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A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

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A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Old 03-16-10, 03:46 PM
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A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

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Old 03-16-10, 03:51 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Tl:dr
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Old 03-16-10, 03:53 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

What does this have to do with slavery?
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Old 03-16-10, 03:55 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
Spun off from this thread.

If I am going to shatter your dreams, I feel it's best to do so from the beginning. Sorry, no pics. We'll leave it up to fate. In the future, if I get to the point where we are taking pictures with each other, I will post one of those because it will be half mine. I find my moral code odd. I have no problem stealing intellectual property by downloading, but I can't bring myself to post a picture of a woman on an internet forum without her knowledge. In the meantime, I will give you a detailed description. So detailed, in fact, that if you are not used to my penchant for wordiness, you may want to run far, far away from this thread now.

As you may have surmised from my username, Jean Grey is my favorite. Truly. I think her character represents the consummate woman. I inexplicably drawn to redheads. The crimson-topped ones that are so rare they are more precious than gemstones, not the typical nasty gingers. I like a strong, intelligent, professional woman. The only thing I also require is a great sense of humor. Someone who can laugh at me and keep me laughing. I will also say at this point that I love Russians.

Lost flashback: April 2009. I was dating this beautiful little psychopath and attempting to fill my apartment vacancies. I just purchased the complex and had 11 vacancies, which is running at more than 20%. That's bad. So, a gal called and asked to see an apartment. We'll call this woman Kate, since we're in full-on Lost mode. I agreed to meet and show her.

I remember the first time I saw her vividly. She was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt and jeans. She looked very nice. She had red hair, blue eyes and the type of upper body men like myself dream of. She was thin, young and in shape. Honestly, the physical is not purely what I need, and actually is negotiable. But, physically, if I could create the perfect woman in a laboratory, almost all of the attributes I would use to construct the ideal woman for me, this woman has.

She brought her roommate, and keeping in the Lost tradition, we'll call her Claire. Claire was shorter and still attractive. If I met her in a bar, I would hit on her. If I had the opportunity after that, I would very likely sleep with her. Claire had a dog, but it was a scottie, which fits my 15 pound limit, so it was fine. They looked at the place and I rented it out. It was my second lease. I largely forgot about the two of them, because they have never caused me problems and always pay their rent on time. They're model tenants.

She did have a boyfriend living with her over the summer while her roommate was gone at an internship. We'll call him Scott, since Cyclops is a douche who doesn’t deserve Jean.

My favorite restaurant in town is called Bourbon Street and I like the casual bar downstairs, the Voodoo Lounge. They are the best place in town for a steak, fish or pretty much anything. Around mid-2009, I noticed that Kate had started working as a waitress in this establishment, but I wasn't home much, since I left for Iraq on June 1st, 2009. I added her as a friend on Facebook, however.

I didn't post anything on her wall or anything, she was just there, and I kind of forgot about it, since she never updates her page or anything. I guess it started getting interesting around the end of August. She emailed about a leaky faucet she had while I was in Baghdad. I emailed her back and told her I informed my father of the issue and also mentioned that while I was working there one day I heard Dr. Horrible on in the background and got Brand New Day stuck in my head. This started some correspondence which lasted about five or six emails back and forth. That died out to nothing again.

I came back home in December 2009. Stayed around until present day. Before Christmas, I saw Kate a few times at Bourbon Street, but didn't go out of my way to talk to her, or anything. As I dumped my girlfriend months ago, I did really begin to notice how damn hot she was, though, and in my mind, I decided that if I had the chance to date any of my tenants, she would win, hands down.

I did have to do a couple walkthroughs for the bank and for the county assessor's office, so I was in her apartment when I noticed she had a lot of Packers stuff, including a Willie Davis signed football. I only knew what this was thanks to the fact that my best friend Mopower is a huge Packers fan and he won a meet and greet with ol' Willie last year.

Meanwhile, my other buddy's (We'll call him Han Solo) breakup with his Devil Woman meant we could once again go out on a weekly basis. We began our nights at the Voodoo. Kate got promoted to Assistant Manager and began closing down the bar with us. I told Han about how I normally would never pursue a tenant of mine sexually, but if I ever did, it would be her. So, I brought up the topics of conversation and mutual interests I knew we had and she hit us with a Star Wars reference and debate that honestly impressed me, at which point Han said, "That's it, Bro. We're keepin' her."

I agreed with that assessment.

Over the course of the last month or two, Han and I have seen her on multiple occasions at the Voodoo and have spent quite a bit of time down there with her. I've even gone once or twice alone to be with and converse with her.

Someone here once referred to me as "the guy who has karaoke in every one of his stories." Well played, Sir. I guess you are correct. Although I generally do not get out to karaoke much anymore, they started it up at the Voodoo, so to show my support, I went one evening. My psycho ex-girlfriend, Joana from this thread, was there, so I turned around to leave. I found there, a table with Kate and Claire. So, I began talking to them and just sat down. I know my ex and knew she would not approach me if I was with someone else I didn't know. I liked Kate and wanted to move in anyway. So, I did.

I sat with them. Entertained them. Did the routine I know I had to do in order to be accepted in a group and make them admire me. It worked. It generally works. Kate bought me a couple rounds. Both of the ladies were excited to talk with me and I with them. Then, Scott showed up. It was amazing to me how clinical he was about their entire relationship. He said hi, took off his coat, sat down. Didn't hug or kiss her at all. He sat in a separate chair and had about as much conversation with Kate as I did after his arrival. Nothing looked as if it...sparked.

I suppose I could describe this guy. He was tall, but not as tall as me, naturally. He, too, was a redhead. Except the nasty kind. He has semi-bad acne and basically looks like a grown-up version of that kid Scut Farcus from A Christmas Story. He is going to school in Iowa City an hour away, trying to get his Master's degree in Journalism. He would be a good journalist, as he is one of those venom-spewers at anything remotely conservative. Needless to say, I didn't talk shop with him.

Luckily, my ex got ridiculously drunk, made a spectacle of herself and created good conversation for us. Including the time when Kate went in the bathroom and my ex had puked all over a stall saying, "You have to pull it together. He's out there. Pull it together!" I told her I have that maddening effect on women.

We always have good conversations, and even though I was attracted to Kate, I could never detect any attraction from her. Until about two weeks ago. I mentioned I would go to the karaoke contest the Voodoo was having, so she told me she and Claire would definitely be in attendance. When I arrived, only Claire was sitting at the bar, as Kate had to continue working. So, I sat and talked to Claire all night. She was laughing, we had a great time, and I could tell Kate was suffering from what I have long-ago termed the Competition Instinct.

Claire and I sang and drank all night with Kate serving us, incorporating her into the conversation whenever we could. Then we bounced to another bar for a last-call drink, which was on her way home. This was intentional to allow Kate to watch us go and desire. After we drank our final drink, I offered to walk Claire home. On the way, it hit me that she was probably going to ask me in when we got there. I mean, I would have asked me in. So, thinking on the fly, I told her I had an after-party to go to, but I would drop her off. Which, I did, when we got there.

After that, Claire began her pursuit of me. She found me on Gmail chat and began chatting me up on an almost daily basis. I didn't lead her on any, though admittedly, talking to her with such regularity probably made her think a few things. But, I did not want to let my interrogator training go to waste, so I used this time to elicit as much information about Kate as possible from Claire. It came in especially useful for setting up future "chance" encounters. The times when Kate was tending bar on an off-night, especially. I also used the opportunity to talk Kate out of going to see her boyfriend one night through Claire. That was particularly delightful. The conversations were also essential in setting up our next group encounter last Friday night, at Karaoke.

Unfortunately, Han couldn’t be there. Our normal night out is on Thursday, and he is getting too old to be able to go out two nights in a row. I am too, truth be told. But I had to see her. Anyway, I went to karaoke with them and dominated the contest they were having that night, winning fifty easy bucks. Which had to be impressive. The night was filled with moments. To make things even hotter, Kate then began to say things in Russian. "Holy, shit, I love a Russian accent!" She continued, just to tease me at this point, in her feminine, high-pitched voice.

Whenever Claire would leave to sing, we would talk. Many times closely. I maintained eye contact and so did she. It was very intimate and gratifying. There was teasing. Banter. Laughter. All the fantastic things you’d want out of a night like this. Kate bought me some drinks, and I bought them some drinks and shots. We began getting nice and loose.

We again went to the other bar, State Street Station, for a last-call drink before the night was over. At this point, we started getting well inebriated. Again, this time with the pair, I offered to be a gentleman and walk them home. It was sprinkling and Kate exclaimed, “Yes!”

“I know. If I were on a first date, this would definitely be the time to kiss her. It’s easily justifiable. I’d just ask her to tell me how many opportunities can you possibly have in your life to have your first kiss on your first date out in the rain? ROMANCE. Boosh.”

She laughed and agreed and we started the journey to the apartments. About halfway to our destination, Claire began to complain about getting her shoes wet, so I offered her a piggy-back ride just to prove how ridiculously masculine I can be. Outside their apartment door, I was winding up my good-byes when Kate put her finger to the corner of her mouth, did her little toe-grinding technique and said, “Okay, now, you have to come in, just for a second. I have to show you something.”

In reality, she really didn’t want to show me anything. She just wanted me in the apartment. So, after a few minutes of standing there talking, she invited me to the couch. I took off my shoes and coat and sat down. She then got up and offered to mix me a drink, which I accepted. I noticed a lot of Gone With The Wind shit all around the place, so I asked about that. “Oh, my God, it is my favorite movie!!” Even though I am a devout movie buff, admittedly, I did not see it. “You have to take it home. Watch it, then bring it back.”

