T-bone22

Take your age, divide it by 2 and add 7 rule... you're good.

Bluelitespecial

She's a super girly feminine type that I really find attractive that makes me think I would be out of her league but on the discussions posted in the group when I've chatted with her in the comments she seems really receptive to it.

Nick Danger

Keep telling yourself, "Practice practice practice." You didn't go to the gym once and then lose 60 pounds. You kept going. You won't find the perfect woman with one date. You have to keep dating women to find the right one. It starts out rough. I remember not being able to sleep at all one Thursday night because I had a date on Friday night. But it gets easier with practice.

I am impressed with all the progress you've made.

Lipid

Sounds promising to me.

You just gotta know going into this, it's a 50/50. She's either going to say no and that's gonna hurt and might be a partial setback, or she's gonna say yes and it will all be fine. All of us dudes have struck out numerous times and been friend-zoned. It sucks, but it's not the end of the world and there's lots of single women out there to talk to. If you have any female siblings or close friends, perhaps try talking to them to see what they would suggest regarding best ways to approach women or what is a turn on/turn off in 2020.

TomOpus

I've had several girlfriends 10-years younger. Probably because I look younger than I am. None of them lasted for more than a few years but they were fun.

John Galt

Pretty much this. It's one of the good things about online dating....it's very easy to get a lot of practice and you'll eventually get more comfortable. The important thing is not to take rejection personally. It happens, it's part of dating and relationships. If you take it personally, it's just going to make it harder for you.

Bluelitespecial

So I have been meaning to write an update on my thread for a while since I last left it and its been an eventful several months and not quite in the way I want yet. Last time I talked about a woman in the singles group I wanted to message her but haven't been able to do so as I continue to feel I know what her answer would be. I want to reach out but I kind of have bigger issues at the moment. Now on to the long part of the post.
Right around the time of the election I went through a chain of events that caused me to have a relapse and have been back on antidepressant and anxiety meds since the middle of November. Isolation from COVID stay at home orders didn't help matters either. I couldn't sleep for days after the results of the election, I had extreme anxiety from my car which was at over 230,000 miles and every time I went out on the road I felt like I was going to have it die on me. I posted in the Cops Behaving Badly Thread about how I got hit by a drunk driver and am currently driving my Mom's old car for the short term. I ended up having to go back to the county mental health center that was mentioned at the beginning of this thread. As part of the help I have been working with a state placement agency that helps people with mental health issues in applying for jobs. So my biggest priority at the moment is working with them in trying to get back to work. I don't know what other direction I need from my therapist at the moment. I feel like I can't pursue dating until I'm back in a full time job.

clckworang

It's stressful times. Don't worry on the dating. It's good to put some time into working on yourself. Good on you for getting the help. That's not an easy step.

Nick Danger

I agree with clckworang. Learning to date takes a lot of energy, and you are using your energy on more important things right now.

TomOpus

Dating should be the last thing on your to-do list. You need to work on YOU first.

This would've been good advice before any virus or election.

Bluelitespecial

I have more updates as I have been meaning to post in this thread for a while. First off I tried sending a message to the woman I was interested in about a month ago that I mentioned earlier. I wrote a simple message asking if she was going to one of the group meetups and said I would enjoy getting a chance to meet her. I didn't get a response back, I didn't know if it might have went to her spam folder on Messenger, she might have found someone, or wasn't interested. My Sister told me you don't know what's going on on her end and not to take it as rejection. I'm trying to look at it like that but it just sucks when you have an idea of a certain type of woman in mind that you would be interested in and you see her in that way. it takes a lot for me to try and all you can think about is that's the kind of woman that you want.

I finally got a job and I'm about to start my third week. It's an account specialist at a logistics company, its a type of job I've been in interested for some time now. The company feels like it might be one that hires people right out of college and if I can suck it up and do it for at least a year or two than maybe I can take the experience and apply it towards a better opportunity.

Last but not least I went out to a happy hour with a few people from the singles group this past Friday and I feel like garbage as it didn't go well. I was able to go and talk to the few people I knew who were there. The problem came as had one beer and I started to get tense and paranoid. I had a woman who was sitting at the other end of the table who came and sat right beside to say hello. I immediately froze, could barely say a few words and immediately left. She smiled at me expecting me to talk to her and just felt mad and all I could think about was I had to leave. I left feeling mad and embarrassed wondering what the hell is wrong with me. I couldn't relax and enjoy myself.

Nick Danger

Now you have an excuse to talk to a woman the next time you see her. You can apologize to her and explain that you are still anxious in social situations. You were grateful that she came and talked to you, but you had a panic attack. Basically make her feel good for having tried, and assume the blame for it not having worked well. Tell her that you feel bad for having made her uncomfortable.

Then the ball will be in her court. Either she'll be sympathetic, or she'll still be hurt. Strong odds for sympathy.

Bluelitespecial

I talked to one of the ladies who invited me out to the happy hour and I told her about what happened with the gal who tried to talk to me. She said she told her I was somewhat anxious about being there and she was understanding about it. I wasn't like nervous as I wasn't really attracted to her I was just mad I came off looking like an asshole to her.

cultshock

Congrats on the job. Don't worry about what happened with the lady, if there is one "good" thing about the pandemic, it gives everyone excuse about being anxious in social situations as it's been awhile for many folks and are in the same boat, not just for those of us where social situations have always been anxiety filled.

Bluelitespecial

Thanks, I'm really just trying to adjust to being back at work during the day and having more structure again. I don't know if its a company I want to stick with for a while but I'm thinking if I can do this job for at least a year or two I can move on to something better.

Bluelitespecial

Well my night out last Friday led to me testing positive for Covid even though ive been vaccinated. One of the people sitting across from me tested positive a few days ago and I started feeling the symptoms on Tuesday.

Nick Danger

I hope your symptoms are minor.

Bluelitespecial

It sucks but I'll get through it.

Bluelitespecial

So the night out that left me testing positive for Covid was on August 6th. I've been in touch with my supervisor at my new job and they are telling me I need to produce a negative test before I can come back to work. I've had some lingering side effects but I feel completely fine now. The problem is that when I tested positive I was told I could still positive for up to 30 days and I want to get back to work. It's also delaying the start of my benefits that likely won't be able to start until November 1st. I've overthought a lot of things now and i still feel like I won't be able to date since I started this new job and I'll be turning 40 this year I don't feel I'll have good SMV in order to date until I get established and am making more money. I'm feeling obsessive I'm too far behind of where I'm supposed to be for any woman to look at me.

Nick Danger

Women date poor men too. Smarter women will date poor men who are working to improve themselves. Working on yourself puts you in a whole better class than the ordinary man. Most guys are lumps who are satisfied with themselves. You're already ahead of them.