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Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

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Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Old 09-05-16, 11:22 PM
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Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

I'm investigating options to allow a stay-at-home mom to transition back into the workforce for a very compelling position. We don't "need" the money, but having it would create the opportunity for a much bigger/nicer home, luxurious vacations, and earlier retirement for us both. Not compelling enough for me to be a stay at home dad, however.

We are struggling with having mom not raise the kids (preschooler and infant). We came this far with #1 with tremendous effect and we don't want to deprive #2 of the same.

Daycare is out. I've rationalized that a nanny or an au pair at our home is somehow better and more palatable (as well as convenient and flexible).

My only knowledge of au pairs comes from Law and Order and the Louise Woodward trial - not strong endorsements of the practice. Can anyone share less sensationalized feedback? Was it like adding a caring member to the family? Or hosting a party girl who was counting the hours to the weekend? Would you do it again?
Old 09-05-16, 11:26 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

A smart wife never lets her husband pick the au pair.
Old 09-05-16, 11:27 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

I didn't have one, but some close friends did. #1 was super duper awesome, still close with the family. #2 was a waster, they fired her after a couple of months. #3 was meh, good enough to last out the year, but nothing incredible. It's kind of a crapshoot.

Not sure why you have written off daycare. If you do your research and find a good place, it can be an incredibly enriching experience for your kid. Our daughter just entered kindergarten, but was at the same school from 12 weeks until last month, and leaving it was incredibly sad and bittersweet. Her teacher were amazingly dedicated people who loved her and taught her so much. I couldn't have asked for a better place.
Old 09-05-16, 11:40 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Pros: Itinerant Scandinavians with no child rearing experience will probably let you pee in the butt.

Cons: Itinerant Scandinavians with no child rearing experience know fuck all about raising an infant.

My buddy in high school dated/fucked an au pairs. My advice: Date one, don't hire one. That bitch spent more time hanging out with our clique than caring for any children.

And see above. Find a good daycare. I still go visit my daughter's daycare. It was a lovely woman who hosted the kids in her home. She's raised generations of local kids and she keeps every one of their sippy cups. I saw a 10 year old visit one time and she dove under the counter and plucked out her cup, thrilled to see it was still there.

Tip: Rely on word of mouth. The really good day cares (like this woman) don't advertise. Talk it up with everyone you know.

Last edited by Mabuse; 09-06-16 at 12:21 PM.
Old 09-05-16, 11:41 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Are you looking for an au pare or nanny? There's several sites where you can look for both, but nannies are easier to find - au pare not so much. Ruling daycare out for the newborn is an option, but once they get to be a year or so, I would suggest daycare, if anything to expose the kids to others socially and to build their immune system (it's got to be done somehow). And a good daycare will have plenty of enriching for them - teach them the alphabet/numbers, practicing the basics in a social environment, etc. I suppose a nanny or au pare could teach them the same things, but with brother or sister only, it becomes harder. Also, an experienced nanny/au pare who teaches things like this will more than likely cost a lot more, probably on par with a daycare.

And as mentioned, work of mouth goes a long way. Use Facebook and social media and ask friends and neighbors. You'll quickly start seeing certain recurring names, both good and bad.
Old 09-05-16, 11:45 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Also, my brother went the nanny route. They literally spent more time being between nannies and interviewing nannies than having a nanny. They would constantly leave for better offers or other jobs. My brother and wife would spend 2 months looking, hire someone, she'd work for 2 months, and be gone. Rinse, wash, repeat.
Old 09-05-16, 11:48 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Originally Posted by PhantomStranger View Post
A smart wife never lets her husband pick the au pair.
Maybe you can find one like this:

Old 09-05-16, 11:48 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

I'd like to spend some time between nannies.
Old 09-05-16, 11:49 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Originally Posted by Kurtie Dee View Post
I'd like to spend some time between nannies.
Agreed.
Old 09-05-16, 11:53 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Also, regarding nannies, if you are looking for a nanny that is in any way part-time you will get fucked. That was my brother's problem. If you only need a nanny from 8:00 to 1:00 or only M/W/F they will immediately leave you when they find a full time gig. So you have pay for full time, or you will lose her.
Old 09-05-16, 11:56 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Originally Posted by Mabuse View Post
Also, regarding nannies, if you are looking for a nanny that is in any way part-time you will get fucked.
I am sooo hiring a part-time nanny tomorrow
Old 09-06-16, 12:28 AM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

I'm only familiar with their performance of "Come Again" in the concert movie Urgh: A Music War. That's what you meant, right?
Old 09-06-16, 12:48 AM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Yes, I have. In spring 1988, I was my finishing my freshman year of college in L.A. I was 18. Cora was a 23 year old pale, freckled, Irish red head and a recent graduate of the University of East Angelia. She went to work in the Santa Monica mansion (four houses down from Jess Bridges' home) of Peter Norton... Yes, that Peter Norton, as in Norton anti-virus. In the 80s and 90s especially, he was pictured with his arms folded on the book covers of various manuals about IBM PC computers. Cora lived in the guest house behind the mansion, got use of a convertible BMW, weekends off and paid cash under the table. (She had over stayed her tourist visa and was working illegally.) Our weekends were epic!

I just glanced over the other thread replies and realize this was not the answer you were looking for...