We continued our conversations, until Claire said, eventually, “Aaargh! It’s like I’m serving as a translator between you two.” I gave her a little positive reinforcement. We looked up some things on the internet, talked about Super Mario Kart and I told of some of my adventures. As the night grew later and later, Kate eventually fell asleep. Claire sidled up to me as I surfed around for funny youtube videos, then I took note of the time and insisted I had to go home. Since it was about 5:15 in the morning.

On Sunday, I returned home from Mopower’s house and began chatting with Claire. I told her I would probably make some lasagna and watch GWTW, and if she and Kate wanted to join me, they could. She said she didn’t know if Kate could come. I told her that I was planning on going over to their place, not have them over to mine. She told me to come on over.

I brought my delicious lasagna, the movie and some wine for the house. We ate and had a fun dinner conversation. I created some funny awkward moments, as did Kate. It began to get slightly competitive. Claire mostly just tagged along for the ride. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I can’t get into her. I need a leader and partner to assist me on my quest for the throne. Someone who can look at me wryly, knowing what I’m going to do the moment before I lay down that smack.

We started the movie and I asked about what time period the movie takes place in, much to their horror, since they both claimed it as their favorite movie. I was able to demonstrate my uncanny rapport with animals, as Claire’s dog snuggled up next to me and wouldn’t let anyone else interact with it. We watched GWTW and I began to notice that the movie is basically Star Wars with Rhett Butler as Han Solo, the North as the Galactic Empire and Scarlett as Princess Leia and her brother-in-law as the heroic Luke who really wants to bone Leia, even though he knows he shouldn’t/can’t. During the siege of Atlanta, I said, “Well, okay, the South or the Rebels, have just suffered a serious defeat and the town is burning and dangerous, so it’s like the asteroid field where they’re hiding out, so their first kiss has to be coming up soon.”

Kate just looked at me quite astonished and praised, “Really good call! You should write a paper on this.” We got about five minutes into the movie after the intermission and Kate asked, “Uhm, are you guys really getting into this second part?”

“Why, do you want to do something else?”

“I was thinking about putting on some Super Mario Kart.”

“All right, if you two want to get your asses kicked. We should really set up some kind of double-elimination championship bracket, but I’m not smart enough to know how to do that with three people.”

“Yeah, you kind of need a fourth. We’ll just say loser passes the controller.”

“Hmm. I’d play every race. How about every two races, you pass, after first race, loser passes.”

We played and I naturally dominated, even though I hadn’t played the original Super Mario Kart for about seven years, at least. They didn’t even have 150cc unlocked yet, so I knew it would not be a challenge. During our conversation, I was able to get Claire and Kate to agree to accompany Han and myself to the St. Patty’s Day celebration on Wednesday. Kate also agreed to come to my after-party on Friday. After a time, Kate went to her room, probably to give Claire and me time alone, which I quickly rejected. “Man, it really gets late quickly after daylight savings. I should probably head home.”

I took my leftovers and made my exit. I returned home, kind of depressed, actually. Even though I had spent hours over there, I really wanted to have more time with Kate. My depression was a moment of unjustified weakness. I got on Facebook to check out her profile and creep a little, and noticed she posted two minutes before, “I really need to work on my Mario Kart skills.”

You like this.

As I was looking through my videos for something to watch, I heard the pop letting me know I had a message. It was Kate.



We chatted for 2 hours and 26 minutes. Conversation never got dull at all. There were plenty of moments that I thought I could definitely take it to another level, but I decided to play it slowly and steadily, increasing in intimacy methodically. The slow burn to an inferno. Here was my favorite moment:



The fact she got on chat specifically to talk to me even though it is not something she's done in over five years and the fact that she all but admitted to having some sexual attraction to me speaks volumes.

Yesterday I had to pick up the trash that has accumulated around the entire premises of the apartments due to the sheer fact that everything becomes hidden in the snow. Towards the end of the day, I was picking up sticks, turned around and saw Kate come home. She said hi, we exchanged pleasantries and I told her now she knew how Cinderella spent his days: Cleaning up everyone else’s trash. She smiled and went inside. I figured she would be online later that night, and she was.

We chatted for 3 hours and 14 minutes, same story. One of the disappointments, however, was that she could not attend my after-party on Friday. She has to leave for the airport on Saturday morning, but that did not stop her. She said she had to cancel because she got an email from Scott that he will return from his spring break trip to Arizona on Friday night early enough that he will be able to drive down and visit her before she leaves on her trip to Washington, DC on Saturday. Sucks. Best that could come of that is if he told her he cheated on her with Emma Frost and wanted to leave. Would love to have a self-eliminating problem like that.

She did mention him once, significantly, during our conversations. She said she likes country music because it makes her feel like summertime and home. Then, later, when describing what we both want out of our lovers, she said she only ever felt love once, and that was because when she was sitting beside him, it felt like home. She didn’t say his name, but I inferred, especially later when she said she couldn’t talk about that mushy stuff she feels with Scott with anyone face-to-face, but on the internet, she feels comfortable talking about it with me.

She told me some crazy personal stuff, like how her favorite literature is Regency Romance novels, which apparently are English history romance novels set between 1810 and 1820. How someone gets off on that, I have no clue. Then, we discussed our romantic histories.



She didn’t get the Psych reference, unfortunately. She doesn’t watch that show. YET. I posted it here mostly because I didn’t want it to go to wast.

She ended up saying a lot of things, which included how I was ‘swell’, ‘a very interesting person’, ‘bit of an odd duck’ and how she and Claire ‘enjoy your company on occasion.’ She also asked a lot of deep questions like, “What do you think is one thing everyone should know about you?”

My responses garnered reactions like, “That’s exactly how I feel” and “OMG, me, too!” She also said once she was glad we were, “friends....er, I mean, acquaintances....buds? amigos? two souls adrift in the world who pass by each other for a brief moment in time?” She also called me an old soul. Whatever the hell that means.

Anyway, I asked for her number, which she gave me, and then informed me that she was changing phones so she wouldn’t have texting until the end of the week. Which to me indicated she wanted me to text her. She said she was still looking forward to our St. Patrick’s day party, and for sure Han will be my Wingman then. Obviously, I like this girl.

Unfortunately, she’s attached. However, seeing’s how my sister is in this situation, I have little sympathy for a man who has been in a relationship for three years and hasn’t pulled the marriage trigger. Also, this girl is awesome. The attachment is the only thing that is bugging me slightly, but trust me, I’d get over it quickly. I suppose dating a tenant with two months left on her lease may be a bit unsavory, but it’s not illegal or anything.

I’m hoping to make out with this girl on Wednesday. I need to go back to the pick-up artist basics and pull out some maneuvers. If she can get to the point where she can admit physically that she has an incurable romantic attraction to me, I think I am in and I have usurped successfully.

Once can dream.

Opening it up to the Otters is always fun.

Damn, she is fantastic, though.
Do we have any other nominees for longest OP in DVD Talk history?

Spoiler:
And I quoted it just to further agitate anyone scrolling down to the end of the thread to reply.
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Old 03-16-10, 04:00 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
Spun off from this thread.

If I am going to shatter your dreams, I feel it's best to do so from the beginning. Sorry, no pics. We'll leave it up to fate. In the future, if I get to the point where we are taking pictures with each other, I will post one of those because it will be half mine. I find my moral code odd. I have no problem stealing intellectual property by downloading, but I can't bring myself to post a picture of a woman on an internet forum without her knowledge. In the meantime, I will give you a detailed description. So detailed, in fact, that if you are not used to my penchant for wordiness, you may want to run far, far away from this thread now.

As you may have surmised from my username, Jean Grey is my favorite. Truly. I think her character represents the consummate woman. I inexplicably drawn to redheads. The crimson-topped ones that are so rare they are more precious than gemstones, not the typical nasty gingers. I like a strong, intelligent, professional woman. The only thing I also require is a great sense of humor. Someone who can laugh at me and keep me laughing. I will also say at this point that I love Russians.

Lost flashback: April 2009. I was dating this beautiful little psychopath and attempting to fill my apartment vacancies. I just purchased the complex and had 11 vacancies, which is running at more than 20%. That's bad. So, a gal called and asked to see an apartment. We'll call this woman Kate, since we're in full-on Lost mode. I agreed to meet and show her.

I remember the first time I saw her vividly. She was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt and jeans. She looked very nice. She had red hair, blue eyes and the type of upper body men like myself dream of. She was thin, young and in shape. Honestly, the physical is not purely what I need, and actually is negotiable. But, physically, if I could create the perfect woman in a laboratory, almost all of the attributes I would use to construct the ideal woman for me, this woman has.

She brought her roommate, and keeping in the Lost tradition, we'll call her Claire. Claire was shorter and still attractive. If I met her in a bar, I would hit on her. If I had the opportunity after that, I would very likely sleep with her. Claire had a dog, but it was a scottie, which fits my 15 pound limit, so it was fine. They looked at the place and I rented it out. It was my second lease. I largely forgot about the two of them, because they have never caused me problems and always pay their rent on time. They're model tenants.

She did have a boyfriend living with her over the summer while her roommate was gone at an internship. We'll call him Scott, since Cyclops is a douche who doesn’t deserve Jean.

My favorite restaurant in town is called Bourbon Street and I like the casual bar downstairs, the Voodoo Lounge. They are the best place in town for a steak, fish or pretty much anything. Around mid-2009, I noticed that Kate had started working as a waitress in this establishment, but I wasn't home much, since I left for Iraq on June 1st, 2009. I added her as a friend on Facebook, however.

