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What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security pris

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What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security pris

Old 04-20-13, 03:19 PM
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What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security pris

I have some vacation time coming up, but I can't afford to pay for a hotel. But I've seen documentaries on minimum security prison, and I don't see how that's any different. They were playing ping pong, and swimming, and watching TV. They even had conjugal visits, which would be so much better than anything that I've done on any of my previous vacations at a hotel.

So please offer your advice.

Thanks in advance.
Old 04-20-13, 03:28 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

You understand that the conjugal visits don't include a free hooker, right?
Old 04-20-13, 03:39 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

Do you get cut off from the internet? If so, I wish you success.
Old 04-20-13, 03:40 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

Want to go to minimum security prison? Be white and commit a non-violent, non-drug related offense.
Old 04-20-13, 03:46 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

Is "Federal pound-me-in-the-ass" prison really much different than your typical vacation? Just curious.

In all seriousness, you don't go to any prison for two weeks. You spend short sentences in jail, which tend to have few, if any, of the amenities you described.
Old 04-20-13, 04:23 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security prison?

Show them your posts on DVD Talk.
Old 04-20-13, 04:45 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

I'll go with you Grundle. We can have lots of fun together
Old 04-20-13, 04:46 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

Become an aide for the governor of Illinois. From recent history, there will be a 50/50 chance your boss will serve time. As a little fish, you might get a short sentence, like this guy.

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2...rm-senate-seat
Old 04-20-13, 04:48 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

I gather that minimum security prison is more like living in a campground. Common quarters, bunk beds, a cafeteria and open space to sit around and twiddle your thumbs. Don't expect your area to have a nice one like the Enron guys went to.
Old 04-20-13, 05:10 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

Mopery.
Old 04-20-13, 05:16 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

Since you asked about sentencing and not actual jail time, just do whatever lilo does. Stealing, lying to police , violation of probation , a few duis, driving with a suspended license, possession of narcotics, hit and run, reckless driving, assault, obstructing an officer etc. She seems to get short jail sentences.

you didn't ask about actual jail time. For example, she was sentenced to 30 days but served like 5 hours due to overcrowding. So don't commit crimes in cities where the jail is overcrowded...
Old 04-20-13, 05:17 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

Maybe video piracy? Actual piracy? Baking racy pies?
Old 04-20-13, 05:20 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

Again, that's jail time. Jail time is booooooring and bears little resemblance to a minimum security prison.
Old 04-20-13, 05:48 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

Originally Posted by mhg83 View Post
I'll go with you Grundle. We can have lots of fun together
Abort! Abort!

/Ackbar
Old 04-20-13, 06:02 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

Originally Posted by jfoobar View Post
Again, that's jail time. Jail time is booooooring and bears little resemblance to a minimum security prison.
You only get jail time for baking racy pies? Our judicial system is broken.
Old 04-20-13, 07:08 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

I always heard that treason is one of those crimes that's "no big deal", and quite overrated.

You will probably just get a week or two in the slammer, and then just a verbal warning to never go against our government ever again.

Then everything goes back to normal.

Do it.
Old 04-20-13, 07:38 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

Originally Posted by troystiffler View Post
You understand that the conjugal visits don't include a free hooker, right?
Those weren't hookers that I saw on TV.


.



Originally Posted by Red Dog View Post
Do you get cut off from the internet? If so, I wish you success.
No - they had internet access.


.


Originally Posted by eXcentris View Post
Show them your posts on DVD Talk.

I said I wanted minimum security for two weeks - not maximum security for life.


.


Originally Posted by Nick Danger View Post
Become an aide for the governor of Illinois. From recent history, there will be a 50/50 chance your boss will serve time. As a little fish, you might get a short sentence, like this guy.

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2...rm-senate-seat
Ooh - that looks good. Thanks for posting that.


.


