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Adventures in Speed Dating

Old 11-04-14, 04:05 PM
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Adventures in Speed Dating

Bear with me guys and gals, this is going to be lengthy, but will hopefully spark some fun feedback.

So, my seven-year marriage ended earlier this year (as I've mentioned in one or two other threads) and instead of sulking around wondering where a guy in his early (and closing in on mid) 40s is going to meet someone new, I've tried to be proactive about meeting someone new (or at least a few someones to hang out with until the right someone comes along)...

...been trying online dating for about two months now, with very little in terms of connections and a whole lot of rejection and/or non-responses.

So there was a speed-dating event at a bar this week a block from where I work (and starting shortly after my shift ends), so I decided to give this a shot...keep in mind that I'm more or less a social introvert - or at the very least, lacking in some of the basic social skills. So I decided to give it a whirl, as it was a relatively inexpensive ($22) shot at meeting some eligible women in my area.

For those not familiar with the concept, it's basically like this:

"x" number of girls and "x" number of guys (at my event, the ladies outnumbered the men 15 to 12) take turns talking to each other in 5-minute intervals. You're given a checklist and with each gal, you check off either "Yes, Let's Talk" or "No Thanks". After spending 5 minutes with each person, you turn in your checklist and wait for the email the next day. If they said "Yes" to you and you said "Yes" to them, you're provided with contact info for that person.

Again, being slightly shy, I wasn't sure if I'd enjoy this, but I found I enjoyed it very much. 5 minutes seems the perfect amount of time for someone like me to talk without suffering those awkward silences. In other words, I may not be the world's most exciting person, but I've got enough "material" for 5 minutes of conversation.

So away we go with the 15 gals. Now, I'm going into this thinking that since you can't possibly know if you're going to make a connection with someone over 5 minutes of chatting, anyone that I find even remotely interesting I'm going to say "Yes" to on the chart I turn in at the end of the night. And I do just that - out of 15 ladies, I only say "No" to three of them - two because they say virtually nothing in our 5 minutes of time (shy or just standoffish? who knows) and the other one because she spent most of our time talking about how she owns a 9mm handgun and is an adept marksman...err, markswoman. So she basically scared the hell out of me. Other than those, most of the 12 women I said "yes" to seemed very nice, most were above-average in looks, and at least three of them I thought I matched with very well (meaning great conversation, similar interests, etc.).

This morning I get my email back from the company.

Yes, you guessed it boys and girls - ZERO matches. So I was basically "rejected" by at least 12 women (and hell, let's just say it - probably all 15!) in one night!

So while I can't say that did much for my already fragile ego, I have to admit it was otherwise a pretty fun experience, as I usually don't meet that many different people in a year's time. Also a bonus of being "rejected" - I get to go to the next event (in a month) for free. It's at a different venue (but still close by), so I don't know if that will mean a different crowd, or if half the people who showed up last time will be there to reject me again. I also signed up for a different speed dating event (also free) with a different organization in a few weeks just to see how it goes.

So - have any of my fellow Otters had experience with Speed Dating or know someone who has? I'd love to hear about your experiences with it. I'd ask for advice, but I fear the kind of suggestions from you guys...then again, can't do any worse, right?
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Old 11-04-14, 04:17 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

That sucks man, I've never done it but it does look like something fun to roll with 'especially' if you are okay with getting all Nos.
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Old 11-04-14, 04:28 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Just keep trying... Just keep trying... I've met hundreds of women. Most I can't stand. A few I like. Even fewer like me back. That's the life of a man.
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Old 11-04-14, 04:30 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

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Old 11-04-14, 04:45 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Originally Posted by OldBoy View Post

Looks like right boob is about to come out.
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Old 11-04-14, 04:48 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

