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Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Throat

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Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Throat

Old 10-29-14, 06:45 AM
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Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Throat

I'll just leave this here while I have a laugh at her expense.

Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Throat Desensitizing Spray’



This Spartanburg, South Carolina woman might be a contender for the most embarrassing shoplifting arrest ever. Last week eighteen-year-old Karla Farmer was busted at Spartanburg’s WestGate Mall for stealing some interesting items from Spencer’s. You know, just your household staples: Rock Hard Erection Cream, Deep Throat Desensitizing Spray, and a pair of handcuffs.

Karla Farmer first swiped the cream and spray from the “love unit” of a Spencer’s store, according to a police report. After exiting the business, she returned a few minutes later to nick the handcuffs, investigators allege.

When police searched Farmer’s purse, they recovered the Spencer’s merchandise, as well as a bra and two pairs of underwear apparently stolen from a Victoria’s Secret location in the WestGate mall in Spartanburg.
You know that saying about never returning to the scene of the crime? There’s a reason why that’s a saying. Don’t return to the scene of the crime, especially to commit more crimes. You will get caught.

Anyway. It’s unclear whether or not this was part of some kind of prank — after all, at eighteen, Farmer may very well be a college freshman. Who hasn’t stolen something embarrassing for fun at some point in their college career? *cough* But it’s just as likely that some eighteen-year-old boy was VERY DISAPPOINTED when his date never showed last week. More than he’ll ever know.
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Old 10-29-14, 07:20 AM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

(cue the "dog wildly air humping" GIF)
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Old 10-29-14, 07:25 AM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

You know that saying about never returning to the scene of the crime? There’s a reason why that’s a saying.
The saying is "thieves always return to the scene of the crime," is it not?

Damn you uproxx.com for your shoddy journalistic standards!
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Old 10-29-14, 09:22 AM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

She may not normally shoplift. Those are the sort of items that a shy teenager would be afraid to bring to the cash register.
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Old 10-29-14, 09:27 AM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

Originally Posted by Nick Danger View Post
She may not normally shoplift. Those are the sort of items that a shy teenager would be afraid to bring to the cash register.
Or be totally proud, go to the register grinning, and when I open my wallet to pay, a magnum condom falls out. Oops! Then I wink at the cashier.
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Old 10-29-14, 09:35 AM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

Originally Posted by DaveyJoe View Post
Or be totally proud, go to the register grinning, and when I open my wallet to pay, a magnum condom falls out. Oops! Then I wink at the cashier.
If she were acting totally proud, she wouldn't need the desensitizing spray.
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Old 10-29-14, 09:36 AM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

I worked at an Air Force Post Exchange (their version of Wal-Mart) a few years ago and I had a Captain come up to me while he was holding a stack of porno mags and a back massager and asked me where we kept the hand lotions. I was starting to turn red in the face so the old woman working with me took him to find them.
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Old 10-29-14, 10:31 AM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

I used to work at Spenser Gifts. Girls would come up to the register in groups of three with the sex kit. They would giggle nervously and say, "It's a joke gift for a friend." I liked to tell them doubtfully, "A joke gift. Of course it is."
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Old 10-29-14, 10:44 AM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

Spencer's has to be the weirdest store. What other store would you be able to buy a deck of porno playing cards, deep throat desensitizing spray, The Simpsons toys, A Christmas Story board game, penis whistles, and Magic 8 ball?

And they don't even keep the "naughty" items tucked away in the back. They're up front so if you're a kid you have to walk passed that stuff to get the board games and toys.
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Old 10-29-14, 11:14 AM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

Not guilty...
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Old 10-29-14, 11:14 AM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

With a little make up I don't think I'd be needing that cream.
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Old 10-29-14, 11:16 AM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

Originally Posted by ernestrp View Post
Not guilty...
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Old 10-29-14, 11:37 AM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

Originally Posted by Timber View Post
With a little make up I don't think I'd be needing that cream.
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Old 10-29-14, 11:44 AM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

Nope, no cream needed.
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Old 10-29-14, 11:47 AM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

Originally Posted by Nick Danger View Post
She may not normally shoplift. Those are the sort of items that a shy teenager would be afraid to bring to the cash register.
All joking aside, I'd assume your scenario is closer to the truth. Now with this story and her pictures being posted all over the Internet, I anticipate an "Update: suicide" in the next few days.
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Old 10-29-14, 11:48 AM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

She'd definitely need the desensitizing spray, though.
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Old 10-29-14, 11:56 AM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

Originally Posted by Timber View Post
Nope, no cream needed.
Oh. There'd be plenty of cream. Nothing she'd need to steal tho.
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Old 10-29-14, 12:06 PM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

She was embarrassed, and now she's uber embarrassed.

She needed a credit card, they sell this shit on amazon.
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Old 10-29-14, 12:19 PM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

There's no porn shop in town? You have to be beyond desperate if you're buying sexual aids from Spencers.
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Old 10-29-14, 12:36 PM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

Originally Posted by Timber View Post
There's no porn shop in town? You have to be beyond desperate if you're buying sexual aids from Spencers.
Traditional porn shops are marketed towards men. Women find them creepy and repellant. There are woman-friendly porn shops, but there are still a lot of the old style shops.

Spencer Gifts may sell low quality sexual aids, but they're at the mall, which is comfortable territory for teenage girls.
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Old 10-29-14, 01:01 PM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

Originally Posted by Nick Danger View Post
Spencer Gifts may sell low quality sexual aids, but they're at the mall, which is comfortable territory for teenage girls.
Thanks... now I know where I can meet sexually active teenage girls.
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Old 10-29-14, 01:02 PM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

Guilty
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Old 10-29-14, 01:06 PM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

Originally Posted by Nick Danger View Post
Traditional porn shops are marketed towards men. Women find them creepy and repellant. There are woman-friendly porn shops, but there are still a lot of the old style shops.

Spencer Gifts may sell low quality sexual aids, but they're at the mall, which is comfortable territory for teenage girls.
Originally Posted by Coral View Post
Thanks... now I know where I can meet sexually active teenage girls.
Aaaand we're back again to creepy and repellant.
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Old 10-29-14, 01:10 PM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

You must have different sex shops than we do. I haven't seen "traditional creepy porn shops" around here for decades.
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Old 10-29-14, 01:10 PM
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Re: Meet The Teenager Who Got Busted Stealing ‘Rock Hard Erection Cream’ And ‘Deep Th

Originally Posted by Coral View Post
Thanks... now I know where I can meet sexually active teenage girls.
I just go to Canadian Tire.
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