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Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

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Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

Old 05-31-15, 12:44 PM
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Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

Tito and Amanda Watts were arrested over the weekend for selling “golden tickets to heaven” to*hundreds of people. The couple, who sold the tickets on the street for $99.99 per ticket,*told buyers the*tickets were made from*solid gold and each ticket*reserved the buyer a spot in heaven — simply present the ticket*at the pearly gates and you’re in.

“People can sell tickets to heaven,” a Jacksonville police spokesman said. “But the Watts misrepresented*their product. The tickets were just wood spray painted gold with ‘Ticket To Heaven – Admit One’ written in marker. You can’t sell something as gold when it’s not. That’s where the Watts crossed the line into doing something illegal.”

Tito Watts said in his police statement:

I don’t care what the police say. The tickets are solid gold… it ain’t cut up two by fours I*spray painted gold. And it was Jesus who give them to me behind*the KFC*and said to sell them so I could get me some money to go to outer space. I met an alien named Stevie*who said if I got the cash together he’d take me and my wife*on his flying saucer to his planet that’s made entirely of crack cocaine. You can smoke all the crack cocaine there you want… totally free. So, try to send an innocent man*to jail and*see what happens.*You should arrest Jesus because he’s the one that gave me the golden tickets and said to sell them. I’m willing to wear a wire and set Jesus up…

Amanda Watts said in her police statement:

We just wanted to leave earth and go to space and smoke rock cocaine.*I didn’t do nothing. Tito sold the golden*tickets to heaven. I just watched.

Police said they confiscated over $10,000 in cash, five crack pipes and a baby alligator.


http://stuppid.com/arrested-selling-...ickets-heaven/

Old 05-31-15, 01:43 PM
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Re: Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

After they published the story, the Jacksonville Sun Times realized that they had fallen for an April Fools Joke.

http://jacksonville.suntimes.com/jax...ickets-heaven/

But it still went viral.
Old 05-31-15, 04:12 PM
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Re: Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

Oops. This is what happens when you fire the fact checkers as a cost reduction.
Old 05-31-15, 04:24 PM
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Re: Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

Who would have been stupid enough to buy these anyhow?

(P.S. I have 2 left.. PM me if interested).
Old 05-31-15, 05:01 PM
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Re: Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

What happens if you leave home without your golden ticket and something happens to you? Are you shit out of luck or just locked out of heaven?
Old 05-31-15, 06:26 PM
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Re: Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

Didn't we have a thread on this already?
Old 05-31-15, 06:43 PM
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Re: Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

Originally Posted by Solid Snake View Post
Didn't we have a thread on this already?
Yes, we did, back on 4/2.
Old 05-31-15, 07:53 PM
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Re: Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

... and again on 4/20.

Welcome to modern media ... We just report on what we read somebody else reporting.

I know this is fake, but ... Take out the part about misrepresenting the tickets as gold, and how would this be any different than what some organized religions do?

One more thing, a baby alligator?
Old 05-31-15, 07:56 PM
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Re: Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

Originally Posted by General Zod View Post
Who would have been stupid enough to buy these anyhow?

(P.S. I have 2 left.. PM me if interested).
The same people stupid enough to report it without doing any fact checking.
Old 05-31-15, 08:05 PM
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Re: Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

I would rather use Eddie Money's and go to paradise.
Old 06-01-15, 02:12 PM
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Re: Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

I knew it was fake when Jesus was hanging out at the KFC.

Everyone knows the Son of God is a Popeyes man.
Old 06-01-15, 02:19 PM
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Re: Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

Originally Posted by General Zod View Post
Who would have been stupid enough to buy these anyhow?

(P.S. I have 2 left.. PM me if interested).
You see that's where there's money to be made...on the secondary heaven ticket market.
Old 06-01-15, 05:41 PM
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Re: Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

Originally Posted by Shannon Nutt View Post
I knew it was fake when Jesus was hanging out at the KFC.

Everyone knows the Son of God is a Popeyes man.
That would be a revelation to Chick-Fil-A.
Old 06-01-15, 06:40 PM
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Re: Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

Originally Posted by General Zod View Post
Who would have been stupid enough to buy these anyhow?

(P.S. I have 2 left.. PM me if interested).
Originally Posted by VinVega View Post
You see that's where there's money to be made...on the secondary heaven ticket market.
Zod, do you accept PayPal?
Old 06-01-15, 06:46 PM
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Re: Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

99 bucks?!

Old 06-01-15, 07:36 PM
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Re: Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

Originally Posted by Shannon Nutt View Post
I knew it was fake when Jesus was hanging out at the KFC.

Everyone knows the Son of God is a Popeyes man.
Mojo Nixon saw Jesus at McDonalds.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/FOlJhe7XQAI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Old 06-01-15, 07:55 PM
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Re: Couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven

Who needs that when I already purchased a bunch of indulgences from the church? Suckers!
Old 06-02-15, 12:23 AM
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As I work in Hell, I have to hope that Heaven exists. Otherwise my brain might shut itself off. Maybe Heaven is a place full of fresh 35mm and 70mm prints and intellectuals who have stimulating conversations? Like Tomorrowland, only with a better screenplay? The place where Kind of Blue was made?

So even if you're a believer in this kind of thing, why would you assume some random people have tickets which will take you there ? And yes, I know that the answer is that the story is made up. You'd think that you could at least print the tickets on fancy paper or laminate them or something. Like my prom tickets, you know? Or maybe make them shiny or write Latin on them or something? At least make them look cool.

If you want me to spend $100 on something, you'd best have strong evidence that it's worth my money. I mean, I'm stupid, but....

Then again, I spend money on Rogaine that doesn't work, so what do I know?

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