I would concentrate on your clothing. Make sure you wear something nice. While you can't fix looks, you figure for 5 minutes it's either you are super boring/geeky/desperate, or they don't like the way you look. Fix the clothes, and try some interesting tactics with the dialog. (You don't write movie reviews, you are a writer, etc...)
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Old 11-04-14, 05:07 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Originally Posted by superdeluxe View Post
Looks like right boob is about to come out.
You need to watch the full clip/movie.
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Old 11-04-14, 05:27 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Originally Posted by Chrisedge View Post
I would concentrate on your clothing. Make sure you wear something nice. While you can't fix looks, you figure for 5 minutes it's either you are super boring/geeky/desperate, or they don't like the way you look. Fix the clothes, and try some interesting tactics with the dialog. (You don't write movie reviews, you are a writer, etc...)
No issues with my dress...it was immediately after work, so i was business casual (Dockers, button down tuck-in shirt, etc.). I'm assuming I was super-geeky. The movie reviews did come up with a few gals - but if they find that geeky, so be it...they'd find out sooner or later anyway. One conversation name-dropped Christopher Reeve (girl asked what my favorite movie was - it's Somewhere in Time, BTW) and she said something like "Oh, he's one of the best actors working today." I HOPE she was thinking Christopher Walken or Christopher Lee, because I didn't have the heart to tell her Reeve's been dead for 10 years. Anyway, she still got the "Yes" because she confessed to being a Star Wars fan.

In retrospect, I think there were two problems with the event. First, while there were 15 girls, at least a dozen of them were part of a group of friends...with one group of 6 all having the same interests, working in the same field, etc. So if I didn't match with one of them, I wasn't going t match with any of them. Second, they arrange these events according to ages (this was the 35-45 night) and it would be a lot better if they arranged them according to interests...almost everyone I met was into running, hiking, and skiing and only ONE person I met actually was into reading books and/or art and cultural in general. So if these girls were going off of interests (and I figure it's probably looks first, interest second, maybe intelligence a distance third), I was behind the curve from the start. It doesn't bother me if I don't share a lot of the same interests as a girlfriend (I've done both and having too much in common is far worse than not having enough, in my experience), but I'm guessing most women feel the opposite.
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Old 11-04-14, 06:08 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Next time don't start off your time by showing them your picture with William Shatner.
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Old 11-04-14, 06:34 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Originally Posted by General Zod View Post
Next time don't start off your time by showing them your picture with William Shatner.
The woman who appreciates that picture is the right woman for him. Don't change yourself to get a date -- date the person for whom you don't have to change yourself.

Speed dating is inherently based on superficial snap judgments. I wouldn't read too much into a single shut-out night (it sounds like you're not, so good for you).
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Old 11-04-14, 06:48 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Sorry to hear about the negative outcome, but remember this: there's a woman out there that's exactly in the same situation as you. You're bound to find someone that is going to have a great time with you, so stick it out man and keep searching.
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Old 11-04-14, 07:14 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Which movie is that picture from?
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Old 11-04-14, 07:18 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

40 Year Old Virgin
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Old 11-04-14, 07:22 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Random note, but I've heard that some groups of friends go to these things just to support their single friend who wants to do it so its possible not all of the people you met were seriously interested. Not sure if that would actually be the case here, but I know i've been asked to go on something like this just because friends were going, but declined thinking it would be weird since i'm already attached.
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Old 11-04-14, 07:29 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Dockers and button down shirt might be the problem ...another thing is reading is a solo thing so that is a turn off as something to talk about even if the other girl is more intellectual.
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Old 11-04-14, 07:35 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Just keep working at it Shannon Nutt. Sounds like you have a pretty good attitude, so that will help you. Just remember, if you're geeky, or a non geek, women respond to confidence. Be confident in who you are and there will be a woman who appreciates the geek in you. Don't try to be someone you're not, but even if you are an introvert (which I am definitely one), just be confident in who you are. Keep trying.
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Old 11-04-14, 07:37 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Originally Posted by JasonF View Post
The woman who appreciates that picture is the right woman for him. Don't change yourself to get a date -- date the person for whom you don't have to change yourself.

Speed dating is inherently based on superficial snap judgments. I wouldn't read too much into a single shut-out night (it sounds like you're not, so good for you).
I agree. I was just kidding. Blow up the photo and put it on the ceiling above the bed instead.

I certainly wouldn't give up at all. Sounds like fun was had and eventually it will work out. I agree with what The Black said.. the right one is out there. Just keep looking..
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Old 11-04-14, 07:39 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Originally Posted by General Zod View Post
Next time don't start off your time by showing them your picture with William Shatner.
Huh? All this time I thought he was William Shatner. You mean he's the guy on the right?

