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YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

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YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

Old 10-19-11, 10:49 AM
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YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

So, currently I am not satisfied with my current position. My job seems stagnant, and with my current supervisor promotion seems unobtainable.

I have been offered a position in another facility, which immediately begins with a supervisory position, and a 25% salary increase.

To make things harder, in addition to being an ideal position for me, it is in one of the most ideal places to live (for me).

However, this job is 2300 miles away from "home" and my wife isn't able to follow me (at least not immediately).

So, I would be living away from my wife, for at least several months at a time. The salary would not be sufficient for multiple trips back and forth to "visit" home. This is taking into account the higher tax rate, and rent for an apartment.

So, I guess my question is, has anybody lived away from a spouse for any significant period of time? I am guessing 2-years would be the minimum duration at this position before I could consider returning here.

Last edited by jonw9; 10-20-11 at 10:16 AM.
Old 10-19-11, 11:33 AM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

So, at the end of two years, you would have earned 25% more, but also have spent a bit more, maintaining two residences.

Is that worth the separation?

If your plan were for this job change to be the first step to moving to the new location, and your wife would join you there soon, that would be different.
Old 10-19-11, 11:41 AM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

Originally Posted by Mrs. Danger View Post
So, at the end of two years, you would have earned 25% more, but also have spent a bit more, maintaining two residences.

Is that worth the separation?

If your plan were for this job change to be the first step to moving to the new location, and your wife would join you there soon, that would be different.
Correct. This wouldn't really be for the money. It would be for the job experience, and the opportunity to get out of where I am now.

My wife is stable in her career, and likes her job. She doesn't want to give that up, especially considering she may not be able to jump into another (similar) position in the new location. In the case of 1 income, this 25% increase would be a 35% reduction in total gross.
Old 10-19-11, 12:10 PM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

Convince your supervisor to take the new job
You take his job
---------
=Profit!
Old 10-19-11, 12:27 PM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

I think I would keep looking for an opportunity closer to where you live if you have no intention of ultimately moving to this new city. What if you don't like it there? You'll be stuck in a lease, which you could break but will cost you and then you'll be out of a job. What if you do really well there and start getting more promotions? Will you still be willing to leave after 2 years if *your* career is starting to take off in the new city? Plus, like you say, you will ultimately be making a lot less. This could put a big strain on your relationship because of the distance and financial burden.

It sounds like you just want to escape. I know what that's like. Trust me. I feel the same way where I am, but you need to be patient and wait for something that is right and not try to make an opportunity fit just because it's there. As Mrs. Danger said, if the idea is to ultimately move the entire family, then do it; otherwise, keep looking.
Old 10-19-11, 12:40 PM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

I wouldn't do it.
Old 10-19-11, 12:48 PM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

Don't do it if your family is not coming with you.
Old 10-19-11, 12:48 PM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

Yet another Jew thread?
Old 10-19-11, 01:02 PM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

Add me to the "would not do it" camp.
Old 10-19-11, 04:51 PM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

Don't do it... You'll be setting yourself up for many headaches down the road if you do. The personal strain will be all consuming.
Old 10-19-11, 07:42 PM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

If you decide to do this, get the divorce first. It'll be easier, and cheaper that way.
Old 10-19-11, 08:31 PM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

Don't do it. Unless you want to divorce your wife.
Old 10-19-11, 09:02 PM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

Originally Posted by Quatermass View Post
Convince your supervisor to take the new job
You take his job
---------
=Profit!
If you need help convincing the supervisor, I'm sure the power of otter could come up with a few suggestions...
Old 10-19-11, 09:10 PM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

What is preventing the wife from going with you? work/school?
Old 10-19-11, 10:15 PM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

I wouldn't do it.
Old 10-20-11, 06:42 AM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

I've vowed that if I ever have to take on a project with extended travel (mon-fri) for more than a month that I would look for other work.

Absolutely no way I'd consider something like this. I've done the consulting travel thing before and it had some major negative impacts on my relationship.
Old 10-20-11, 09:43 AM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

My dad tried that same situation a few years ago, only it was only about 300 miles away. He ended up quitting after 6 months.
Old 10-20-11, 09:54 AM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

I wouldn't do it.