I didn't post anything on her wall or anything, she was just there, and I kind of forgot about it, since she never updates her page or anything. I guess it started getting interesting around the end of August. She emailed about a leaky faucet she had while I was in Baghdad. I emailed her back and told her I informed my father of the issue and also mentioned that while I was working there one day I heard Dr. Horrible on in the background and got Brand New Day stuck in my head. This started some correspondence which lasted about five or six emails back and forth. That died out to nothing again.

I came back home in December 2009. Stayed around until present day. Before Christmas, I saw Kate a few times at Bourbon Street, but didn't go out of my way to talk to her, or anything. As I dumped my girlfriend months ago, I did really begin to notice how damn hot she was, though, and in my mind, I decided that if I had the chance to date any of my tenants, she would win, hands down.

I did have to do a couple walkthroughs for the bank and for the county assessor's office, so I was in her apartment when I noticed she had a lot of Packers stuff, including a Willie Davis signed football. I only knew what this was thanks to the fact that my best friend Mopower is a huge Packers fan and he won a meet and greet with ol' Willie last year.

Meanwhile, my other buddy's (We'll call him Han Solo) breakup with his Devil Woman meant we could once again go out on a weekly basis. We began our nights at the Voodoo. Kate got promoted to Assistant Manager and began closing down the bar with us. I told Han about how I normally would never pursue a tenant of mine sexually, but if I ever did, it would be her. So, I brought up the topics of conversation and mutual interests I knew we had and she hit us with a Star Wars reference and debate that honestly impressed me, at which point Han said, "That's it, Bro. We're keepin' her."

I agreed with that assessment.

Over the course of the last month or two, Han and I have seen her on multiple occasions at the Voodoo and have spent quite a bit of time down there with her. I've even gone once or twice alone to be with and converse with her.

Someone here once referred to me as "the guy who has karaoke in every one of his stories." Well played, Sir. I guess you are correct. Although I generally do not get out to karaoke much anymore, they started it up at the Voodoo, so to show my support, I went one evening. My psycho ex-girlfriend, Joana from this thread, was there, so I turned around to leave. I found there, a table with Kate and Claire. So, I began talking to them and just sat down. I know my ex and knew she would not approach me if I was with someone else I didn't know. I liked Kate and wanted to move in anyway. So, I did.

I sat with them. Entertained them. Did the routine I know I had to do in order to be accepted in a group and make them admire me. It worked. It generally works. Kate bought me a couple rounds. Both of the ladies were excited to talk with me and I with them. Then, Scott showed up. It was amazing to me how clinical he was about their entire relationship. He said hi, took off his coat, sat down. Didn't hug or kiss her at all. He sat in a separate chair and had about as much conversation with Kate as I did after his arrival. Nothing looked as if it...sparked.

I suppose I could describe this guy. He was tall, but not as tall as me, naturally. He, too, was a redhead. Except the nasty kind. He has semi-bad acne and basically looks like a grown-up version of that kid Scut Farcus from A Christmas Story. He is going to school in Iowa City an hour away, trying to get his Master's degree in Journalism. He would be a good journalist, as he is one of those venom-spewers at anything remotely conservative. Needless to say, I didn't talk shop with him.

Luckily, my ex got ridiculously drunk, made a spectacle of herself and created good conversation for us. Including the time when Kate went in the bathroom and my ex had puked all over a stall saying, "You have to pull it together. He's out there. Pull it together!" I told her I have that maddening effect on women.

We always have good conversations, and even though I was attracted to Kate, I could never detect any attraction from her. Until about two weeks ago. I mentioned I would go to the karaoke contest the Voodoo was having, so she told me she and Claire would definitely be in attendance. When I arrived, only Claire was sitting at the bar, as Kate had to continue working. So, I sat and talked to Claire all night. She was laughing, we had a great time, and I could tell Kate was suffering from what I have long-ago termed the Competition Instinct.

Claire and I sang and drank all night with Kate serving us, incorporating her into the conversation whenever we could. Then we bounced to another bar for a last-call drink, which was on her way home. This was intentional to allow Kate to watch us go and desire. After we drank our final drink, I offered to walk Claire home. On the way, it hit me that she was probably going to ask me in when we got there. I mean, I would have asked me in. So, thinking on the fly, I told her I had an after-party to go to, but I would drop her off. Which, I did, when we got there.

After that, Claire began her pursuit of me. She found me on Gmail chat and began chatting me up on an almost daily basis. I didn't lead her on any, though admittedly, talking to her with such regularity probably made her think a few things. But, I did not want to let my interrogator training go to waste, so I used this time to elicit as much information about Kate as possible from Claire. It came in especially useful for setting up future "chance" encounters. The times when Kate was tending bar on an off-night, especially. I also used the opportunity to talk Kate out of going to see her boyfriend one night through Claire. That was particularly delightful. The conversations were also essential in setting up our next group encounter last Friday night, at Karaoke.

Unfortunately, Han couldn’t be there. Our normal night out is on Thursday, and he is getting too old to be able to go out two nights in a row. I am too, truth be told. But I had to see her. Anyway, I went to karaoke with them and dominated the contest they were having that night, winning fifty easy bucks. Which had to be impressive. The night was filled with moments. To make things even hotter, Kate then began to say things in Russian. "Holy, shit, I love a Russian accent!" She continued, just to tease me at this point, in her feminine, high-pitched voice.

Whenever Claire would leave to sing, we would talk. Many times closely. I maintained eye contact and so did she. It was very intimate and gratifying. There was teasing. Banter. Laughter. All the fantastic things you’d want out of a night like this. Kate bought me some drinks, and I bought them some drinks and shots. We began getting nice and loose.

We again went to the other bar, State Street Station, for a last-call drink before the night was over. At this point, we started getting well inebriated. Again, this time with the pair, I offered to be a gentleman and walk them home. It was sprinkling and Kate exclaimed, “Yes!”

“I know. If I were on a first date, this would definitely be the time to kiss her. It’s easily justifiable. I’d just ask her to tell me how many opportunities can you possibly have in your life to have your first kiss on your first date out in the rain? ROMANCE. Boosh.”

She laughed and agreed and we started the journey to the apartments. About halfway to our destination, Claire began to complain about getting her shoes wet, so I offered her a piggy-back ride just to prove how ridiculously masculine I can be. Outside their apartment door, I was winding up my good-byes when Kate put her finger to the corner of her mouth, did her little toe-grinding technique and said, “Okay, now, you have to come in, just for a second. I have to show you something.”

In reality, she really didn’t want to show me anything. She just wanted me in the apartment. So, after a few minutes of standing there talking, she invited me to the couch. I took off my shoes and coat and sat down. She then got up and offered to mix me a drink, which I accepted. I noticed a lot of Gone With The Wind shit all around the place, so I asked about that. “Oh, my God, it is my favorite movie!!” Even though I am a devout movie buff, admittedly, I did not see it. “You have to take it home. Watch it, then bring it back.”

We continued our conversations, until Claire said, eventually, “Aaargh! It’s like I’m serving as a translator between you two.” I gave her a little positive reinforcement. We looked up some things on the internet, talked about Super Mario Kart and I told of some of my adventures. As the night grew later and later, Kate eventually fell asleep. Claire sidled up to me as I surfed around for funny youtube videos, then I took note of the time and insisted I had to go home. Since it was about 5:15 in the morning.

On Sunday, I returned home from Mopower’s house and began chatting with Claire. I told her I would probably make some lasagna and watch GWTW, and if she and Kate wanted to join me, they could. She said she didn’t know if Kate could come. I told her that I was planning on going over to their place, not have them over to mine. She told me to come on over.

I brought my delicious lasagna, the movie and some wine for the house. We ate and had a fun dinner conversation. I created some funny awkward moments, as did Kate. It began to get slightly competitive. Claire mostly just tagged along for the ride. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I can’t get into her. I need a leader and partner to assist me on my quest for the throne. Someone who can look at me wryly, knowing what I’m going to do the moment before I lay down that smack.

We started the movie and I asked about what time period the movie takes place in, much to their horror, since they both claimed it as their favorite movie. I was able to demonstrate my uncanny rapport with animals, as Claire’s dog snuggled up next to me and wouldn’t let anyone else interact with it. We watched GWTW and I began to notice that the movie is basically Star Wars with Rhett Butler as Han Solo, the North as the Galactic Empire and Scarlett as Princess Leia and her brother-in-law as the heroic Luke who really wants to bone Leia, even though he knows he shouldn’t/can’t. During the siege of Atlanta, I said, “Well, okay, the South or the Rebels, have just suffered a serious defeat and the town is burning and dangerous, so it’s like the asteroid field where they’re hiding out, so their first kiss has to be coming up soon.”

Kate just looked at me quite astonished and praised, “Really good call! You should write a paper on this.” We got about five minutes into the movie after the intermission and Kate asked, “Uhm, are you guys really getting into this second part?”

“Why, do you want to do something else?”

“I was thinking about putting on some Super Mario Kart.”

“All right, if you two want to get your asses kicked. We should really set up some kind of double-elimination championship bracket, but I’m not smart enough to know how to do that with three people.”

“Yeah, you kind of need a fourth. We’ll just say loser passes the controller.”

“Hmm. I’d play every race. How about every two races, you pass, after first race, loser passes.”

We played and I naturally dominated, even though I hadn’t played the original Super Mario Kart for about seven years, at least. They didn’t even have 150cc unlocked yet, so I knew it would not be a challenge. During our conversation, I was able to get Claire and Kate to agree to accompany Han and myself to the St. Patty’s Day celebration on Wednesday. Kate also agreed to come to my after-party on Friday. After a time, Kate went to her room, probably to give Claire and me time alone, which I quickly rejected. “Man, it really gets late quickly after daylight savings. I should probably head home.”

