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Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Old 05-25-16, 11:24 AM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

I take it none of you experienced corporal punishment?
Old 05-25-16, 11:25 AM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by EddieMoney View Post
I took pictures to document it. If anything like it happens again, I'm calling someone, either the cops or CPS. It did indeed leave a bruise, and my daughter said she flicked her very hard. Worst part is, she says she doesn't even know why, that she didn't say anything bad. She probably told her "No" to something, and my ex thinks the best way to deal with that is a face flick.

That's the daughter's version.
Your wife might have another.
Old 05-25-16, 11:35 AM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by wearetheborg View Post
I take it none of you experienced corporal punishment?
My mom slapped my face. It was never enough to leave a bruise.
Old 05-25-16, 11:40 AM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by Nick Danger View Post
My mom slapped my face. It was never enough to leave a bruise.
Flicking involves less energy, but concentrated on a smaller surface area.

Anyone experience a switch?
Old 05-25-16, 11:47 AM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by FiveO View Post
Report it now....do not wait.

Get it on file, get the responsibility off of your back and put it on the police and or social services.

If they choose not to followup then at least you did what you could to keep your daughter safe.

Months from now the first question asked will be "Why didn't you report the first incident?".
This. If you don't report it, you bring your own fitness as a parent into question.
Old 05-25-16, 12:17 PM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Do I contact CPS or the police? I obviously don't want to make this traumatic for my daughter, or to have her mother retaliate against her in some way.
Old 05-25-16, 01:08 PM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by EddieMoney View Post
Do I contact CPS or the police? I obviously don't want to make this traumatic for my daughter, or to have her mother retaliate against her in some way.
You're worried about possible retaliation, but your Ex is already mistreating her. Worry about what's already happening (or what may have already happened that you don't know about) first.

Since you don't seem to want to prosecute, I'd say CPS (or its equivalent). If they feel it rises to the level of a crime instead of a parenting issue, they'll notify the police. If I was on patrol and responded to what you described, my first call would be to our equivalent of child services anyway.

I don't know about your state, but in many you (as a parent) have an affirmative legal duty to notify the authorities if you have cause to believe there's physical abuse, and you could be criminally punished for not doing so.
Old 05-25-16, 01:41 PM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

I wouldn't report it. Even if there's an affirmative duty to report if you believe there is child abuse, I think this is way too small and isolated and questionable for you to be subject to that duty. Moreover, your daughter is very young, and her version can't really be trusted. I would document it, yes, with pictures and whatever else, and I would certainly keep my eyes open for future issues.
Old 05-25-16, 01:52 PM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by LurkerDan View Post
I wouldn't report it. Even if there's an affirmative duty to report if you believe there is child abuse, I think this is way too small and isolated and questionable for you to be subject to that duty. Moreover, your daughter is very young, and her version can't really be trusted. I would document it, yes, with pictures and whatever else, and I would certainly keep my eyes open for future issues.
I sort of agree. Once you call CPS, that is a door you can never close again. Make sure you are ready if you do.
Old 05-25-16, 02:05 PM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by stingermck View Post
I sort of agree. Once you call CPS, that is a door you can never close again. Make sure you are ready if you do.
It certainly creates more headaches. I'll admit that. But you've got bruising that one set of third parties has already noticed. The child has said the mom inflicted it. Eddie is aware of it. If somebody else notices it and reports it, it will be investigated, and that lack of action comes back on Eddie as well. If something worse happens down the road, and CPS finds out that he's ignored prior incidents, that comes back on Eddie. Potentially both from a custody perspective and from a criminal perspective.

Taking pictures to document is a great idea, but if you then do nothing, those pictures will also serve as proof that he knew and didn't report it.

The best answer is if Eddie has an attorney who knows his state's laws, he should contact them to figure out his exposure, instead of taking our advice.
Old 05-25-16, 02:24 PM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Fuuuck. What a mess. I guess I'll contact my lawyer and see what he says.
Old 05-25-16, 03:11 PM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by FiveO View Post
Report it now....do not wait.

Get it on file, get the responsibility off of your back and put it on the police and or social services.

If they choose not to followup then at least you did what you could to keep your daughter safe.

