Appropriate or inappropriate? Multigenerational dust-up
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Appropriate or inappropriate? Multigenerational dust-up
I had a Facebook disagreement with my best friend of 40 years this week. I have apologized but have not heard from her and realize she may need to cool down. I said something (in jest) that she took offense to. We have had many disagreements over the years and have always been able to smooth things over.
The difference now is that her 19-year-old daughter scolded me on her mom's Facebook page, and try as I may, I just can't swallow the pill of being upbraided by someone who's young enough to be my daughter. I can't imagine ever doing that to one of my mother's friends, although to be fair, my mother was of a very different generation than mine and she was quite a bit older than me in comparison to the mothers of my friends.
A few weeks ago my friend scolded her daughter in front of me about something she and her husband were upset with Daughter about, and I told my friend afterward that I thought that was kind of not cool to do because the daughter was obviously embarrassed by having it brought up in front of someone outside the family. Now I wonder whether the daughter is striking out at me in misplaced anger over being reproved so publicly.
Anyway, it's a big ugly mess and I'd appreciate input.
The difference now is that her 19-year-old daughter scolded me on her mom's Facebook page, and try as I may, I just can't swallow the pill of being upbraided by someone who's young enough to be my daughter. I can't imagine ever doing that to one of my mother's friends, although to be fair, my mother was of a very different generation than mine and she was quite a bit older than me in comparison to the mothers of my friends.
A few weeks ago my friend scolded her daughter in front of me about something she and her husband were upset with Daughter about, and I told my friend afterward that I thought that was kind of not cool to do because the daughter was obviously embarrassed by having it brought up in front of someone outside the family. Now I wonder whether the daughter is striking out at me in misplaced anger over being reproved so publicly.
Anyway, it's a big ugly mess and I'd appreciate input.
#3
DVD Talk Limited Edition
Re: Appropriate or inappropriate? Multigenerational dust-up
Kids today have no shame. Who cares if she was embarrassed in front of someone else? Doing something wrong is doing something wrong.
I was raised to never "talk-back" to a grown-up, this held doubly true to adults that weren't my parents.
It's a respect thing, plain and simple.
It's funny to me that the 19year old responded to you (I'm assuming) of an adult manner in an adult way...and you responded to her in the same manner...then the mother got pissed off because it's her "baby-girl"? So which is it? Is she a 19-year-old child OR 19-year-old young adult?
BTW, 30 is the new 18...
I was raised to never "talk-back" to a grown-up, this held doubly true to adults that weren't my parents.
It's a respect thing, plain and simple.
It's funny to me that the 19year old responded to you (I'm assuming) of an adult manner in an adult way...and you responded to her in the same manner...then the mother got pissed off because it's her "baby-girl"? So which is it? Is she a 19-year-old child OR 19-year-old young adult?
BTW, 30 is the new 18...
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Re: Appropriate or inappropriate? Multigenerational dust-up
...and it also felt sort of good in a wrong sort of way.
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Re: Appropriate or inappropriate? Multigenerational dust-up

Anyway, I shouldn't have been flip and I'm sorry I said it, but her FB is usually populated by a bunch of 40somethings like us and none of them objected or chided me. Like I said, I have no problem with apologizing to my friend. It was insensitive of me.
So now you know. I'm a terrible person.

#10
DVD Talk Platinum Edition
Re: Appropriate or inappropriate? Multigenerational dust-up
wait...19 years old? What the hell is the mom scolding her for anyway? She's an adult, I'd tell me my to shut up if she started in on something trying to 'scold' me. I'm 30 now but at 19 I didn't need anyone 'scolding' me.
Oh and Facebook is the devil, down with Facebook. If you've been friends with someone for 40 years you have the right to tell them to get over it and grow up.
Oh and Facebook is the devil, down with Facebook. If you've been friends with someone for 40 years you have the right to tell them to get over it and grow up.
#12
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Re: Appropriate or inappropriate? Multigenerational dust-up
Since when does a nineteen year-old owe you shit?
When I was a younger I told off adults, and never felt I owed them any kind of special respect just because they squirted out of a vagina a few decades before I did.
The simple fact is, most people are idiots, regardless of age. Facebook is proof of this.
When I was a younger I told off adults, and never felt I owed them any kind of special respect just because they squirted out of a vagina a few decades before I did.
The simple fact is, most people are idiots, regardless of age. Facebook is proof of this.
#14
DVD Talk Hero
Re: Appropriate or inappropriate? Multigenerational dust-up
She was worrying about her husband who is currently in the south where the tornadoes had hit (he's okay, but a lot of people aren't). I made some flippant remark about him having gotten a -- well, I won't post it from work, but it has the word "blow" in it, if you get my drift. 
Anyway, I shouldn't have been flip and I'm sorry I said it, but her FB is usually populated by a bunch of 40somethings like us and none of them objected or chided me. Like I said, I have no problem with apologizing to my friend. It was insensitive of me.
So now you know. I'm a terrible person.

Anyway, I shouldn't have been flip and I'm sorry I said it, but her FB is usually populated by a bunch of 40somethings like us and none of them objected or chided me. Like I said, I have no problem with apologizing to my friend. It was insensitive of me.
So now you know. I'm a terrible person.