I suppose next someone'll tell me Jaymole is the guy holding the cat.
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Old 11-04-14, 07:48 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Originally Posted by VinVega View Post
Just keep working at it Shannon Nutt. Sounds like you have a pretty good attitude, so that will help you. Just remember, if you're geeky, or a non geek, women respond to confidence. Be confident in who you are and there will be a woman who appreciates the geek in you. Don't try to be someone you're not, but even if you are an introvert (which I am definitely one), just be confident in who you are. Keep trying.
Probably the best advice I've ever heard.
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Old 11-04-14, 07:54 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Originally Posted by VinVega View Post
Just keep working at it Shannon Nutt. Sounds like you have a pretty good attitude, so that will help you. Just remember, if you're geeky, or a non geek, women respond to confidence. Be confident in who you are and there will be a woman who appreciates the geek in you. Don't try to be someone you're not, but even if you are an introvert (which I am definitely one), just be confident in who you are. Keep trying.
This is excellent advice. And dress nicer. Lol
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Old 11-04-14, 08:01 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Yeah, if you're a geek, keep it in check until after banging.
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Old 11-04-14, 08:13 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

congrats on having a great attitude and keeping at this speed dating approach. you didn't let a first time experience sour you, and jumped right back in. some people wouldn't be able to do that and would focus on the negative. i think that speaks well for your future chances, and i hope you meet some nice chicks (or dudes if that is what you are into).

i also agree with being yourself. if that is reading and befriending william shatner, then hold out for someone who appreciates and clicks with that. who knows, they may have taken in a lonely Leonard Nimoy and you can double date.
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Old 11-04-14, 08:19 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Originally Posted by Shannon Nutt View Post
Other than those, most of the 12 women I said "yes" to seemed very nice, most were above-average in looks, and at least three of them I thought I matched with very well (meaning great conversation, similar interests, etc.).
Need to convert into DVDTalk's beauty scale - how high level is that?
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Old 11-04-14, 09:02 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

A Pennsylvanian 7 is about an L.A. 4.
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Old 11-04-14, 09:30 PM
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Re: Adventures in Speed Dating

Originally Posted by Shannon Nutt View Post
and the other one because she spent most of our time talking about how she owns a 9mm handgun and is an adept marksman...err, markswoman.
I just wanted to say I appreciate your Get Shorty reference.

I'm really happy for you that you tried this. I've never been divorced and I can't imagine the emotional challenge that comes along with picking up the pieces, even on the off-chance that it's better that you're separate now, it's gotta be a lot. Good for you for doing something good for yourself.

I met my wife through an online dating website and had a lot of fun (and weird) dates from a trio of online dating websites. While I never did speed dating, maybe some of the things I remember getting me messages in my inbox could work for you, I don't know. Here's what worked:
- The last line in my "about me" list was always "and I make the best cream cheese wontons on the planet," which many women would mention in the message because they were intrigued by a man who could cook something fun and opened the door for them to say what they like to make and opened up a possible at-home cooking date. And yeah, I taught a few women how to make cream cheese wontons and they all loved it. And no, DVDTalk, that isn't a euphemism.
- I had something in there like, "I'm just looking for a Chipotle girl." This went over big. Many messages had a P.S. that said something like, "By the way, I love Chipotle, so we're off to a good start!" And many first dates, yeah, were at Chipotle, which gave us conversation starters because everyone loves to talk about their favorite burrito combination. Weird, but it worked.
- I mentioned something I was trying to learn at the time, which was darts (that went away quick, still don't really play) and it engendered a little conversation about things we've always wanted to learn but haven't gotten around to doing. Led to talking about going and trying it out. I did go on one date with the intention of playing darts but the bar dart machine was out of order so we just sat and talked.
- This will sound corny, but I had something in my profile that said you should send me a message if you're at least 70% awesome. Many women thought that was funny and would message me saying things like, "Well, I'm like 68% awesome, but we're still running tests and trying to boost the numbers." It was a lighthearted line that started conversation.

Just a few ideas, take 'em or leave 'em. But keep it up. Good for you!

Originally Posted by General Zod View Post
Next time don't start off your time by showing them your picture with William Shatner.
Originally Posted by JasonF View Post
The woman who appreciates that picture is the right woman for him. Don't change yourself to get a date -- date the person for whom you don't have to change yourself.
You know what's funny, I kinda think "I met Shatner" is a good opening line. It sort of lays out who you are. Maybe "I met Shatner, but who I really want to meet someday is... ...Have you met anyone famous or hope to?"
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