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New bullying threat! Wait... what?

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New bullying threat! Wait... what?

Old 10-18-11, 11:48 AM
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New bullying threat! Wait... what?

http://www.**************.com/d/news...rouch-push.php

Deadly teen bullying trend sweeps Shaggy Butte

Could your child be next in crouching behind someone then getting pushed over crouched person epidemic?

SHAGGY BUTTE - Shaggy Butte Senior High School sophomore Derek Horseley had a promising future ahead of him. He was an honor student, a junior varsity basketball player and an active member of the Key Club.

"He was such a bright kid," says DeVonne Horseley, his mother. "And now, he has nothing. No future at all."

On September 27th, Horseley became the latest victim of a bullying fad that's causing injury-- and potential death-- to untold numbers of teens in Shaggy Butte and beyond. It's called "crouching behind someone and pushing the person over the crouched person," and it could result in skull fractures, ankle twists, concussions and-- as in Horseley's case-- worse.

"I've heard of a lot of incidents of it recently," Shaggy Butte High principal Farrokh Bulsara. "Just the other day, we had to send a girl home because somebody had come up behind her, and then somebody else had advanced in front of the girl and pushed the girl over so she fell over the person crouching behind her. She got a little dinged up. They've been pulling that prank since back in my day, and it's always been pretty dangerous."

A brutal new innovation in bullying

Here's how the deadly new trend of crouching behind someone and pushing the person over the crouched person works: first, a child crouches behind a second child, who is standing. Then, a third child gets in front of the second child and shoves the second child. The second child falls backwards, tripping over the first child who had been crouching behind him or her.

This bullying is even more brutal than it sounds. According to Dr. Rick Lamby of Shaggy Butte Family Practice, crouching behind someone and pushing the person over the crouched person is not just fun and games-- it's life and death.

"People could really be hurt if someone crouched behind them and then a third person came up and pushed the person so they fell over the crouched person," Dr. Lamby tells us. "If I understand correctly what you're trying to describe, I can imagine someone really hurting their neck or head when they hit the ground. If they fell onto concrete, it could potentially injure the person who got pushed over the crouched person very much. I'm thinking fractured skulls, broken elbows, tweaked necks, you name it."

And it's almost as dangerous for the victims as it is for the perpetrators.

"I really wouldn't recommend this practice, even as a joke," Dr. Lamby continues. "Even the crouched person might get hurt, if the person who got pushed over the crouched person landed on the crouched person wrong. Or, if the person who got pushed over the crouched person thrust their legs out wrong, even the person who did the pushing of the other person could maybe get kicked."
Has this town been in a time warp? This is new?

I see the link has been censored because it's something awful. Don't try to go there.
Old 10-18-11, 11:51 AM
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Re: New bullying threat! Wait... what?

It'll never catch on until they come up with a better name for it.
Old 10-18-11, 11:57 AM
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Re: New bullying threat! Wait... what?

"Crouching behind someone and pushing the person over the crouched person" doesn't nearly roll off the tongue like the names of other current fads like "sagging" and "planking".

It needs a new name - something that will allow the mainstream media to pick this up and make it the "potentially fatal behavior plaguing our youth" (cue ominous music)

How about "shoving" ... or even "being stupid"?

Anyone?
Old 10-18-11, 12:01 PM
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Re: New bullying threat! Wait... what?

"Being stupid" has been done.
Old 10-18-11, 12:02 PM
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Re: New bullying threat! Wait... what?

Ahhh the classic schoolboy.
Old 10-18-11, 12:03 PM
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Re: New bullying threat! Wait... what?

You know this isn't a real news story....right?
Old 10-18-11, 12:06 PM
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Re: New bullying threat! Wait... what?

They had me at "Shaggy Butte".
Old 10-18-11, 12:31 PM
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Re: New bullying threat! Wait... what?

This story reminded me of my second-grade teacher, a sweet thing who'd just graduated from teacher's college the year she taught my class, and who told us a story about a little girl who broke her back and died after rocking her chair back on the rear legs. She told us this story because some of the rambunctious boys in my class were doing this.

She was my favorite teacher of all my grammar school years. About 15 years later, I ran into her in a gay bar. ::
Old 10-18-11, 12:41 PM
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Re: New bullying threat! Wait... what?

Originally Posted by WallyOPD View Post
You know this isn't a real news story....right?
Shush, you!
Old 10-18-11, 12:45 PM
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Re: New bullying threat! Wait... what?

The first page of Google turned up these gems:

Wi-Fi the New Danger to Children…Apparently
MySpace: Your Kids' Danger? - CBS News
Owling, The Terrible New Danger for Your College Children ...
Meth Space: The New Danger to Children | CADCA
Swallowing lithium batteries: A powerful new danger to kids ...
Mobile Devices Present New Danger for Child Users | Mobicip Online ...
Old 10-18-11, 12:46 PM
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Re: New bullying threat! Wait... what?

It sounds like the kids were just Horseleying around, but without that article describing exactly the physical mechanics of this prank, I can't tell. Also, we need a follow-up from last years deadly bullying fad the "grab the person's underpants from behind and lift vertically" that potentially claimed the lives of so many kids.
Old 10-18-11, 08:27 PM
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Re: New bullying threat! Wait... what?

It's a 15 yard penalty in a football game.
Old 10-19-11, 12:39 AM
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Re: New bullying threat! Wait... what?

The latest bullying fad?

People were doing this 30 years ago!
Old 10-19-11, 02:57 AM
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Re: New bullying threat! Wait... what?

Originally Posted by nodeerforamonth View Post
The latest bullying fad?

People were doing this 30 years ago!
^what he said. this is nothing new.
I'm a custodian in the elem school I went to when I was a kid and there are "No bullying" "bully free zone" etc signs all over the school. These kids are gonna grow up to be huge pussies.
Old 10-19-11, 08:13 AM
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Re: New bullying threat! Wait... what?

You guys actually believe Something Awful?
That parody site hasn't been relevant since Fark.

What's next, quoting The Onion?
Old 10-19-11, 09:27 AM
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Re: New bullying threat! Wait... what?

I think the Onion still has some pretty good stuff.
Old 10-19-11, 04:41 PM
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Re: New bullying threat! Wait... what?

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