cultshock

Holy fuck that's depressing.

Alan Smithee

Why I'm glad I didn't get married:

printerati

Fixed.

Trevor

^

wishbone

Alan Smithee

Hey, at least she'd be telling me exactly how to do it! But that's about ALL she'd want me to do!

Abob Teff

Other than the fact that they look like a mother-son combo ... Looks worth it. Assuming sex on the couch isn't too dirty for her.

JasonF

Update: I'm done!

If you've followed this thread, or some of my others, my ex left in spring of 2014. The reasons were varied, but they boil down to "she was unhappy with her life." So she moved out -- ostensibly to figure out who she wanted to be and whether she could be that person and still be married to me. In hindsight, I think it was really just a test run for her new guy, with me as an escape hatch if things didn't work out. She strung me along for a few months, and in July 2014 we filed.

Anyway, they did work out for her and her guy. But she was getting alimony and she dragged things out. Then, once I figured out she was living with her guy, I started trying to get documentation of her living arrangements (no alimony if you're living with another dude), and she stonewalled. That went on for an insanely long time, until finally in fall of 2016, we started talking about settlement. Long story short, she agreed to a significantly reduced alimony for a very short period of time and I agreed to stop pushing for information about her boyfriend.

The punchline of the story is that we signed the settlement agreement right before Thanksgiving and her boyfriend dropped dead two weeks later! Mid 40s and he had a stroke and died! I don't necessarily believe in karma, and on one level I feel bad for her, but I can't help but laugh.

Anyway, we went in front of the judge in December and got our order entered; it's been just over 30 days, so neither of us can now appeal. So it's official! I am no longer married!

(I also started dating about six or eight months after we separated, so I've been happily in a relationship for about two years, but that's a whole 'another story).

Anyway, to any of you (man or woman) going through a divorce, my advice to you is this: you will be OK. Let go of your ex, let go of your anger, resentment, hatred, whatever, and just move on with your life. If they left you, if you left them, either way -- leave them in the rear view and build a good life for yourself going forward.

Music

You're not EddieMoney...

TheMovieman

Or is he?

Norm de Plume

Good for you finally being unburdened of that noisome ballast, Jason. She has reaped what she sowed.

Ky-Fi

Not to minimize anyone's grief or loss, but

JasonF upon hearing that news :

JasonF

Pretty much! Actually, my big fear was that she'd try to back out of our settlement agreement, so I've kind of been holding my breath until the appeals period ran.

TGM

that was quite the M. Night twist! Yay for uncontrolled hypertension!

Bandoman

Way to go, JasonF!

Kurt D

Un-be-lievable! Glad that chapter of your life is done, and hate to say 'sucks to be your ex', but, well ...

Abob Teff

Congrats Jason! I still find your story unusually strange for someone with no kids, but then the legal system is messed up.

FiveO

Good to hear Jason. You're thoughts about just letting go and moving on are very important. Don't let the other person bring you down emotionally or financially. Build a new life and be happy.

Sdallnct

What state are you in?

Abob Teff

A state of great relief (now).

TomOpus

If his location is correct, it says Washington D.C.

davidh777

Congrats, JasonF!

Weird Game of Thrones twist there, but I was afraid you were going to say you had taken her back, so I'm glad THAT didn't happen.

Troy Stiffler

This has always fascinated me. What keeps one relationship from taking the same direction as a previous relationship? I see so many people do that. They end one relationship and then end up in a very similar relationship with very similar people.

I know we can always gather around the one-sided interpretations posted here. That bitch! But ending a relationship isn't a one-sided thing. So I stay skeptical of (and maybe learn from) everything I read in this thread. From the other person's perspective, you guys might be terrible people.

JasonF

Yeah, it was incredibly frustrating. Like you say, we had no kids, and our assets aren't even particularly complex (bank accounts, 401(k)s, and the like -- the most complex thing we had to divide was the equity in our condo).

Early on, she was delaying because I was looking for a job and if we had just divorced then, she would not have gotten any alimony because I was unemployed. Then once I got a job, we started moving forward. Then I found out about the boyfriend and I started digging in to trying to get the evidence for that, which took time. And then she stonewalled and the judge let her because judges are busy and don't care about discovery disputes. The disputes need to be incredibly egregious before a judge will actually put his or her foot down; instead, they keep telling you "go away, work it out, and come back in six or eight weeks to give me a status update." You have to repeat that two or three times before the stonewalling party will actually feel consequences.

So yeah, it took way too long but if the two parties aren't in agreement and there's any factual issues (in my case, whether she was cohabitating with a boyfriend), it's pretty usual for things to get dragged out like this.

JasonF

We filed in Illinois (Cook County, aka Chicago) since that's where we lived when we split. She moved away when she left and I moved about a year later when I got a new job. Which actually confused our judge -- he almost threw the case out at the end since neither of us lived in Illinois any more and he thought he didn't have jurisdiction, but my lawyer showed him the statute and pointed out that since I was an Illinois resident at the time of filing, he had jurisdiction.