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Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Old 02-15-18, 10:38 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Well in some men's minds, that's exactly what the #MeToo movement is doing.
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Old 02-15-18, 10:46 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
I have tried to think things through in what to say in this thread, as I think so much of what I have said has been misunderstood. I'll use it when I can take it seriously for what I want to change.
If there's something we're missing or misunderstanding, please just let us know. We can only know what you're thinking when you tell us what you're thinking.

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
I have never done anything close to resembling what caused the #MEtoo movement, and I do have genuine sympathy for the women hurt by the actions of a few. But I see where its headed as an attempt to rewrite the rules of all interaction between men and women. Why would I even say hello to anyone when just doing so could be seen as predatory. A little extra story. I go to a zumba class at my gym, no funny reason, I just like being able to do something different. One of the instructors is a Chiefs cheerleader, I even have her as a friend on facebook. I always stay in the back of the class and never once been able to say hello. I looked at the pictures on the group page that put on the mixer, everyone looked much older than me, it was easier to stay home that night.
A few thoughts...

I'm curious what you think "the rules of all interaction between men and women" are and what you think will be rewritten in them. Also, are the current "rules" better than they used to be? Is there a way the "rules" are now that could still be better? I guess I'm asking you, like I did earlier, to please say more about that.

It could get to the point where you saying "Hello" to someone is seen as predatory, and I think we're a long way off from that. There are a lot of steps a society would have to take to reach that point. I don't think it's really going to get to that point. I mean, there are a lot of factors that can make that predatory right now without any sort of movement, #metoo, or otherwise. Is there something you're doing now you think will go away or something you want to do that won't be allowed at some point?

I hear Zumba is a great workout. Sounds like you have a good relationship with your instructor, good for you. I hope you have some great healthy interactions with her. She's probably a great low-stakes person to make small talk with in a safe space. Just ask how she thinks you can improve your workout, simple as that. Smile and say thank you.

As for the mixer, yeah, maybe they're older than you. That doesn't necessarily mean you can't mix well with them. Personally, I've always been able to speak with women who are older than me and that helped me feel more comfortable speaking with women my own age. Who knows? Maybe they've got a great niece your age.

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
Kathleen Kennedy only cares about virtue signaling and indoctrinating the masses to her agenda, and doesn't care that Star Wars was built around a Male Fan base. Now we are treated as if we have no rights to anything culturally to call our own anymore. We fought back against Amy Pascal and Paul Fieg's plan to destroy Ghostbusters. Death Wish will be a game changer.
If you really feel that way, okay. I am going to push back on a few things, though. I don't think Star Wars has ever been built around a male fan base. I think men have been the most prominent (and often the most loud) members of the fan base but I don't think they're necessarily the primary target. Here's an anecdote: at every stage of my life I've encountered women who are fully in on Star Wars, sometimes even rivaling or surpassing my own love for Star Wars, and I'm often the guy people go to with Star Wars questions. At no point did they tell me they felt shut out nor did I try to shut them out. It's Star Wars. That stuff is for everybody. So I'm not sure what's being shut out for you or what agenda you're trying to inoculate yourself from. Care to elaborate?

Who is treating you like you have no rights? Who is treating you like you have something that's culturally "yours," that you can call "your own" but now you can't or you shouldn't have? Who is taking something away from you because you're a man? What is being taken away? I truly want to understand where you're coming from. What's up?

As for Ghostbusters, that movie was always going to have a troubled development. Whether it was going to be the original men or women or a mix or done for this reason or that reason it was going to be messy. Bill Murray could've made it a really terrible experience, easily. Is there something about the way it was made in terms of women that truly personally offends you?

Originally Posted by funkyryno View Post
True statement. I suggest you keep those theories to yourself when around women. Better yet, keep those thoughts to yourself when around anybody.
Or let this be your internet neighborhood to talk about it.

Originally Posted by Mrs. Danger View Post
Okay, Bluelightspecial, I fee sorry for you. So, I am going to give you some genuine good advice.

Do test runs. Accept contacts from women you are not interested in. Go out on a date, and see what it's like. It's okay if you totally screw it up, because you aren't really interested in her anyway. You're just practicing. You can even tell your date that.

Do speed dating. Go to mixers. Hone your skills on women you won't feel bad about not making progress with.