I took my leftovers and made my exit. I returned home, kind of depressed, actually. Even though I had spent hours over there, I really wanted to have more time with Kate. My depression was a moment of unjustified weakness. I got on Facebook to check out her profile and creep a little, and noticed she posted two minutes before, “I really need to work on my Mario Kart skills.”

You like this.

As I was looking through my videos for something to watch, I heard the pop letting me know I had a message. It was Kate.



We chatted for 2 hours and 26 minutes. Conversation never got dull at all. There were plenty of moments that I thought I could definitely take it to another level, but I decided to play it slowly and steadily, increasing in intimacy methodically. The slow burn to an inferno. Here was my favorite moment:



The fact she got on chat specifically to talk to me even though it is not something she's done in over five years and the fact that she all but admitted to having some sexual attraction to me speaks volumes.

Yesterday I had to pick up the trash that has accumulated around the entire premises of the apartments due to the sheer fact that everything becomes hidden in the snow. Towards the end of the day, I was picking up sticks, turned around and saw Kate come home. She said hi, we exchanged pleasantries and I told her now she knew how Cinderella spent his days: Cleaning up everyone else’s trash. She smiled and went inside. I figured she would be online later that night, and she was.

We chatted for 3 hours and 14 minutes, same story. One of the disappointments, however, was that she could not attend my after-party on Friday. She has to leave for the airport on Saturday morning, but that did not stop her. She said she had to cancel because she got an email from Scott that he will return from his spring break trip to Arizona on Friday night early enough that he will be able to drive down and visit her before she leaves on her trip to Washington, DC on Saturday. Sucks. Best that could come of that is if he told her he cheated on her with Emma Frost and wanted to leave. Would love to have a self-eliminating problem like that.

She did mention him once, significantly, during our conversations. She said she likes country music because it makes her feel like summertime and home. Then, later, when describing what we both want out of our lovers, she said she only ever felt love once, and that was because when she was sitting beside him, it felt like home. She didn’t say his name, but I inferred, especially later when she said she couldn’t talk about that mushy stuff she feels with Scott with anyone face-to-face, but on the internet, she feels comfortable talking about it with me.

She told me some crazy personal stuff, like how her favorite literature is Regency Romance novels, which apparently are English history romance novels set between 1810 and 1820. How someone gets off on that, I have no clue. Then, we discussed our romantic histories.



She didn’t get the Psych reference, unfortunately. She doesn’t watch that show. YET. I posted it here mostly because I didn’t want it to go to wast.

She ended up saying a lot of things, which included how I was ‘swell’, ‘a very interesting person’, ‘bit of an odd duck’ and how she and Claire ‘enjoy your company on occasion.’ She also asked a lot of deep questions like, “What do you think is one thing everyone should know about you?”

My responses garnered reactions like, “That’s exactly how I feel” and “OMG, me, too!” She also said once she was glad we were, “friends....er, I mean, acquaintances....buds? amigos? two souls adrift in the world who pass by each other for a brief moment in time?” She also called me an old soul. Whatever the hell that means.

Anyway, I asked for her number, which she gave me, and then informed me that she was changing phones so she wouldn’t have texting until the end of the week. Which to me indicated she wanted me to text her. She said she was still looking forward to our St. Patrick’s day party, and for sure Han will be my Wingman then. Obviously, I like this girl.

Unfortunately, she’s attached. However, seeing’s how my sister is in this situation, I have little sympathy for a man who has been in a relationship for three years and hasn’t pulled the marriage trigger. Also, this girl is awesome. The attachment is the only thing that is bugging me slightly, but trust me, I’d get over it quickly. I suppose dating a tenant with two months left on her lease may be a bit unsavory, but it’s not illegal or anything.

I’m hoping to make out with this girl on Wednesday. I need to go back to the pick-up artist basics and pull out some maneuvers. If she can get to the point where she can admit physically that she has an incurable romantic attraction to me, I think I am in and I have usurped successfully.

Once can dream.

Opening it up to the Otters is always fun.

Damn, she is fantastic, though.
I'm not sure I follow. Can you elaborate?
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Old 03-16-10, 04:01 PM
  #6  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Not enough detail, but it sounds cool.
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Old 03-16-10, 04:06 PM
  #7  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

For those without a lot of time on their hands, I'll bold the important parts:

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
Spun off from this thread.

If I am going to shatter your dreams, I feel it's best to do so from the beginning. Sorry, no pics. We'll leave it up to fate. In the future, if I get to the point where we are taking pictures with each other, I will post one of those because it will be half mine. I find my moral code odd. I have no problem stealing intellectual property by downloading, but I can't bring myself to post a picture of a woman on an internet forum without her knowledge. In the meantime, I will give you a detailed description. So detailed, in fact, that if you are not used to my penchant for wordiness, you may want to run far, far away from this thread now.

As you may have surmised from my username, Jean Grey is my favorite. Truly. I think her character represents the consummate woman. I inexplicably drawn to redheads. The crimson-topped ones that are so rare they are more precious than gemstones, not the typical nasty gingers. I like a strong, intelligent, professional woman. The only thing I also require is a great sense of humor. Someone who can laugh at me and keep me laughing. I will also say at this point that I love Russians.

Lost flashback: April 2009. I was dating this beautiful little psychopath and attempting to fill my apartment vacancies. I just purchased the complex and had 11 vacancies, which is running at more than 20%. That's bad. So, a gal called and asked to see an apartment. We'll call this woman Kate, since we're in full-on Lost mode. I agreed to meet and show her.

I remember the first time I saw her vividly. She was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt and jeans. She looked very nice. She had red hair, blue eyes and the type of upper body men like myself dream of. She was thin, young and in shape. Honestly, the physical is not purely what I need, and actually is negotiable. But, physically, if I could create the perfect woman in a laboratory, almost all of the attributes I would use to construct the ideal woman for me, this woman has.

She brought her roommate, and keeping in the Lost tradition, we'll call her Claire. Claire was shorter and still attractive. If I met her in a bar, I would hit on her. If I had the opportunity after that, I would very likely sleep with her. Claire had a dog, but it was a scottie, which fits my 15 pound limit, so it was fine. They looked at the place and I rented it out. It was my second lease. I largely forgot about the two of them, because they have never caused me problems and always pay their rent on time. They're model tenants.

She did have a boyfriend living with her over the summer while her roommate was gone at an internship. We'll call him Scott, since Cyclops is a douche who doesn’t deserve Jean.

My favorite restaurant in town is called Bourbon Street and I like the casual bar downstairs, the Voodoo Lounge. They are the best place in town for a steak, fish or pretty much anything. Around mid-2009, I noticed that Kate had started working as a waitress in this establishment, but I wasn't home much, since I left for Iraq on June 1st, 2009. I added her as a friend on Facebook, however.

I didn't post anything on her wall or anything, she was just there, and I kind of forgot about it, since she never updates her page or anything. I guess it started getting interesting around the end of August. She emailed about a leaky faucet she had while I was in Baghdad. I emailed her back and told her I informed my father of the issue and also mentioned that while I was working there one day I heard Dr. Horrible on in the background and got Brand New Day stuck in my head. This started some correspondence which lasted about five or six emails back and forth. That died out to nothing again.

I came back home in December 2009. Stayed around until present day. Before Christmas, I saw Kate a few times at Bourbon Street, but didn't go out of my way to talk to her, or anything. As I dumped my girlfriend months ago, I did really begin to notice how damn hot she was, though, and in my mind, I decided that if I had the chance to date any of my tenants, she would win, hands down.

I did have to do a couple walkthroughs for the bank and for the county assessor's office, so I was in her apartment when I noticed she had a lot of Packers stuff, including a Willie Davis signed football. I only knew what this was thanks to the fact that my best friend Mopower is a huge Packers fan and he won a meet and greet with ol' Willie last year.

Meanwhile, my other buddy's (We'll call him Han Solo) breakup with his Devil Woman meant we could once again go out on a weekly basis. We began our nights at the Voodoo. Kate got promoted to Assistant Manager and began closing down the bar with us. I told Han about how I normally would never pursue a tenant of mine sexually, but if I ever did, it would be her. So, I brought up the topics of conversation and mutual interests I knew we had and she hit us with a Star Wars reference and debate that honestly impressed me, at which point Han said, "That's it, Bro. We're keepin' her."

I agreed with that assessment.

Over the course of the last month or two, Han and I have seen her on multiple occasions at the Voodoo and have spent quite a bit of time down there with her. I've even gone once or twice alone to be with and converse with her.

Someone here once referred to me as "the guy who has karaoke in every one of his stories." Well played, Sir. I guess you are correct. Although I generally do not get out to karaoke much anymore, they started it up at the Voodoo, so to show my support, I went one evening. My psycho ex-girlfriend, Joana from this thread, was there, so I turned around to leave. I found there, a table with Kate and Claire. So, I began talking to them and just sat down. I know my ex and knew she would not approach me if I was with someone else I didn't know. I liked Kate and wanted to move in anyway. So, I did.

I sat with them. Entertained them. Did the routine I know I had to do in order to be accepted in a group and make them admire me. It worked. It generally works. Kate bought me a couple rounds. Both of the ladies were excited to talk with me and I with them. Then, Scott showed up. It was amazing to me how clinical he was about their entire relationship. He said hi, took off his coat, sat down. Didn't hug or kiss her at all. He sat in a separate chair and had about as much conversation with Kate as I did after his arrival. Nothing looked as if it...sparked.

