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Living alone 30 and beyond

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Living alone 30 and beyond

Old 04-29-13, 12:16 AM
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Living alone 30 and beyond

So I turned the big 30 last month. A lot of life questions have come through my mind about the future. I currently live alone with one dog and three cats. At this point in my life I like it and think things will not change. I've come to the conclusion i will most likely die alone.

My co-workers are always saying how I need to have someone and be in a relationship and I'll be happy. I think it's a load of BS. Yes there are times when I get sad thinking of how lonely my life is at times and then reality comes back and I know that's not what I want. And it's pretty much impossible to find someone to date since I have no friends to go out and meet someone. Going solo at a bar/nightclub comes off as creepy serial killer from women. And I've tried and failed at the whole online dating thing.

Why do people think that everyone needs to have a bf/gf or husband/wife in order to be happy? Am I in denial of how I truly feel about living by myself? Is anyone else here in a similar situation?
Old 04-29-13, 12:37 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

If you're okay with it, who cares. Social norms are for chumps.

I'm 30, single and really don't give it much thought.
Old 04-29-13, 12:38 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

I'll be 30 this year. [Jesus, I've been visiting this place daily, for nearly half my life. What the fuck?]

Tell your co-workers to shut the fuck up. My family does the same thing. Dear family: you fucking bicker and act miserable over stupid domestic shit and backhanded comments non-fucking-stop. No thanks. I don't want your miserable domestic life. My life is calm and productive. End of story.
Old 04-29-13, 12:47 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

Just decide what you want don't worry about other people. Stay the journey. If you happen to meet someone along the way, reevaluate and take it from there.

Don't overthink it. Enjoy life while you can.
Old 04-29-13, 12:56 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

Living with a girlfriend is a lot of work sometimes I wish I didn't.
Old 04-29-13, 01:34 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

Living alone rocks, but I couldn't stand not getting laid on a regular basis. I need women in my life, whether in a relationship that develops naturally, or just banging away with random chicks. Sex rules and it's important to me.
Old 04-29-13, 01:41 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

Please, find a "girl" friend. The Otter is so much less entertaining when you are single.

Whatever you do, don't just get a "girl" friend just because it's the in thing to do. it's a waste of "her" time and your time.
Old 04-29-13, 01:46 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

Originally Posted by mhg83 View Post
I've come to the conclusion i will most likely die alone.
Getting married is no guarantee that you won't die alone. If your spouse passes away before you, surprise!, you'll die alone. The important thing is to surround oneself with supportive friends/family, regardless of relationship status.
Old 04-29-13, 01:49 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

I'm married and have kids and wish I could have some "me" time for a bit. You're single and lonely. I think it's time for a wacky body swap situation!!
Old 04-29-13, 01:54 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

Originally Posted by Joshic View Post
Getting married is no guarantee that you won't die alone. If your spouse passes away before you, surprise!, you'll die alone. The important thing is to surround oneself with supportive friends/family, regardless of relationship status.
Even if you die together in some crash, your body will probably fly through a windshield while hers is burning horribly in the flaming wreckage so it's a chance you take. The only almost sure way to die with your loved one is if you married your conjoined twin and were conjoined at the heads.
Old 04-29-13, 05:32 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

Originally Posted by mhg83 View Post

Why do people think that everyone needs to have a bf/gf or husband/wife in order to be happy? Am I in denial of how I truly feel about living by myself? Is anyone else here in a similar situation?
No idea, I can be plenty happy with or without such things, I don't need another person to be complete. We all should do what works for us, be social, be alone and have fun (it is possible) Some people say they never go out to eat alone, I do! I don't care how it looks, personally I never even gave it a thought.

Of course living alone or not being in a relationship does not mean being alone all the time.
Old 04-29-13, 06:57 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

If you are happy, don't worry about what other people might say about your life. I was 36 when I finally married and I used to hear the same crap all the time. Point was, I was very happy being single but when the right one came ago, I knew it was meant to be and we married.

That was eight years ago. Go about living your life to the fullest and don't spend all of your time hunting someone to be with. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, there's no shame in being single in your 30's and beyond. Bottom line, Don't let other people get you down on yourself.
Old 04-29-13, 09:40 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

Originally Posted by Jules Winfield View Post
I'm married and have kids

Holy shit!



