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Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

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Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

Old 12-01-10, 12:43 AM
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Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

My oldest is very young for his grade (June birthday) but is also very smart. 4 of the last 6 report cards were all A's and when he doesn't get one, it's because he doesn't try. We had considered holding him back in preschool simply because of his age, but fortunately didn't for a number of reasons.

However, my middle son is in the 4th grade and is relatively young for his grade (April). But he struggles. He doesn't focus well. When he does, he does fine, but just lacks the overall maturity of other kids in his grade. We had discussed holding him back in first, second, and third grades, but the teachers talked us out of it. Lots of times kids simply mature and catch up in grade school. But now he is getting ready for 5th grade and it changes quite a bit from there. If you aren't ready for 5th grade, things will suck and you will hate school. So we are considering holding him back now. He doesn't like the idea because his friends will move on, but he honestly doesn't have many friends (mainly because of the maturity issue) in his grade anyway. And we want him to be successful and think an extra year building a foundation will help him with that. But having waiting until now, we worry about how he will react to it. We know that if we are going to do it, now is really the last good time to do it.

We see some of his traits in our youngest (also a June baby), but he won't be in kindergarten until next year, and having seen this, we'll opt for holding him back earlier rather than later.

So were you held back? What grade? How was it? Any thoughts?
Old 12-01-10, 12:51 AM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

I was just like your oldest: June birthday, smart, all A's, etc. I wasn't held back, and I'm glad. The only difference is I didn't go to preschool at all.
Old 12-01-10, 12:52 AM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

I never thought of April or June as being particularly late for a kid's birthday. August kids were the weird ones
Old 12-01-10, 12:53 AM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

No, and no.
Old 12-01-10, 01:14 AM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

I was put from kindergarten into "Junior First" before moving on to first grade. As a result I think I did better in school than I would have otherwise. I was a bit older than everyone else (October 1st birthday) so I took drivers-ed during summer school between 9th and 10th grades and had my drivers license just after starting my sophmore year in HS. In my senior year I was 18 and could write my own permission slips to skip class!

I think if done early enough, then it isn't a big deal. The kid and their friends won't really remember it... but at the age you are speaking of, a kid could sustain a lot of taunting from the kids that moved on to the next grade.
Old 12-01-10, 02:29 AM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

No and No. Went to K at 5 and then I graduated HS in the 12th at 17. Had an extra year of my life to waste unlike you fall babies and whatnot.
Old 12-01-10, 02:59 AM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

I was moved forward two years.

Somehow it worked out I guess, and I tutored the older kids as a part of the program.
Old 12-01-10, 07:22 AM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

Nope. In fact, they wanted me to skip 3rd grade and go directly to 4th but my mom didn't go for it.

As for my son, he's been in some type of school since starting a Pre-K program at 3. If we hadn't managed to get him enrolled in that, we probably would have had to hold him back.
Old 12-01-10, 08:42 AM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

If you were going to hold him back then first or second grade would have been a better option -- fourth grade seems kinda late to be doing this to him.

My birthday is in June and I was held back in kindergarten. I had the opportunity to skip second grade but I did not know any of the kids ahead of me so I chose not to do it. I did not know until many years later that when I switched schools after third grade that I could have skipped the fourth grade. I had good friends in grade school and high school so overall I am happy with where I ended up.

A grade school friend felt pressure to skip a grade because all of his brothers and sisters had skipped a grade. He skipped the seventh grade and it was rough on him since he had to complete his work in seventh grade as well as eighth grade.
Old 12-01-10, 08:55 AM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

Closest I ever came to being held back was having to retake a math class over a summer between 10th and 11th grade. Wish I could go back in time and tell that kid to just pay attention in class.
Old 12-01-10, 10:38 AM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

Should have stayed back in 12th grade because of literature. Final exam counted as 10% of your total grade for the entire year. I had like a 56 average going into the final exam needing a 60 to pass.

Lit. teacher caught me cheating off another kid's paper earlier in the year. We were supposed to write a one page summary on a story we had read. This kid was going to be out that day and asked me to turn in his paper for him. I basically copied the whole thing.

I wasn't a punk though so he gave me around an 88 on the final exam to graduate me when It was probably closer to a 65.

I took homework home about 10 times in my 4 years of high school put the same effort in note-taking. Apparently in literature if you don't really read the stories its pretty difficult to pass a test based on the story you were supposed to read. I was fine being a C student.
Old 12-01-10, 11:28 AM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

I was young for my grade, and I was held back half-way through the 4th grade, not due to grades, but due to maturity level. I did well, but I was constantly disrupting class, I guess. What do remember is that when I went back to 3rd grade, I immediately shot ahead of everyone in terms of grades, which I never had a problem with. But going back was a humbling enough experience (even at that age), that I wasn't as disruptive as before.
Old 12-01-10, 11:33 AM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

I didn't skip or get held back.
Old 12-01-10, 11:44 AM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

I also think it's too late now. My younger brother was born in the month of August, and my parents held him back in before he was going to start 1st grade. He didn't like it then, but at that age it really doesn't have any long-term issues and today he's glad it happened.

We had two older kids in my school who were held back and dropped into our class, and they had a rough 2-3 years of adjustment. One of the two went on to be popular, play college football, etc., so it can work out. He still couldn't write his own papers in high school, so I guess it didn't entirely work out.
Old 12-01-10, 12:06 PM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

They will hate you for a long time if you do that.

Best alt would be to tell them you are thinking about it and fear will keep them in line fear of this battl..nvm.

