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Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

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Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

Old 09-26-18, 10:25 AM
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Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

My wife has a good friend from college. The friendís older brother died from cancer. He was tragically young.

I never even met the guy.

The funeral is this weekend. My wife has scheduled a mother/daughter camping excursion with my 10 year old daughterís Girl Scout troupe. Iím home alone all weekend with our 7 year old.

My wife says I have to go to the funeral.

Iím stuck in this paradox where the funeral is simultaneously not important enough to cancel a camping trip, but also of such great importance that I have to attend even though I donít know the guy.

The guy really didnít know my wife either. Just his younger sister.
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Old 09-26-18, 10:27 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

This is the brother of your wife's old college friend? Yeah...I wouldn't be going to that solo unless your wife thinks you'd be able to offer some support to her friend. By the sounds of things, that's not the case here.
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Old 09-26-18, 10:32 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

How does it go other times if you push back against your wifeís wishes?

It seems weird, but may be better to just suck it up and go. Offer generic condolences...
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Old 09-26-18, 10:33 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

I'm not sure why you would go if your wife doesn't. I could understand if she wanted you to come with her, but not in her stead
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Old 09-26-18, 10:36 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

There is no way my wife could get me to do this. I can't even imagine her asking.

I guess it would come down to how well you know the sister / if you consider her your friend too.

Last edited by dex14; 09-26-18 at 10:42 AM.
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Old 09-26-18, 10:40 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

Originally Posted by Noonan View Post
This is the brother of your wife's old college friend? Yeah...I wouldn't be going to that solo unless your wife thinks you'd be able to offer some support to her friend. By the sounds of things, that's not the case here.
Thatís her thinking I guess. She wants her friend to see that our family is here for her. But at the same time my wife is literally not there for her. Sheís camping instead.
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Old 09-26-18, 10:48 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

I understand paying respects on her behalf at a showing but going to the funeral without any connection to the bereaved other than your wife seems odd.
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Old 09-26-18, 10:49 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

I couldn't see myself attending a service in this situation. Is there a visitation? In that case, swing by and sign the "book" and head out. Or if it's that important to your wife, send flowers or some other gift to the funeral home.
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Old 09-26-18, 10:50 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

If I was in this situation, I would suggest to my wife that a more meaningful and appropriate gesture might be to send a very nice flower arrangement. The flowers will be a much nicer presence to look at than I would be.
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Old 09-26-18, 10:51 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

I would pass. If I never met the guy, It shouldn't be up to you to attend.
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Old 09-26-18, 10:53 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

Originally Posted by Mabuse View Post
Thatís her thinking I guess. She wants her friend to see that our family is here for her. But at the same time my wife is literally not there for her. Sheís camping instead.
Maybe just show up for the service and bail when everyone else heads to the cemetery?
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Old 09-26-18, 10:55 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

Originally Posted by kefrank View Post
If I was in this situation, I would suggest to my wife that a more meaningful and appropriate gesture might be to send a very nice flower arrangement. The flowers will be a much nicer presence to look at than I would be.
This. Perfect situation for a flower arrangement and a thoughtful card.
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Old 09-26-18, 11:02 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

I gave my serious reply. Now some other suggestions:

Go to the service. As they dismiss and people file by the casket, call your wife and hand the phone to the friend. The friend will know how much she cares. Your wife will be pleased at your thoughtfulness.

Go to the service and insist on taking selfies--with the friend, the deceased and minister. Send them to your wife to prove you carried out her wishes.

Either of these should keep you from being asked to do something like this again.
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Old 09-26-18, 11:10 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

We buried my father-in-law over the weekend. Nobody was concerned about who was or wasn't there. I think a thoughtful card from your wife would say more than your presence.
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Old 09-26-18, 11:11 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

Originally Posted by Groucho View Post
We buried my father-in-law over the weekend. Nobody was concerned about who was or wasn't there. I think a thoughtful card from your wife would say more than your presence.
Sorry to hear about the loss in your family.
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Old 09-26-18, 11:30 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

Originally Posted by kefrank View Post
Sorry to hear about the loss in your family.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
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Old 09-26-18, 11:39 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

Originally Posted by dex14 View Post
I guess it would come down to how well you know the sister / if you consider her your friend too.
This... otherwise, no way.
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Old 09-26-18, 11:40 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

Ugh. Sorry to hear groucho.

Mabuse, your wife's request is really a bit of a stretch. If it's so important for someone to be there, cancel the camping trip and go herself. By sending a stand in it shows that they really aren't that important to her. I mean, gotta go camping right? I agree with the flowers and card idea.
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Old 09-26-18, 11:43 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

Sorry Groucho.
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Old 09-26-18, 11:47 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

Flowers seem like a nice gesture but too many become a pain. Maybe a donation to a related cancer charity in memory of the deceased would be good?

P.S. Thanks to all for the kind words
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Old 09-26-18, 11:49 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

Bizarre request from your wife. this mabuse thread doesn't really deliver.

Originally Posted by Cardsfan111 View Post
I gave my serious reply. Now some other suggestions:

Go to the service. As they dismiss and people file by the casket, call your wife and hand the phone to the friend. The friend will know how much she cares. Your wife will be pleased at your thoughtfulness.

Go to the service and insist on taking selfies--with the friend, the deceased and minister. Send them to your wife to prove you carried out her wishes.

Either of these should keep you from being asked to do something like this again.
except for this, this made the thread worthwhile.
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Old 09-26-18, 11:53 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

Originally Posted by Groucho View Post
Flowers seem like a nice gesture but too many become a pain. Maybe a donation to a related cancer charity in memory of the deceased would be good?
This is a valid point. When I lost a family member over a decade ago, one of the most overwhelming aspects of the funeral process was what to do with the numerous floral pieces once everything was over. One popular choice these days is to deliver a "gift" through the local florist -- wind chimes, quilts/throws, etc. And since the OP mentioned that the gentleman who passed away was tragically young, I imagine the service will be quite large and there will be lots of flowers and gifts brought in.
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Old 09-26-18, 11:55 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

Happy wife. Happy life...

I wouldn't go either.
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Old 09-26-18, 11:57 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

This is a completely ridiculous request from your wife, especially since she's flaking off to go camping. No way in hell I would go under those circumstances, I'd tell her to send a nice card, maybe flowers, instead.
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Old 09-26-18, 11:58 AM
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Re: Strange disagreement with my wife regarding funeral

Don't go. Not your circus. If she insists you go, insist she not go camping. Done.
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