rw2516

You guys ever get nostalgic about an old girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse? I mean really old flames, from decades ago. And not just the normal passing thought once in a blue moon, but really think about it.
40 years ago, 1979, I married a gal. I was 21, she was 19. It only lasted a couple years. It was a pretty big deal. Huge wingding of a wedding with all the bells and whistles. There was some hurt and anger at first but everything smoothed out and became amiable. It was kind of a small town and we had mutual friends, everybody seemed to know everybody else. I was not from the town. I got a job there and used to drive 30 miles to work until we got married and I moved there. I would still run into her at least once a week. Everything was friendly. I was in the hospital once after a motorcycle wreck and she'd
come up and see me.
Time marches on. I eventually moved away. She eventually met some guy and got married.
Some years later, around 1989/90 I heard from her out of the blue. She'd run across some heirloom stuff that had belonged to my mom and wanted to return them. Met her for lunch and got the stuff. That was 30 years ago and haven't seen or talked to her since. I don't even know if she's still alive.
Suddenly lately I'm thinking about her all the time. I've thought about her more in the past three days than the last 40 years combined. Freaking me out. Mid life crisis? Something going on with me psychologically? Can't think of anything except I did have an attack of spring fever that may have triggered old memories of being young, etc. Can't understand why it's centered around her.

Noonan

I think it's normal for people to think about their first love like that. I'll still dream about mine from time to time, then I can't stop thinking about her throughout the next day or two. Haven't seen or spoken to each other in 15+ years and we're both married to other people.

Sonny Corinthos

Yeah, I do that from time to time. I think everyone does. I think about the good times for a bit, then I remember the bad times which led up to our breakup. Then I am over it until the next time it happens.

Noonan

At least for me, I think it has to do with how green I was with relationships and feelings back then. Even though we weren't necessarily "right" for each other, I dove in 100% and let my feelings get unconditional. I don't know if it's a good thing or bad thing but I've never jumped into the deep end like that since. Even my wife, who I love dearly and would gladly take a bullet for; I still have that back of the mind thought that things may not always be the same. How I felt for my first love more closely mirrors how I (and people in general) feel for their pets. You know they'll be there for you forever and you never have that doubt of it ever changing. Back then, I never considered a time when we wouldn't love each other. Again, i was young and foolish.

Trevor

I think it’s natural to occasionally think about past flames. Heck, I think I’m Facebook friends with 15 of the 17 women I’ve dated.

rw2516

She's not a first love. Probably third counting high school sweetheart. Before I met her I'd already lived with another girl for almost two years. Might as well been married More like "favorite" or "best". Like you mentioned, this is the one I dove in 100% with though.

sracer

Yeah. It's normal.

"trixie" and I were first loves, grew up and lived separate lives for 25 years... eventually getting married to each other. This June will be 17 years.

Troy Stiffler

Yes it's normal. Though mine aren't as far off as yours.

It comes most when I'm not staying busy. Like I'll just be sleeping some night (which is the worst). Or relaxing on the sofa and it sets in. But I typically stay very busy for work and it doesn't happen in the middle of the day.

This thread just created a sinking feeling inside. Thanks.

Mrs. Danger

Nope.

I'm married to my first love.

devilshalo

It's those relationships that helped to mold you into the person you are today. At least that's how it is for me. So yes, I do look back and reminisce very fondly and it's natural to think about the what ifs.

davidh777

jpcamb

Back about 1979 I was in second grade. My girlfriend was named Kathy, it was just before April vacation and she told me she was moving away. For some reason my adolescent mind thought she was playing a joke on me so I didn't believe her. I never saw her or spoke to her again. In reality she moved one town over, but to my nine year old self that didn't understand I could call the operator and find her new number, or simply ask her friends for it who were still in the same class as me, but to me she was gone for good. I still occasionally wonder what happened to her. I was in the same town in 1989 when a mutual frined from second grade mentioned her name in passing (I forget the context) but I was too embarrassed or perhaps shy to ask about her as I had a serious girlfriend at the time. I mean obviously it would not have lasted but I still recall her fondly from time to time.

sracer

"You guys ever get nostalgic about an old girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse?"

So you married him and don't think about your past with him?

majorjoe23

JimRochester

Simple curiosity is not unusual. Attempts at connecting is. I've told these stories before. I had very few serious relationships. Both girls I dated I dated in high school turned out to be lesbians. I'm on facebook with both of them. No big deal. There was another one I almost married as a young adult just as I was meeting my wife. The breakup was ugly. I was an asshole to her. Went back to her several times when I was horny only to break up again. I showed up to her father's funeral a couple decades ago and met her husband. He was not happy to see me. I should have just sent a card if anything. It was inappropriate for me to be there in spite of my good intentions. She is on facebook but that ship sailed long ago. Other than hoping she met someone who takes good care of her and has a happy life I really don't think about her. It is none of my business so I stay away. I have my own life, she has hers.

