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Party Host Etiquette Question

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Party Host Etiquette Question

Old 11-05-10, 08:54 PM
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Party Host Etiquette Question

So I have this friend who is having a surprise party for his wife's 40th birthday party. He's not hosting this at his house, his friends are hosting it for him. He's invited me, my wife and several of our friends. This is an email I received today (names have been changed). Mr. S is who is having the party for his wife - Mrs. T. The X's are hosting the event.

Rule #1: Don’t ruin the surprise! =O)

I know several of you will see Mrs. T before the 13th, perhaps even after partaking in adult beverage consumption. Zip it!

Just about everybody I am emailing has indicated they would like to come, which will make Mrs. T happy. We are expecting about 20 people. Please respond to this email to confirm, so we know for sure before next Saturday. Now for the details:

Mrs. T and I currently have “dinner” planned at Mr. X and Mrs. X's house on the 13th at 6:30pm. That is what Mrs. S knows.

We’re going to keep this simple. I’m just asking everybody to try to arrive at the X's house sometime between 6:00 and 6:20pm. Mrs. T and I will not be late. Carpool if and when you can, and try not to crowd the house too much with cars. It should be a nice night for a walk! I just don’t want to give it away before we get to the door, but I do realize that might be hard.

The address is:

Nearest cross streets are th Ave and Street
The X's, wonderful people that they are, are providing a main course (eggplant parmigiana), stuffed artichokes, salad and garlic bread as well as coffee, and other such beverages. Several of you offered to help, which I am thankful for. Here are some other things we need:

1. Colorful paper dinner plates (about 40)
2. Colorful paper dessert plates (about 20)
3. Sturdy plastic silverware - mostly forks and knives
4. An appetizer cheese/cracker tray
5. An appetizer olive/marinated veggie tray
6. An appetizer fresh veggie/dip tray
7. Bottles of wine (or beer) are always welcome

I will bring the most important thing of all!!!! My wife……

If you have any ideas, feel free to email myself or the whole group. If you feel like you can provide one or some of the above, let the group know so we don’t get duplicates.

Mr. X and Mrs. X, thank you so much for hosting. Who knew an innocent little dinner invite would turn into this??!!

Mr. S


So, do you think him not doing anything is right? Keep in mind, Mr. S has a well paying job and can certainly afford this. What do think is right/wrong about this scenario?
Old 11-05-10, 09:42 PM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

If I threw a party for Mrs Danger, she would be annoyed if I didn't contribute anything.

Also, if you're asking your friends to bring stuff, you need to co-ordinate between them so they don't all bring paper plates and no one brings food.
Old 11-05-10, 10:30 PM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

He might not have access to money that she won't miss until the big day... But he could certiantly bring a bottle of wine or an appatizer for dinner with the x's with her knowing about.
Old 11-05-10, 10:44 PM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

Not doing anything? Did you even read the email??

I will bring the most important thing of all!!!! My wife……
Old 11-05-10, 11:04 PM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

Are these supplies supposed to be instead of gifts for Mrs. T?

Because if gifts are expected as well, then it's pretty tacky.
Old 11-05-10, 11:06 PM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

Most parties I go to it's just implied that you should bring something. Usually the host has a couple things, but it's just expected that the guests should bring something..ie:drinks, appetizers, etc. Maybe he was planning on doing most everything but Mr and Mrs X insisted that they host and make dinner.

Don't see anything wrong with this at all. It's not like he's asking you to bring lobster, caviar and foie gras. He's asking for paper plates, some appetizers and some cheap bottles of wine.
Old 11-05-10, 11:38 PM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

Originally Posted by whoopdido View Post
Most parties I go to it's just implied that you should bring something. Usually the host has a couple things, but it's just expected that the guests should bring something..ie:drinks, appetizers, etc. Maybe he was planning on doing most everything but Mr and Mrs X insisted that they host and make dinner.

Don't see anything wrong with this at all. It's not like he's asking you to bring lobster, caviar and foie gras. He's asking for paper plates, some appetizers and some cheap bottles of wine.
I don't mind bringing anything, the problem is he isn't doing ANYTHING. He's 'hosted' get togethers before and everyone else brings something but he doesn't provide anything.

