Go Back  DVD Talk Forum > General Discussions > Other Talk
Reload this Page >

Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Other Talk "Otterville" plus Religion/Politics

Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Old 08-15-10, 10:05 AM
  #1  
DVD Talk Hall of Fame
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 8,757
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

So I just broke up with my gf a few days ago and one of the reason was I didn't want to have kids. (We can disregard the fact that we weren't living together, much less married). This is the 2nd relationship of my past 3 that had ended for that reason.

Now I have no desire to have kids, don't like being around them. I find them dirty, noisy, needy and just a big pain.

My question is that I'm sure there are people out there that felt the same way in that they never wanted kids. But I'm sure due to certain circumstances (unplanned pregnancy) you have kids now. Has your opinion changed of them? I'm guessing it might be one of those deals where you still dislike all kids except your own. Also, it would probably be tough to be honest and admit that you dislike your own kids now.

Thoughts?
Old 08-15-10, 10:09 AM
  #2  
DVD Talk Hero
 
Th0r S1mpson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 36,443
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Originally Posted by j123vt_99 View Post
Thoughts?
Tax credit?
Old 08-15-10, 10:15 AM
  #3  
DVD Talk Hall of Fame
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 8,757
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Originally Posted by Thor Simpson View Post
Tax credit?

Probably providing them food and shelter outweighs that benefit
Old 08-15-10, 10:16 AM
  #4  
DVD Talk Legend
 
EdTheRipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 14,535
Likes: 0
Received 1 Like on 1 Post
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Originally Posted by j123vt_99 View Post
I'm guessing it might be one of those deals where you still dislike all kids except your own.
This. My son was unplanned as I'd never given much thought to having kids. I'd always hated them, to be honest. And with the exception of my son, I still do.
Old 08-15-10, 10:19 AM
  #5  
DVD Talk Hall of Fame
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 8,757
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Originally Posted by EdTheRipper View Post
This. My son was unplanned as I'd never given much thought to having kids. I'd always hated them, to be honest. And with the exception of my son, I still do.
Without getting into a discussion about abortion/contraception, if you had to do it over again, would you have your son? I understand if that is way to personal to ask.


What I'm trying to determine is if maybe I'm limiting myself to women and experiences by not having kids.
Old 08-15-10, 10:24 AM
  #6  
DVD Talk Legend
 
EdTheRipper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 14,535
Likes: 0
Received 1 Like on 1 Post
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Originally Posted by j123vt_99 View Post
Without getting into a discussion about abortion/contraception, if you had to do it over again, would you have your son? I understand if that is way to personal to ask.


What I'm trying to determine is if maybe I'm limiting myself to women and experiences by not having kids.
I would because my notion of what being a parent is has completely changed since he was born. I love being a father.
Old 08-15-10, 10:40 AM
  #7  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Mrs. Danger's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: With Nick Danger
Posts: 17,912
Likes: 0
Received 3 Likes on 2 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

All you have to do is tell women you are not interested in having children "right now".
Old 08-15-10, 10:42 AM
  #8  
DVD Talk Hall of Fame
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 8,757
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Originally Posted by Mrs. Danger View Post
All you have to do is tell women you are not interested in having children "right now".
Well I don;t want to lie about it. i'd rather a relationship breakup after a few months over it opposed to a few years. It would be horrible to get married and then determine we had different view on children.
Old 08-15-10, 10:49 AM
  #9  
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 577
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Something tells me this was a win for the ex gf. You sound like an immature whiney little kid
Old 08-15-10, 10:50 AM
  #10  
DVD Talk Hall of Fame
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 8,757
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Originally Posted by bd...? View Post
Something tells me this was a win for the ex gf. You sound like an immature whiney little kid
Why is that? Because I know I don't want children or because I'm asking on a message board other people's opinions?
Old 08-15-10, 10:54 AM
  #11  
DVD Talk Hero
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Home again, Big D
Posts: 29,209
Likes: 0
Received 2 Likes on 2 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

How old are you?

We had kids much sooner that planned/were going to talk about. We wanted to wait 5 years after marriage to "start talking about it". Wife gave birth to my son 13 months after being married.

I do think you are making a mistake to say "I might want to consider kids if it gets me more choices of woman".

Now you are limiting your "experiences". Yes, even my kids are noisy, a pain, dirty and needy. So? So are you at times. And so would be your wife at times. Trust me, adults are no better in these regards.

I'd never try to talk you or anyone into having kids. But those are pretty lame reasons not to have them. And try as we might, nothing we can say will come close to you getting even a 1% understanding of what having kids is actually about. This is truly one of those things that you really have to do yourself. Yes, you can learn about kids, parenting, difficulties etc. But it is totally different than when you actually have them.