My mom was considering this in the 3rd grade because my reading skill wasn't up to par but I am glad she didn't (and the Goosebumps books fixed that). I didn't have stellar grades though school but I did hold down a 3.5 average in college (that may have been because I was using my own money though).
Old 12-01-10, 12:21 PM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

Originally Posted by wishbone View Post
If you were going to hold him back then first or second grade would have been a better option -- fourth grade seems kinda late to be doing this to him.
We did discuss that. The teachers said he was fine. We thought we should hold him back but ultimately decided that maybe we were comparing him too much to his older brother's ability, and figured the teachers knew what they were talking about.

Originally Posted by slop101 View Post
I was young for my grade, and I was held back half-way through the 4th grade, not due to grades, but due to maturity level. I did well, but I was constantly disrupting class, I guess. What do remember is that when I went back to 3rd grade, I immediately shot ahead of everyone in terms of grades, which I never had a problem with. But going back was a humbling enough experience (even at that age), that I wasn't as disruptive as before.
Thanks.

Originally Posted by SterlingBen View Post
They will hate you for a long time if you do that.

Best alt would be to tell them you are thinking about it and fear will keep them in line fear of this battl..nvm.
I don't mind him hating me for a long time if it ends up being beneficial for him. I'd rather do that than have him struggle with school for the next 8 years, anyway. We tried the "thinking about it" plan a year or two ago. He improved short term. We tried that again last night, so we'll see what happens. His reading is very good. Well, just above average, and it use to be below average. Right now it is his math that continually comes home with 60% scores.
Old 12-01-10, 12:45 PM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

I was among the oldest in my class (2nd oldest most years, I think) and appreciated it. In my case, it was a big help on account of the fact that I was also the smallest in my class. I developed late, I believe on account of a lot of childhood sickness. Doctors have never said this... they blamed a possible growth disorder and projected me to be 5'1 as an adult. I'm now 5'10. But until high school I was quite small, not just on the shorter end of the class. It's hard to even imagine being in the next grade up with kids a whole year older.

I ended up taking a lot of classes (math, language, science) with the grade above me, which is probably only possible in some private schools. So I was fortunate in that socially I was able to be in the best group for me, while academically I was never held back from my potential.
Old 12-01-10, 02:32 PM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

I would look at it this way. If you do hold him back a year, he'll blame the parents or anybody external for his failure at whatever he is not good at. Whereas, if you don't hold him back a year, he really would have to take the responsibility, there is nobody else to blame.

Don't hold him back, he'll hate you for the rest of your life. (well, maybe not hate, but certainly resentful for the decision that was made for him)

Also, kids have tremendous amount of ability to learn. The things he's struggling with will continue regardless what grades you put him in. I think you should dealt with those issues individually, one at a time, rather than wishful thinking that holding him back a year will magically solve all of his issues. I personally think the issues aren't grade related at all. I would rather be the youngest in my class and feel that I'm learning things above my curve than the oldest in my class and waiting for my classmates to catch up.

Last edited by SuperJim88; 12-01-10 at 02:38 PM.
Old 12-01-10, 02:47 PM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

Is he struggling in any specific subjects? Could you not focus on some social activities during the summer as well as a few programs like reading clubs or math lessons? Maybe you should take him somewhere for some tests - maybe his learning style isn't suited to the teacher/s he has.
Old 12-01-10, 03:23 PM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

Originally Posted by SuperJim88 View Post
Whereas, if you don't hold him back a year, he really would have to take the responsibility, there is nobody else to blame.
That assumes a certain level of maturity that I don't think he has.

Originally Posted by Superman07 View Post
Is he struggling in any specific subjects? Could you not focus on some social activities during the summer as well as a few programs like reading clubs or math lessons? Maybe you should take him somewhere for some tests - maybe his learning style isn't suited to the teacher/s he has.
He is good at reading and weak in most everything else. If his learning style isn't suited to his teacher, it has been the case with every teacher he has had. Nightly, I go over his homework with him and the rule is that if he doesn't get an 80%, we go back through it and redo everything that is wrong. I know the different ways people learn quite well, and we go over several different ways when doing his work.

Fuck, being a parent sucks.
Old 12-01-10, 03:36 PM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

Dave, when you mention maturity is it lack of focus in the classroom, being disruptive, etc.? I recall some of my teachers commenting that I tended to daydream a lot in class but that was probably because I already had a grasp of the material.

Are there any learning development classes or tutoring he could utilize outside of the classroom?
Old 12-01-10, 03:39 PM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

It is across the board. He doesn't focus well in the classroom, but isn't all that disruptive. He will spend time drawing or something. We had him in a remedial math deal, but it was a joke.

Poo. I'll figure out something.
Old 12-01-10, 04:16 PM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

I was actually held back in the 4th grade at my parents request and against the advice of the school even though my grades were horrible. I have a birthday in June and missed a lot of school from 1st to 4th grade due to a medical condition so I was always behind. It sucked at the time to be held back but I started doing much better in school and my confidence grew. I never really got teased by the students that were now a grade ahead of me as I had a sibling two years older than me that didn't allow that to happen and was popular.

Sports were much more fun to play also as I was usually one of the better athletes because I was older. I was the first of my friend to drive and legally drink so that had its advantages too. Looking back I know my parents did what they thought was best for me and I'm sure you will do the same thing, whatever choice you make. I ended up going to college and became a CPA so I ended up okay and not bitter toward my parents.
Old 12-01-10, 04:34 PM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

And not a lawyer. Whew. That would have swayed me.

Thanks.
Old 12-01-10, 04:40 PM
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Re: Were you held back in school, or have you held a child back?

I skipped a grade, and I was still bored with school until college.

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