I suppose I could describe this guy. He was tall, but not as tall as me, naturally. He, too, was a redhead. Except the nasty kind. He has semi-bad acne and basically looks like a grown-up version of that kid Scut Farcus from A Christmas Story. He is going to school in Iowa City an hour away, trying to get his Master's degree in Journalism. He would be a good journalist, as he is one of those venom-spewers at anything remotely conservative. Needless to say, I didn't talk shop with him.

Luckily, my ex got ridiculously drunk, made a spectacle of herself and created good conversation for us. Including the time when Kate went in the bathroom and my ex had puked all over a stall saying, "You have to pull it together. He's out there. Pull it together!" I told her I have that maddening effect on women.

We always have good conversations, and even though I was attracted to Kate, I could never detect any attraction from her. Until about two weeks ago. I mentioned I would go to the karaoke contest the Voodoo was having, so she told me she and Claire would definitely be in attendance. When I arrived, only Claire was sitting at the bar, as Kate had to continue working. So, I sat and talked to Claire all night. She was laughing, we had a great time, and I could tell Kate was suffering from what I have long-ago termed the Competition Instinct.

Claire and I sang and drank all night with Kate serving us, incorporating her into the conversation whenever we could. Then we bounced to another bar for a last-call drink, which was on her way home. This was intentional to allow Kate to watch us go and desire. After we drank our final drink, I offered to walk Claire home. On the way, it hit me that she was probably going to ask me in when we got there. I mean, I would have asked me in. So, thinking on the fly, I told her I had an after-party to go to, but I would drop her off. Which, I did, when we got there.

After that, Claire began her pursuit of me. She found me on Gmail chat and began chatting me up on an almost daily basis. I didn't lead her on any, though admittedly, talking to her with such regularity probably made her think a few things. But, I did not want to let my interrogator training go to waste, so I used this time to elicit as much information about Kate as possible from Claire. It came in especially useful for setting up future "chance" encounters. The times when Kate was tending bar on an off-night, especially. I also used the opportunity to talk Kate out of going to see her boyfriend one night through Claire. That was particularly delightful. The conversations were also essential in setting up our next group encounter last Friday night, at Karaoke.

Unfortunately, Han couldn’t be there. Our normal night out is on Thursday, and he is getting too old to be able to go out two nights in a row. I am too, truth be told. But I had to see her. Anyway, I went to karaoke with them and dominated the contest they were having that night, winning fifty easy bucks. Which had to be impressive. The night was filled with moments. To make things even hotter, Kate then began to say things in Russian. "Holy, shit, I love a Russian accent!" She continued, just to tease me at this point, in her feminine, high-pitched voice.

Whenever Claire would leave to sing, we would talk. Many times closely. I maintained eye contact and so did she. It was very intimate and gratifying. There was teasing. Banter. Laughter. All the fantastic things you’d want out of a night like this. Kate bought me some drinks, and I bought them some drinks and shots. We began getting nice and loose.

We again went to the other bar, State Street Station, for a last-call drink before the night was over. At this point, we started getting well inebriated. Again, this time with the pair, I offered to be a gentleman and walk them home. It was sprinkling and Kate exclaimed, “Yes!”

“I know. If I were on a first date, this would definitely be the time to kiss her. It’s easily justifiable. I’d just ask her to tell me how many opportunities can you possibly have in your life to have your first kiss on your first date out in the rain? ROMANCE. Boosh.”

She laughed and agreed and we started the journey to the apartments. About halfway to our destination, Claire began to complain about getting her shoes wet, so I offered her a piggy-back ride just to prove how ridiculously masculine I can be. Outside their apartment door, I was winding up my good-byes when Kate put her finger to the corner of her mouth, did her little toe-grinding technique and said, “Okay, now, you have to come in, just for a second. I have to show you something.”

In reality, she really didn’t want to show me anything. She just wanted me in the apartment. So, after a few minutes of standing there talking, she invited me to the couch. I took off my shoes and coat and sat down. She then got up and offered to mix me a drink, which I accepted. I noticed a lot of Gone With The Wind shit all around the place, so I asked about that. “Oh, my God, it is my favorite movie!!” Even though I am a devout movie buff, admittedly, I did not see it. “You have to take it home. Watch it, then bring it back.”

We continued our conversations, until Claire said, eventually, “Aaargh! It’s like I’m serving as a translator between you two.” I gave her a little positive reinforcement. We looked up some things on the internet, talked about Super Mario Kart and I told of some of my adventures. As the night grew later and later, Kate eventually fell asleep. Claire sidled up to me as I surfed around for funny youtube videos, then I took note of the time and insisted I had to go home. Since it was about 5:15 in the morning.

On Sunday, I returned home from Mopower’s house and began chatting with Claire. I told her I would probably make some lasagna and watch GWTW, and if she and Kate wanted to join me, they could. She said she didn’t know if Kate could come. I told her that I was planning on going over to their place, not have them over to mine. She told me to come on over.

I brought my delicious lasagna, the movie and some wine for the house. We ate and had a fun dinner conversation. I created some funny awkward moments, as did Kate. It began to get slightly competitive. Claire mostly just tagged along for the ride. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I can’t get into her. I need a leader and partner to assist me on my quest for the throne. Someone who can look at me wryly, knowing what I’m going to do the moment before I lay down that smack.

We started the movie and I asked about what time period the movie takes place in, much to their horror, since they both claimed it as their favorite movie. I was able to demonstrate my uncanny rapport with animals, as Claire’s dog snuggled up next to me and wouldn’t let anyone else interact with it. We watched GWTW and I began to notice that the movie is basically Star Wars with Rhett Butler as Han Solo, the North as the Galactic Empire and Scarlett as Princess Leia and her brother-in-law as the heroic Luke who really wants to bone Leia, even though he knows he shouldn’t/can’t. During the siege of Atlanta, I said, “Well, okay, the South or the Rebels, have just suffered a serious defeat and the town is burning and dangerous, so it’s like the asteroid field where they’re hiding out, so their first kiss has to be coming up soon.”

Kate just looked at me quite astonished and praised, “Really good call! You should write a paper on this.” We got about five minutes into the movie after the intermission and Kate asked, “Uhm, are you guys really getting into this second part?”

“Why, do you want to do something else?”

“I was thinking about putting on some Super Mario Kart.”

“All right, if you two want to get your asses kicked. We should really set up some kind of double-elimination championship bracket, but I’m not smart enough to know how to do that with three people.”

“Yeah, you kind of need a fourth. We’ll just say loser passes the controller.”

“Hmm. I’d play every race. How about every two races, you pass, after first race, loser passes.”

We played and I naturally dominated, even though I hadn’t played the original Super Mario Kart for about seven years, at least. They didn’t even have 150cc unlocked yet, so I knew it would not be a challenge. During our conversation, I was able to get Claire and Kate to agree to accompany Han and myself to the St. Patty’s Day celebration on Wednesday. Kate also agreed to come to my after-party on Friday. After a time, Kate went to her room, probably to give Claire and me time alone, which I quickly rejected. “Man, it really gets late quickly after daylight savings. I should probably head home.”

I took my leftovers and made my exit. I returned home, kind of depressed, actually. Even though I had spent hours over there, I really wanted to have more time with Kate. My depression was a moment of unjustified weakness. I got on Facebook to check out her profile and creep a little, and noticed she posted two minutes before, “I really need to work on my Mario Kart skills.”

You like this.

As I was looking through my videos for something to watch, I heard the pop letting me know I had a message. It was Kate.



We chatted for 2 hours and 26 minutes. Conversation never got dull at all. There were plenty of moments that I thought I could definitely take it to another level, but I decided to play it slowly and steadily, increasing in intimacy methodically. The slow burn to an inferno. Here was my favorite moment:



The fact she got on chat specifically to talk to me even though it is not something she's done in over five years and the fact that she all but admitted to having some sexual attraction to me speaks volumes.

Yesterday I had to pick up the trash that has accumulated around the entire premises of the apartments due to the sheer fact that everything becomes hidden in the snow. Towards the end of the day, I was picking up sticks, turned around and saw Kate come home. She said hi, we exchanged pleasantries and I told her now she knew how Cinderella spent his days: Cleaning up everyone else’s trash. She smiled and went inside. I figured she would be online later that night, and she was.

We chatted for 3 hours and 14 minutes, same story. One of the disappointments, however, was that she could not attend my after-party on Friday. She has to leave for the airport on Saturday morning, but that did not stop her. She said she had to cancel because she got an email from Scott that he will return from his spring break trip to Arizona on Friday night early enough that he will be able to drive down and visit her before she leaves on her trip to Washington, DC on Saturday. Sucks. Best that could come of that is if he told her he cheated on her with Emma Frost and wanted to leave. Would love to have a self-eliminating problem like that.

She did mention him once, significantly, during our conversations. She said she likes country music because it makes her feel like summertime and home. Then, later, when describing what we both want out of our lovers, she said she only ever felt love once, and that was because when she was sitting beside him, it felt like home. She didn’t say his name, but I inferred, especially later when she said she couldn’t talk about that mushy stuff she feels with Scott with anyone face-to-face, but on the internet, she feels comfortable talking about it with me.

She told me some crazy personal stuff, like how her favorite literature is Regency Romance novels, which apparently are English history romance novels set between 1810 and 1820. How someone gets off on that, I have no clue. Then, we discussed our romantic histories.



She didn’t get the Psych reference, unfortunately. She doesn’t watch that show. YET. I posted it here mostly because I didn’t want it to go to waste.