I was brought up with the mindset that if you are 'hosting' a event than you supply a bulk of the food/drink etc... He can easily give the hosts some money or supply the beer/wine on his own. (I know that the email didn't state that, but I suspect he isn't).
Old 11-06-10, 12:14 AM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

Originally Posted by Pillowhead View Post
I don't mind bringing anything, the problem is he isn't doing ANYTHING. He's 'hosted' get togethers before and everyone else brings something but he doesn't provide anything.

I was brought up with the mindset that if you are 'hosting' a event than you supply a bulk of the food/drink etc... He can easily give the hosts some money or supply the beer/wine on his own. (I know that the email didn't state that, but I suspect he isn't).
If you like his wife, now is not the time to take it up with him. Bite the bullet the next time around, this is a night for someone you like.
Old 11-06-10, 12:19 AM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

Originally Posted by Pillowhead View Post
So I have this friend who is having a surprise party for his wife's 40th birthday party. He's not hosting this at his house, his friends are hosting it for him. He's invited me, my wife and several of our friends. This is an email I received today (names have been changed). Mr. S is who is having the party for his wife - Mrs. T. The X's are hosting the event.

Rule #1: Don’t ruin the surprise! =O)

I know several of you will see Mrs. T before the 13th, perhaps even after partaking in adult beverage consumption. Zip it!

Just about everybody I am emailing has indicated they would like to come, which will make Mrs. T happy. We are expecting about 20 people. Please respond to this email to confirm, so we know for sure before next Saturday. Now for the details:

Mrs. T and I currently have “dinner” planned at Mr. X and Mrs. X's house on the 13th at 6:30pm. That is what Mrs. S knows.

We’re going to keep this simple. I’m just asking everybody to try to arrive at the X's house sometime between 6:00 and 6:20pm. Mrs. T and I will not be late. Carpool if and when you can, and try not to crowd the house too much with cars. It should be a nice night for a walk! I just don’t want to give it away before we get to the door, but I do realize that might be hard.

The address is:

Nearest cross streets are th Ave and Street
The X's, wonderful people that they are, are providing a main course (eggplant parmigiana), stuffed artichokes, salad and garlic bread as well as coffee, and other such beverages. Several of you offered to help, which I am thankful for. Here are some other things we need:

1. Colorful paper dinner plates (about 40)
2. Colorful paper dessert plates (about 20)
3. Sturdy plastic silverware - mostly forks and knives
4. An appetizer cheese/cracker tray
5. An appetizer olive/marinated veggie tray
6. An appetizer fresh veggie/dip tray
7. Bottles of wine (or beer) are always welcome
8. Cartons of eggs. Free range if possible, caged if you must.
9. Underpants to throw at Cory Hart

I will bring the most important thing of all!!!! My wife……
I will also be arranging a small concert given by Corey Hart, after which it is strongly encouraged that we all go out and egg some cars.

If you have any ideas, feel free to email myself or the whole group. If you feel like you can provide one or some of the above, let the group know so we don’t get duplicates.

Mr. X and Mrs. X, thank you so much for hosting. Who knew an innocent little dinner invite would turn into this??!!

Mr. S


So, do you think him not doing anything is right? Keep in mind, Mr. S has a well paying job and can certainly afford this. What do think is right/wrong about this scenario?
I think he is doing plenty. I highlighted his contributions, as you might have missed it in all that text of email.
Old 11-06-10, 09:19 AM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

It registers as a 4 on the tackiness scale. It raises an eyebrow, nothing else. Just bring some sturdy plates.
Old 11-06-10, 09:31 AM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

My first thought was he was bringing his wife so it would be tough for him to bring anything (apart from a bottle of wine) without her getting suspicious, but then you mention that he has hosted and still not supplied anything. He is either cheap or totally lacking in social etiquette. In my group of friends/family whoever hosts supplies a bulk of the food/ drink and everyone else brings a six pack or a side.
Old 11-06-10, 09:39 AM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

Originally Posted by Pillowhead View Post
I was brought up with the mindset that if you are 'hosting' a event than you supply a bulk of the food/drink etc... He can easily give the hosts some money or supply the beer/wine on his own. (I know that the email didn't state that, but I suspect he isn't).
Unless you know the facts, I wouldn't dwell on what might be incorrect conjecture. It could put the evening into a bad light from the get-go.

