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Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

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Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Old 05-31-18, 07:22 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by William Fuld View Post
Work for no pay for a bunch of dirty women? What a cuck.
Hey, he's gotta start somewhere.
Old 05-31-18, 07:48 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Ash Ketchum View Post
That's great news. Remember, though, that you're not there to troll for dates, but to get over your fear of working with women. Don't be afraid to do the drudge work. The harder and messier the task, volunteer to do it. They'll like you for it. And you may get a date out of it at the end of it anyway. Just don't make that your goal.
I never said I was going for that reason, I only posted because I’m just going to be around more people. The fact that I’ll be working at an all women’s event is equally terrifying, but by volunteering I can run a future race for free.
Old 05-31-18, 08:17 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

It sounds like fun. Exercise, socializing, getting dirty. Yeah!
Old 06-04-18, 11:56 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

So my first appointment with a short term therapist is in the books. I said what I needed to say with my issues with isolation,social anxiety, bad dating experiences, no sexual experience, my porn viewing habits and how it relates to how inadequate I feel. I was really afraid of saying anything sexual, but she said its a no judgement environment. I don't know what kind of help she will be, but seeing her is more about addressing my hang ups with wanting to be more social. For my next appointment she wanted to know more about the things I do to kind of get out of the house and engage in the world. She gave me a packet on "Grounding" to talk about for next time, I don't know exactly what it means, but I'll read through for my next appointment in two weeks.

Last edited by Bluelitespecial; 06-06-18 at 10:57 AM.
Old 06-04-18, 12:07 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Sounds like you had a good first meeting. Your situation isn't going to be resolve in one trip, so keep an open mind, do the homework she gave you and be ready for the next meeting.
Old 06-04-18, 12:10 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
So my first appointment with a short term therapist is in the books. I said what I needed to say with my issues with isolation,social anixiety, bad dating experiences, no sexual experience, my porn viewing habits and how it relates to how inadequate I feel. I was really afraid of saying anything sexual, but she said its a no judgement environment. I don't know what kind of help she will be, but seeing her is more addressing my hang ups with wanting to be more social. For my next appointment she wanted to know more about the things I do to kind of get out of the house and engage in the world. She gave me a packet on "Grounding" to talk about for next time, I don't know exactly what it means, but I'll read through for my next appointment in two weeks.


Any updates on the job situation after that job fair?
Old 06-04-18, 12:18 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I had an interview with a staffing agency last week, for a position called a client care advocate. I was worried about my computer skills on Microsoft Office when I did testing for it, but the recruiter said I did just fine with testing. Unfortunately I just got a rejection email about the job. I'm meeting with a vocational worker at the mental health center on Wednesday, and I'm emailing the recruiter back today. I also got a side job with some help from my Mom. One of her patients needed help with some lawn work, and asked if I would help with painting his garage. Its not a lot, but its money coming in.
Old 06-04-18, 01:34 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Keep working at it. You are doing good
Old 06-04-18, 03:11 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Absolutely, keep going. You got this.
Old 06-04-18, 03:27 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Good stuff, man. Keep at it!
Old 06-05-18, 10:19 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I really want to post a typical Otter joke, but I'm going to be more respectful since you are taking this seriously.

Keep up the positive attitude and good job on putting in the work to improve you! I think many people get caught up in the day-to-day grind of life. We go to work, take care of others, stress over bills, find something we can squeeze in or define as social time which then becomes an "obligation", stress over the news of the day, get hung up in social media ... we really lose sight of who we are. It takes a shake up for us to step back and analyze our lives.

Blu ... I really do admire your honesty and willingness to take this journey. You are going to be a better man for it. Heck, you already are!
Old 06-05-18, 11:12 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I'm trying to show some restraint here right now. I think the John Wick 3 casting is ridiculous, and Ocean's Eight will probably be Ghostbusters 2016 all over again. I'm still thinking about what I said to the Therapist, scared of how she interpreted what I told her and afraid I said things I shouldn't have. I'll see her again in two weeks, I just don't know what help a therapist can be when talking about a lack of social skills.
Old 06-05-18, 11:31 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
I'm trying to show some restraint here right now. I think the John Wick 3 casting is ridiculous, and Ocean's Eight will probably be Ghostbusters 2016 all over again. I'm still thinking about what I said to the Therapist, scared of how she interpreted what I told her and afraid I said things I shouldn't have. I'll see her again in two weeks, I just don't know what help a therapist can be when talking about a lack of social skills.

That's why you're not a therapist. Let her do her job. She will peel back the layers in time. In the meantime, if trivial bullshit like casting choices for movies piss you off, go and do something else.
Old 06-05-18, 01:39 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

So, let me let you in on a little secret ... she doesn’t care. I’m not saying she’s a heartless person; I’m saying therapists are taught to be detached and dispassionate. I can guarantee you don’t even rank in the top 20 for sad/strange shit she has heard.

