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Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

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Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

Old 09-15-11, 09:46 AM
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Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

http://gawker.com/5839596/gordon-ram...aten-by-badger

U.K. tabloid Sunday Sport recently introduced the world to Percy Foster, a 35-year-old dwarf porn star whose career was just beginning to catch fire. It was all because an observant production assistant on the set of Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It's Up Your Arse We Go had noticed how much Foster looked like celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. But just as Foster was set to join the rarefied ranks of celebrity lookalike dwarf porn stars, tragedy struck: The body of the 3' 6" performer has been discovered in a badger's den, partially eaten.

According to Sunday Sport's follow-up account, Foster was found "deep in an underground chamber by Ministry of Agriculture experts ahead of a planned badger-gassing programme near Tregaron, west Wales." They write that "expert CSI teams had to use fingertip technology to remove his body from the six-foot-deep burrow." (I have no idea what fingertip technology is, but I imagine it's akin to one of those claw cranes you find in arcades and drugstores.)

Officials have not yet ruled out suicide, and adult film producer Dexter Yamunkeh's comments in which he intimates that Foster may have cracked under the pressures of being the world's leading Gordon Ramsay-lookalike-sex-dwarf certainly don't invalidate the possibility:

"Percy was a little guy with big problems. He was doing well but he was under pressure, 24/7, like everyone in this goddamned business."

It's more than a little curious that the internet, aka God's porn dumping grounds, contains not a single reference to either Percy or Dexter prior to these two news items. But that's just the cynic in me talking. So tonight, we pour out a little (and I do mean little) gin in memory of poor Percy. We may never get to see his work in Midget MasterChef: Assbasters 7, but his memory will live on all the same.

Last edited by The Infidel; 09-15-11 at 10:12 AM.
Old 09-15-11, 10:12 AM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

I TOLD him he didn't need those stinkin' badgers!
Old 09-15-11, 10:16 AM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

"It was all because an observant production assistant on the set of Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It's Up Your Arse We Go..."

Those fucking things will eat anything...or anyone! Here's a short documentary on the badger.

<object width="420" height="315"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4r7wHMg5Yjg?version=3&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4r7wHMg5Yjg?version=3&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="420" height="315" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object>
Old 09-15-11, 10:44 AM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!



HA HA Gordon Ramsey's dwarf porn star doppelganger. His forehead was literally half his face.
Old 09-15-11, 11:37 AM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

The body of the 3' 6" performer has been discovered in a badger's den, partially eaten.
What part did the badger eat?
Old 09-15-11, 11:40 AM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

Those Honey Badgers are insane, they are like bite proof with that skin on their back. Predators can just gnaw on them and they won't let go of the kill they have or whatever.
Old 09-15-11, 11:50 AM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

Originally Posted by Josh-da-man View Post
What part did the badger eat?
The biggest part of his body. His forehead
Old 09-15-11, 11:51 AM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

The body of the 3' 6" performer has been discovered in a badger's den, partially eaten.
They must have had a small appetite.
Old 09-15-11, 12:14 PM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

Did this guy actually do pornos playing Gordon? I'm imagining a mini-Ramsey and some girl... "No no, you're doing it wrong, you donkey!!!!"
Old 09-15-11, 03:39 PM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

Sunday Sport?

"Reporting live from the Badger Dwarf Eating World Cup, here's our correspondent Huffington Knobgobbler"
Old 09-15-11, 03:59 PM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

They don't have honey badgers in Wales. They have European badgers - a related species, but nowhere near as aggressive or nasty. They mostly eat worms, insects and (apparently) dwarves.

Old 09-16-11, 01:41 AM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

Oh, this headline again?
Old 09-16-11, 06:34 AM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

Originally Posted by Phodg View Post
They don't have honey badgers in Wales. They have European badgers - a related species, but nowhere near as aggressive or nasty. They mostly eat worms, insects and (apparently) dwarves.

They also make excellent shaving brushes. That light colored hair around the neck is known as 'best badger." Unfortunately, the process of being made into a shaving brush is fatal to the badger.
Old 09-16-11, 09:51 AM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

Originally Posted by cungar View Post
His forehead was literally half his face.
Originally Posted by cungar View Post
The biggest part of his body. His forehead
That's not a forehead or a fivehead, it is definitely a sixhead.
Old 09-16-11, 08:40 PM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

Due to size constraints, the badger was probably mistaken for a grizzly bear.
Old 09-17-11, 09:17 AM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It's Up Your Arse We Go
Old 09-17-11, 09:57 AM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

I gotta stop reading these threads first thing in the morning ... :lol

I must admit, however, my first thought was that maybe the badger was really a hedgehog and Ron Jeremy had jumped the fence ...
Old 09-17-11, 04:03 PM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/pWE6oPv3KLs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Old 09-17-11, 05:08 PM
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Re: Headline of the week: Dwarf Porn Star Found Eaten By Badgers!

Big deal, we do this before every game at Camp Randall

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