The only couple I know that did do it, ended in divorce (sure, there were relationship problems to start with, but whose relationship is perfect?)

He lost his job and after 6 months or so of looking got offered a position that was 1000 miles away at decent pay. She and the kids (age 10 and 14) did NOT want to move under any conditions. He rented a room in the new city (cheap) and commuted home every weekend to start, then every other weekend, then once in a while, then divorce. He worked the distance job for about 1 year.

Then he ended up landing a job close to the hometown (30-40 miles from his old home) to complete the divorce...
Old 10-20-11, 10:15 AM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

Yeah, I figured it would for sure be a strain. She would not follow because she is a school teacher, with tenure, and 10 years in towards a 25 retirement.

There is the chance that should could come and live with me during the summers, but now we are talking 3 months (max) out of 9. Plus the more I think about it, the more I realize that leaving here behind with the house and associated responsibilities, she could not handle it, and it would be a further strain.

It is unfortunate, as the position is what I am looking for, with more responsibility, and pay. Plus it is someplace that would be nice to leave, as compared to Craptown, MI.
Old 10-25-11, 09:06 AM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

After a week of tough discussions, I have decided that although this is a tremendous opportunity, I can't see a way of making it work whilst retaining my marriage.

Thanks for the responses.
Old 10-25-11, 09:15 AM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

My mom and dad did this when I was 5-10. My mom had an opportunity to manage a campground and we all moved there (they preferred the country ... what a bunch of hippies). My dad had a good paying unionized factory job and didn't want to leave. I forget how far it was. But it was a three hour drive.

He'd come home every weekend or two. And we'd visit him every few weeks. Would get there Friday evening and get back Sunday evening.

As far as money goes... I never understood how they really made it work. After selling our house, my dad had a nice apartment that was probably $600/mo. Plus food. Plus driving back and forth every week.

As far as relationship problems... I guess it's not for the weak minded or egotistical. If your relationship hangs on a thin thread and you can't trust each other, I guess that sucks for you anyways. Worked fine for my parents.

OMG. I think I just figured something out. My parents are SPIES.
Old 10-25-11, 09:38 AM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

Originally Posted by jonw9 View Post
After a week of tough discussions, I have decided that although this is a tremendous opportunity, I can't see a way of making it work whilst retaining my marriage.

Thanks for the responses.
For the record, could this be the first time anyone has heeded the advice of folks here?

Sounds like a wise move in this case.
Old 10-25-11, 09:45 AM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

Originally Posted by troystiffler View Post
My mom and dad did this when I was 5-10. My mom had an opportunity to manage a campground and we all moved there (they preferred the country ... what a bunch of hippies). My dad had a good paying unionized factory job and didn't want to leave. I forget how far it was. But it was a three hour drive.

He'd come home every weekend or two. And we'd visit him every few weeks. Would get there Friday evening and get back Sunday evening.

As far as money goes... I never understood how they really made it work. After selling our house, my dad had a nice apartment that was probably $600/mo. Plus food. Plus driving back and forth every week.

As far as relationship problems... I guess it's not for the weak minded or egotistical. If your relationship hangs on a thin thread and you can't trust each other, I guess that sucks for you anyways. Worked fine for my parents.
I wouldn't say our relationship is on a thin thread. However, driving 3 hours on the weekend is much different than driving ~29 hours (one-way), or buying a $700+ plane ticket.

There are options in the ~3 hour range that I am currently looking into. Again, not ideal, but could be made to work.
Old 10-25-11, 01:07 PM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

My dad took a 2 year position on the other side of the planet and left my mom with 3 teenagers and a elementary age kid. He visited once during that time. It was very hard on her. We self-absorbed teenagers were extremely hard on her. At some point she just gave up trying to control us. Once that happened we stopped rebelling.

I really don't know how she did it.
Old 10-25-11, 04:08 PM
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Re: YAJT: Working "Away" from Home, Done It?

Originally Posted by cardsfan111 View Post
For the record, could this be the first time anyone has heeded the advice of folks here?

Sounds like a wise move in this case.


I just came in here to post don't do it. It would have killed your relationship. Regardless of how strong you think it is. I worked a night shift postion for a couple of years about 7 years ago and that damn near killed me and my wife's relationship.

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