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Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

Old 11-20-14, 11:50 AM
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Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

I know that many of you - like me - work for medium to large companies and probably get hit over the head with silly memos about this or that around the office.

It usually goes like this: Employee (whom you never learn the name of) complains about "x" to manager.

Manager sends out memo telling everyone to refrain from "x".

Laughter and finger pointing around the office ensues.

As an example, here's a goofy notice we got from our manager this morning. I give it to you verbatim:

I am asking that we keep perfume and cologne to a minimum. This includes heavily-scented lotions and other similar products. Strong scents can lead to migraines and allergy flare-ups for those who have sensitivity to it.
Now, I have no idea who complained about this, nor who is dousing themselves with perfume around the office (those following my speed dating thread know that women don't get that close to me lately!)...but this was just about the funniest thing sent out to the staff all year. I volunteered to stop using soap and deodorant if it will help the unnamed employee avoid distractions. I also chimed in with a "it puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again" comment, which - naturally - nobody got.

So what's the oddest/weirdest/dumbest thing you've ever gotten in a memo at work?
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Old 11-20-14, 12:06 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

I actually have a problem with strong colognes & perfumes as some people take showers in it and stink up the entire office. There is an employee who sits near me that pours on the cologne on days he cheats on his wife...I will always get a bad headache when he does.
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Old 11-20-14, 12:15 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

This is a pretty common issue. Many people are nose-blind and thusly douse themselves with Chanel No5 or whatever the hell they use these days.
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Old 11-20-14, 12:16 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

I used to be in the cube next to a woman who would take a bath in the worst smelling stuff every day.

I had to buy a fan to blow her stench back in her direction.

Seems like a good memo and policy to me.
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Old 11-20-14, 12:17 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

I'll play. My submission comes in two parts, and they just made me laugh. I don't work in the location in question but we get memos for that office all the time.

Tuesday: TITLE: Sliding Glass Doors
All,
We are continuing to have major issues with the sliding glass doors particularity on floors [yyy].
A technician will be onsite to assess the situation, fix what he can and order parts for those doors that need additional repair.
If you are on a floor experiencing sliding glass door issues please use the side doors.
Do not attempt to open manually!"

One Month Later: TITLE: Sliding Glass Doors
The glass doors on floors [yyy] are SLIDING doors.
In order to access [company] space you need to swipe your [company] badge.
In order to exit [company] space you need to push the exit button.
There is a slight delay……however…..
If they do not open ..do not push on them…use a side door and send a note to the facilities group!
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Old 11-20-14, 12:42 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

Originally Posted by Jaymole View Post
I actually have a problem with strong colognes & perfumes as some people take showers in it and stink up the entire office. There is an employee who sits near me that pours on the cologne on days he cheats on his wife...I will always get a bad headache when he does.
So you're the one!

Trust me when I say there's no one in our office who douses themselves in perfume. I've been in enough movie theaters and/or churches to know you can smell that stuff a mile away.

Regardless, I've never been in a work environment where someone actually complained to management about it - "actual" problem or not...so we got a good laugh out of this.
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Old 11-20-14, 12:53 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

^somewhat related. I worked with a woman who had no sense of smell, but was seriously allergic to certain types of flowers. So when someone would get flowers delivered to the office (birthdays, babies, whatever), she'd start to lose her breath, etc. I felt really bad for her, because it would get REALLY bad before she realized why she was reacting.

Last edited by Dan; 11-20-14 at 01:06 PM.
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Old 11-20-14, 01:21 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

Oh I used to sit next to a woman who would wear the strongest, flowery perfume... I almost said something to HR...

I dreaded coming into work - my head would be humming all day long.
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Old 11-20-14, 01:29 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

We got a memo from HR about keeping the restrooms neat between cleanings. Apparently it turned into a free-for-all with clogged toilets and paper strewn about floor -- men's and women's restrooms. This pertained to a branch office but all offices in our area were included in the memo.
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Old 11-20-14, 01:35 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

"ATTN: EddieMoney. Please tape your schlong to your leg. You are distracting all of our female employees."
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Old 11-20-14, 01:39 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

Originally Posted by CPA-ESQ. View Post
Oh I used to sit next to a woman who would wear the strongest, flowery perfume... I almost said something to HR...

