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Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Old 02-03-19, 07:09 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I hadn't thought of that. Losing my virginity at 21 was an important milestone in my life, but it was one of many milestones. It didn't make me a different person or a Real Man. Nobody could tell I wasn't a virgin from looking at me, that's a myth. I broke up with her a few months later.

Then my emotional problems got worse, and I didn't date anyone else for a long time. In my 30s I went to a counselor who specialized in dating, and she helped a lot. Basically she taught me the courtship skills that most guys picked up in high school and college.

I don't know what a sex & addiction therapist is, but it sounds like one of those Christian "addicted to porn" whackjobs. If they use that kind of language, don't go back. They're cultists.

Last edited by Nick Danger; 02-03-19 at 07:18 AM.
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Old 02-03-19, 09:40 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Thanks again for the good words, I left a message with the clinic and I think its the next step for me and kind of connects to a lot of everything else. When I have started talking to a few friends and my current therapist its one of the sources of my anxiety when wanting to date and the only real thing sexual I know has been my porn viewing habits that I've had since I was around 15 or 16. I don't think there's anything wrong with some porn viewing but not as a replacement for any normal relationship. If I meet with a therapist and it goes into religious territory I won't go back. I just want to get past the feelings of worthlessness when I was told that I screwed up for not sleeping with the first few dates i had at the end of high school. Being told you're not really a man, you just give up. Also I have hard time just relaxing around women in any social setting.
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Old 02-03-19, 08:30 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Yeah, whoever told you that you weren't a real man was a psycho bitch from hell. They exist, but they're rare. It's too bad that you ran into one of them at a vulnerable time.
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Old 02-08-19, 04:14 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Well I have news, I have one more therapist I would like to talk to and I should be able to setup which therapist I will continue with by some time next week. I have one more appointment with the psychiatrist through the county mental center. They said I am past the point where I am no longer consider in a dire mental state and will no longer be seeking help through them. I'll continue meds for the next three months, then I'll decide with my next therapist or my primary care doctor how long I'll continue medication.
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Old 02-09-19, 12:50 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

This thread is now a year old.
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Old 02-09-19, 09:46 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

It's hard to believe its been a year. I've read through the whole thread several times and its a pretty wild ride.
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Old 02-09-19, 04:26 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

It's a sad commentary on mental health medicine in this country that Blue gets kicked out of therapy as soon as he isn't a danger to himself. There is a long way between 'not in dire need' and 'healthy'. I suspect they had to do it because they are short-staffed and they need the time for someone who is a danger to himself.
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Old 02-09-19, 04:45 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I’m going to continue therapy elsewhere, and I have a plan to gradually ween myself off the meds. I did everything I could do with their services.
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Old 02-09-19, 06:16 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by majorjoe23 View Post
This thread is now a year old.
Sweet birthday, baby!
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Old 02-09-19, 06:21 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Nick Danger View Post
It's a sad commentary on mental health medicine in this country that Blue gets kicked out of therapy as soon as he isn't a danger to himself. There is a long way between 'not in dire need' and 'healthy'. I suspect they had to do it because they are short-staffed and they need the time for someone who is a danger to himself.
Glad you are doing well Blue, but I have to agree with Nick 1000 times over. Hey, here is an interesting thought I had recently. With all the debate about guns and mental health, why not fund better mental health with a tax on guns? I’m not in favor of more taxes, but that’s the world we live in.

Last edited by Abob Teff; 02-09-19 at 06:34 PM.
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Old 02-09-19, 10:27 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I may have worded it wrong, but I'm not getting kicked out of therapy. I have done everything I can do with them. I participated in a group depression and anxiety class, worked with my individual therapist, and spoke with her that I wanted to continue with more specialized help now.

