My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
09-27-21, 01:22 PM
#676
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by LurkerDan
This makes me think that lots of this story is significantly embellished or fabricated. Nobody randomly describes a british guy as scottish, but if one is spinning a tale, it's the type of fact that one might forget and screw up the next time you post.
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LurkerDan (09-27-21)
10-12-21, 12:51 PM
#678
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Thread Starter
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by LurkerDan
This makes me think that lots of this story is significantly embellished or fabricated. Nobody randomly describes a british guy as scottish, but if one is spinning a tale, it's the type of fact that one might forget and screw up the next time you post.
Anyway, the latest update is we have both agreed to try and work on things until the end of the year at least. She’s apparently trying to see if that “spark” can come back. Meanwhile I feel like I’m waiting to see if I qualify for a loan or something. We both acknowledged our faults, and she says she wants things to be good with us but doesn’t see how it’ll work with all the pain she’s suffered in the past. Half of my family (including hers) says stick around, see what happens. The other half says get the heck out of Dodge. That I shouldn’t have to wait for her to decide.
She still doesn’t initiate anything. Says she has no desire to. She’s trying to see if that’ll change. She only goes out with me for the food and experience. Says I’m “pleasant or tolerable” when she’s with me. I compliment her and she says “thanks” with no emotion whatsoever. I’ve been spoiling her and going out of my way to give her space and time, and make up for all the hurt I caused in the past. But she says while things haven’t gotten worse, that nothing has changed. She says stuff like “if I wasn’t trying to make this work, why would I let you kiss me or hug me or have sex with me? I don’t want to do those things but I let it happen.”
It just makes me feel so wanted. You know?
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The Cow (10-12-21)
10-12-21, 01:33 PM
#681
DVD Talk Legend
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by nickdawgy
She says stuff like “if I wasn’t trying to make this work, why would I let you kiss me or hug me or have sex with me? I don’t want to do those things but I let it happen.”
And unless you’re both seeing a therapist right now, staying together until the end of the year is just a waste of time.
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10-12-21, 01:55 PM
#682
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
"Of course I'm trying. I let you put your vile penis inside me while I stare off into the distance with a stony gaze, don't I? I let you kiss me, although I'd certainly never kiss you back. What more could you ask for?"
10-12-21, 01:58 PM
#683
DVD Talk Legend
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by nickdawgy
Its not fake. Not by any means.
Anyway, the latest update is we have both agreed to try and work on things until the end of the year at least. She’s apparently trying to see if that “spark” can come back. Meanwhile I feel like I’m waiting to see if I qualify for a loan or something. We both acknowledged our faults, and she says she wants things to be good with us but doesn’t see how it’ll work with all the pain she’s suffered in the past. Half of my family (including hers) says stick around, see what happens. The other half says get the heck out of Dodge. That I shouldn’t have to wait for her to decide.
She still doesn’t initiate anything. Says she has no desire to. She’s trying to see if that’ll change. She only goes out with me for the food and experience. Says I’m “pleasant or tolerable” when she’s with me. I compliment her and she says “thanks” with no emotion whatsoever. I’ve been spoiling her and going out of my way to give her space and time, and make up for all the hurt I caused in the past. But she says while things haven’t gotten worse, that nothing has changed. She says stuff like “if I wasn’t trying to make this work, why would I let you kiss me or hug me or have sex with me? I don’t want to do those things but I let it happen.”
It just makes me feel so wanted. You know?
Anyway, the latest update is we have both agreed to try and work on things until the end of the year at least. She’s apparently trying to see if that “spark” can come back. Meanwhile I feel like I’m waiting to see if I qualify for a loan or something. We both acknowledged our faults, and she says she wants things to be good with us but doesn’t see how it’ll work with all the pain she’s suffered in the past. Half of my family (including hers) says stick around, see what happens. The other half says get the heck out of Dodge. That I shouldn’t have to wait for her to decide.
She still doesn’t initiate anything. Says she has no desire to. She’s trying to see if that’ll change. She only goes out with me for the food and experience. Says I’m “pleasant or tolerable” when she’s with me. I compliment her and she says “thanks” with no emotion whatsoever. I’ve been spoiling her and going out of my way to give her space and time, and make up for all the hurt I caused in the past. But she says while things haven’t gotten worse, that nothing has changed. She says stuff like “if I wasn’t trying to make this work, why would I let you kiss me or hug me or have sex with me? I don’t want to do those things but I let it happen.”
It just makes me feel so wanted. You know?
