atari2600

exactly what i was gonna say after reading that.

story

I meant infidelity and changed my original post, thanks.

Let me toss this one out there, too: is it possible the dating website charges were made by your wife?

emanon

ooooof - wouldn't that be somethin'!

mndtrp

Mention a criminal case being opened with the police because of the credit card fraud, especially since it crossed state lines. She probably wouldn't know enough to realize this is bullshit, but it might scare her into admitting the charges were hers, if that's the case.

Shitty situation, Heat. I feel for you.

riotinmyskull

Pezcore

Sorry you're going through this man. I have to agree with some of the others and say she is either currently cheating on you or has had an affair. It sounds like she is desperately trying to find "proof" that you had an affair. This would then, in her mind, justify the affair she had. Obviously, none of us know that for sure, but these are some major red flags. I'd have a long talk with her. I'd make it out like YOU have proof she had an affair. What does your gut tell you? Trust it. It's usually spot on. Again, sorry you're going through this man.

story

I don't know that he has to manipulate or lie by saying he has proof that she had an affair, Pezcore.

Man, this is a tough one. Heat, I hope we're all wrong.

Pezcore

Normally, I would agree with you dogmatica. If she cheated and is projecting, I don't think calmly asking her is going to yield much results. She doesn't sound too rational right now. Let me ask you this Heat, does she have a history of being cheated on? People carry baggage from previous relationships. I can't remember how long you said you've been married. Maybe she's getting freaked by all the infidelity in the media. I know at the beginning of the Tiger scandal, I read many wives/girlfriends began assuming their partner was cheating. Either way, messed up situation.

Heat

At this point I really don't care what happens. I'm sure her mood will change during the day and she'll be all sweet tonight, wondering why I'm aloof.

I heard it said once that the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. Makes sense to me.

By the way, I have been in the process of getting our old house which is in my name only ready for rent or sale - I had a renter in there over the winter. Sorry, no DarkestPhoenix-like stories with this guy. Anyway, the point being that I currently have a home in my name only, as well as the nicer home that unfortuntely is in both of our names.

She has no history of being cheated on. We've been married 13+ years. However... she has a few friends who have one (or more) lovers in addition to their husband as well as other friends who have recently gotten a divorce. And she's 45 years old, though she looks like she's in her early to mid 30s.

Matthew Chmiel

The gas pump is where the card numbers got stolen; unless you used your card prior to the post at a restaurant (that's where my CC# info has been stolen before... thanks Arizona assholes).

As a frequent reader of the Consumerist; make sure whenever you use your card to pay for gas (or even use any sort of machine that makes you put in your credit card that is in public use) to tug on the part where you enter / slide your card through. I do this every time I get gas or use my credit union's ATM. If you're able to tug on the portion where it accepts your card and something seems off, do not use your card there and report it to the authorities immediately. If you're not sure and you've already scanned your card, make sure to place your hand over the pin-entry as there's usually a tiny camera next to the skimmer to pick up your hand movements to find out your PIN number. Chase ATMs, third-party ATMs and gas pumps are huge when it comes to skimming operations.

My credit union is smart that not only is the card reader built into the finish of the machine, but there's a security camera smack-dab in front of the screen... so they have a clear-as-fucking-day picture of you if you're involved with skimming.

With our country's economy collapsing each and every day, these skimming operations become more and more apparent. It sucks, but one has to make themselves more aware of their surroundings and they'll be fine.

When I need cash, I try and go to a Target, Wal-Mart or another establishment where I don't have to use a stand-alone machine.

mbs

Out of curiosity, have you found any (if so, how often) of these devices yourself?

mbs

Unfortunately, I agree with the others... there is a good chance she is cheating on you.

LurkerDan

Menopause?

Th0r S1mpson

This seems like way too huge an issue to be indifferent about in your marriage. Take control of this situation before it spirals out of control. Get on the same page with your wife asap if you want this marriage to work. If things have gotten too "blah" to care, you need to go after the root of that problem because it is a problem in itself.

Don't simply dismiss this as a phase, menopause or mood swings. You might be dismissing yourself right out marriage.

LurkerDan

Hmmm, I read "indifferent" to mean he no longer gives a shit about his marriage, not that he's indifferent to what is currently going on. In other words, sounds like it is too late.

maxfisher

So are you saying you just don't love your wife anymore? Because if you don't, I'd guess that's a contributing factor to her suspicions and crazy behavior. Or others could be right and she could be transferring guilt because she's having an affair. Either way, if you're so distant that you truly don't care, you're both best off either separating or going to counseling. The situation you're in now sounds like a depressing and potentially dangerous pain in the ass. Not sure how hard she hit you in your sleep over the texts, but that's crazy behavior. What if you get a dirty wrong number text and she sees it? Is she going to stab you in your sleep? Shoot you? Craziness is never something to ignore.

Groucho

Since you don't seem to care too much, might as well have fun with this. Tell her earnestly that you would never cheat on her with another woman. Emphasize "woman". Then ask if she'd like to watch Dancing with the Stars with you.

Numanoid

Can a mod please change the thread title to more accurately reflect the juicy nature that this thread has turned towards?

And yeah, this sounds like projection, pure and simple. I'd put a keylogger on my home PC and see what's up.

covenant

Ha! My crazy ex gave me the wake-up slap one night. I think she was trying to goad me into assaulting her since I'm a cop and it would ruin me.
I resisted and we ended up divorcing a month later. 11 years later she's still crazy and now my sons can't stand to be around her either. Sweet Vindication.

Save Ferris

My CC was stolen and I did buy from monoprice--got a letter in the mail from them.

They are offering some kind of credit watch service, but my bank has already cancelled and issued me a new card. Is there any benefit to taking advantage of this program offered from monoprice?

Heat

Clark Howard talks about the credit watch service offered when a database is compromised, it is a useless service. That being said, what you should do is go ahead and take it but be sure to look over copies of your credit reports, once per year. A good way to do it is to get one every four months, then after 12 months start over with the first company.

And of course, www.annualcreditreport.com is the source for the government mandated free credit reports. Do not use the freecreditreport site.

I looked at monoprice but never bought anything from them.

Cardsfan111

I kept seeing this thread getting bumped and wondering why Heat hadn't gotten these unauthorized charges cleared up. Then I come back into the thread and learn it's not so much about the specific charges any more.

al_bundy

that's why i charge everything on a debit card. there is always proof that i did nothing wrong

orangecrush

This poses an interesting conundrum. Do I attempt to appease my lunatic wife or do I keep my debit card number away from those thieving CS representatives?

Officer Cartman

No one has said this, but why do you believe your office computer is secure?

I made the mistake of buying a case for a digital camera at work years ago. I bought it through eBay, and paid with Paypal. About 4 days later, someone tried to withdraw $2000 from my Paypal account! (Paypal was awesome in dealing with the situation, and immediately froze the transaction)

It turns out, someone (presumably one of the network admins) was running a packet sniffer on the network, grabbed my Paypal username and password, and went to town. I worked for a large Fortune 500 company, so it was surprising to say the least.

Food for thought.