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View Poll Results: Kids: What would you do?
Leave them alone, it is harmless internet friendship
7
17.50%
Disconnect them as much as possible
13
32.50%
Call Chris Hanson immediately and setup a sting
16
40.00%
twikoff
4
10.00%
Voters: 40. You may not vote on this poll

Kids: What would you do?

Old 09-13-14, 03:07 PM
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Kids: What would you do?

Long story short, wife and I have been a little busy with life's little disasters as of late and we both slacked off on watching our 14 year old's activity on the internet.

She met some 'guy' online in a sports forum (she is a high school athlete, so not out of reach for her)

They exchanged phone numbers and have been texting (no evidence of any sexting, I am an IT guy and did a forensic dump of her phone last night and found nothing in the 'nude' arena from him or her)

The guys claim in his texts to her is that he is 16 and goes to high school. He lives about an 8 hour drive from here if I can trust anything I find on him (and no, I truly don't)

I was young once, I could only imagine the tail I could find with the power of the internet as a teenager I get it. I also know I am not going to stop it, but I am going to make 'parental attempts' to stop what I can or at least make it harder for her.

I have a couple different thoughts

The guy could be legit and it could be an honest connection via watching sports and commenting on the games and I could be doing some damage by putting an end to this friendship.

I notice things in his texts that bother me. He never comes out and says he wants to have sex or anything, but there is a clear pattern of information mining.

She says she has a knee injury, suddenly, he has a hip injury (also from sports)
She mentions that her mom makes her angry (by telling her no to things), he replies that he has the same problem with his mom
She mention abc, he replies with xyz and there is no way it is all coincidental. It is some sort of trust building scheme I think - Hey my problems are the SAME as yours, we should hang out and discuss - cough - bullshit.

Then there will be a handful of normal 'teenage' texts, then out of nowhere he will text something like - I am here for you and will do anything you need - WTF? Then a bunch normal pointless texts and then I see - 'I am only here to make you happy' - again WTF? There are at least a dozen more odd texts like these two.

They have known each other for 2 weeks.

My kid is now 'without internet' (she has no electronic anything and isn't allowed to go to friend's houses at the moment, I am sure she is shut down for a day at least)

I am leaning towards #2 in my poll option for now - Disconnect

My kid has just outright lied about everything imaginable related to this and has completely shit her pants when I told her that her phone already told me the entire story, and I proceeded to tell her how it went down from items I pulled off her phone and other sources. The great thing about social media and the internet today is that kids don't even realize they volunteer all the info you want.
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Old 09-13-14, 03:21 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

See what you can find online about this guy and try to find out if he's legit or not. I already do that with most people I talk to online!
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Old 09-13-14, 03:28 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

Why not simply ask him his name? You'll know really fast if he's legit or not.
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Old 09-13-14, 03:30 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

Do you block her from talking to boys at school? Putting the clamps down on a 14-year-old teen girl usually doesn't work in the long run and creates resentment. A lot of young girls like the buffer provided by the Internet when experimenting with new relationships.

Just pray you and your wife raised her correctly with the proper moral grounding. She'll make the right decisions eventually on her own if that is the case.
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Old 09-13-14, 04:12 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

She's going to find a way to have sex with him (and his friends). Just deal with it. They are teenagers after all...or at least she is.
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Old 09-13-14, 04:17 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

Find his IP somehow. Track from there.
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Old 09-13-14, 04:22 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

Trust your instincts. I'm all for the disconnect option.

Of course, I just watched Trust recently. That film will stick with you.
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Old 09-13-14, 04:24 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

Leave her with Gypsys.
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Old 09-13-14, 04:25 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

Set up a sting.
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Old 09-13-14, 04:35 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

Anytime I think of teens hooking up with guys online this story comes to mind.

http://kaciewoody.homestead.com/Story.html

http://www.arkansasonline.com/news/2...caughtintheweb
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Old 09-13-14, 04:40 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

Trust instincts. How to act? Me not know.
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Old 09-13-14, 04:42 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

I understand being concerned and checking stuff but there is a point where she needs some privacy.

Yeah, it's common for teen girls to be with older guys. Even back in the pre-internet days. On the other hand, could be innocent stuff. Relationships come and go at that age.

Man, I cringe at all the crazy stuff we put on notes in school back in the day...
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Old 09-13-14, 05:10 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

I will try to cliff notes as some of you are reading things that are not there

I am worried he is 38 and not 16

My kid has male friends over to our house, I am not worried about real 14-15-16 year olds that I can meet and know who they are and meet their parents, etc

My concern is her lying
My concern is this is a guy my age posing as a kid

I am not having much luck checking anything out at this point on his name

I have texted him on her phone and let him know I was the dad and had a few questions for him, so far no reply (been all day and I replied to a text that he sent this morning to my daughter)

I figure he is old enough to drive, my first task for him will be for him to snapchat me his drivers license I will see where it goes from there.