She ended up saying a lot of things, which included how I was ‘swell’, ‘a very interesting person’, ‘bit of an odd duck’ and how she and Claire ‘enjoy your company on occasion.’ She also asked a lot of deep questions like, “What do you think is one thing everyone should know about you?”

My responses garnered reactions like, “That’s exactly how I feel” and “OMG, me, too!” She also said once she was glad we were, “friends....er, I mean, acquaintances....buds? amigos? two souls adrift in the world who pass by each other for a brief moment in time?” She also called me an old soul. Whatever the hell that means.

Anyway, I asked for her number, which she gave me, and then informed me that she was changing phones so she wouldn’t have texting until the end of the week. Which to me indicated she wanted me to text her. She said she was still looking forward to our St. Patrick’s day party, and for sure Han will be my Wingman then. Obviously, I like this girl.

Unfortunately, she’s attached. However, seeing’s how my sister is in this situation, I have little sympathy for a man who has been in a relationship for three years and hasn’t pulled the marriage trigger. Also, this girl is awesome. The attachment is the only thing that is bugging me slightly, but trust me, I’d get over it quickly. I suppose dating a tenant with two months left on her lease may be a bit unsavory, but it’s not illegal or anything.

I’m hoping to make out with this girl on Wednesday. I need to go back to the pick-up artist basics and pull out some maneuvers. If she can get to the point where she can admit physically that she has an incurable romantic attraction to me, I think I am in and I have usurped successfully.


She brought her roommate, and keeping in the Lost tradition, we'll call her Claire. Claire was shorter and still attractive. If I met her in a bar, I would hit on her. If I had the opportunity after that, I would very likely sleep with her. Claire had a dog, but it was a scottie, which fits my 15 pound limit, so it was fine. They looked at the place and I rented it out. It was my second lease. I largely forgot about the two of them, because they have never caused me problems and always pay their rent on time. They're model tenants.

She did have a boyfriend living with her over the summer while her roommate was gone at an internship. We'll call him Scott, since Cyclops is a douche who doesn’t deserve Jean.

My favorite restaurant in town is called Bourbon Street and I like the casual bar downstairs, the Voodoo Lounge. They are the best place in town for a steak, fish or pretty much anything. Around mid-2009, I noticed that Kate had started working as a waitress in this establishment, but I wasn't home much, since I left for Iraq on June 1st, 2009. I added her as a friend on Facebook, however.

I didn't post anything on her wall or anything, she was just there, and I kind of forgot about it, since she never updates her page or anything. I guess it started getting interesting around the end of August. She emailed about a leaky faucet she had while I was in Baghdad. I emailed her back and told her I informed my father of the issue and also mentioned that while I was working there one day I heard Dr. Horrible on in the background and got Brand New Day stuck in my head. This started some correspondence which lasted about five or six emails back and forth. That died out to nothing again.

I came back home in December 2009. Stayed around until present day. Before Christmas, I saw Kate a few times at Bourbon Street, but didn't go out of my way to talk to her, or anything. As I dumped my girlfriend months ago, I did really begin to notice how damn hot she was, though, and in my mind, I decided that if I had the chance to date any of my tenants, she would win, hands down.

I did have to do a couple walkthroughs for the bank and for the county assessor's office, so I was in her apartment when I noticed she had a lot of Packers stuff, including a Willie Davis signed football. I only knew what this was thanks to the fact that my best friend Mopower is a huge Packers fan and he won a meet and greet with ol' Willie last year.

Meanwhile, my other buddy's (We'll call him Han Solo) breakup with his Devil Woman meant we could once again go out on a weekly basis. We began our nights at the Voodoo. Kate got promoted to Assistant Manager and began closing down the bar with us. I told Han about how I normally would never pursue a tenant of mine sexually, but if I ever did, it would be her. So, I brought up the topics of conversation and mutual interests I knew we had and she hit us with a Star Wars reference and debate that honestly impressed me, at which point Han said, "That's it, Bro. We're keepin' her."

I agreed with that assessment.

Over the course of the last month or two, Han and I have seen her on multiple occasions at the Voodoo and have spent quite a bit of time down there with her. I've even gone once or twice alone to be with and converse with her.

Someone here once referred to me as "the guy who has karaoke in every one of his stories." Well played, Sir. I guess you are correct. Although I generally do not get out to karaoke much anymore, they started it up at the Voodoo, so to show my support, I went one evening. My psycho ex-girlfriend, Joana from this thread, was there, so I turned around to leave. I found there, a table with Kate and Claire. So, I began talking to them and just sat down. I know my ex and knew she would not approach me if I was with someone else I didn't know. I liked Kate and wanted to move in anyway. So, I did.

I sat with them. Entertained them. Did the routine I know I had to do in order to be accepted in a group and make them admire me. It worked. It generally works. Kate bought me a couple rounds. Both of the ladies were excited to talk with me and I with them. Then, Scott showed up. It was amazing to me how clinical he was about their entire relationship. He said hi, took off his coat, sat down. Didn't hug or kiss her at all. He sat in a separate chair and had about as much conversation with Kate as I did after his arrival. Nothing looked as if it...sparked.

I suppose I could describe this guy. He was tall, but not as tall as me, naturally. He, too, was a redhead. Except the nasty kind. He has semi-bad acne and basically looks like a grown-up version of that kid Scut Farcus from A Christmas Story. He is going to school in Iowa City an hour away, trying to get his Master's degree in Journalism. He would be a good journalist, as he is one of those venom-spewers at anything remotely conservative. Needless to say, I didn't talk shop with him.

Luckily, my ex got ridiculously drunk, made a spectacle of herself and created good conversation for us. Including the time when Kate went in the bathroom and my ex had puked all over a stall saying, "You have to pull it together. He's out there. Pull it together!" I told her I have that maddening effect on women.

We always have good conversations, and even though I was attracted to Kate, I could never detect any attraction from her. Until about two weeks ago. I mentioned I would go to the karaoke contest the Voodoo was having, so she told me she and Claire would definitely be in attendance. When I arrived, only Claire was sitting at the bar, as Kate had to continue working. So, I sat and talked to Claire all night. She was laughing, we had a great time, and I could tell Kate was suffering from what I have long-ago termed the Competition Instinct.

Claire and I sang and drank all night with Kate serving us, incorporating her into the conversation whenever we could. Then we bounced to another bar for a last-call drink, which was on her way home. This was intentional to allow Kate to watch us go and desire. After we drank our final drink, I offered to walk Claire home. On the way, it hit me that she was probably going to ask me in when we got there. I mean, I would have asked me in. So, thinking on the fly, I told her I had an after-party to go to, but I would drop her off. Which, I did, when we got there.

After that, Claire began her pursuit of me. She found me on Gmail chat and began chatting me up on an almost daily basis. I didn't lead her on any, though admittedly, talking to her with such regularity probably made her think a few things. But, I did not want to let my interrogator training go to waste, so I used this time to elicit as much information about Kate as possible from Claire. It came in especially useful for setting up future "chance" encounters. The times when Kate was tending bar on an off-night, especially. I also used the opportunity to talk Kate out of going to see her boyfriend one night through Claire. That was particularly delightful. The conversations were also essential in setting up our next group encounter last Friday night, at Karaoke.

Unfortunately, Han couldn’t be there. Our normal night out is on Thursday, and he is getting too old to be able to go out two nights in a row. I am too, truth be told. But I had to see her. Anyway, I went to karaoke with them and dominated the contest they were having that night, winning fifty easy bucks. Which had to be impressive. The night was filled with moments. To make things even hotter, Kate then began to say things in Russian. "Holy, shit, I love a Russian accent!" She continued, just to tease me at this point, in her feminine, high-pitched voice.

Whenever Claire would leave to sing, we would talk. Many times closely. I maintained eye contact and so did she. It was very intimate and gratifying. There was teasing. Banter. Laughter. All the fantastic things you’d want out of a night like this. Kate bought me some drinks, and I bought them some drinks and shots. We began getting nice and loose.

We again went to the other bar, State Street Station, for a last-call drink before the night was over. At this point, we started getting well inebriated. Again, this time with the pair, I offered to be a gentleman and walk them home. It was sprinkling and Kate exclaimed, “Yes!”

“I know. If I were on a first date, this would definitely be the time to kiss her. It’s easily justifiable. I’d just ask her to tell me how many opportunities can you possibly have in your life to have your first kiss on your first date out in the rain? ROMANCE. Boosh.”

She laughed and agreed and we started the journey to the apartments. About halfway to our destination, Claire began to complain about getting her shoes wet, so I offered her a piggy-back ride just to prove how ridiculously masculine I can be. Outside their apartment door, I was winding up my good-byes when Kate put her finger to the corner of her mouth, did her little toe-grinding technique and said, “Okay, now, you have to come in, just for a second. I have to show you something.”

In reality, she really didn’t want to show me anything. She just wanted me in the apartment. So, after a few minutes of standing there talking, she invited me to the couch. I took off my shoes and coat and sat down. She then got up and offered to mix me a drink, which I accepted. I noticed a lot of Gone With The Wind shit all around the place, so I asked about that. “Oh, my God, it is my favorite movie!!” Even though I am a devout movie buff, admittedly, I did not see it. “You have to take it home. Watch it, then bring it back.”

We continued our conversations, until Claire said, eventually, “Aaargh! It’s like I’m serving as a translator between you two.” I gave her a little positive reinforcement. We looked up some things on the internet, talked about Super Mario Kart and I told of some of my adventures. As the night grew later and later, Kate eventually fell asleep. Claire sidled up to me as I surfed around for funny youtube videos, then I took note of the time and insisted I had to go home. Since it was about 5:15 in the morning.