10-12-21, 03:25 PM
#685
DVD Talk Legend
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
10-12-21, 04:44 PM
#686
DVD Talk Legend
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
she knows she has you wrapped around her finger and while she is getting off on treating you like an escort she is losing more and more respect for you as they time goes on. this won't end well.
any chance you two have is you moving on, focusing on yourself, being your own person, and maybe putting a little fear into her that you won't be around when and if she is ready to recommit.
any chance you two have is you moving on, focusing on yourself, being your own person, and maybe putting a little fear into her that you won't be around when and if she is ready to recommit.
10-12-21, 04:50 PM
#687
DVD Talk Reviewer/Moderator
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by nickdawgy
try and work on things until the end of the year at least. She’s apparently trying to see if that “spark” can come back.
10-12-21, 05:11 PM
#688
DVD Talk Godfather & 2020 TOTY Winner
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
I wish you happiness Nick and hope you can find it.
10-12-21, 05:23 PM
#689
DVD Talk Limited Edition
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Nick, only you know what is best for you. Please just make sure you are not fooling yourself and trapping yourself in a less-than-ideal situation while being stuck in the past. Good luck and I hope you have found a therapist to work you through these issues.
10-12-21, 06:53 PM
#690
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Thread Starter
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
I know, guys. It seems like its a lost cause. But I wasn't a very nice guy and I've changed. Even she says she sees it. But she's so broken over the pain from before, she's not sure if she can continue. But both of us don't want to wonder "what if" so we are trying. I do know she's not going out with any dudes or talking to any of them. She's broken all contact with them (her reason was if she does leave she doesn't want me to blame them for the reason she left) and hasn't talked to any of them in over a month.
I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary to make her stay. I'm not her whipping boy, and if she tries to argue, I stand my ground. I tell her all the time if she's not happy, she knows where the door is.
Oh and we are both seeing a therapist and she's agreed to go to marriage counseling.
I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary to make her stay. I'm not her whipping boy, and if she tries to argue, I stand my ground. I tell her all the time if she's not happy, she knows where the door is.
Oh and we are both seeing a therapist and she's agreed to go to marriage counseling.
10-12-21, 06:57 PM
#691
DVD Talk Legend
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
if you guys are working on getting back together has anybody checked in on Scottish guy to see how he is doing? I'm worried about him.
10-12-21, 06:57 PM
#692
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Thread Starter
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by GoldenJCJ
Dude, cut your losses.
And unless you’re both seeing a therapist right now, staying together until the end of the year is just a waste of time.
And unless you’re both seeing a therapist right now, staying together until the end of the year is just a waste of time.
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GoldenJCJ (10-12-21)
10-12-21, 08:09 PM
#693
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
I have no advice to give. Who am I to know what to do in this wacky situation? I'm just hanging out to see what happens.
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LurkerDan (10-13-21)
10-12-21, 09:00 PM
#694
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by Vibiana
Jesus, dude. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? 
10-12-21, 09:06 PM
#696
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
On a serious note ... a note I have not played here often ...
I honestly think that IF you two crazy kids stand a chance, it won't happen by staying together right now. I've chronicled some of my familial issues on here, so I can't say I am much better. I will say that the times it got really bad between my wife and I, time apart was what we needed and what made us realize that we did still love one another. That is not easy, especially when finances are a major concern, but forcing yourself to stay together is not always a good way to fix things.
Sometimes everybody needs a little breathing room. Affairs and side-romances are not a product of having too much time to yourself. They are the result of trying to fight back against a feeling no escape.
I honestly think that IF you two crazy kids stand a chance, it won't happen by staying together right now. I've chronicled some of my familial issues on here, so I can't say I am much better. I will say that the times it got really bad between my wife and I, time apart was what we needed and what made us realize that we did still love one another. That is not easy, especially when finances are a major concern, but forcing yourself to stay together is not always a good way to fix things.
Sometimes everybody needs a little breathing room. Affairs and side-romances are not a product of having too much time to yourself. They are the result of trying to fight back against a feeling no escape.
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Kurt D (10-12-21)
10-12-21, 09:07 PM
#697
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by VinVega
I have no advice to give. Who am I to know what to do in this wacky situation? I'm just hanging out to see what happens.
10-12-21, 10:15 PM
#698
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Thread Starter
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by TGM
if you guys are working on getting back together has anybody checked in on Scottish guy to see how he is doing? I'm worried about him.
10-13-21, 04:24 AM
#699
DVD Talk Platinum Edition
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Hmm on another board I visit I just noticed there’s a poster called Scottishguy. This can’t be a coincidence. He’s up to something
10-13-21, 06:14 AM
#700
DVD Talk Limited Edition
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by nickdawgy
You mean Canadian guy?
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Boondock Saint (10-13-21)