Last edited by phraseturner; 09-06-16 at 01:05 AM.
Old 09-06-16, 12:53 AM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Originally Posted by Kurtie Dee View Post
I am sooo hiring a part-time nanny tomorrow
Old 09-06-16, 01:18 AM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

I fucked one before. That's why I'm going to Denmark. Au Pairs gone wild!

Old 09-06-16, 08:18 AM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Okay, since I'm an idiot with no children, can someone explain to me why it isn't a reasonable suggestion to hire a nanny with children of her own who can't afford daycare for them on a nanny's wages, and pay her a curtailed wage to look after your children and hers at the same time?

I'm asking this because I hear a lot about nannies who leave their own children in haphazard care situations while they work, and it just seems silly to me.
Old 09-06-16, 09:48 AM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Originally Posted by Vibiana View Post
Okay, since I'm an idiot with no children, can someone explain to me why it isn't a reasonable suggestion to hire a nanny with children of her own who can't afford daycare for them on a nanny's wages, and pay her a curtailed wage to look after your children and hers at the same time?
In my experience, there is definitely something to be said for this, although we didn't do it for "daycare" reasons since my wife had already been working as a nanny (and house manager, and...) years before our son was born. Her former employers have had much better luck with nannies who also have their own children (my wife was able to bring our son to work with her for his first two years, and he still gets along very well with their youngest son who is about a year older than him). Nannies can also be a bit more flexible since their hours aren't as (legally) limited as au pairs, and they also don't need to be taught how American life works. The family also went through a few au pairs in their early 20's after my wife left (the German one picked things up very quickly and stayed for the whole year, the two South American ones did not) before settling on another local nanny with a couple of her own children.
Old 09-06-16, 11:07 AM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Originally Posted by trespoochies View Post
Also, an experienced nanny/au pare who teaches things like this will more than likely cost a lot more, probably on par with a daycare.
actually, nannies -- even mediocre ones -- cost more than daycare. My daycare was pretty expensive, $1500/mo, and that is way cheaper than you could find someone for full time work in my market.
Old 09-06-16, 04:56 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Seems like every Au Pare story I have heard ended with people loosing a lot of money and it not working out. I would highly suggest a nanny as many have above. There is a point though that the amount of money you are probably willing to spend on a Nanny is below what someone with the credentials you want would pay.

However, many in our area solve that with a Nanny share. If you know others with children around the same age as you, it can work out to collectively employ the nanny. Everyone pays a share and one house hosts (sometimes they rotate who's house is the location on a monthly basis, but it can be complicated to do). Everyone brings their kids to the house and pays the share. The Nanny makes out with a good salary and gig, the parents make out with a "nanny like" daycare solution (in a private home, not a center, not tons of kids, flexible schedule, etc) with a smaller bill. Often groups are looking for others to join because someone has moved away, or the kids are older, etc.

One thing to keep an eye on, if you have a nanny to your house you are now a household employer and need to collect the correct taxes if you are paying over the table. It is complicated tax law, but simple math, an excel workbook takes care of it, but there are services for nanny payroll online (which basically negate the savings).
Old 09-06-16, 05:11 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

None of them are as hot as they are in the movies or tv.
Old 09-06-16, 06:04 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Originally Posted by Jeeden View Post
However, many in our area solve that with a Nanny share. If you know others with children around the same age as you, it can work out to collectively employ the nanny. Everyone pays a share and one house hosts (sometimes they rotate who's house is the location on a monthly basis, but it can be complicated to do). Everyone brings their kids to the house and pays the share. The Nanny makes out with a good salary and gig, the parents make out with a "nanny like" daycare solution (in a private home, not a center, not tons of kids, flexible schedule, etc) with a smaller bill. Often groups are looking for others to join because someone has moved away, or the kids are older, etc.

.
That seems like a great idea. At least on paper...
Old 09-06-16, 06:51 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Originally Posted by movieguru View Post
None of them are as hot as they are in the movies or tv.
Damn_it, now you tell me.

And after I wasted all that time looking around EasyAupair.com
Old 09-06-16, 07:57 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Originally Posted by LurkerDan View Post
actually, nannies -- even mediocre ones -- cost more than daycare. My daycare was pretty expensive, $1500/mo, and that is way cheaper than you could find someone for full time work in my market.
Yep, sounds like we are in different markets. Opposite over here in Texas.
Old 09-06-16, 08:46 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Originally Posted by movieguru View Post
None of them are as hot as they are in the movies or tv.
The one my buddy banged was. She was right out of central casting. Her name was Katya, she was from Germany, she was smokin' fuckin' hot, she was 18 years old, supper skinny. It was absurd.
Old 09-06-16, 10:09 PM
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Re: Anyone have any experience with au pairs?

Originally Posted by trespoochies View Post
Yep, sounds like we are in different markets. Opposite over here in Texas.
How is that possible? The very nature of a nanny vs day care should make the nanny more expensive (unless you hire a high schooler who would otherwise be working at McDonald's). Even at $8/hr, a nanny would earn almost $1300/mo, and in a market where nannies are available for $8/hr, I can't imagine daycares run $1300/mo (for reference, I know daycare in my town is very expensive relative to the national average). I mean, basic economics supports this; you should pay more to pay a single person to watch one kid than you would to pay a group of, say, 3 people watching 18 kids.

Originally Posted by movieguru View Post
None of them are as hot as they are in the movies or tv.
My friend's au pair -- the good one -- was pretty hot. And french!

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