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Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

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Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Old 04-25-18, 07:47 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Please make it a priority. Let us know how it goes and how long you have to wait before you can get in.
Old 04-25-18, 08:16 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Set a goal to make the call before noon, or after your morning shit, or morning coffee, what have you. The best way to get over not knowing how to broach a subject with a therapist is to just start talking about it. They are professionals and will know how to listen and ask you the right questions and get on a regular cadence with speaking with them - it will help you.
Old 04-25-18, 09:47 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Eleventy billion thumbs ups to Lipid's posts.
Old 04-26-18, 11:38 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Lipid View Post
Updating so this doesn't get lost. Please make this a priority.

For everyone else in this thread, it's clear from his postings that he is mentally ill. Please keep that in mind when providing recommendations, advice, or making quick judgments. His first step should be working with a professional to help improve his mood and stability. Then we can add additional protective factors.
Lipid, thanks for your helpful contributions to this discussion.

Just to provide some context, BLS has been discussing his issues on this forum for at least a couple years now, and a number of us have been trying to offer advice. That's why you might see some frustration, and our judgments might not be as quick as they appear in this particular thread.
Old 04-26-18, 11:51 AM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
Iím not autistic, I talked about anxiety and depression during my last trip to the therapist. I wouldnít even know where to begin with the relationship stuff. Extreme isolation too if you want to call it that. Iíll look into making a phone call tomorrow.
This is a serious suggestion but have you ever considering using a "professional" as a gateway to re-connecting with women? Maybe if you could break the seal a little you might get a boost of confidence or at least awaken something inside you to motivate you to get moving.

Hell, even if you spent some time in the champagne room it might have the same effect.

I may be harsh to you at times but if your next post was "I have a girlfriend" I'd be sincerely happy for you.
Old 04-26-18, 01:33 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I made the call, there’s an intake form to fill out. I’ll try and fill it out the best I can, and see what they say. You walk in for the first appointment. I hope to do that tomorrow.
Old 04-26-18, 01:34 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
I made the call, thereís an intake form to fill out. Iíll try and fill it out the best I can, and see what they say. You walk in for the first appointment. I hope to do that tomorrow.
Bam, son!
Old 04-26-18, 01:36 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Old 04-26-18, 01:37 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
I made the call, thereís an intake form to fill out. Iíll try and fill it out the best I can, and see what they say. You walk in for the first appointment. I hope to do that tomorrow.
Old 04-26-18, 01:42 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Old 04-26-18, 02:07 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Good move, blue.

I actually see some of the same problems in myself, though not all the misogyny since I'm gay. But reading about the love shy sounded much like me. I've hardly ever dated. I do have some sexual experience but not a lot, which has made me feel more self-conscious as the years go on. There was a time when I was trying more, but there were relationship setbacks.

Most would probably say I'm not a bad looking guy. I know I could get sex if that's all I really wanted, but I would prefer to find something more. I've never been much for hookups.

A big part of my problem is geography and culture. There's still a lot of closeted guys here, especially in my age group. That leaves me with guys often substantially older who have already settled these things or much younger, which brings some issues in relating to them and also to ageism in the gay community.

Like that article described, I know I've missed signals, and I regret I haven't taken more risks. But in the end, I know I only have myself to blame. The one very fortunate thing is that I've always had close friends, so it's not like I was just lonely at home every night. Of course, those friends can also be an excuse for not putting myself out there.

I could say a lot more to provide additional context, but the bottom line is I'm aware of my problem and am at least making baby steps to change. I've actually been chatting a lot with a younger guy (I'm 40, he's 21), and we're making plans to meet up. I don't envision anything beyond physical, but I think it will be a great opportunity to get myself back in the saddle again. It has probably been about 3 years of celibacy, and while I could say that's not by choice, that's really a lie. I've had my chances and chosen not to engage. Now I need to make it my choice, however difficult it is, you get out of that rut.

All of this is really to say that blue isn't alone in *some* of those feelings. The difficult thing is to not only take responsibility for your part in this (it's not the women's fault) but to take action for change. It sounds like blue is making a big first step. I would encourage him to address these hostile thoughts toward women as soon as possible. I have a feeling there will be a lot to unload there once the ball gets rolling.
Old 04-26-18, 02:17 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

I hope that goes well clockworang. I had a good experience the first time with my therapist we’ll see what this appointment brings tomorrow. All the sexual/dating stuff is going to be the hardest thing to deal with.
Old 04-26-18, 02:38 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Nice job calling to make an appt BLS. That shows courage.
Old 04-26-18, 02:52 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Old 04-26-18, 03:38 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by clckworang View Post
Most would probably say I'm not a bad looking guy. I know I could get sex if that's all I really wanted, but I would prefer to find something more. I've never been much for hookups.