Old 04-29-13, 09:44 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

Don't worry about it, and certainly don't get depressed about it. You have no idea how your potential suicide would affect the fun factor of this forum.
Old 04-29-13, 09:45 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

Originally Posted by mhg83 View Post
So I turned the big 30 last month. A lot of life questions have come through my mind about the future. I currently live alone with one dog and three cats. At this point in my life I like it and think things will not change. I've come to the conclusion i will most likely die alone.

My co-workers are always saying how I need to have someone and be in a relationship and I'll be happy. I think it's a load of BS. Yes there are times when I get sad thinking of how lonely my life is at times and then reality comes back and I know that's not what I want. And it's pretty much impossible to find someone to date since I have no friends to go out and meet someone. Going solo at a bar/nightclub comes off as creepy serial killer from women. And I've tried and failed at the whole online dating thing.

Why do people think that everyone needs to have a bf/gf or husband/wife in order to be happy? Am I in denial of how I truly feel about living by myself? Is anyone else here in a similar situation?
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Old 04-29-13, 09:58 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

Originally Posted by mhg83 View Post
So I turned the big 30 last month. A lot of life questions have come through my mind about the future. I currently live alone with one dog and three cats. At this point in my life I like it and think things will not change. I've come to the conclusion i will most likely die alone.

My co-workers are always saying how I need to have someone and be in a relationship and I'll be happy. I think it's a load of BS. Yes there are times when I get sad thinking of how lonely my life is at times and then reality comes back and I know that's not what I want. And it's pretty much impossible to find someone to date since I have no friends to go out and meet someone. Going solo at a bar/nightclub comes off as creepy serial killer from women. And I've tried and failed at the whole online dating thing.

Why do people think that everyone needs to have a bf/gf or husband/wife in order to be happy? Am I in denial of how I truly feel about living by myself? Is anyone else here in a similar situation?
I know people in their 30's that are married and have kids who are miserable.
Old 04-29-13, 10:07 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

You can't predict you future from the way you are now. Are you different than you were when you were 20? You'll be just as changed in another ten years.

I started sorting out my life in my mid-30s. I got married in my late-30s. But when I was your age, I had to come up with a reason every day not to commit suicide. Things are a lot better now.

My recommendation is that you get counseling. It taught me a lot of useful skills. It got me started on a happier life.
Old 04-29-13, 10:37 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

When I was 30, I thought the same thing. I've now been happily married for the past 6 years. However, there's nothing wrong with being alone, if you can make a life worth living. If you're holed up in your basement not interacting, that might not be the life that will be the best for you. You seem like you desire social interaction, so give up expectation of hooking up and just go live.
Old 04-29-13, 10:52 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

Originally Posted by mhg83 View Post
So I turned the big 30 last month. A lot of life questions have come through my mind about the future. I currently live alone with one dog and three cats. At this point in my life I like it and think things will not change. I've come to the conclusion i will most likely die alone.

My co-workers are always saying how I need to have someone and be in a relationship and I'll be happy. I think it's a load of BS. Yes there are times when I get sad thinking of how lonely my life is at times and then reality comes back and I know that's not what I want. And it's pretty much impossible to find someone to date since I have no friends to go out and meet someone. Going solo at a bar/nightclub comes off as creepy serial killer from women. And I've tried and failed at the whole online dating thing.

Why do people think that everyone needs to have a bf/gf or husband/wife in order to be happy? Am I in denial of how I truly feel about living by myself? Is anyone else here in a similar situation?
Start doing activities and developing interests that put you into contact with other people your age with similar interests. Maybe go back to school. Sooner or later you'll meet someone. If not, time will fly and before you know it you'll be too old to attract a woman into your life. (Unless you find a way to get rich--there's no age limit on that.) Statistically, you'll be less healthy and die sooner if you're alone when you hit middle age. I'm in middle age and I always thought I was young-looking and healthy well into my 40s and I was meeting lots of women in my field but--long story short--I didn't connect with anyone (for a variety of reasons which are too complicated and too personal to go into) and in recent years I've had a number of health issues that have reduced my vigor and aged me and left me in a rather depressed state. I normally don't mind being alone--I usually cherish it--but I'm at a point where I worry about something happening, e.g. tripping over the cable or phone wires in my apartment and breaking my neck or having another heart attack and not having anyone around to notice. My daughter lives her own life and isn't going to monitor me with any regularity. Plus, there's all kinds of stuff I've stopped doing or won't do that you somehow find yourself doing when you've got a partner, i.e. social activities that really won't hurt you to do. I hate making plans and traveling or going on vacations, but I'd probably be a lot healthier and happier if I did indeed do more of that. If I had a partner, she'd be the one making those "Let's go here" plans and getting me out of the house more.