If I was in your shoes, I would just simply respond to ALL and say "I will be there and will bring [insert item]. Not only will you get the ball-rolling in avoiding everyone bringing in paper plates, but the one who does bring the paper plates... you will now know who's the cheap skate
Old 11-06-10, 09:40 AM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

Fuck this - just tell his wife about the party and no show.....
Old 11-06-10, 09:56 AM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

Why don't they share the same last name? Are they actors or douchey progressives?
Old 11-06-10, 10:02 AM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

Originally Posted by TomOpus View Post
Unless you know the facts, I wouldn't dwell on what might be incorrect conjecture.
This, seriously.

Now, if Mr. X gets a few glasses of Chardonnay in him and starts to bitch in your ear about how lazy/cheap Mr. S is, by all means reconsider at that point.
Old 11-06-10, 11:19 AM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

Originally Posted by Pillowhead View Post
So I have this friend who is having a surprise party for his wife's 40th birthday party. He's not hosting this at his house, his friends are hosting it for him. He's invited me, my wife and several of our friends. This is an email I received today (names have been changed). Mr. S is who is having the party for his wife - Mrs. T. The X's are hosting the event.
Why isn't it Mrs. S.? She one of those feminist types that spells women with a y?


Also, I'm disappointed I couldn't find a picture of Mr. T in drag to contribute to this thread.
Old 11-06-10, 01:03 PM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

Originally Posted by NORML54601 View Post
Also, I'm disappointed I couldn't find a picture of Mr. T in drag to contribute to this thread.
Ya gotta lay off the breakfast herb. Wasn't that tough...

Old 11-06-10, 01:26 PM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

maybe he is doing something, maybe he isn't. sort of douchey not to do anything for a surprise party. for my wife's 30th surprise party, i got it catered so i wouldn't have to worry about food. personally, if you are throwing a party, it's your ass to provide food/refreshments. having said that, i have no problem asking people to bring things, as long as it is not excessive.
Old 11-06-10, 06:57 PM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

Originally Posted by Deftones View Post
maybe he is doing something, maybe he isn't. sort of douchey not to do anything for a surprise party. for my wife's 30th surprise party, i got it catered so i wouldn't have to worry about food. personally, if you are throwing a party, it's your ass to provide food/refreshments. having said that, i have no problem asking people to bring things, as long as it is not excessive.
You're right. We'll wind up going, but I was taken aback by his request. For my wife's 30th birthday we did the same. We ordered a ton of pizzas, got a keg and other alcohol and anything else was brought by her friends.

He's basically asking for everything and he's providing nothing.

Anyways, thanks all for your replies.

BTW - Mrs. T shares the same last name as Mr. S. I just messed that up.
Old 11-06-10, 08:45 PM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

Originally Posted by Pillowhead View Post
So I have this friend who is having a surprise party for his wife's 40th birthday party. He's not hosting this at his house, his friends are hosting it for him. He's invited me, my wife and several of our friends. This is an email I received today (names have been changed). Mr. S is who is having the party for his wife - Mrs. T. The X's are hosting the event.
Mr S is not having the party, you guys are having the party, he is just showing up. If that's not cool, I would politely decline
Old 11-07-10, 02:50 PM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

lol nm
Old 11-07-10, 04:17 PM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

In my opinion, if you host people, you should also bear the costs of hosting them. Realizing that most people, including myself, don't always do this at every event, I can't help but observe that I'd rather be asked to bring a potluck dish than to bring the plates, napkins, plasticware, etc. It just sounds tacky to ask for those things, as if this event will just be thrown together on the fly. Plus, plates, napkins, and plasticware are cheap.
Old 11-07-10, 05:40 PM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

Originally Posted by TomOpus View Post
Ya gotta lay off the breakfast herb. Wasn't that tough...

I suck at the internet
Old 11-07-10, 07:32 PM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

Originally Posted by TomOpus View Post
Ya gotta lay off the breakfast herb. Wasn't that tough...

No fair using photos from private modeling sessions.
Old 11-07-10, 11:34 PM
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Re: Party Host Etiquette Question

How old are these people? If over 25, that's some pretty tacky shit. Bring some paper plates?! WTF? If these aren't college kids or trailer park residents, that's a pretty sad invite. All told, the stuff he's asking other people to bring should be less than $100. He can't purchase all that and get it to the house sometime before the evening of the event? Any guest raised with any decency will be bringing a bottle or some food without being prompted, anyway.

Sounds like a guy I used to know that would host "Beers of the world" parties and ask each guest to bring a beer from a pre-specified country. So all the booze was paid for by others, and then he'd keep all the leftovers. He also gave his fiancee a cubic zirconia engagement ring.

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