I am not delusional, I know my daughter will have sex (pretty sure she has not at this point)

I also know I can't stop her from doing anything she wants to do, I was a kid once too and did all the things my parents told me not to do. That does not mean my parents made it easy for me to do those things.

as for raising her right I could tell you some stories about kids being raised right and still doing all the wrong things, that doesn't mean shit.
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Old 09-13-14, 05:10 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

I don't know about cutting them off from communicating, but I would insist on meeting the guy before I let her go anywhere near him.
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Old 09-13-14, 05:36 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

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Old 09-13-14, 05:37 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

Originally Posted by VinVega View Post
I don't know about cutting them off from communicating, but I would insist on meeting the guy before I let her go anywhere near him.
This!
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Old 09-13-14, 06:14 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

Originally Posted by VinVega View Post
I don't know about cutting them off from communicating, but I would insist on meeting the guy before I let her go anywhere near him.
Agree with this. If you have any kind of real relationship with her I would sit her down and talk about how he may be an old fart trying to lure her in. There should be no reason why you cannot drive over there with her to meet the guy for the first time. There is no way I would have let my daughters out with someone I did not meet at her age. She should not have a problem with this.

Having said that, it sounds to me like the guy is not what he says he is. Do his texts come across as a teen or are they too fishy? I just hope that she does not like the guy because he is "mature".
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Old 09-13-14, 06:59 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

Originally Posted by Dan View Post
Set up a sting.
I second this. I miss Chris Hanson.
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Old 09-13-14, 07:17 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

From reading your OP I got the older man vibe also. It's such a tricky situation. You definitely don't want to push her towards the guy. Good luck, man.
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Old 09-13-14, 07:25 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

Originally Posted by arminius View Post
There should be no reason why you cannot drive over there with her to meet the guy for the first time.
Yes there is, he lives an 8 HOUR drive away, there is no meeting going on anytime soon, and I am not driving that far.

My concern is that he is really an adult and he somehow makes his way here (ever see to catch a predator?) and meets up with her when she is out with her friends.
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Old 09-13-14, 07:43 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

My kid is now 'without internet' (she has no electronic anything and isn't allowed to go to friend's houses at the moment, I am sure she is shut down for a day at least)

I am leaning towards #2 in my poll option for now - Disconnect

My kid has just outright lied about everything imaginable related to this and has completely shit her pants when I told her that her phone already told me the entire story, and I proceeded to tell her how it went down from items I pulled off her phone and other sources. The great thing about social media and the internet today is that kids don't even realize they volunteer all the info you want.
At this point, you've already fucked up. Good luck with this, because the road you're heading down right now is sending her right to him.
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Old 09-13-14, 07:44 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

Originally Posted by 4KRG View Post
Yes there is, he lives an 8 HOUR drive away, there is no meeting going on anytime soon, and I am not driving that far.

My concern is that he is really an adult and he somehow makes his way here (ever see to catch a predator?) and meets up with her when she is out with her friends.
Fair enough. What about a Skype chat? That's a double edged sword. There could be naked Skyping at a later date.
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Old 09-13-14, 08:13 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

Her lying is what concerns me most. Lying can leave her vulnerable bc she could get stuck and not want to call/let you know about a problem, which can then snowball. The boy is secondary...as there are many, though use him as a reason to discuss ground rules about guys. Open communication is important too blah blah blah. Oh...and polish your guns in front of guys you meet. Make sure to know all of her friends, their parents, etc. Pool knowledge as necessary w other parents.

Also...enable GPS tracking on phone and tell her that you want to trust her, but as a parent you have a right to check where she is and any lying she loses her phone for X months. Reinforce her cell is a privilege and can be restricted/removed for any reason.

Last edited by NotThatGuy; 09-13-14 at 08:33 PM.
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Old 09-13-14, 08:28 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

Stop trying to get between us OP!
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Old 09-13-14, 08:42 PM
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Re: Kids: What would you do?

Well, no easy solution, but why not tell him you're in IT and have the resources and intelligence to monitor their 'relationship' closely. And, if he is in fact 38, you will find out eventually and press charges. If he really is 16, he'll have no trouble convincing you, I think.

Put your IT skills to good use, you've got an advantage that 99% of parents don't have when monitoring their kids.
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