy, she knows where the door is.

Oh and we are both seeing a therapist and she's agreed to go to marriage counseling.
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Old 10-12-21, 06:57 PM
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

if you guys are working on getting back together has anybody checked in on Scottish guy to see how he is doing? I'm worried about him.
Old 10-12-21, 06:57 PM
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Originally Posted by GoldenJCJ View Post
Dude, cut your losses.

And unless you’re both seeing a therapist right now, staying together until the end of the year is just a waste of time.
We are seeing therapists. She (and possibly myself) needs one for more than just this marriage. She's dealing with weight issues, her job, loss of her Dad, stress, feeling like she's wasting her degree, etc.
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Old 10-12-21, 08:09 PM
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

I have no advice to give. Who am I to know what to do in this wacky situation? I'm just hanging out to see what happens.
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Old 10-12-21, 09:00 PM
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

Originally Posted by Vibiana View Post
Jesus, dude. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?
Yes. We are desperate for material around here.
Old 10-12-21, 09:04 PM
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Originally Posted by abob teff View Post
yes. We are desperate for material around here.
🤣
Old 10-12-21, 09:06 PM
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On a serious note ... a note I have not played here often ...

I honestly think that IF you two crazy kids stand a chance, it won't happen by staying together right now. I've chronicled some of my familial issues on here, so I can't say I am much better. I will say that the times it got really bad between my wife and I, time apart was what we needed and what made us realize that we did still love one another. That is not easy, especially when finances are a major concern, but forcing yourself to stay together is not always a good way to fix things.

Sometimes everybody needs a little breathing room. Affairs and side-romances are not a product of having too much time to yourself. They are the result of trying to fight back against a feeling no escape.
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Old 10-12-21, 09:07 PM
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Originally Posted by VinVega View Post
I have no advice to give. Who am I to know what to do in this wacky situation? I'm just hanging out to see what happens.
Hmm. I've been hanging out waiting for this Legendary Free Nachos Tuesday thing to finally happen around here. 1,158 weeks later and I'm still here ... and still haven't gotten any nachos.
Old 10-12-21, 10:15 PM
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Originally Posted by TGM View Post
if you guys are working on getting back together has anybody checked in on Scottish guy to see how he is doing? I'm worried about him.
You mean Canadian guy?
Old 10-13-21, 04:24 AM
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

Hmm on another board I visit I just noticed there’s a poster called Scottishguy. This can’t be a coincidence. He’s up to something
Old 10-13-21, 06:14 AM
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)

Originally Posted by nickdawgy View Post
You mean Canadian guy?
So...he's gone from Scottish Guy to British Guy to Canadian Guy?
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