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Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

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Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Old 05-04-19, 08:12 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Well I have been meaning to give an update for this thread as its been a while. Lately its been one step forward two steps back. I have had three therapy sessions so far with my new therapist who specializes in sexuality, trauma and addiction. We have gone over my past trauma related to dating, being afraid of women, and anxiety from my lack of sexual experience. She has used a therapy called EMDR here is what its means.
https://www.emdria.org/page/120
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is an integrative psychotherapy approach that has been extensively researched and proven effective for the treatment of trauma. EMDR is a set of standardized protocols that incorporates elements from many different treatment approaches. To date, EMDR therapy has helped millions of people of all ages relieve many types of psychological stress. Below is a Brief Description of EMDR Therapy.
I'm not quite sure where the therapy is going but I feel I have benefited from the experience so far. I have kind of gotten wrapped up in my doordash driving, but I finally got to go the wine and paint class with the friend I made off of the singles group. My head is feeling really clear now from the Sertraline, and I'm hoping I can begin to go down in my dosage.

Last edited by Bluelitespecial; 05-04-19 at 09:40 PM.
Old 05-04-19, 09:20 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I did some EMDR for a while, it was helpful. It's more common than it used to be, so it must be showing results for people.
Old 05-04-19, 09:42 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I'm going to have to read over that article I linked to as it has a lot of information about EMDR and how the process works.
Old 05-06-19, 10:39 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I just heard about the EMDR process during a convention panel last weekend discussing the psychology of Jessica Jones of all places. Pretty interesting. I hope it works out well for you.
Old 06-11-19, 09:19 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Well another update and I have a question. My next therapy appointment is this Thursday, I don't quite know how this EMDR process works so I feel really uneasy with each appointment but I know I need to keep going. I reached a milestone with my medicine as I have begun tappering off of Sertraline. I am now at 100mg down from 150mg. Overall I haven't felt really sick except for one day I had a bad headache, but I feel really paranoid of my every move right now. I'm wondering are these withdrawl symptoms. My therapist goal is to help with the isolation and that's my biggest struggle right now.
Old 06-27-19, 10:41 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

So what do I do if I decide I want to go back on everything I have done in therapy and just give up. I know the only way to stay safe is in isolation.
Old 06-27-19, 10:51 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

It's a false sense of safety. You might be spared the discomfort of dealing with other people, but in isolation you rot like a potato on a shelf. Hiding out alone is self-destructive. It avoids addressing your problems, and without addressing them you can't cure them. They get worse.

See your therapist about your paranoia. Make an emergency appointment. Your drug mix is probably wrong.

Last edited by Nick Danger; 06-27-19 at 10:57 AM.
Old 06-27-19, 02:56 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I went down on my sertraline from 150 mg to 100mg. I'm struggling with the withdrawl symptoms one of them is paranoia. My next therapy appointment is July 10th. I'm paranoid no matter what I say to the few friends I made at the start of this thread just opening my mouth will piss people off hence feeling safer with isolation.

Last edited by Bluelitespecial; 06-27-19 at 03:21 PM.
Old 06-27-19, 03:53 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Hang in there, BLS. Is there any medical contact you can call while waiting for your appointment?
Old 06-27-19, 04:06 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I'll give it a few days and might consider seeing if I can meet with my therapist sooner.
Old 06-30-19, 07:37 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Please give your therapist a call. When your friends all notice that you aren't thinking right, and tell you so, you need to listen to your friends. The people on this forum are your friends, and several of us have noticed that you aren't thinking right.
Old 06-30-19, 08:57 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I'll see if I can reach her by email to maybe bump up my appointment this week otherwise it's Wednesday July 10th at 6pm.
Old 06-30-19, 10:51 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I just sent an email to my therapist asking if there was a chance she might have a last minute opening for this week. I know I'll probably have to wait until next week but figured it never hurt to just ask. She's usually good with getting right back to me so hopefully I'll hear from her tomorrow.
Old 06-30-19, 02:45 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
I just sent an email to my therapist asking if there was a chance she might have a last minute opening for this week. I know I'll probably have to wait until next week but figured it never hurt to just ask. She's usually good with getting right back to me so hopefully I'll hear from her tomorrow.
It's a holiday week with 7/4 being on a Thursday, so Wednesday and Friday leading into the weekend will be light. What I would do in the meantime is stay off sites that emphasize men are being dominated by women, etc. I don't need to be a doctor to see that watching and reading that sort of shit sets you off and is a trigger. You have to work on ignoring that sort of stuff.
Old 07-01-19, 08:34 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I just heard back from my therapist she said she doesn't have any openings this week but would let me know if something opens up. In my time before each appointment I try and write down instances of when something I feel good happens and if I experience something triggering or a negative emotions. I'll go to the gym tonight and talk to a few friends I have there so every little bit of being social helps.