Last edited by Bluelitespecial; 02-10-19 at 10:13 AM.
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Old 02-10-19, 09:51 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

It's good to see your progression, Blue. Many people wallow in their misery, never attempting to change for the better. You should be proud of yourself.
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Old 02-20-19, 08:23 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

A quick update, I had my appointment with the Psychiatrist yesterday, and I'll be able to continue meeting with her every three months for my medication. I'm hoping I can work towards going off of it. Everything is set with my new therapist and my first appointment is March 13th at 6pm.
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Old 02-20-19, 10:40 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

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Old 02-20-19, 10:49 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Why do you want to get off the meds? Do they have side effects, or is it the stigma you might feel?
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Old 02-20-19, 11:02 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Its helped me with getting my sleep schedule back to normal, part of its the stigma. I've gotten past the side effects.
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Old 02-20-19, 12:38 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I would gently encourage you to try re-framing your thinking about medication. Just as a diabetic regularly takes insulin to keep their body operating with the balances intended, medication related to mental health keeps the chemical balance of the brain operating as intended. It's a clinical health issue like any other and there's no shame in continuing to take medication that helps your physiology work the way it's supposed to. I am close with several people who have been on medication for various mental health conditions for more than a decade and medication is one of several things that is simply a very normal part of their life now helping their mind and body work the way it's designed to work. In short, they are able to be more fully themselves on the medication, not off of it.
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Old 02-20-19, 01:33 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by kefrank View Post
I would gently encourage you to try re-framing your thinking about medication. Just as a diabetic regularly takes insulin to keep their body operating with the balances intended, medication related to mental health keeps the chemical balance of the brain operating as intended. It's a clinical health issue like any other and there's no shame in continuing to take medication that helps your physiology work the way it's supposed to. I am close with several people who have been on medication for various mental health conditions for more than a decade and medication is one of several things that is simply a very normal part of their life now helping their mind and body work the way it's designed to work. In short, they are able to be more fully themselves on the medication, not off of it.
Agree with this. Whether it's for high blood pressure or a chemical imbalance in the brain, there should be no stigma for taking medication to correct those imbalances.
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Old 02-20-19, 01:48 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by mndtrp View Post
It's good to see your progression, Blue. Many people wallow in their misery, never attempting to change for the better. You should be proud of yourself.

It's probably my sensitivity, but some people also fight like hell and see very little or very slow progress. What you see as wallowing might be an epic battle for the person going through it. One person's "you could just..." is another person's mountain. My comment is mostly brought on by comments I've seen elsewhere, yours just brought it to mind in a tangential (as opposed to tangenital, which is what I was thought I might have typed ) kind of way.
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Old 02-20-19, 04:19 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

For a different opinion, in my experience, many times the idea behind anti-depressants/anxiety medication is to take them until the person can function without them, using other things learned through therapy and counseling, so they donít necessarily have to be permanent.

Of course if itís found, after a person gradually lowers/eliminates dosage with a medication managerís guidance, that the medication is still needed, then it can be started again.
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Old 02-20-19, 06:48 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I'm on thyroid medication. Mrs Danger is on SSRI drugs. I recommend living your life on the appropriate medications. My life is good, and part of that is the medical technology available to me. If you want your life to be good, take advantage of what's available.

It reminds me of people who think we should live naturally, and not go to the dentist. Someone on Quora posted that he was an archaeology student and he handles a lot of skulls. He said he's seen way too many skulls of 30-year olds with no teeth. Take what benefits a dentist can give you. Grab them with both hands.

As for any stigma . . . screw those guys. They don't have to live with your brain. You do. Besides, they're complete hypocrites. As soon as they need medical attention for themselves, they're first in line.
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Old 02-21-19, 02:08 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by FM View Post
It's probably my sensitivity, but some people also fight like hell and see very little or very slow progress. What you see as wallowing might be an epic battle for the person going through it. One person's "you could just..." is another person's mountain. My comment is mostly brought on by comments I've seen elsewhere, yours just brought it to mind in a tangential (as opposed to tangenital, which is what I was thought I might have typed ) kind of way.
I'm not commenting about the people who are struggling through their process. I'm talking about the people who don't do anything because they'd rather live in their misery. For example, overweight people who work to get it under control, but are having a lot of difficulty doing so. Congrats to those guys, they should also be proud of themselves. On the other hand, overweight people who just say "fuck it", and let their lives go down the drain.
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Old 02-21-19, 03:28 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by mndtrp View Post
I'm not commenting about the people who are struggling through their process. I'm talking about the people who don't do anything because they'd rather live in their misery. For example, overweight people who work to get it under control, but are having a lot of difficulty doing so. Congrats to those guys, they should also be proud of themselves. On the other hand, overweight people who just say "fuck it", and let their lives go down the drain.
Fair enough!
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Old 03-13-19, 04:10 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Well tonight is my first appointment with my new therapist.
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Old 03-13-19, 07:53 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Good luck!
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