A big part of my problem is geography and culture. There's still a lot of closeted guys here, especially in my age group. That leaves me with guys often substantially older who have already settled these things or much younger, which brings some issues in relating to them and also to ageism in the gay community.
Is there a reason you are staying in Texas? There are so many better places for the gays to live in the US. I LOVE it here in Palm Springs. It has a nice, small town feel, but a HUGE gay population.

And I saw you aren't in to hookups, but for a lot of gay men, hookups ARE dating. Well, maybe pre-dating. I would say the vast majority of couples I know (including myself) started out as a hook up. The chemistry was there, so they hook up again, and before you know it, they're dating. If you cut yourself off from that, and try to rely on traditionally straight methods for meeting people, you are really limiting your chances of finding someone.
Old 04-26-18, 03:47 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

that's cool you are taking that first step to seek help Blue

Now to re-cap a little, we gotten Alan to start cleaning, and Bluelitespecial to seek proper guidance. But who would have thought getting Why_So_blue to make his godamn motivational board will prove the hardest thing accomplish
Old 04-26-18, 03:50 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by joeblow69 View Post
Is there a reason you are staying in Texas? There are so many better places for the gays to live in the US. I LOVE it here in Palm Springs. It has a nice, small town feel, but a HUGE gay population.
St Pete, FL also has a pretty vibrant LGBT community as well.
Old 04-26-18, 04:16 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Good for you BLS, I honestly hope you can get the help you need.

Originally Posted by nando820 View Post
But who would have thought getting Why_So_blue to make his godamn motivational board will prove the hardest thing accomplish
I'm sure it's coming any day now.
Old 04-26-18, 04:50 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by joeblow69 View Post
Is there a reason you are staying in Texas? There are so many better places for the gays to live in the US. I LOVE it here in Palm Springs. It has a nice, small town feel, but a HUGE gay population.

And I saw you aren't in to hookups, but for a lot of gay men, hookups ARE dating. Well, maybe pre-dating. I would say the vast majority of couples I know (including myself) started out as a hook up. The chemistry was there, so they hook up again, and before you know it, they're dating. If you cut yourself off from that, and try to rely on traditionally straight methods for meeting people, you are really limiting your chances of finding someone.
Overall, I really like where I live. The cost of living is among the lowest in the country so I am able to live beyond what my means would allow elsewhere. I have a very tight knit group of friends that would be difficult to find elsewhere.

And I know there is a large contingent of the gay population that believe hookups equal dating, which is why I mentioned that I'm trying to get myself out there more. But again, I wish I saw more profiles - on Grindr and the like as well as dating sites - from guys closer to my age with pics and who aren't DL or married. It's pretty ridiculous. Hell, if I were to move to just another part of Texas, there would be a lot more options.

A big part of it is my own inaction. A couple of things a while back made me want to back away from hookups even more so. Now that it has been a while and with me not being very experienced to boot, it sort of feeds some sort of anxiety. I was a late bloomer back in school, teased about being super skinny (not to mention the time it took to accept my sexuality), and I think that all feeds into it.

But I think the positive thing is that I recognize these things and am ready to force myself out of my comfort zone more.
Old 04-26-18, 05:07 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

clckworang -- How can I meet someone without first having loads of casual sex?

Het men in forum -- Wait, what?

(Good job BLS for making an appointment.)
Old 04-26-18, 05:15 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Good for you on the steps, clckworang
Old 04-26-18, 05:23 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by VinVega View Post
Nice job calling to make an appt BLS. That shows courage.


Good luck BLS. We're rooting for you.
Old 04-26-18, 06:12 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Good job BLS.
Old 04-26-18, 08:09 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Originally Posted by Bluelitespecial View Post
I made the call, thereís an intake form to fill out. Iíll try and fill it out the best I can, and see what they say. You walk in for the first appointment. I hope to do that tomorrow.
Old 04-26-18, 09:43 PM
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Re: Should I go to a Singles Mixer?

Keeping you in my heart Blue.

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