Go Back  DVD Talk Forum > General Discussions > Other Talk
Reload this Page >

I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

Other Talk "Otterville" plus Religion/Politics

I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

Old 06-02-15, 10:47 PM
  #1  
DVD Talk Hero
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 30,143
Received 8 Likes on 5 Posts
I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

It's amazing what you can find when Googling "splinter in my butt" but none of it was useful. Doctor laughed, looked at it, coudn't see anything but a red bump, even after making an incision. "Must be deep" he said, and "at least now it has room to come out". Four days later it's still in there and it's still a pain in the butt.
Old 06-02-15, 10:52 PM
  #2  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Formerly known as Groucho AND Bandoman/Death Moans, Iowa
Posts: 17,074
Received 9 Likes on 5 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

How did you get a splinter in the butt?
Old 06-02-15, 11:00 PM
  #3  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Hokeyboy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Fort Lauderdale, FL
Posts: 19,098
Received 13 Likes on 10 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

Switch to a fiberglass paddle. Made life a breeze for all of us at the farm.
Old 06-02-15, 11:09 PM
  #4  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Shazam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Canuckistan
Posts: 10,027
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

Get a friend to suck it out with his mouth.
Old 06-02-15, 11:10 PM
  #5  
DVD Talk Gold Edition
 
rbrown498's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,443
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

Check out the first one of these hella-old life hacks, replacing the word "hand" with "butt cheek."
Old 06-02-15, 11:50 PM
  #6  
DVD Talk Hero
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 30,143
Received 8 Likes on 5 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

Originally Posted by majorjoe23 View Post
How did you get a splinter in the butt?
I told the Dominatrix to use the whip or the leather paddle, not the 2 x 4, but she never listens!

Seriously, I was dragging my butt across my patio applying stain/wood protector with a paint brush and a piece of wood went through my jeans into my butt. I pulled it out, but a small piece must have broken off and stayed in there.
Old 06-02-15, 11:52 PM
  #7  
DVD Talk Hero
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 30,143
Received 8 Likes on 5 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

Originally Posted by rbrown498 View Post
Check out the first one of these hella-old life hacks, replacing the word "hand" with "butt cheek."

Thanks. All I need now is to hop into a time machine back to 1910 and find a wide mouthed bottle.
Old 06-02-15, 11:53 PM
  #8  
DVD Talk Hero
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 30,143
Received 8 Likes on 5 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

Originally Posted by Shazam View Post
Get a friend to suck it out with his mouth.
Hi Shazam, my name is eXcentris, would you like to be my friend?
Old 06-02-15, 11:56 PM
  #9  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Shazam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Canuckistan
Posts: 10,027
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

I can't remember if it's you or NDP that's the good looking French Canadian dude.
Old 06-03-15, 12:28 AM
  #10  
Suspended
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Earth
Posts: 3,876
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

Pretend you've climaxed, light a cigarette and tell it he's the best you've ever had. It will slide right out.
Old 06-03-15, 12:46 AM
  #11  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Abob Teff's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Not necessarily Formerly known as Solid Snake
Posts: 20,868
Received 30 Likes on 26 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

By "splinter" do you mean another man's penis?

Good thing it's not an Otter splinter. Those things are 12 inches long, minimum.

Old 06-03-15, 12:47 AM
  #12  
DVD Talk Hero
 
Josh-da-man's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: The Bible Belt
Posts: 31,692
Received 21 Likes on 16 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

Maybe it's an alien implant.
Old 06-03-15, 01:16 AM
  #13  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Sonic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 1999
Posts: 18,319
Likes: 0
Received 1 Like on 1 Post
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

It definitely sounds like you was abducted after the incident then probed and left with an alien tracking device.

