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Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

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Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Old 03-09-15, 03:49 PM
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Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

She tells me she is unhappy and doesn't think either one of us is trying anymore. Our sex life is just about dead. To put things in perspective, I work 40 hours a week (as does she), and I do all the chores at home (laundry, cleaning, dishes, paying bills). She hardly even spends time with our kids (ages 3 and 9), and is constantly on her cell phone. I mean, ALL the time. So I don't necessarily feel very affectionate towards someone who refuses to help me at home, refuses counseling (I have suggested this for us), is absolutely addicted to her phone, and so forth. She won't even pick her laundry up off the floor. She just throws it down and leaves it until the cat pees all over it, at which point I take care of it because I don't want urine soaked clothes around my kids.

I suppose I just don't get what women expect anymore. To be treated like royalty and have no fucking responsibilities whatsoever?

I should also mention that she is more and more frequently going out to bars with her friends, while I stay home and take care of the kids. And she ends up blowing all of our money.
Old 03-09-15, 03:52 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Smells like divorce.
Old 03-09-15, 04:00 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

If you could walk on water ......

Did you ask her to hold onto you?

Seriously, though, sorry you are going through this ... my wife has been acting somewhat the same, and I can see the end nearing as well
Old 03-09-15, 04:00 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Be strong and do the right thing. Don't hold on to something that is beyond repair. Nothing worse than kids having to be around parents that are miserable around each other.
Old 03-09-15, 04:01 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Ugh. I feel for you. Was in a similar situation with my first wife. Kids were 6 and 9 at the time. Like you I did everything I could to keep everything going and work it out.
In the end, my opinion didn't matter and she filed for divorce. Looking back I should have left much earlier, but I fought the good fight for too many years (staunch Christianity didn't help matters).
Maybe a good time for an ultimatum. Things won't be so carefree when she's divorced on a single income without a free live-in sitter and maid to help out. Facing that, maybe she'll reconsider how she's living.
But if there's no love there, what's the point anyway?
Old 03-09-15, 04:03 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

I guess the thought of us divorcing and not having my kids is the worst part for me. My stepson has been with me since he was 3 (he's 10 now), and I wouldn't even have legal rights to him if she left.
Old 03-09-15, 04:10 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Does she have someone on the side? Not that you know, but could she? It's been my experience, more with women than men, that (except in cases of abuse) they will leave, or threaten to leave only if they have another viable option.
Old 03-09-15, 04:12 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by slop101 View Post
Does she have someone on the side? Not that you know, but could she? It's been my experience, more with women than men, that (except in cases of abuse) they will leave, or threaten to leave only if they have another viable option.
No, no one that would know about. She acts like she shouldn't be required to do anything and just be showered with affection all the time. I don't understand this mindset. Too much fucking Grey's Anatomy?
Old 03-09-15, 04:13 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by EddieMoney View Post
I guess the thought of us divorcing and not having my kids is the worst part for me. My stepson has been with me since he was 3 (he's 10 now), and I wouldn't even have legal rights to him if she left.
Did he age a year in a day . Or, is he a third kid you didn't mention above?

Either way, do what you feel is best for the kids - ultimately, it should be about them first and foremost. Unfortunately, your wife seems to be a bit self-absorbed from the behavior you described, never a good trait in a parent.
Old 03-09-15, 04:14 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by van der graaf View Post
Did he age a year in a day . Or, is he a third kid you didn't mention above?

Either way, do what you feel is best for the kids - ultimately, it should be about them first and foremost. Unfortunately, your wife seems to be a bit self-absorbed from the behavior you described, never a good trait in a parent.
No, my stepson is 9 and my daughter is 3. Whoops, he'll be 10 in a few months.
Old 03-09-15, 04:17 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

The going out and phone addiction makes me think she has met someone (or someones) on the side. Huge red flag. I would seriously check her phone so you know for sure.
Old 03-09-15, 04:17 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

She sounds like a friend of mines sister in law. Married with 5 kids and all she wants to do now is go out and get drunk with her friends. This is what happens to people when they settle down too young, they feel like they lost out on their youth and want too catch up by forgeting they have all these responsibilities.
Old 03-09-15, 04:18 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by DeputyDave View Post
The going out and phone addiction makes me think she has met someone (or someones) on the side. Huge red flag. I would seriously check her phone so you know for sure.
Could be, although the phone addiction has been going on for about two years now.
Old 03-09-15, 04:20 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by inri222 View Post
She sounds like a friend of mines sister in law. Married with 5 kids and all she wants to do now is go out and get drunk with her friends. This is what happens to people when they settle down too young, they feel like they lost out on their youth and want too catch up by forgeting they have all these responsibilities.
This is probably pretty accurate. She had my stepson when she was 22, so she has had children for ten years now. Even though she was 28 when we got married, she probably feels she lost a lot of time in her early twenties due to parental responsibilities.
Old 03-09-15, 04:22 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Eddie, didn't you mention awhile back that she was having some mental/emotional issues? Are they coming to a head?
Old 03-09-15, 04:25 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by DVD Josh View Post
Eddie, didn't you mention awhile back that she was having some mental/emotional issues? Are they coming to a head?

They could be. Perhaps she has plateaued on her antidepressants. I have no idea. She won't talk to me about it and she won't seek help. These things would take away precious Facebook time.
Old 03-09-15, 04:26 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Could be bad influences for her social circles (I'm assuming your friends and her's don't really overlap).
Old 03-09-15, 04:28 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by covenant View Post
Maybe a good time for an ultimatum. Things won't be so carefree when she's divorced on a single income without a free live-in sitter and maid to help out. Facing that, maybe she'll reconsider how she's living.
But if there's no love there, what's the point anyway?
I agree that an ultimatum could be a good idea. She may be done with the marriage, but that might not be the same thing as being divorced on her own. She needs to face that reality. But yeah, it may not make one bit of difference in the end.

Sorry you're going through this.
Old 03-09-15, 04:28 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by slop101 View Post
Could be bad influences for her social circles (I'm assuming your friends and her's don't really overlap).
Heck no, they don't overlap. I only have a few friends. I spend most of my time taking care of my kids.
Old 03-09-15, 04:29 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Who is she on the phone with all that time? Who is it that she can't live without? Can you talk to some of them? Does she have any friends or family members who might sympathize with you?

Sounds to me like she needs professional help. Hopefully there are phone addiction therapists emerging to deal with this phenomenon.
Old 03-09-15, 04:33 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

It is time to take action soon. The longer you wait, the worse it will get and you will regret that you did not act sooner.
Old 03-09-15, 04:37 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

How was she before you guys got married?
Old 03-09-15, 04:38 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

She's already checked out. Nothing to salvage here. Rip the band aid off and just face the inevitable. At least that will give you some sense of control.
Old 03-09-15, 04:41 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Based on your brief statements, it sounds like she has emotionally checked out of the marriage. The phone behavior is troubling but many, many women of a certain age are heavily into checking Facebook and the like constantly on their smartphones. It becomes an addiction for them.

I don't know if an ultimatum would work with her or not.
Old 03-09-15, 04:43 PM
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re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by DeputyDave View Post
The going out and phone addiction makes me think she has met someone (or someones) on the side. Huge red flag. I would seriously check her phone so you know for sure.
I would definitely agree with this. I would be very surprised if she hasn't cheated. I don't say it to be mean, but the signs are all there. I wish you all the best.

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