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Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

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Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Old 04-29-18, 01:29 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Cool. Just hanging out with people is a positive step.
Old 04-29-18, 01:44 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
but it feels like girl comics are always trying to act like Amy Schumer in their routines
Makes sense, since I hear women aren't funny.
Old 04-29-18, 02:13 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

So, my celibacy streak has ended. That means it's your turn soon, blue.

I had been talking to a couple of guys, but one turned out to be a creep and the other a flake. In the midst of discovering this, I was contacted on Facebook messenger by a former friend with benefits from many years ago who is now married to a woman and has kids. He blocked me after I wouldn't send him dick pics. Pathetic.

So, I then run into a profile complaining about all the fakes and flakes. We commiserate, and the next thing I know, I'm driving over there. We had a lot of fun. He has already messaged that he'd like to meet again some time.

The only thing that makes me feel a bit weird is that he's really young. Let me stress that he's definitely of legal age but not by much. I sort of feel like a middle-aged gay stereotype. Not completely sure if we'll meet again, but we'll see.
Old 04-29-18, 02:20 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Wow, that’s awesome. Congrats!!
Old 04-29-18, 02:51 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by clckworang View Post
The only thing that makes me feel a bit weird is that he's really young. Let me stress that he's definitely of legal age but not by much. I sort of feel like a middle-aged gay stereotype. Not completely sure if we'll meet again, but we'll see.
It all depends on what both of you want with the relationship. If he's young, chances are he's not looking to settle down, but I have some gay friends who are in a relationship with a decent amount of time between their ages, so it is possible.
Old 04-29-18, 02:55 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
I am afraid of a couple of things going into a therapist. Talking about anything sexual does scare me, it does feel like you are giving into weakness as I have said. I am afraid to talk about my porn viewing habits, but I did mention the girlfriend I didn't sleep with and how it affected me. Just saying this post might feel like TMI.
Even though it is scary, you will probably feel better after you explain your fear. Maybe your session might even give you some insight that you hadn't though about and some strategies to combat your worries. Remember, this person is not there to judge you. They just want to listen and help you understand yourself.
Old 04-29-18, 03:54 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

In my experience, the things you're afraid to talk about with your therapist are the A-number-one things you MUST talk about with your therapist.
Old 04-30-18, 07:23 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by clckworang View Post
I had been talking to a couple of guys, but one turned out to be a creep and the other a flake. In the midst of discovering this, I was contacted on Facebook messenger by a former friend with benefits from many years ago who is now married to a woman and has kids. He blocked me after I wouldn't send him dick pics. Pathetic.
What are the ethics of dating married guys on the downlow? A polyamorous woman once told me that if a man's wife isn't comfortable with her, she isn't going to get involved with the man. She refused to be the homewrecker. That makes sense to me. But there seems to be different rules for closeted gay men.
Old 04-30-18, 08:28 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by clckworang View Post
So, my celibacy streak has ended. That means it's your turn soon, blue.

I had been talking to a couple of guys, but one turned out to be a creep and the other a flake. In the midst of discovering this, I was contacted on Facebook messenger by a former friend with benefits from many years ago who is now married to a woman and has kids. He blocked me after I wouldn't send him dick pics. Pathetic.

So, I then run into a profile complaining about all the fakes and flakes. We commiserate, and the next thing I know, I'm driving over there. We had a lot of fun. He has already messaged that he'd like to meet again some time.

The only thing that makes me feel a bit weird is that he's really young. Let me stress that he's definitely of legal age but not by much. I sort of feel like a middle-aged gay stereotype. Not completely sure if we'll meet again, but we'll see.
So you hooked up with the married dude ? so does the wife know this guy is gay. Is it common for the wives to know or most of them are in the dark ?
Old 04-30-18, 09:35 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by nando820 View Post
So you hooked up with the married dude ? so does the wife know this guy is gay. Is it common for the wives to know or most of them are in the dark ?
Time for clckworang to spin off his own thread.
Old 04-30-18, 09:50 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by nando820 View Post
So you hooked up with the married dude ? so does the wife know this guy is gay. Is it common for the wives to know or most of them are in the dark ?
clckworang mentioned another profile after that one.
Old 04-30-18, 10:20 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by VinVega View Post
It all depends on what both of you want with the relationship. If he's young, chances are he's not looking to settle down, but I have some gay friends who are in a relationship with a decent amount of time between their ages, so it is possible.
At this point, I don't think either of us is thinking beyond the physical. I know I'm not, but at least we did have really good physical chemistry. I wouldn't fight it if something more develops down the road, but I don't really see that happening.

Originally Posted by Nick Danger View Post
What are the ethics of dating married guys on the downlow? A polyamorous woman once told me that if a man's wife isn't comfortable with her, she isn't going to get involved with the man. She refused to be the homewrecker. That makes sense to me. But there seems to be different rules for closeted gay men.
I think most guys don't think about the ethics of it, but it is something that I would feel a little squeamish about. Some playful flirting via chat I wouldn't have much of an issue with, but I don't know if I could hook up with him now. Although to be honest, we did hook up when they were just dating. It feels different now that they're married and have kids, though.