Now I was an only child, so I thought it "normal" to only have one. We had two. And my girl even at 16 is still my "little girl". We go to the gym together, cook together and will be entering a 5k next month together (not saying gym, cooking and running a race is reason to have them. But to demonstrate the closeness, and a tinny, tinny examples of the togetherness, love and companionship that is 100% totally different than doing these same things with wife or others).

Last edited by Sdallnct; 08-15-10 at 10:59 AM.
Old 08-15-10, 10:56 AM
  #12  
DVD Talk Godfather
 
Giantrobo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: South Bay
Posts: 57,585
Received 5 Likes on 3 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Originally Posted by j123vt_99 View Post
Why is that? Because I know I don't want children or because I'm asking on a message board other people's opinions?
Ignore that comment.

People who don't want kids are considered freaks in our culture especially by those who've had kids. But the truth is they're honest. Some folks can't understand why you wouldn't want to live in their world of Parenting. They all say having a kid changes the way you think and feel on the issue and for the most part it probably does. But there are still many out there who DO regret having kids.
Old 08-15-10, 11:00 AM
  #13  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 14,806
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Your opinion might change. How old are you?

I didn't want kids for the longest time. I thought I'd never want them. Then a few years ago, I changed my mind. Now I really want them.

You never know. The 'not right now' thing might be the way to go with relationships. Or maybe you just need to find the right girl.
Old 08-15-10, 11:01 AM
  #14  
DVD Talk Godfather
 
Giantrobo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: South Bay
Posts: 57,585
Received 5 Likes on 3 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Originally Posted by Sdallnct View Post
How old are you?

We had kids much sooner that planned/were going to talk about. We wanted to wait 5 years after marriage to "start talking about it". Wife gave birth to my son 13 months after being married.

I do think you are making a mistake to say "I might want to consider kids if it gets me more choices of woman".

Now you are limiting your "experiences". Yes, even my kids are noisy, a pain, dirty and needy. So? So are you at times. And so would be your wife at times. Trust me, adults are no better in these regards.

I'd never try to talk you or anyone into having kids. But those are pretty lame reasons not to have them. And try as we might, nothing we can say will come close to you getting even a 1% understanding of what having kids is actually about. This is truly one of those things that you really have to do yourself. Yes, you can learn about kids, parenting, difficulties etc. But it is totally different than when you actually have them.

Now I was an only child, so I thought it "normal" to only have one. We had two. And my girl even at 16 is still my "little girl". We go to the gym together, cook together and will be entering a 5k next month together.

OR


The guy just doesn't want kids and that's his legit reason for feeling that way. So what? Why criticize his choice in the matter? Not everyone is meant to have kids....
Old 08-15-10, 11:10 AM
  #15  
DVD Talk Platinum Edition
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 3,611
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Even though I wanted kids and currently enjoy my 2 year old daughter she requires constant work so I can't imagine having to deal with that if you've never wanted kids or been unable to appreciate them.

It sounds like you know what you want so why second guess yourself?
Old 08-15-10, 11:13 AM
  #16  
DVD Talk God
 
Deftones's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 1999
Location: Arizona
Posts: 74,982
Likes: 0
Received 4 Likes on 3 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Originally Posted by Tarantino View Post

I didn't want kids for the longest time. I thought I'd never want them. Then a few years ago, I changed my mind. Now I really want them.
Old 08-15-10, 11:17 AM
  #17  
DVD Talk Godfather
 
Giantrobo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: South Bay
Posts: 57,585
Received 5 Likes on 3 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Old 08-15-10, 11:18 AM
  #18  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Mrs. Danger's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: With Nick Danger
Posts: 17,912
Likes: 0
Received 3 Likes on 2 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

There's nothing wrong with not wanting children. I never have. The problem I see is that you seem to be asking if you should change your mind about that, in order to get laid more.

If you are so certain that you don't want children, and never will, get a vasectomy.
Old 08-15-10, 11:26 AM
  #19  
DVD Talk Ultimate Edition
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: West Coast of Canada
Posts: 4,437
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

I think that's a question that you'll have a hard time getting an honest answer for. No one wants to tell you they wish they'd aborted or not had their child. They'd look heartless and cruel.

You shouldn't have kids because someone else wants you to, or because someone else changed their opinion of them after they had them. Have them because you want them. If you don't, find a woman that doesn't want children. They are out there. I found one and you can't have her.
Old 08-15-10, 11:29 AM
  #20  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Hamilton, Ontario
Posts: 12,526
Likes: 0
Received 2 Likes on 2 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Originally Posted by Mrs. Danger View Post
There's nothing wrong with not wanting children. I never have. The problem I see is that you seem to be asking if you should change your mind about that, in order to get laid more.
Nowhere in his post does it sound like getting laid more was his objective for asking. He seems more concerned about his desire to not have kids being a problem for future relationships.