That's a perspective from someone almost twice your age, mhg83. (You're my daughter's age.)

Whenever I point out my vulnerability to my daughter, her response is always something along the lines of: "Just change!"
Old 04-29-13, 10:54 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

Originally Posted by Jules Winfield View Post
I'm married and have kids and wish I could have some "me" time for a bit. You're single and lonely. I think it's time for a wacky body swap situation!!
Even when your family is out of the house, I'm guessing all those cats keep you company.
Old 04-29-13, 10:58 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

32 and single, myself. My dad's side of the family is the real problem. My dad practically demands I make him a grandfather and tries to push random women on me (even girls who are just serving us food at a diner or restaurant ). My grandmother on my father's side has a real 1950's mentality and constantly harrasses me about me being gay because I'm single. My aunt on my father's side wants me to be gay because she feels it's unnatural for someone to be single and she has me pegged as gay and seems obsessed with proving her gaydar right.

My mom is the inverse. She's a total cockblock if she ever sees me chatting with a girl or if one might actually be interested in me (making me look like an ass or making a spectacle of herself so I look like a loser by familial association). And it's not a "mama's boy" thing. She has implied many times how horrible I'd be for, well, anyone. Unfortunately, I live in a small island and don't make enough to get too far away. So for now I just deal with being single because, frankly, I wouldn't want to introduce anyone I genuinely like (or possibly love) to any member of my family.

it's funny that, if not for everyone's harrasment, I wouldn't think about it much since I'm rather cynical about relationships anyway.

So, yeah, it may suck to be alone sometimes but it must be worse to go into any relationship because others insist you must be in one. It sounds like a recipe for disaster.
Old 04-29-13, 11:00 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

Originally Posted by mhg83 View Post
And it's pretty much impossible to find someone to date since I have no friends to go out and meet someone.
OK.

Going solo at a bar/nightclub comes off as creepy serial killer from women.
And it is a piss-poor way to meet women who are worth dating anyway. Few "good" women even try and meet men this way anymore anyway. This isn't to say that you couldn't meet an awesome woman this way anyway, but it should not be the foundation of your strategy.

And I've tried and failed at the whole online dating thing.
This is where you have lost me. If the idea of someday meeting the right woman to spend the rest of your life with appeals to you, you cannot just give up on trying. And the best single thing you can do to meet women you know are available is online dating. Nothing else even comes close.

You are going to go on a lot of dates that are a waste of time. That's how it works, but you have to stay out there and keep looking. Hopefully you live within a reasonable distance of a decent-sized city so you have somewhat of a pool of women to work from. It is not about finding someone to be with. It is about finding the right person to be with. If you find that, you will be happier.

The good news is that (at least around me), the more you get north of 30, the more the dating playing field shifts in the man's favor. My area is absolutely crawling with high-quality single women in the 35-45 age range who have not been able to find the right guy or are divorced.

Get on OKCupid, keep your account active, and at least once a week do searches for viable candidates and send out feeler messages and just see what happens. Take your time and be relaxed about it, but stay in the game. Plus, every date you go on makes you better at going on dates in the future.
Old 04-29-13, 11:03 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

Originally Posted by RichC2 View Post
If you're okay with it, who cares. Social norms are for chumps.
Agreed x 100,000
Old 04-29-13, 11:27 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

When I was young I never needed anyone and going to Steamworks was just for fun. Those days are gone. Livin' alone, I think of all the friends I've known but when I dial the telephone, nobody's home

All by myself, don't wanna be, all by myself anymore
Old 04-29-13, 11:31 AM
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Re: Living alone 30 and beyond

If you're unhappy single, you'll be unhappy in a relationship. It's not a cure for anything. If anything, it'll just bring more heartache, especially if you're a miserable sort.

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