On Sunday, I returned home from Mopower’s house and began chatting with Claire. I told her I would probably make some lasagna and watch GWTW, and if she and Kate wanted to join me, they could. She said she didn’t know if Kate could come. I told her that I was planning on going over to their place, not have them over to mine. She told me to come on over.

I brought my delicious lasagna, the movie and some wine for the house. We ate and had a fun dinner conversation. I created some funny awkward moments, as did Kate. It began to get slightly competitive. Claire mostly just tagged along for the ride. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I can’t get into her. I need a leader and partner to assist me on my quest for the throne. Someone who can look at me wryly, knowing what I’m going to do the moment before I lay down that smack.

We started the movie and I asked about what time period the movie takes place in, much to their horror, since they both claimed it as their favorite movie. I was able to demonstrate my uncanny rapport with animals, as Claire’s dog snuggled up next to me and wouldn’t let anyone else interact with it. We watched GWTW and I began to notice that the movie is basically Star Wars with Rhett Butler as Han Solo, the North as the Galactic Empire and Scarlett as Princess Leia and her brother-in-law as the heroic Luke who really wants to bone Leia, even though he knows he shouldn’t/can’t. During the siege of Atlanta, I said, “Well, okay, the South or the Rebels, have just suffered a serious defeat and the town is burning and dangerous, so it’s like the asteroid field where they’re hiding out, so their first kiss has to be coming up soon.”

Kate just looked at me quite astonished and praised, “Really good call! You should write a paper on this.” We got about five minutes into the movie after the intermission and Kate asked, “Uhm, are you guys really getting into this second part?”

“Why, do you want to do something else?”

“I was thinking about putting on some Super Mario Kart.”

“All right, if you two want to get your asses kicked. We should really set up some kind of double-elimination championship bracket, but I’m not smart enough to know how to do that with three people.”

“Yeah, you kind of need a fourth. We’ll just say loser passes the controller.”

“Hmm. I’d play every race. How about every two races, you pass, after first race, loser passes.”

We played and I naturally dominated, even though I hadn’t played the original Super Mario Kart for about seven years, at least. They didn’t even have 150cc unlocked yet, so I knew it would not be a challenge. During our conversation, I was able to get Claire and Kate to agree to accompany Han and myself to the St. Patty’s Day celebration on Wednesday. Kate also agreed to come to my after-party on Friday. After a time, Kate went to her room, probably to give Claire and me time alone, which I quickly rejected. “Man, it really gets late quickly after daylight savings. I should probably head home.”

I took my leftovers and made my exit. I returned home, kind of depressed, actually. Even though I had spent hours over there, I really wanted to have more time with Kate. My depression was a moment of unjustified weakness. I got on Facebook to check out her profile and creep a little, and noticed she posted two minutes before, “I really need to work on my Mario Kart skills.”

You like this.

As I was looking through my videos for something to watch, I heard the pop letting me know I had a message. It was Kate.



We chatted for 2 hours and 26 minutes. Conversation never got dull at all. There were plenty of moments that I thought I could definitely take it to another level, but I decided to play it slowly and steadily, increasing in intimacy methodically. The slow burn to an inferno. Here was my favorite moment:



The fact she got on chat specifically to talk to me even though it is not something she's done in over five years and the fact that she all but admitted to having some sexual attraction to me speaks volumes.

Yesterday I had to pick up the trash that has accumulated around the entire premises of the apartments due to the sheer fact that everything becomes hidden in the snow. Towards the end of the day, I was picking up sticks, turned around and saw Kate come home. She said hi, we exchanged pleasantries and I told her now she knew how Cinderella spent his days: Cleaning up everyone else’s trash. She smiled and went inside. I figured she would be online later that night, and she was.

We chatted for 3 hours and 14 minutes, same story. One of the disappointments, however, was that she could not attend my after-party on Friday. She has to leave for the airport on Saturday morning, but that did not stop her. She said she had to cancel because she got an email from Scott that he will return from his spring break trip to Arizona on Friday night early enough that he will be able to drive down and visit her before she leaves on her trip to Washington, DC on Saturday. Sucks. Best that could come of that is if he told her he cheated on her with Emma Frost and wanted to leave. Would love to have a self-eliminating problem like that.

She did mention him once, significantly, during our conversations. She said she likes country music because it makes her feel like summertime and home. Then, later, when describing what we both want out of our lovers, she said she only ever felt love once, and that was because when she was sitting beside him, it felt like home. She didn’t say his name, but I inferred, especially later when she said she couldn’t talk about that mushy stuff she feels with Scott with anyone face-to-face, but on the internet, she feels comfortable talking about it with me.

She told me some crazy personal stuff, like how her favorite literature is Regency Romance novels, which apparently are English history romance novels set between 1810 and 1820. How someone gets off on that, I have no clue. Then, we discussed our romantic histories.



She didn’t get the Psych reference, unfortunately. She doesn’t watch that show. YET. I posted it here mostly because I didn’t want it to go to waste.

She ended up saying a lot of things, which included how I was ‘swell’, ‘a very interesting person’, ‘bit of an odd duck’ and how she and Claire ‘enjoy your company on occasion.’ She also asked a lot of deep questions like, “What do you think is one thing everyone should know about you?”

My responses garnered reactions like, “That’s exactly how I feel” and “OMG, me, too!” She also said once she was glad we were, “friends....er, I mean, acquaintances....buds? amigos? two souls adrift in the world who pass by each other for a brief moment in time?” She also called me an old soul. Whatever the hell that means.

Anyway, I asked for her number, which she gave me, and then informed me that she was changing phones so she wouldn’t have texting until the end of the week. Which to me indicated she wanted me to text her. She said she was still looking forward to our St. Patrick’s day party, and for sure Han will be my Wingman then. Obviously, I like this girl.

Unfortunately, she’s attached. However, seeing’s how my sister is in this situation, I have little sympathy for a man who has been in a relationship for three years and hasn’t pulled the marriage trigger. Also, this girl is awesome. The attachment is the only thing that is bugging me slightly, but trust me, I’d get over it quickly. I suppose dating a tenant with two months left on her lease may be a bit unsavory, but it’s not illegal or anything.

I’m hoping to make out with this girl on Wednesday. I need to go back to the pick-up artist basics and pull out some maneuvers. If she can get to the point where she can admit physically that she has an incurable romantic attraction to me, I think I am in and I have usurped successfully.

Once can dream.

Opening it up to the Otters is always fun.

Damn, she is fantastic, though
.
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Old 03-16-10, 04:08 PM
  #8  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Tl; dr
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Old 03-16-10, 04:29 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
Spun off from this thread.

If I am going to shatter your dreams, I feel it's best to do so from the beginning. Sorry, no pics. We'll leave it up to fate. In the future, if I get to the point where we are taking pictures with each other, I will post one of those because it will be half mine. I find my moral code odd. I have no problem stealing intellectual property by downloading, but I can't bring myself to post a picture of a woman on an internet forum without her knowledge. In the meantime, I will give you a detailed description. So detailed, in fact, that if you are not used to my penchant for wordiness, you may want to run far, far away from this thread now.

As you may have surmised from my username, Jean Grey is my favorite. Truly. I think her character represents the consummate woman. I inexplicably drawn to redheads. The crimson-topped ones that are so rare they are more precious than gemstones, not the typical nasty gingers. I like a strong, intelligent, professional woman. The only thing I also require is a great sense of humor. Someone who can laugh at me and keep me laughing. I will also say at this point that I love Russians.

Lost flashback: April 2009. I was dating this beautiful little psychopath and attempting to fill my apartment vacancies. I just purchased the complex and had 11 vacancies, which is running at more than 20%. That's bad. So, a gal called and asked to see an apartment. We'll call this woman Kate, since we're in full-on Lost mode. I agreed to meet and show her.

I remember the first time I saw her vividly. She was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt and jeans. She looked very nice. She had red hair, blue eyes and the type of upper body men like myself dream of. She was thin, young and in shape. Honestly, the physical is not purely what I need, and actually is negotiable. But, physically, if I could create the perfect woman in a laboratory, almost all of the attributes I would use to construct the ideal woman for me, this woman has.

She brought her roommate, and keeping in the Lost tradition, we'll call her Claire. Claire was shorter and still attractive. If I met her in a bar, I would hit on her. If I had the opportunity after that, I would very likely sleep with her. Claire had a dog, but it was a scottie, which fits my 15 pound limit, so it was fine. They looked at the place and I rented it out. It was my second lease. I largely forgot about the two of them, because they have never caused me problems and always pay their rent on time. They're model tenants.

She did have a boyfriend living with her over the summer while her roommate was gone at an internship. We'll call him Scott, since Cyclops is a douche who doesn’t deserve Jean.

My favorite restaurant in town is called Bourbon Street and I like the casual bar downstairs, the Voodoo Lounge. They are the best place in town for a steak, fish or pretty much anything. Around mid-2009, I noticed that Kate had started working as a waitress in this establishment, but I wasn't home much, since I left for Iraq on June 1st, 2009. I added her as a friend on Facebook, however.

I didn't post anything on her wall or anything, she was just there, and I kind of forgot about it, since she never updates her page or anything. I guess it started getting interesting around the end of August. She emailed about a leaky faucet she had while I was in Baghdad. I emailed her back and told her I informed my father of the issue and also mentioned that while I was working there one day I heard Dr. Horrible on in the background and got Brand New Day stuck in my head. This started some correspondence which lasted about five or six emails back and forth. That died out to nothing again.