I dreaded coming into work - my head would be humming all day long.
I've had work comp claims arise out of odoriferous people. Also had safety come in to make sure ventilation was fixed. And then HR gets involved.

Usually there are three types of smelly employees: (1) the ethnics that can't mask their flavor (2) the over-perfumed and (3) the smokers.

We also have memos constantly reminding the company about the use of incense and/or candles (which is a no no) and unattended microwaved popcorn.

The best one was an email blast about the female lavatory and to flush their poop. I kept thinking, "but women don't poop." I guess they're just as bad as the guys (or we're more tolerant.)
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Old 11-20-14, 01:43 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

During a really hot summer, a guy sent a mail out to remind everyone to drink enough water and to check the color of their urine to make sure they were staying hydrated. Clear urine is good, dark yellow or orange urine is bad! And this was an indoor retail job.

He caught a lot of flak for that one for a week or so.

Last edited by Matt; 11-20-14 at 01:58 PM.
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Old 11-20-14, 02:26 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

Originally Posted by Shazam View Post
This is a pretty common issue. Many people are nose-blind and thusly douse themselves with Chanel No5 or whatever the hell they use these days.
One thing that happens is that a woman will get perfume and use it every day. But the way our sense of smell works is that constant exposure to a particular scent will render our sense of smell blind to that scent, so someone will tend to use more and more perfume or cologne.
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Old 11-20-14, 02:32 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

I was working another site, when I saw a posted memo about some really picky thing about uniforms or something generic like that. Then I noticed the date of the memo: September 11, 2001. I was thinking "wow, all that was going on that day, and THIS was what management was concerned with..."
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Old 11-20-14, 04:26 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

This: http://gawker.com/5951265/witness-on...r-kombucha-tea
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Old 11-20-14, 04:33 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

Originally Posted by Paff View Post
I was working another site, when I saw a posted memo about some really picky thing about uniforms or something generic like that. Then I noticed the date of the memo: September 11, 2001. I was thinking "wow, all that was going on that day, and THIS was what management was concerned with..."
That reminds me of a story I've probably told here before.

I work in a major trauma center that has some responsibilities in regional preparations for major events. One day, one of our nurses wrote a note in our pass down memo book that it would be a good idea for everyone to review the disaster policies because we never knew when we would get "the big one". The date of her note? September 10th, 2001
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Old 11-20-14, 06:40 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

Ephesians 4:28

He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need.
It was on a slip of paper in everyone's pay envelope.
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Old 11-20-14, 11:00 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

Originally Posted by Jaymole View Post
I actually have a problem with strong colognes & perfumes as some people take showers in it and stink up the entire office. There is an employee who sits near me that pours on the cologne on days he cheats on his wife...I will always get a bad headache when he does.
So does his wife. If she didn't, he wouldn't be cheating. It's all circular.
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Old 11-20-14, 11:03 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

Originally Posted by Matt View Post
During a really hot summer, a guy sent a mail out to remind everyone to drink enough water and to check the color of their urine to make sure they were staying hydrated. Clear urine is good, dark yellow or orange urine is bad! And this was an indoor retail job.

He caught a lot of flak for that one for a week or so.
Really? We have those signs hanging in all of our restrooms over the summer months.
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Old 11-20-14, 11:15 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

Not a memo, but a letter from a customer informing me "the people in your company make the IRS look like warm, fuzzy human beings." He didn't like the fact that we were billing him for damaging our property.

Also not a memo, but notes on a completed work order: "used stick to remove cat from pole."
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Old 11-20-14, 11:38 PM
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Re: Weirdest/Oddest Work Memo You've Gotten

I work for a government entity. One day out of the blue we received a memo condemning the evils of Marijuana usage with questionable claims of its effects right out of Reefer Madness. Kind of funny considering it'll probably be legal here in a few years.
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