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Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

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Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

Old 09-11-14, 07:15 AM
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Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...n_5773916.html

A Minnesota man has allegedly admitted to ejaculating into a female co-worker's coffee and onto her desk a number of times.

John Robert Lind, 34, of Blaine, was charged via summons on Thursday, with fifth-degree criminal sexual conduct and fifth-degree attempted criminal sexual conduct.

Investigators say Lind has admitted to entering the victim's office and depositing his semen into her coffee and onto "her desk or other items."

According to documents filed in Ramsey County District Court, New Brighton police were summoned to Beisswengers hardware store on Aug. 26 to investigate a complaint by a female employee. The woman, who has not been identified, told police she suspected Lind of "leaving bodily fluids" in her office.

The woman told police she had caught Lind behaving strangely at her desk that afternoon. She said he was standing at it when she walked in and had his hands near his genitals. She told police he looked like a "deer in headlights" when he noticed her and quickly left the room.

Curious as to what had occurred, the woman told police she inspected her desk and noted a strong odor, which she thought resembled urine. She then smelled her coffee and noticed the same odor. She said her initial reaction was to attribute the smell to spoiled milk, something she said she had a lot of trouble with in recent months.

The victim told police she then saw "a large amount of clear liquid on top of her desk" and noticed her hair scrunchie had "absorbed a large amount of the liquid."

Lind's behavior, the victim alleged, had been an ongoing problem. She said he would often approach her with his zipper down, prompting her to threaten to report him.

Authorities met with Lind on August 28, to question him about the allegations.

"Lind said that he likes [the victim] and is attracted to her," the court documents state. "Lind admitted that he ejaculated on [the victim's] desk and in her coffee on August 26, 2014."

When investigators pressed Lind further, he allegedly admitted to ejaculating into the victim's coffee twice, within the last six months. He also allegedly admitted to four separate incidents where he ejaculated onto her desk or other items, police said.

"When asked why he did this, Lind said he thought it was a way to get [the victim] to notice him," the court documents state. "He denied that it was a sexual compulsion that he could not control."

Lind, who is not currently in police custody, was summoned to appear in court on Sept. 29. If convicted, he faces six months to one year in jail and $4,500 in fines.

Calls for comment from HuffPost were not returned by Lind on Friday.

When told of Lind's alleged admissions, the victim, according to court documents, replied:

"I knew it. I have drank his semen. I just thought it was spoiled cream."

The victim also told police she did not believe that Lind had only ejaculated on or near her desk four times. She said her coffee had tasted odd on "numerous occasions," the court documents state.
Asked to comment, Juan Valdez says that he only ejaculates the finest sperm for his coffee.
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Old 09-11-14, 07:43 AM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

That's just weird.

She called the cops without even giving the guy a chance?
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Old 09-11-14, 08:39 AM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

"Lind said that he likes [the victim] and is attracted to her," the court documents state.
Oh, what a flirt!
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Old 09-11-14, 08:41 AM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

What a jagoff.
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Old 09-11-14, 08:55 AM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

If only he had created a smilie face design.
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Old 09-11-14, 08:57 AM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

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Old 09-11-14, 09:04 AM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

She noticed him, all right.
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Old 09-11-14, 09:38 AM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

Sounds ripe for another Otterville "dating advice" thread ... I have this co-worker who I really like, and I think she really likes me too. Should I ask her out or just continue to masturbate in her office?

But officer, she said she liked a "nutty" flavor to her coffee. I was just obliging by putting my nuts in her coffee.

Will 2014 become the year that "cum in her coffee" replaces "pee in her butt" as the standard Otter response?

But officer, I asked her if she wanted cream in her coffee and she said yes!

The Associated Press is reporting the NFL has the video tape of this.

Will his employer view this as grounds for dismissal?

But officer, she asked me to come into her office!

New Folger's jingle: The best part of waking up is some guy's jizz in your cup.

I should have paced these one liners. I think I shot my wad already.

But officer, I also tea-bagged her tea!
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Old 09-11-14, 10:00 AM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

Fappuccino!
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Old 09-11-14, 10:10 AM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

Originally Posted by Quatermass View Post
Fappuccino!
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Old 09-11-14, 10:11 AM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

Lind's behavior, the victim alleged, had been an ongoing problem. She said he would often approach her with his zipper down, prompting her to threaten to report him.

How you doin'?


/unzipped
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Old 09-11-14, 10:16 AM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

Originally Posted by Quatermass View Post
Fappuccino!


With one word you just undid all of his hard work and sent poor Abob back to the drawing board.
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Old 09-11-14, 10:54 AM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

Oh man, he stole MY move.
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Old 09-11-14, 05:31 PM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

A few years ago a local grocery store had a guy who was giving out samples of Greek Yogurt had his ejaculate in it. After reading about the incident in the pape a few female co-workers wonder how anyone would know "what that stuff tasted like?"
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Old 09-11-14, 05:46 PM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

Is that all it takes to get a girl to swallow?
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Old 09-11-14, 06:38 PM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

Originally Posted by rduncan View Post
A few years ago a local grocery store had a guy who was giving out samples of Greek Yogurt had his ejaculate in it. After reading about the incident in the pape a few female co-workers wonder how anyone would know "what that stuff tasted like?"
Hint: It doesn't taste like Greek Yogurt.
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Old 09-11-14, 06:41 PM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

A few years ago a local grocery store had a guy who was giving out samples of Greek Yogurt had his ejaculate in it. After reading about the incident in the pape a few female co-workers wonder how anyone would know "what that stuff tasted like?"
Oh, they fucking know what it tastes like.
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Old 09-11-14, 07:06 PM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

Originally Posted by Abob Teff View Post
Will 2014 become the year that "cum in her coffee" replaces "pee in her butt" as the standard Otter response?
cihc

pihp

hmmm, maybe!
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Old 09-12-14, 12:48 AM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

Now I know how I will liven up the company Christmas party this year.
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Old 09-12-14, 12:57 AM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

"Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to plead ignorance on this thing, because if I had known that sort of thing was frowned upon..."
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Old 09-12-14, 10:51 PM
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Re: Is the cream in the coffee sour or are you just happy to see me?

Originally Posted by Ash Ketchum View Post


With one word you just undid all of his hard work and sent poor Abob back to the drawing board.
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