On that same note, why do you care what she thought? How does that change anything? I honestly believe that it is easier for a person to talk to a stranger.
Old 06-05-18, 01:49 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Abob Teff View Post
On that same note, why do you care what she thought? How does that change anything? I honestly believe that it is easier for a person to talk to a stranger.
I felt she had this kind of stunned look on her face with what I said. There were some silent moments, and I kind of struggled with what I was trying to say.
Old 06-05-18, 03:26 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I think the therapist session is the right place to talk about all that is going through your mind.
Unless you are talking murder, I don't think they will judge you.

Therapist hear all type of stories and secrets from their patients all the time
Old 06-19-18, 09:29 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I have a small update, than I'll have a big update next week. I had my second appointment today, we laid out what I want in a treatment plan. I said need to get past my isolating behavior, get through anxiety issues so I can get back to work, be more social again, and wanting to be able to date and be comfortable around women again. She said she would be developing what my treatment plan will be and it'll include cognitive, skill based, and exercise therapy. I'll know exactly what all of this plan will look like on my next appointment a week from Thursday.

Last edited by Bluelitespecial; 06-19-18 at 09:40 PM.
Old 06-20-18, 05:45 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Always take things easy, and go with the flow, don't worry you will be okay
Old 06-20-18, 09:37 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Having a plan is a very good idea. Keep up the good work!
Old 07-05-18, 01:40 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I have another small update to post. The therapist said I'll continue with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy at the moment, I'm sure there will be more parts of it upcoming. I saw a psychiatrist, and I'm on my third day of taking Zoloft. It makes me sad it came to this, but if it helps me with getting over the hump of getting back to work, wanting to be social again, and feeling comfortable around women again I hope this will work. Doe anyone here have experience with Anti-depressant/anxiety medication? I don't want to be taking it forever. I'll be evaluated again in a month to see where I'm at with it, she said the usual time taking it is about 6 months.

Last edited by Bluelitespecial; 07-05-18 at 04:15 PM.
Old 07-05-18, 03:44 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Dude, this is amazing and great to read. The first steps and scheduling can be a pain in the ass, but you pulled it all off amazingly. Keep going and you'll find life will improve more and more. With anti-depressants, don't get discouraged and it can take 4-6 weeks before you notice a difference, and usually others will notice it first. So if it is working, you may hear comments like "you seem happier" or "you're doing better." There is zero shame of taking medication. Lots of people take meds and lots of people are depressed. The suicide rate nation wide continues to increase, so it's clearly not just you, but something many struggle with. Medication you'll never know how long you'll need it for. The medicine will get you out of your funk a bit easier, but the CBT will help you challenge the negative thoughts and patterns you've created, which will help you work through the depression and life will be easier. I don't know your genetic background, but if you're genetically predisposed to depression and have had it for years or family members have it, it's possible you may need medicine for a long period of time than for someone who isn't genetic. It sucks, but that's life sometimes. I'd encourage you to view your medication as medication for any other physical ailment. You wouldn't look down upon someone taking thyroid medication if their thyroid isnt' functioning well, so why look down or feel shame when you're taking medication when your brain isn't functioning well?

Still tho. This is fucking amazing to read. You should have a celebration of sorts for not just doing it but also sticking with it.
Old 07-05-18, 04:13 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I donít really have any family history with this stuff. Itís more about getting over the hump of these hurdles Iíve talked about here. As far as how long things take effect, I had an upset stomach at first and a few moments of feeling light headed. As I said I donít want to have to be taking it forever.
Old 07-05-18, 05:14 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

You’re doing good Blue! I’m with you on taking meds, but they are there for a purpose and it’s just chemistry. Once you get your brain chemistry back into balance you can hopefully kick the meds. Until then, ride it out. If you notice any side effects impacting you though, make sure you let your doctor know. Sometimes it’s a simple dosage adjustment but sometimes you need a different drug.
Old 07-10-18, 05:37 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

So I feel a little stumped by therapy after today. I gave my therapist an update on several things most notably starting medicine, and I might have had a good job interview yesterday and that could lead to a second part in a couple of weeks. She wanted me to keep going through this exercise she gave me on challenging distortive thoughts. Also there is this confidence group class she wants me to be a part of. I guess what I’m trying to say is challenging myself is still difficult right now. I don’t feel up to socializing just yet, I’m still badly anxious around women, and plus I know it takes time for the medicine to kick in.
Old 07-10-18, 07:13 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I think the message there is; none of this is a quick fix, these are skills you'll need to work on throughout your life. Keep it up!

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