You will learn a lot, and be able to respond properly when the perfect woman for you does come along.
I think this is good advice so long as you stick with it. That means avoid Jack Straw's concern that you'll end up in an unwanted, unhealthy relationship because the first signs of spark get mistaken for something good. Instead, really do what Mrs. Danger said: use these settings for practice and practice alone. Really, the way you present yourself here, you've got a lot of work to do before worrying about a girlfriend, that's my take but I could be wrong. I think if you decide this is a low-stakes environment, you have an open mind to learning how to do this, trying to exercise skill, boost comfort level, all of those things will help you practice. You'll be less intimidated (afraid? angry? nervous? pick your word) around women the more you have these situations.
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Old 02-15-18, 11:09 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Yeh it sounds like op needs more social interaction period. You want to avoid becoming isolated from others and feeling like everyone is out to get you or harm your quality of life. You may already be there, but even if you are, you can do something about it to change and have a better life. If you read these sentences and balked at it or thought I was insulting you, just simply ask yourself, how happy are you? If you can't respond in your mind with "my life is great" then you got some changes to make because obviously the choices you're making and the rut you're in is not for the best.
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Old 02-16-18, 09:30 AM
  #129  
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

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Old 02-16-18, 09:33 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Mabuse View Post
I gather that's a reference to some stupid movie.
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Old 02-16-18, 09:45 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Mrs. Danger View Post
I gather that's a reference to some stupid movie.


"Billy Joel Doo-wop sucks!"
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Old 02-16-18, 09:47 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Yup.
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Old 02-16-18, 12:00 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Mabuse killed the thread.
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Old 02-16-18, 02:19 PM
  #134  
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Jack Straw View Post
All due respect, that is terrible advice. He's bound to end up in a relationship he had no interest in being in to begin with.
Well, that depends on your perspective. Itíll probably work out pretty well for the rest of us.
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Old 02-16-18, 02:36 PM
  #135  
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Mrs. Danger View Post
I gather that's a reference to some stupid movie.
Noooo, it's a reference to an AWESOME movie! (high five)
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Old 02-16-18, 06:59 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Mabuse View Post
Noooo, it's a reference to an AWESOME movie! (high five)
Want a pretzel?
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Old 02-16-18, 08:24 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Just got caught up on this trainwreck everyone saw coming. So to the original question, should bluelitespecial go to a singles mixer? I could go both ways.

No. Even if he's only half as misogynistic as he portrays on here, I still wouldn't want to subject any woman to that nonsense.

Yes. It'll make for an even more entertaining thread. In this scenario, the woman would clearly be taking one for the DVDtalk team.

p.s. Only one insecure about their masculinity would think there is a war on men or masculinity.
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Old 02-16-18, 09:21 PM
  #138  
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Going both ways does increase your odds at a singles mixer ...
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Old 02-17-18, 08:20 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
I always stay in the back of the class and never once been able to say hello.
Originally Posted by story View Post
Sounds like you have a good relationship with your instructor, good for you.
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Old 02-17-18, 09:35 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

EDIT: Otterdamnit ... can anybody find the Iron Man 3 post-credit scene that can be embedded? Every version I tried won’t allow embedding.

Last edited by Abob Teff; 02-18-18 at 07:31 PM.
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Old 02-18-18, 01:47 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
Am I ready to dip my toe into the blue pill world?
lol
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Old 02-18-18, 01:49 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
It stands for Sexual Marketplace Value, I know the term from reddit.
oh jesus
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Old 04-09-18, 11:45 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

So I guess I have an update to what I wrote from my first post. I might have to go to a singles mixer on April 20th. I made a friend in the group through facebook messenger, and i told her I would probably be there. She seems cool, but like me just looking for friends at the moment. I have had to deal with some harassment from women in this facebook group, but overall I have kept some of my worst asshole tendencies in check. We'll see what will happen in two weeks.

Last edited by Bluelitespecial; 04-23-18 at 11:47 AM.
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Old 04-10-18, 06:59 AM
  #144  
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
I have had to deal with some harassment from women in this facebook group,
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Old 04-10-18, 08:21 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Shocking...
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Old 04-10-18, 09:32 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by stingermck View Post
They couldn't take a hint if I ignored their facebook messages, I wasn't interested. I had to report them to the group administrator.
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Old 04-10-18, 09:37 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Oh, good grief. You do have to respond once, to tell them you are not interested. After that, they're harassing you. If you never respond at all, there's a possibility you never got their first message, and of course, they're going to try again.
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Old 04-10-18, 09:46 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I see something about a problem with someone in a Facebook group. Just block them and move on. It's not that difficult.
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Old 04-10-18, 10:19 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

The general rule is if you get contacted outside of the group, and you don't get a response. That's the answer of saying "I'm not interested". I don't know what I'll do if I go to this mixer, and some of these women try to talk to me.
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Old 04-10-18, 10:28 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
The general rule is if you get contacted outside of the group, and you don't get a response. That's the answer of saying "I'm not interested". I don't know what I'll do if I go to this mixer, and some of these women try to talk to me.
I say with a wink and all seriousness, if they try to talk to you, just pretend they're 'people' and not 'women'.

Good luck!
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