Of course, all of this goes right out the window if the wife is aware of it and has given her blessing. There are those cases, and I would at least consider it. Still weird, though, and I don't think I'd want the wife watching. The guy I know is not that type, though. He's your standard self-hating closet case who probably would do whatever he can to keep his dirty little secret.

Originally Posted by nando820 View Post
So you hooked up with the married dude ? so does the wife know this guy is gay. Is it common for the wives to know or most of them are in the dark ?
The married guy blocked me when I wouldn't send dick pics. His wife absolutely does not know, and that's very common down here where I live. He's lucky I'm not a vindictive person because it would be very easy to post screenshots of our conversation, but I would never do that.

I ended up hooking up with the guy who I'm more than twice as old as. Ha, ha. The interaction with the married guy was another who fell into the fakes and flakes category. It sort of just contributed to the state of mind that led me to the young guy.
Old 04-30-18, 10:25 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by VinVega View Post
Even though it is scary, you will probably feel better after you explain your fear. Maybe your session might even give you some insight that you hadn't though about and some strategies to combat your worries. Remember, this person is not there to judge you. They just want to listen and help you understand yourself.
This is totally right. Blue, remember that they're not there to judge you or look down on you. They're there to support you and help you. This is your free zone to fully express how you feel and maybe get to the root of some of those feelings. Don't hide anything.

Originally Posted by stingermck View Post
Time for clckworang to spin off his own thread.
I hope I'm not hijacking the thread. That's not my intent, but I saw some key similarities in what blue is dealing with.
Old 04-30-18, 10:50 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I wish I had something else to report at the moment. I'm waiting to hear back from county workers on next steps. I don't mind Clckworang that you have shared your story, its similar to the discussion that's now a part of this thread.
Old 05-01-18, 03:48 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I got a call and my appointment is made with a case manager this Friday. He’ll explain to me how this whole process will work. If I talk to a therapist, I'll probably ask him if I can talk to a female therapist if possible. There is another group meetup from the singles group on Thursday, but I don't know if I could handle it. I would love to try and go, but I just don't know if I can fake it.

Last edited by Bluelitespecial; 05-01-18 at 11:13 PM.
Old 05-01-18, 03:54 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
I got a call and my appointment is made with a case manager this Friday. He explains to me how this whole process will work. If I talk to a therapist, I'll probably ask him if I can talk to a female therapist if possible. There is another group meetup from the singles group on Thursday, but I don't know if I could handle it. I would love to try and go, but I just don't know if I can fake it.


Fake it till you make it. It'll be the third time. Before you know it it will be 4, 5, 6 then you'll get hooked on social gatherings and what not. You'll get used to it and it will be second nature.
Old 05-01-18, 03:57 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Why So Blu? View Post
Fake it till you make it. It'll be the third time. Before you know it it will be 4, 5, 6 then you'll get hooked on social gatherings and what not. You'll get used to it and it will be second nature.
I still might, its a smaller group meetup so I got a few more days to decide on it.
Old 05-01-18, 10:09 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Glad to hear it's going well. Thank you for the updates.

At this time, what is making you prefer a female over a male therapist?
Old 05-01-18, 10:31 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I donít really want to talk to a male therapist about my screwed up dating history. I thought it might be good for me to talk to a woman.
Old 05-01-18, 11:47 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

You're gonna have to talk with someone about it. What makes talking to a female rather than a male easier in this context?

I'm not trying to change your mind by any means, just curious.
Old 05-01-18, 11:53 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I donít even know if I would get a choice in who I talk to or what will happen yet with the case manager. As I said I thought it might be better to talk to a woman if possible. I donít want to talk about any sex related stuff with a male therapist.
Old 05-02-18, 06:08 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I understand that. But why do you think it would be easier/better to talk with a female therapist about sex related stuff?
Old 05-02-18, 06:16 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

So long as you're willing to talk about sex-related stuff to a female therapist, you'll be fine.
Old 05-04-18, 12:38 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Well I just got done with my appointment with a case manager and we started with how the whole process will work. I'll meet with him once a week, and go through the steps and the resources to help with the things I want to change the two biggest things being I need to get back to work and the desire of wanting to date again. I have no problem with anything I said in regards to Star Wars, Ghostbusters, or an SJW related topic that has been discussed here. I did mention I want to talk to a therapist in terms of my very screwed up dating history, things I have held on to, and my resentment and feelings of worthlessness to nearly all women in my age range. There was stuff I wasn't comfortable in that regard discussing with him, but he said he'll make that referral to a therapist usually after 3 or 4 meetings with him. The first step will be meeting with their vocational/employment people where they will evaluate my work history and skills in help with getting back to work.

Last edited by Bluelitespecial; 05-04-18 at 02:18 PM.
Old 05-04-18, 01:04 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Good deal.

Know upfront that there will be some difficult work involved. But I can tell you that the end results are worth it.

You mention SJW, and it reminds me that I had a similar issue with feminists like Andrea Dworkin and Catharine MacKinnon. I learned that high-profile whackjobs didn't matter in my daily life, and they had nothing to do with me going on dates.

Last edited by Nick Danger; 05-04-18 at 01:09 PM.

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