Old 06-03-15, 02:48 AM
  #14  
DVD Talk Hall of Fame
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: San Diego,CA
Posts: 7,935
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

Don't worry about it.
In a week or so when it creates a nice, juicy boil from infection, you can go back to your doctor for him to dig out and leave a giant hole next to your other one. Just remember to take someone along with you to record it for YouTube like all the other cyst/boil videos.
Old 06-03-15, 06:24 AM
  #15  
DVD Talk Legend
 
astrochimp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 17,788
Likes: 0
Received 1 Like on 1 Post
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

Sounds like lupus.
Old 06-03-15, 06:35 AM
  #16  
TGM
DVD Talk Legend
 
TGM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 15,849
Received 17 Likes on 14 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

go buy some ichthammol ointment, you can get it at any pharmacy, apply it to the splinter, and cover it with a band-aid. it's a drawing salve, so as it recedes it should pull the splinter out with it.

also, don't be such a dumbass again in the future.
Old 06-03-15, 06:41 AM
  #17  
DVD Talk Legend & 2019 TOTY Winner
 
Bacon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: the 870
Posts: 21,264
Received 2 Likes on 2 Posts
It's a toomah
Old 06-03-15, 08:14 AM
  #18  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Formerly known as Groucho AND Bandoman/Death Moans, Iowa
Posts: 17,074
Received 9 Likes on 5 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

Maybe you just really need to poo.
Old 06-03-15, 09:15 AM
  #19  
Needs to Contact Admin about multiple accounts
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Winston Salem, NC
Posts: 2,806
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

Really? 18 posts and noone has said it.,...c'mon Otters

" have someone pee on/in it"
Old 06-03-15, 10:12 AM
  #20  
Enormous Genitals
 
Bandoman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: a small cottage on a cul de sac in the lower pits of hell.
Posts: 33,249
Received 1 Like on 1 Post
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

Originally Posted by TGM View Post
go buy some ichthammol ointment, you can get it at any pharmacy, apply it to the splinter, and cover it with a band-aid. it's a drawing salve, so as it recedes it should pull the splinter out with it.
Giving treatment advice without even seeing the patient? Don't you need a CT scan first?

also, don't be such a dumbass again in the future.
Or, more accurately, don't be a slide-ass.
Old 06-03-15, 10:26 AM
  #21  
Admin-MemeCat
 
VinVega's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Caught between the moon and NYC
Posts: 31,849
Received 23 Likes on 10 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

Throw some Tussin on it.
Old 06-03-15, 11:08 AM
  #22  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Posts: 16,173
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

you crazy Canadians, sliding your ass on the deck, what will you think up next

I had a long splinter go into my leg once, I pulled it out, and a piece broke off (very similar to yours, but in my leg not my ass). I went to the doc, he cut it open a little more right there in his office, couldn't see or find anything, told me not to worry about it and only come back if it starts to look infected.

It hurt and/or felt odd for a while, then I didn't notice it anymore, but it scabbed over nicely. About 3 months later, the splinter came to the surface and I could pull it out with tweezers.

so I would go with TGM's advice

http://www.amazon.com/Drawing-Salve-.../dp/B003MC907W
Old 06-03-15, 11:36 AM
  #23  
DVD Talk Hero
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 30,143
Received 8 Likes on 5 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

3 months later??? Sheesh...

And ichthammol ointment? Sounds like something I'd get from the apothecary (or Gandalf).

Friend of mine concurs about the lazy part. He said: "That's why you do this work on your knees you lazy bastard".
Old 06-03-15, 11:41 AM
  #24  
DVD Talk Hero
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 30,143
Received 8 Likes on 5 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

"Ships from and sold by Pet-Source."

"Ichthammol Ointment is a popular water soluble emollient for horse's skin."

Old 06-03-15, 12:30 PM
  #25  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Posts: 16,173
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: I have a splinter in my left ass cheek, how do I take it out?

What?? You think you are better than a dog or horse?

I didn't even notice that in my link

http://www.amazon.com/Rite-Aid-Salve...ammol+Ointment

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Copyright 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.