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Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

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Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

Old 07-31-12, 05:47 PM
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Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

Just found this out last night and figured what better place to discuss it than here?

Someone I had known since 7th grade killed himself in April and apparently his family just released the info to the papers a few days ago. He had a twin sister who died about 3 years ago from unknown natural causes, and I guess he took it pretty hard.

In school I loved him like a brother- at least, how I might love a brother if I had one, since I'm an only child. Thing was, I could never tell him. There was nothing sexual about it whatsoever, but I was afraid if I told him how I felt he might think it was so I never said anything. When high school started we drifted apart anyways- he was always doing things with other people and not inviting me. (This was in the pre-internet days, so there was no such thing as messaging or anything like that. If you wanted to contact someone you had to actually CALL them on the phone at home, no cell phones either. I was often too shy to call people, I always thought if stuff like Facebook had existed then I might have had more friends and been more communicative.)

Something I really hated him for was this: I was the first amongst my group of friends to get a driver's license, so I thought that would make them want to hang out with me more. During Christmas break we went out on a day trip, and he and my other friends decided it would be fun to ditch me at one point. When we got back in the car, I was so upset that I ended up in an accident which totalled the car but didn't hurt anyone. I couldn't drive again for about a year afterwards, but this "friend" still wanted to go out and cruise and complained about it, even though he knew why I couldn't do that anymore. By the time he had gotten his license we were very out of touch, which saddened me because I had thought it would have been exciting to see him learn how to drive and stuff.

About 4 years after we graduated high school, I heard little from him but ended up moving into the same apartment complex he was living in (this was in 1995). Thing was we hardly ever spoke as by this time he had become a completely different person. What really shocked me was that he was smoking, which was something he preached about being "morally wrong" when we were younger and was one of the main things I respected him for. (He was living with a girl, so I assumed he was smoking so she would think he was "cool".) I often cried about him "selling out", but was too shy to ever confront him about it. I mostly just avoided running into him and when I did, we'd have very basic conversations. The most I did was leave a note under his doormat when I moved out- it said basically "The real you would NEVER do what you are doing now. If the real you ever comes back let me know as he was one of my best friends and I miss him." I don't know if he ever actually got or read the note. I was too much of a wimp to even sign my name to it but he probably would have guessed it was from me if he had gotten it. (At this point basically I could only be silent and pretend everything was OK in the face of unpleasantness, but on paper I could let out everything I wanted to say since I wouldn't be there to see their reaction. I've gotten better at this since then.)

11 years later, I was taking a nap during the day and had a dream about him where I was beating the crap out of him, calling him a sellout and saying how mad I was that I considered him such a good friend but he apparently didn't think the same of me. When I woke up, I went right to the computer and tried searching for him. I had done this before but nothing had ever come up, and nothing on him came up this time either. I then put in the name of his twin sister, and found out that she had DIED a few weeks earlier! The only reason I found that out was because of the dream I had. I was able to make it to her memorial service- I watched my friend from a distance, and after the service on the way out I shook his hand and told him to call me if he ever needed anything. I got out pretty quick though because I was afraid of bursting out crying. That was the last I ever saw of him- he never contacted me. (I'll add here that NONE of his other friends were present, and he seemed pleasantly surprised to see me there.)

Now I've just learned he killed himself in April- the notice said he was very depressed after his sister died. Part of me feels bad because I could have helped him through it if he had contacted me, or maybe if I had gone out of my way to contact him. Part of me doesn't feel so bad though, because he was basically a bastard for not being such a good friend to me in high school. He will have a memorial service later at the same place his sister's was at, I am of course going but not sure if I should make my presence known. If I say everything I've said here, it probably won't go over well.

Not sure if anyone will read this or care about it, but feel free to comment and ask questions if you do.
Old 07-31-12, 06:18 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

You were such a good friend to him. Shame he chose to x you out of his life.

One thing I hate is very stubborn friends. That is why I usually keep to myself and don't hang around with them or chose to be very close.
Old 07-31-12, 06:23 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

sounds like the synopsis to a bad Hollywood movie
Old 07-31-12, 06:31 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

Sounds to me like you have a little of the gay
Old 07-31-12, 06:42 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

You seem a bit obsessed with a guy you stopped being friends with when you were 16.

And do people hold memorial services a few weeks after someone passes away?
Old 07-31-12, 06:44 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

"In school I loved him like a brother- at least, how I might love a brother if I had one, since I'm an only child. Thing was, I could never tell him."

Yeah this isn't something you want to bring up with another adolescent dude. Unless you're ready to get punched or kissed depending on his reaction.

I kind of wonder why I've never had the man-love feeling for any of my friends. I guess I can't relate to the "loved him like a brother" thing since I have two brothers and we basically fought throughout our whole childhood.
Old 07-31-12, 06:54 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

It doesn't sound like you were the closest of friends ("like brothers") if you couldn't even approach the guy and talk to him. And this pattern of not being able to openly talk to him spans years and years--from the very beginning of your "friendship."
Old 07-31-12, 07:00 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

You might be a stalker and I understand him distancing himself from you.