If you are so certain that you don't want children, and never will, get a vasectomy.
The reason for his post was that he wasn't 100% sure. He doesn't want kids now, but he's thinking that he may change his mind down the road - even if it were an unplanned pregnancy.

I give him credit. He's honest about the way he feels but knows that he could change his mind later.

I wish there were more people who questioned their desire to have kids because there are some shitty-ass parents out there who had them for the wrong reasons.
Old 08-15-10, 11:39 AM
  #21  
DVD Talk Hero
 
D.Pham4GLTE (>60GB)'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Stick out your tongue!
Posts: 39,346
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Originally Posted by j123vt_99 View Post
Probably providing them food and shelter outweighs that benefit
if the mother is very poor, then they can get free food and cheap housing from the government. there's this place that i know that only accepts WIC, you go there and the mothers are treated like queens. they just give a list of food they want, the workers go pick it out and bring it to the car for them, they don't have to lift a finger.
Old 08-15-10, 11:51 AM
  #22  
DVD Talk Hero
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Home again, Big D
Posts: 29,209
Likes: 0
Received 2 Likes on 2 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Originally Posted by Coral View Post
Nowhere in his post does it sound like getting laid more was his objective for asking. He seems more concerned about his desire to not have kids being a problem for future relationships.
Actually it does

Originally Posted by j123vt_99 View Post


What I'm trying to determine is if maybe I'm limiting myself to women and experiences by not having kids.
While might not specifically talk about "lay" it does seem to indicate missing out on certain woman because of his stance.
Old 08-15-10, 11:56 AM
  #23  
DVD Talk Hero
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Home again, Big D
Posts: 29,209
Likes: 0
Received 2 Likes on 2 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Originally Posted by Giantrobo View Post
OR


The guy just doesn't want kids and that's his legit reason for feeling that way. So what? Why criticize his choice in the matter? Not everyone is meant to have kids....
Your right of course. Any reason is a legit reason. I just think those reasons could be said about anyone or anything for that matter.

I mean, mowing my yard is a pain, messy and loud. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy the outcome. Running which I enjoy doing is a pain, messy and loud (sort of...lol).

And by lame, I didn't mean it as an insult. I meant, pretty lame in comparison to the outcome what you could get out of it. I mean, I think someone changing their own oil is messy, a pain and loud (Ok loud is a stretch) but many people get tremendous satisfaction of taking care of their car on their own, not to mention the money saved.

And I don't have a problem with people who don't want kids including the OP....but I will admit the "kids are hard" excuse is a tough one to swallow.

Last edited by Sdallnct; 08-15-10 at 12:00 PM.
Old 08-15-10, 12:17 PM
  #24  
DVD Talk Special Edition
 
redcat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,052
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Originally Posted by Sdallnct View Post

I mean, mowing my yard is a pain, messy and loud. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy the outcome. Running which I enjoy doing is a pain, messy and loud (sort of...lol).
I think it's safe to say that having kids is a different kind of pain, messy, and loud than mowing a lawn or going for a run. Your analogy might not survive the leap to having children.
Old 08-15-10, 12:24 PM
  #25  
DVD Talk Platinum Edition
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: chicago
Posts: 3,103
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Re: Question for parents that didn't want kids, but had them anyway

Originally Posted by Sdallnct View Post
Your right of course. Any reason is a legit reason. I just think those reasons could be said about anyone or anything for that matter.

I mean, mowing my yard is a pain, messy and loud. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy the outcome. Running which I enjoy doing is a pain, messy and loud (sort of...lol).

And by lame, I didn't mean it as an insult. I meant, pretty lame in comparison to the outcome what you could get out of it. I mean, I think someone changing their own oil is messy, a pain and loud (Ok loud is a stretch) but many people get tremendous satisfaction of taking care of their car on their own, not to mention the money saved.

And I don't have a problem with people who don't want kids including the OP....but I will admit the "kids are hard" excuse is a tough one to swallow.
so in your mind what is a good reason?
personally i think "kids are hard" is perfect. obviously the person doesnt want to be bothered enough to put up with the little pains in the asses. so they shouldnt be a parent.

also i hate kids. they are annoying fucks who think they are funny and arent. im never having any and im sick of people who think everyone should have kids. honestly i dont understand why anyone would want a one.

i also find it funny that someone thinks that a persons reason isnt a good enough "excuse". no matter what the reason it shouldnt matter. if someone doesnt want a kid because they dont want the responsibility of naming it, then that is a perfectly valid reason.

Last edited by chino77; 08-15-10 at 12:28 PM.

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Copyright 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.