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Christwire?

Old 08-19-10, 01:02 AM
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Christwire?

Okay I'm prepared for all the "welcome to the internets" comments but...

This site is....

http://christwire.org/
Old 08-19-10, 01:17 AM
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Re: Christwire?

WOW!! Their in depth analysis in the article "Why do rabbits rape cats" is just....wow....
Old 08-19-10, 06:00 AM
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Re: Christwire?

Children Now Using Vegetables To “M”: New “Vegetable Delight” Trend in High Schools

Several months ago, a very concerned mother wrote into our friend Amber Cooper. This mother was concerned because she found a phallic object in her child’s drawer: it was quite possible that the girl was using it to “M”.

This is a nightmare scenario and finding for any parent. To think that your child, your very own child, could be so psychologically disturbed to do such heinous things to his or her body is beyond heartbreaking. Thankfully, Amber was able to help that mother out and many others by a frank discussion on the topic.

Unfortunately, there is another trend quickly gaining in populartity. Children in high school are calling it “Vegetable Delight” and it involves using vegetables to “M”.

On popular children chat site, Yahoo! Chat Questions, we see a high school girl is very concerned about her new sin. She is a virgin and wants to wait ‘until I am at least 18′, which is disturbing and scary in itself. After talking to her friends, who advised her to use a cucumber to ‘get a feel for it’, the girl instead used a carrot as that was the only produce her mother had available in the refrigerator crisper.

Naturally, the girl did not feel right. She felt ashamed and since her body is so young and not ready for such things, it traumatized her. Her mind is not ready for such things and she is not married, so this was all wrong and she only did it due to media, music and peer pressure.

This scared child wrote into Yahoo! Chat Questions and asked this of the community:



How tragic and sad. Your heart must go out to the girl and all the others who are being influenced by this new high school trend. Last year, girls had “Pregnancy Pact Parties” where they all agreed to go to parties and then become pregnant.

Now we see, it grows even more perverse with the “Vegetable Delight Game”.

Parents, have a talk with your child about the dangers of “M” and what this sick, twisted action will lead to in your life. Christian child counselor, Amber Cooper LCSW, cites:

“Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication. ”

Cooper goes on to warn:

“Masturbation will make your daughter very comfortable exploring her body, and it will not be long until she begins to envision other people partaking in the deviant behavior with her.

This will of course lead to your daughter seeking out a male companion, or even female. As a teenager, your daughter’s mind is not yet developed enough to handle the pressures and responsibilities of being sexually active. It will lead to great sorrow in her life if you don’t put a stop to it right now.”

As you can see, “M” leads to very dangerous things in a child’s life. It is already advised that you seek the help of a Christian counselor and your local church if your child starts to fall into this lifestyle.

How much sadness will you have in your heart when you get a call from the police or local morgue, telling you that your daughter has turned up dead, a diseased prostitute finally done off by her dan for the night, and could you please come to ID her body.

You will cry and as you look up her ravaged body, in your heart you will know all of this started because you didn’t talk to her about the dangers of ‘Vegetable Delight’ games and that one odd carrot or missing cucumber; you missed the signs.

Parents, beware the trends that will affect the life of your child. It is your jog to lead and guide them, so they may have a great life for themselves and of Christ.
I cannot physically type enough times to express how hard this made me laugh
Old 08-19-10, 06:03 AM
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Re: Christwire?

It was also educational to see a Mark Neumann for (WI) Governor. I hadn't really started to get into the race yet, but I can scratch Neumann off the list.
Old 08-19-10, 07:01 AM
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Re: Christwire?

The pandagator was awesome. Shit, it will climb a tree after you. Truly something to worry about.

I do doubt their fact checking though. My cat would ruthlessly murder rabbits, and drag their bodies home and eat them -- some were nearly as big as him, and I would find part of a rabbit in the bushes.
Old 08-19-10, 08:50 AM
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Re: Christwire?

Based on the comments on the articles, I think a lot of people don't get satire
Old 08-19-10, 09:08 AM
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Re: Christwire?


Mexican Swine Flu Is Still A Zombie Threat, More Proof


For months now the scientific community has convinced us that swine flu season was over. Yet, by the confession of Mexico itself, the flu remains!

You see my friends, flu virii can lay dormant. Within the Mexican genome and others who were infected, the virus did not manifest, but instead, just hid withen the, alleles, of those infected but now is starting to raise itself to kill us all again!

You all know the symptoms: taco-scent sweat, bugged out glossy eyes, a lax tongue, smelly bowels and wretching of the guts. It is just like a weekend in Mexico after drinking the agua mala, that is, bad water in American. You get the same symptoms but with swine flu, there is no return and odds are you will die!

The sick think about this flu is just as our dogma warns that during Armegeddon, once again that dead shall rise and you can tell this will have some play during those times. It is just a taste of the end of days.

We already saw the Mexican zombie flu raises black rapper “Tupac” from the dead, and countless other examples from here in America. Now even the AP confirms our initial suspicions with this headline from today: Behold and Fear!

Last edited by parker63; 08-19-10 at 09:36 AM.
Old 08-19-10, 10:43 AM
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Re: Christwire?

There was another "Christian" Onion-like site that was pretty funny, forget the name right now.
Old 08-19-10, 10:44 AM
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Re: Christwire?

New to me. Better than the Onion!
Old 08-19-10, 10:48 AM
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Re: Christwire?

Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
There was another "Christian" Onion-like site that was pretty funny, forget the name right now.
Could you be thinking of Perry Bible Fellowship?


Old 08-19-10, 12:03 PM
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Re: Christwire?

Originally Posted by Mrs. Danger View Post
Could you be thinking of Perry Bible Fellowship?


Those strips are darn funny, but no, I just googled and found it, http://larknews.com/current-issue/

Haven't looked at it in a couple years, but it at least used to be pretty funny stuff. Looks like they've gone all commercial like the onion now.
Old 08-19-10, 01:12 PM
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Re: Christwire?

Originally Posted by NORML54601 View Post
It was also educational to see a Mark Neumann for (WI) Governor. I hadn't really started to get into the race yet, but I can scratch Neumann off the list.
After looking around and realizing it's satirical, I'm trying to figure out if Neumann knew that and has a great sense of humor or if his staff is just that dumb.

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