Originally Posted by troystiffler View Post
I gather that minimum security prison is more like living in a campground. Common quarters, bunk beds, a cafeteria and open space to sit around and twiddle your thumbs. Don't expect your area to have a nice one like the Enron guys went to.
The one I saw on TV did have common quarters and bunkbeads - but it wasn't like a campground. They had electricity and running water and everything. Although come to think of it, there was a guy who liked to set fires.
Old 04-20-13, 07:50 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

I nominate this thread as the strangest ever in the Otter farm. Carry on...
Old 04-20-13, 08:11 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

Originally Posted by grundle View Post
Those weren't hookers that I saw on TV.
Okay. Then they were the guy's wives. You understand what a conjugal visit is, right? Instead of all the hassle, maybe you and the misses can just role play.
Old 04-20-13, 08:12 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security



We finally know what Grundle looks like!
Old 04-20-13, 09:53 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

Originally Posted by Wazootyman View Post


We finally know what Grundle looks like!
He wishes.
Old 04-20-13, 10:13 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

On the first day of your vacation go to your local courthouse and attend a trial, stand up and flip off the judge.
Old 04-20-13, 10:18 PM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/h7nJ0Mr8G2I" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Old 04-21-13, 12:39 AM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

Very simple, grundle. You go to Saudi Arabia, tell them you're a jihadist, and they'll take good care of you. Check this out.

Swap jihad for lush rehab: Saudi Arabia opens relaxation center for jailed Al-Qaeda extremists

Saudi Arabia hopes to put imprisoned Al-Qaeda militants on the right path and make them drop their thoughts of jihad by offering them spa treatments, exercise and counseling at a new luxurious rehabilitation facility in the capital, Riyadh.

As part of the program de-radicalization program, inmates will be able to relax in the center in between sessions with counselor and talks about religion, reports AFP.

The Riyadh rehab center is designed to accommodate 228 prisoners: 19 inmates in each of the facility’s 12 buildings.

The facility spreads over an area equivalent to around 10 football pitches (over 10 hectares) and includes an Olympic-size swimming pool, a sauna, a gym and a television hall. The prisoners will also have access to special suites where they can spend time with visiting family members. Besides that, as a bonus for good behavior, they could get a two-day break with their wives.

The center was created by the Prince Mohammed bin Nayef Center for Counseling and Care - established seven years ago to rehabilitate extremists imprisoned during a Saudi crackdown on the local branch of Al-Qaeda. The prince himself survived a suicide bomb attack in 2009, which was claimed by Al-Qaeda.

“Just under 3,000 [prisoners] will have to go through one of these centers before they can be released,” Interior Ministry spokesperson General Mansur al-Turki told the agency.

Another similar facility has already been opened in the western port city of Jeddah, while three more are planned for different parts of the kingdom.

The Riyadh center though is the first one to offer jailed Al-Qaeda members – or the “deviant group,” as they are referred to by the country’s authorities – a lap of luxury as a boost to reconsider their beliefs.

It is planned that during the day prisoners will attend seminars on religious affairs.

“In order to fight terrorism, we must give them an intellectual and psychological balance... through dialogue and persuasion,” said the director of the rehabilitation centers, Said al-Bishi.

So far, some 2,336 Al-Qaeda prisoners have been through Saudi rehabilitation schemes, he said. No more than 10 per cent of former inmates rejoin extremist groups, Bishi noted, adding that such proportion is “encouraging.”

However, the program does have its opponents, especially given that some there have been some high-profile returns to the ranks of jihad. For instance, Saeed al-Shehri - a former Guantanamo Bay prisoner who went through a rehabilitation program in Saudi Arabia - upon his release traveled to Yemen and became deputy leader of Al-Qaeda on the Arabian Peninsula.

Liberals are particularly unhappy with the religious content of the program, saying that it draws on an ultra-conservative version of Islam – which not so different from Al-Qaeda’s own.
http://rt.com/news/saudi-al-qaeda-spa-141/
Old 04-21-13, 12:42 AM
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Re: What crime can I commit to get myself sentenced to two weeks in minimum security

Originally Posted by crazyronin View Post
Mopery.


<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/liCpN_VzpSA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

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