Last edited by Bluelitespecial; 07-01-19 at 10:34 AM.
Old 10-14-19, 04:32 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I have been meaning to give another update for a while now so I have a little bit to post about for a bump. I'm down to 50mg on sertraline. I'll have an appointment with my psychiatrist in November to decide if I'll be completely off the meds after my next refill. I have still been going to therapy and I know its important to keep going. I'm still doing my doordash driving, but I have been struggling with withdrawl from the medicine. We have been talking the last two appointments about compassion and understanding it through my ugly past. I'm asking for help here with just some thoughts on how to better understand compassion and how it may apply in getting past my hangups.
Old 10-14-19, 10:49 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

How is “the rest of life” going BLS?
Old 10-14-19, 11:12 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Okay I guess. Still working through the issues I've talked of here. I've kind of gone back to my isolated state but no real prospects of anything social at the moment.
Old 10-14-19, 11:57 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
I have been meaning to give another update for a while now so I have a little bit to post about for a bump. I'm down to 50mg on sertraline. I'll have an appointment with my psychiatrist in November to decide if I'll be completely off the meds after my next refill. I have still been going to therapy and I know its important to keep going. I'm still doing my doordash driving, but I have been struggling with withdrawl from the medicine. We have been talking the last two appointments about compassion and understanding it through my ugly past. I'm asking for help here with just some thoughts on how to better understand compassion and how it may apply in getting past my hangups.
Learning how to be compassionate towards yourself is probably the biggest trick. (If you figure out how, let me know ...)
Old 10-15-19, 04:38 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
I'm asking for help here with just some thoughts on how to better understand compassion and how it may apply in getting past my hangups.
This could be tricky, especially the last part. Not being a professional, I would think if compassion wasn't learned as a child, it would help to work with volunteers to see compassion IRL but you're currently wanting to pull away from being social.
Old 10-15-19, 07:17 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I just caught up on this thread, and I'm torn halfway between intense pride and respect for Bluelite for being able to deal with his shit, and intense anger and resentment toward the United States healthcare system for making it such an uphill battle to do it.

I have been on antidepressants for most of the last 30 years and antianxiety for the last 15 or 20. I've been lucky, in that since the age of 32 (1997) I have been continually employed by companies that offered good insurance that made it possible for me to take care of myself and keep on those meds, because I need them. My twenties were a different story, and I remember them with a lot of pain. The meds don't work if you can't stay on them.

All of which is to say, Bluelite, please don't take this wrong, but ... PLEASE don't get too determined to get off the meds completely. The reason you and I have issues is that our brains don't work right. The meds are what is fixing that. They're maintenance meds, not like antibiotics that get rid of an infection. Don't beat yourself up for needing them. It's a fucked up world, dude.

Hugs from my crabby old lesbian self. Hang in there.
Old 10-15-19, 08:50 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Thanks Vibs, the medicine was a last resort as I became so screwed up from working nights and the mental effects of barely sleeping for 3.5 years. I know they are maintenance meds and my head has cleared up the way I wanted it too. Now I want to work on dropping the 60-70 pounds I've gained from the medicine.

Last edited by Bluelitespecial; 10-15-19 at 10:27 AM.
Old 10-15-19, 08:56 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Also healthcare hasn't been an issue. I've gotten help through the Johnson County Mental health clinic, it was done on a sliding scale and I'm about to pay off my last bill this week. Also my current therapist accepts my insurance and it's at a very affordable rate.

Last edited by Bluelitespecial; 10-15-19 at 10:29 AM.
Old 12-05-19, 09:45 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I've got another update to write about today. I'm down to my final month of sertraline. It's done its job and I'm ready to move on and begin to work on losing the weight I have gained. I have continued with therapy and I'm trying to figure what I want from it before I can walk away. The last appointment she has helped with me in writing an online dating profile. I've asked her about viewing porn and worried that it may be a problem. I was wondering if anyone might have some tips on how to cut back on porn consumption.

Last edited by Bluelitespecial; 12-05-19 at 09:04 PM.
Old 12-05-19, 09:49 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
I was wondering if anyone might have some tips on how to cut back on porn consumption.
Spoiler:

This may seem like a joke, but this sort of thing isn't completely uncommon, at least in the gay community. Usually used in dom/sub scenarios, the idea is you lock up your junk, and give the key to someone else. After a while, it trains you away from self pleasuring yourself.


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