A friend of mine recently had to put down her cat. Apparently, and this is news to me, lilies, easter lilies and some other flowers are extremely lethal to cats. Like, if they get too close or nibble them just a tiny bit, it has the adverse effect of shutting down some of their vital organs. Scary shit. Anyway, so she posted a paragraph on her Facebook page about the dangers of those flowers to cats.
My wife re-posted that paragraph as well, because well... we have a cat, and neither of us had any idea about the issue, so she wanted to make sure other people were aware, too. A male friend of hers (and also a friend of the girl who had to put down Cooper... yes, named after Special Agent Dale Cooper) commented on my wife's post, saying something like "I know what I'm getting MY cat for his birthday! LOLZ OMG BBQ"
Instead of going into a hissy-fit about it, though, my wife just deleted his post. Lame Facebook Crisis(tm) averted.
#15
DVD Talk Special Edition
Re: Appropriate or inappropriate? Multigenerational dust-up
For reasons I'll never understand, people seem to love to get upset about comments on social networking sites. If you made the same comment to your friend in person, it likely would have been laughed off & forgotten instantly.
I just don't get it.
I just don't get it.
#16
DVD Talk Limited Edition
Re: Appropriate or inappropriate? Multigenerational dust-up
Ignore the 19 year old = act your age
Respond in any way to said 19 year old = become a 19 year-old yourself
Respond in any way to said 19 year old = become a 19 year-old yourself
#18
DVD Talk Limited Edition
Re: Appropriate or inappropriate? Multigenerational dust-up
She was worrying about her husband who is currently in the south where the tornadoes had hit (he's okay, but a lot of people aren't). I made some flippant remark about him having gotten a -- well, I won't post it from work, but it has the word "blow" in it, if you get my drift. 
Anyway, I shouldn't have been flip and I'm sorry I said it, but her FB is usually populated by a bunch of 40somethings like us and none of them objected or chided me. Like I said, I have no problem with apologizing to my friend. It was insensitive of me.
So now you know. I'm a terrible person.

Anyway, I shouldn't have been flip and I'm sorry I said it, but her FB is usually populated by a bunch of 40somethings like us and none of them objected or chided me. Like I said, I have no problem with apologizing to my friend. It was insensitive of me.
So now you know. I'm a terrible person.

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Re: Appropriate or inappropriate? Multigenerational dust-up
Kind of similar situation... different outcome...
A friend of mine recently had to put down her cat. Apparently, and this is news to me, lilies, easter lilies and some other flowers are extremely lethal to cats. Like, if they get too close or nibble them just a tiny bit, it has the adverse effect of shutting down some of their vital organs. Scary shit. Anyway, so she posted a paragraph on her Facebook page about the dangers of those flowers to cats.
My wife re-posted that paragraph as well, because well... we have a cat, and neither of us had any idea about the issue, so she wanted to make sure other people were aware, too. A male friend of hers (and also a friend of the girl who had to put down Cooper... yes, named after Special Agent Dale Cooper) commented on my wife's post, saying something like "I know what I'm getting MY cat for his birthday! LOLZ OMG BBQ"
Instead of going into a hissy-fit about it, though, my wife just deleted his post. Lame Facebook Crisis(tm) averted.
A friend of mine recently had to put down her cat. Apparently, and this is news to me, lilies, easter lilies and some other flowers are extremely lethal to cats. Like, if they get too close or nibble them just a tiny bit, it has the adverse effect of shutting down some of their vital organs. Scary shit. Anyway, so she posted a paragraph on her Facebook page about the dangers of those flowers to cats.
My wife re-posted that paragraph as well, because well... we have a cat, and neither of us had any idea about the issue, so she wanted to make sure other people were aware, too. A male friend of hers (and also a friend of the girl who had to put down Cooper... yes, named after Special Agent Dale Cooper) commented on my wife's post, saying something like "I know what I'm getting MY cat for his birthday! LOLZ OMG BBQ"
Instead of going into a hissy-fit about it, though, my wife just deleted his post. Lame Facebook Crisis(tm) averted.
She was worrying about her husband who is currently in the south where the tornadoes had hit (he's okay, but a lot of people aren't). I made some flippant remark about him having gotten a -- well, I won't post it from work, but it has the word "blow" in it, if you get my drift. 
Anyway, I shouldn't have been flip and I'm sorry I said it, but her FB is usually populated by a bunch of 40somethings like us and none of them objected or chided me. Like I said, I have no problem with apologizing to my friend. It was insensitive of me.
So now you know. I'm a terrible person.

Anyway, I shouldn't have been flip and I'm sorry I said it, but her FB is usually populated by a bunch of 40somethings like us and none of them objected or chided me. Like I said, I have no problem with apologizing to my friend. It was insensitive of me.
So now you know. I'm a terrible person.

#25
DVD Talk Ruler
Re: Appropriate or inappropriate? Multigenerational dust-up
Sometimes you have to make the joke even if the timing isn't right. I do it all the time and get in trouble often. It is worth it. Anyone who knows me and takes big enough offense that they don't want to talk to me anymore -that's fine. I don't like walking around on eggshells with people.. so I don't both to communicate with people that might get easily hurt by my outstanding whit.