I couldn't even get through the whole thing, too emo.

Suicides are moronic and the people are losers. Anyone who kills themselves because a Sister dies is an idiot. If she were his wife, that would be more reasonable, but sister is just plain stupid.

He was an idiot and you're a stalker. Go dig up his grave and fill a cage with his bones.
Old 07-31-12, 07:02 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

My advice: forget about that douche.
Old 07-31-12, 07:08 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

Sounds like you are just another typical 40 year old dude who wished he sucked his best friend off when he had the chance.

If you hurry and get a shovel you might be able to get to him before Rigormortis goes away.
Old 07-31-12, 07:13 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

I swear
Old 07-31-12, 07:50 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

Maybe he stopped being your friend because you were crying all the time. That's a little strange.
Old 07-31-12, 08:03 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

Originally Posted by covenant View Post

Old 07-31-12, 08:18 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

Originally Posted by foofighters7 View Post
Suicides are moronic and the people are losers.
Life experience has taught me it is more complicated and sadder than that.

Originally Posted by foofighters7 View Post
Anyone who kills themselves because a Sister dies is an idiot. If she were his wife, that would be more reasonable, but sister is just plain stupid.
The OP said this was his twin sister, which can be an extremely close bond, one the majority of us can never understand.

Alan Smithee, thanks for sharing, it was an interesting read and very sad. I think all of us have had friends we loved, felt like family to, and had them grow apart and leave us behind. I'm sure most of us have done this same thing to others.

You sound like a caring person, and someone who would have been a good friend. I'm sure you are greiving the loss of this person who was such an important figure for so much of your life, so I don't know if it is appropriate to say your fixation on him is not healthy, and did you no good.

I hope you have other friends and family. I hope you have people around you, because even though most people are going to tell you you're attachment to this "friend" was silly or stalkerish, he clearly meant a lot to you, and learn he is gone must be terrible.

I sincerely wish you the best. Take good care of yourself.
Old 07-31-12, 09:11 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

Originally Posted by Alan Smithee View Post
If I say everything I've said here, it probably won't go over well.
Yes.
Old 07-31-12, 09:15 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

Originally Posted by covenant View Post
I swear

what does it means?
Old 07-31-12, 09:53 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

Originally Posted by the_dude8 View Post
what does it means?
It's from a scene near the end of Brokeback Mountain.
Old 07-31-12, 10:48 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

Originally Posted by Goat3001 View Post
And do people hold memorial services a few weeks after someone passes away?
I was thinking the same thing, or months in this case if the guy died in April. That's pretty damn weird.
Old 07-31-12, 11:11 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

Originally Posted by thematahara View Post
Sounds like you are just another typical 40 year old dude who wished he sucked his best friend off when he had the chance.
Is that a common thing to wish for?
Old 07-31-12, 11:16 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

Originally Posted by cungar View Post
"In school I loved him like a brother- at least, how I might love a brother if I had one, since I'm an only child. Thing was, I could never tell him."

Yeah this isn't something you want to bring up with another adolescent dude. Unless you're ready to get punched or kissed depending on his reaction.
This is completely bizarre.
Old 07-31-12, 11:28 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

Originally Posted by the_dude8 View Post
what does it means?
It means iron your damn clothes.

Last edited by DVD Polizei; 07-31-12 at 11:36 PM.
Old 07-31-12, 11:29 PM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

If you knew him since the 7th grade and you drifted apart from him when High School started, you were only really close to him for 2 years or less. Not theat long really when you think about it. His suicide isn't your fault, and there wouldn't be much you could have done about even if you reached out. It was his decision.
Old 08-01-12, 12:41 AM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

Originally Posted by Crocker Jarmen View Post
Life experience has taught me it is more complicated and sadder than that.



The OP said this was his twin sister, which can be an extremely close bond, one the majority of us can never understand.

Alan Smithee, thanks for sharing, it was an interesting read and very sad. I think all of us have had friends we loved, felt like family to, and had them grow apart and leave us behind. I'm sure most of us have done this same thing to others.

You sound like a caring person, and someone who would have been a good friend. I'm sure you are greiving the loss of this person who was such an important figure for so much of your life, so I don't know if it is appropriate to say your fixation on him is not healthy, and did you no good.

I hope you have other friends and family. I hope you have people around you, because even though most people are going to tell you you're attachment to this "friend" was silly or stalkerish, he clearly meant a lot to you, and learn he is gone must be terrible.

I sincerely wish you the best. Take good care of yourself.


Maybe you and the OP can get together, bond, nothing gay or anything just two guys really Feeling each other. Again, nothing gay or anything, just two dudes with feelings really letting them out in a fresh hot blast of love.
Old 08-01-12, 12:48 AM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

This was kind of disturbing to read.
Old 08-01-12, 01:16 AM
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Re: Friend from long ago committed suicide, 3 years after his twin sister died

People form very close emotional attachments during their formative teen years that are harder to forget or dismiss than ones formed in adulthood. It's a trick of biochemistry as our brains go through massive hormonal changes in those years.

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