Months from now the first question asked will be "Why didn't you report the first incident?".
Bolded part was my first thought. If it is bad enough to document via photos, presumably so that you can use them as evidence in the future, that begs the question of why you took photos but did not report it now. I can appreciate that you don't want to open that can of worms, but unless you feel your daughter is lying or exaggerating to play you against each other, you should report it now. I would then contact your attorney and explain that you want to deny visitation to your ex until the issue is resolved, ask him to advise you on how to proceed. Don't arbitrarily withhold custody, but take immediate action through the proper channels. Good luck.
Old 05-25-16, 03:13 PM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Eddie - have you considered asking your Ex what happened? I assume that you have to be on contact with her to coordinate your daughter's time with each other, etc.
Old 05-25-16, 04:42 PM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by Bandoman View Post
Eddie - have you considered asking your Ex what happened? I assume that you have to be on contact with her to coordinate your daughter's time with each other, etc.
This is actually the route I would go first. Kids get bruises. I would mention it to your ex (in a non-accusatory manner) and see what she says.

Originally Posted by Shoveler View Post
Bolded part was my first thought. If it is bad enough to document via photos, presumably so that you can use them as evidence in the future, that begs the question of why you took photos but did not report it now. I can appreciate that you don't want to open that can of worms, but unless you feel your daughter is lying or exaggerating to play you against each other, you should report it now. I would then contact your attorney and explain that you want to deny visitation to your ex until the issue is resolved, ask him to advise you on how to proceed. Don't arbitrarily withhold custody, but take immediate action through the proper channels. Good luck.
It's not that hard to explain. "I saw the small bruise and my daughter told me [X]. I asked my wife and she said [Y], and I have not seen any previous abuse, so I took her statement at face value. However, I felt unsure about the whole thing, so I documented it, in case there were further instances."

Don't see how that would get him into trouble. Still, CaptainMarvel's advice about him contacting his lawyer is good.
Old 05-26-16, 08:55 AM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by LurkerDan View Post
This is actually the route I would go first. Kids get bruises. I would mention it to your ex (in a non-accusatory manner) and see what she says.



It's not that hard to explain. "I saw the small bruise and my daughter told me [X]. I asked my wife and she said [Y], and I have not seen any previous abuse, so I took her statement at face value. However, I felt unsure about the whole thing, so I documented it, in case there were further instances."

Don't see how that would get him into trouble. Still, CaptainMarvel's advice about him contacting his lawyer is good.
This is actually what I did. He said to just mention it to her, which I did, and she said she had no idea, that it must have happened at school.

Last night while I was giving her a bath and she told me that her mother yells bad words at them and that her mom hit her brother. So, sounds like this has been an issue.
Old 05-26-16, 09:42 AM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by Bandoman View Post
Eddie - have you considered asking your Ex what happened? I assume that you have to be on contact with her to coordinate your daughter's time with each other, etc.
Exactly what i thought. I would talk to her and ask her what happened. Sounds like she will act like a bitch when asked about it, so I would let her know that you have taken photos and spoken to your lawyer about it and that if she did in fact hurt her daughter and does so again that you will take this much further and get either the police of child protective services involved.
Old 05-26-16, 11:16 AM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

See the post above yours James.

I have in-laws who thought it was a good idea to thump their kids on the ear as a form of discipline. It didn't work. By the time I heard about it, they had moved on from that tactic. Not sure what they do now.
Old 05-26-16, 11:40 AM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

What concerns me is that your daughter says she does not know WHY she got the flick. She may be lying, to not admit she misbehaved, or, she really might not know why she was punished.

Discipline without explanation is emotionally abusive.
Old 05-26-16, 11:43 AM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

By the way, I was just reading through all the old posts in this thread, and really realize how fucking miserable I was. Jesus, what a fucked up existence I had.
Old 05-26-16, 11:47 AM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by Mrs. Danger View Post
What concerns me is that your daughter says she does not know WHY she got the flick. She may be lying, to not admit she misbehaved, or, she really might not know why she was punished.

Discipline without explanation is emotionally abusive.
Yeah, I'm not sure. She said she wasn't doing anything bad, so she doesn't know why she was flicked. She tends to be honest with me about everything, so I can't really know what the circumstances are. She said it happened while they were in the boyfriend's truck, so she may have said something about him. I know she doesn't like him very much, or at least resent the situation a bit as the boyfriend moved in with them less than two months after everything was finalized. I'm not sure. I never go more than a few days without seeing her, so I told her if anything like that happens again, to tell me right away.
Old 05-26-16, 12:05 PM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

What did she flick her with a sledgehammer?
Old 05-26-16, 12:50 PM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Fake fingernails that are hard as rock.
Old 05-26-16, 02:38 PM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Originally Posted by wearetheborg View Post
Flicking involves less energy, but concentrated on a smaller surface area.

Anyone experience a switch?
Old 05-27-16, 06:49 AM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)

Adrian Petersen is a switch?

You've experienced him?!?
Old 07-18-16, 11:30 PM
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Re: Pretty sure wife wants to leave... (and she's gone)


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