My wife had a few serious boyfriends. Her high school sweetheart was in my graduating class so I see him at reunions. I have no problem if they talk at the reunion or say hello if run into each other in public. I don't think they belong on social media together. She had a college beau that was short lived, only about 6 months. I was pissed when he looked her up and tried to friend her on facebook. This was decades ago and it lasted 6 months. Not a huge love affair. Her maiden name is not listed so he had to do some digging to find her. He also looked me up on LinkedIn. I felt there were ulterior motives.

When people stay friends that's one thing. If not, if any attempt to contact after years is either an overt or subconscious attempt to connect romantically. Or you are unhappy with your life and you're hoping they didn't fair any better than you.

Tom Banjo

JimRochester

Those early loves being so new and adrenaline inducing tend to stick with us. Plus the all the "firsts" tend to be things we remember. We usually remember past relationships through rose colored glasses. We were younger with no responsibility and the relationships ran their course. Had we had actual responsibility and conflict it wouldn't have lasted 10 minutes. After 37 years with the same woman, I can say the emotional intensity greater than ever even if the physical aspect wanes over time.

Mrs. Danger

One of the defined synonyms of "nostalgia" is "regret".
It also implies separation from the events or location, such as in homesickness.
So, no, no getting nostalgic.

Talkin2Phil

Certain songs can easily take me back 35 years to a relationship. Sometimes it's just a happy fun memory. Sometimes it's a wave of nostalgia of a youthful time and love so long ago that fills me with melancholy. Like Noonan, over the years I have dreams of an ex where either she reconciled with me or we are still in a relationship and in the dream I am experiencing intense emotions. So, when I awake I just have to try to shrug it off and think "hope she's doing fine" in order to not dwell on the emotions i experienced in the dream. I am happily married, known my wife for 30 years, have a great kid, job, life, etc. I don't ask for these dreams, sometimes it just seems it's a way to reinforce these strong crazy emotional memories.

The real question is: Does your old flame think about you?

Giantrobo

Everyone does. And with Social Media, Hooking Up for old times and/or Cheating is easier than ever

JimRochester

Hence my belief it's inappropriate to friend old flames on social media in most instances.

rw2516

Bingo.
I don't really care where she is or what she's doing. I don't want to contact her, see or talk to her. Just a strong desire that the person thinks about you every now and then and you're not forgotten. I don't know the psychology of it. It's frustrating that it's something you can never know unless the person were to contact you out of the blue.
Like most people have posted, I've had the occasional thought cross my mind, but it's soon forgotten. I've never gotten nostalgic before. I was only married the one time (1979-81) and every time I fill out a form I check the divorced box. I'll think about her for a second but forgotten it by the time I'm on the next page. I've had the dreams but can't even remember them a few minutes after waking.
That royal wedding last year was on the date that we got married and I thought it was funny. I got a laugh and forgot about it. I did wonder if she noticed it to.

Hokeyboy

My first "real" girlfriend -- and by "real" I mean lasting more than a month and a genuine loving relationship -- was someone I met in college when I was 18. We were together for about 3 years, and while we weren't each other's "firsts", we still had a "first time" feel to everything. THAT was the big one from my youth. The girl who got away. We could have married, but things fizzled out after college and we were probably too young and immature anyhow. I certainly was. It didn't end all that great, and I haven't seen her since 1992, haven't spoken to her since 1993, and both our lives moved on.

She was completely "off the grid" for a long time; no emails, no internet presence, no social media, NOTHING. Then one day I saw her profile on Facebook; she had only started it a few weeks before. Married twice, had two children, one of whom died in a car accident. I can't imagine that kind of agony. I was tempted to reach out but I thought the better of it. Maybe some things from the past are left in the past. And I'm certainly happy and satisfied with my life now.

But she was That One Girl, ya know?

zyzzle

Having "the one that got away" is almost a right of passage in the journey of life. Of course it is normal to occassionally pause and reflect on this. It is an act of introspectively looking at your life, and what MAY have been different. Unless we are all living in a Pollyanna world, it is very unlikely that "our first" love is the one that we will spend our lives with. Perhaps it used to be, centuries ago, but for better or for worse, modern society doesn't work that way.

I agree that those earlier experience are fueled by adrenaline, and are apt to be most remembered, for the sheer novelty of it all! It was that way with my experiences, but as I've aged, these things aren't so important as they once were.

TomOpus

Yeah, I'm also one of those with many ex's as friended on Facebook. But, there are two that I lost contact with that I would love to know how they're doing. Both were amazing women for different reasons.