I came back home in December 2009. Stayed around until present day. Before Christmas, I saw Kate a few times at Bourbon Street, but didn't go out of my way to talk to her, or anything. As I dumped my girlfriend months ago, I did really begin to notice how damn hot she was, though, and in my mind, I decided that if I had the chance to date any of my tenants, she would win, hands down.

I did have to do a couple walkthroughs for the bank and for the county assessor's office, so I was in her apartment when I noticed she had a lot of Packers stuff, including a Willie Davis signed football. I only knew what this was thanks to the fact that my best friend Mopower is a huge Packers fan and he won a meet and greet with ol' Willie last year.

Meanwhile, my other buddy's (We'll call him Han Solo) breakup with his Devil Woman meant we could once again go out on a weekly basis. We began our nights at the Voodoo. Kate got promoted to Assistant Manager and began closing down the bar with us. I told Han about how I normally would never pursue a tenant of mine sexually, but if I ever did, it would be her. So, I brought up the topics of conversation and mutual interests I knew we had and she hit us with a Star Wars reference and debate that honestly impressed me, at which point Han said, "That's it, Bro. We're keepin' her."

I agreed with that assessment.

Over the course of the last month or two, Han and I have seen her on multiple occasions at the Voodoo and have spent quite a bit of time down there with her. I've even gone once or twice alone to be with and converse with her.

Someone here once referred to me as "the guy who has karaoke in every one of his stories." Well played, Sir. I guess you are correct. Although I generally do not get out to karaoke much anymore, they started it up at the Voodoo, so to show my support, I went one evening. My psycho ex-girlfriend, Joana from this thread, was there, so I turned around to leave. I found there, a table with Kate and Claire. So, I began talking to them and just sat down. I know my ex and knew she would not approach me if I was with someone else I didn't know. I liked Kate and wanted to move in anyway. So, I did.

I sat with them. Entertained them. Did the routine I know I had to do in order to be accepted in a group and make them admire me. It worked. It generally works. Kate bought me a couple rounds. Both of the ladies were excited to talk with me and I with them. Then, Scott showed up. It was amazing to me how clinical he was about their entire relationship. He said hi, took off his coat, sat down. Didn't hug or kiss her at all. He sat in a separate chair and had about as much conversation with Kate as I did after his arrival. Nothing looked as if it...sparked.

I suppose I could describe this guy. He was tall, but not as tall as me, naturally. He, too, was a redhead. Except the nasty kind. He has semi-bad acne and basically looks like a grown-up version of that kid Scut Farcus from A Christmas Story. He is going to school in Iowa City an hour away, trying to get his Master's degree in Journalism. He would be a good journalist, as he is one of those venom-spewers at anything remotely conservative. Needless to say, I didn't talk shop with him.

Luckily, my ex got ridiculously drunk, made a spectacle of herself and created good conversation for us. Including the time when Kate went in the bathroom and my ex had puked all over a stall saying, "You have to pull it together. He's out there. Pull it together!" I told her I have that maddening effect on women.

We always have good conversations, and even though I was attracted to Kate, I could never detect any attraction from her. Until about two weeks ago. I mentioned I would go to the karaoke contest the Voodoo was having, so she told me she and Claire would definitely be in attendance. When I arrived, only Claire was sitting at the bar, as Kate had to continue working. So, I sat and talked to Claire all night. She was laughing, we had a great time, and I could tell Kate was suffering from what I have long-ago termed the Competition Instinct.

Claire and I sang and drank all night with Kate serving us, incorporating her into the conversation whenever we could. Then we bounced to another bar for a last-call drink, which was on her way home. This was intentional to allow Kate to watch us go and desire. After we drank our final drink, I offered to walk Claire home. On the way, it hit me that she was probably going to ask me in when we got there. I mean, I would have asked me in. So, thinking on the fly, I told her I had an after-party to go to, but I would drop her off. Which, I did, when we got there.

After that, Claire began her pursuit of me. She found me on Gmail chat and began chatting me up on an almost daily basis. I didn't lead her on any, though admittedly, talking to her with such regularity probably made her think a few things. But, I did not want to let my interrogator training go to waste, so I used this time to elicit as much information about Kate as possible from Claire. It came in especially useful for setting up future "chance" encounters. The times when Kate was tending bar on an off-night, especially. I also used the opportunity to talk Kate out of going to see her boyfriend one night through Claire. That was particularly delightful. The conversations were also essential in setting up our next group encounter last Friday night, at Karaoke.

Unfortunately, Han couldn’t be there. Our normal night out is on Thursday, and he is getting too old to be able to go out two nights in a row. I am too, truth be told. But I had to see her. Anyway, I went to karaoke with them and dominated the contest they were having that night, winning fifty easy bucks. Which had to be impressive. The night was filled with moments. To make things even hotter, Kate then began to say things in Russian. "Holy, shit, I love a Russian accent!" She continued, just to tease me at this point, in her feminine, high-pitched voice.

Whenever Claire would leave to sing, we would talk. Many times closely. I maintained eye contact and so did she. It was very intimate and gratifying. There was teasing. Banter. Laughter. All the fantastic things you’d want out of a night like this. Kate bought me some drinks, and I bought them some drinks and shots. We began getting nice and loose.

We again went to the other bar, State Street Station, for a last-call drink before the night was over. At this point, we started getting well inebriated. Again, this time with the pair, I offered to be a gentleman and walk them home. It was sprinkling and Kate exclaimed, “Yes!”

“I know. If I were on a first date, this would definitely be the time to kiss her. It’s easily justifiable. I’d just ask her to tell me how many opportunities can you possibly have in your life to have your first kiss on your first date out in the rain? ROMANCE. Boosh.”

She laughed and agreed and we started the journey to the apartments. About halfway to our destination, Claire began to complain about getting her shoes wet, so I offered her a piggy-back ride just to prove how ridiculously masculine I can be. Outside their apartment door, I was winding up my good-byes when Kate put her finger to the corner of her mouth, did her little toe-grinding technique and said, “Okay, now, you have to come in, just for a second. I have to show you something.”

In reality, she really didn’t want to show me anything. She just wanted me in the apartment. So, after a few minutes of standing there talking, she invited me to the couch. I took off my shoes and coat and sat down. She then got up and offered to mix me a drink, which I accepted. I noticed a lot of Gone With The Wind shit all around the place, so I asked about that. “Oh, my God, it is my favorite movie!!” Even though I am a devout movie buff, admittedly, I did not see it. “You have to take it home. Watch it, then bring it back.”

We continued our conversations, until Claire said, eventually, “Aaargh! It’s like I’m serving as a translator between you two.” I gave her a little positive reinforcement. We looked up some things on the internet, talked about Super Mario Kart and I told of some of my adventures. As the night grew later and later, Kate eventually fell asleep. Claire sidled up to me as I surfed around for funny youtube videos, then I took note of the time and insisted I had to go home. Since it was about 5:15 in the morning.

On Sunday, I returned home from Mopower’s house and began chatting with Claire. I told her I would probably make some lasagna and watch GWTW, and if she and Kate wanted to join me, they could. She said she didn’t know if Kate could come. I told her that I was planning on going over to their place, not have them over to mine. She told me to come on over.

I brought my delicious lasagna, the movie and some wine for the house. We ate and had a fun dinner conversation. I created some funny awkward moments, as did Kate. It began to get slightly competitive. Claire mostly just tagged along for the ride. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I can’t get into her. I need a leader and partner to assist me on my quest for the throne. Someone who can look at me wryly, knowing what I’m going to do the moment before I lay down that smack.

We started the movie and I asked about what time period the movie takes place in, much to their horror, since they both claimed it as their favorite movie. I was able to demonstrate my uncanny rapport with animals, as Claire’s dog snuggled up next to me and wouldn’t let anyone else interact with it. We watched GWTW and I began to notice that the movie is basically Star Wars with Rhett Butler as Han Solo, the North as the Galactic Empire and Scarlett as Princess Leia and her brother-in-law as the heroic Luke who really wants to bone Leia, even though he knows he shouldn’t/can’t. During the siege of Atlanta, I said, “Well, okay, the South or the Rebels, have just suffered a serious defeat and the town is burning and dangerous, so it’s like the asteroid field where they’re hiding out, so their first kiss has to be coming up soon.”

Kate just looked at me quite astonished and praised, “Really good call! You should write a paper on this.” We got about five minutes into the movie after the intermission and Kate asked, “Uhm, are you guys really getting into this second part?”

“Why, do you want to do something else?”

“I was thinking about putting on some Super Mario Kart.”

“All right, if you two want to get your asses kicked. We should really set up some kind of double-elimination championship bracket, but I’m not smart enough to know how to do that with three people.”

“Yeah, you kind of need a fourth. We’ll just say loser passes the controller.”

“Hmm. I’d play every race. How about every two races, you pass, after first race, loser passes.”

We played and I naturally dominated, even though I hadn’t played the original Super Mario Kart for about seven years, at least. They didn’t even have 150cc unlocked yet, so I knew it would not be a challenge. During our conversation, I was able to get Claire and Kate to agree to accompany Han and myself to the St. Patty’s Day celebration on Wednesday. Kate also agreed to come to my after-party on Friday. After a time, Kate went to her room, probably to give Claire and me time alone, which I quickly rejected. “Man, it really gets late quickly after daylight savings. I should probably head home.”

I took my leftovers and made my exit. I returned home, kind of depressed, actually. Even though I had spent hours over there, I really wanted to have more time with Kate. My depression was a moment of unjustified weakness. I got on Facebook to check out her profile and creep a little, and noticed she posted two minutes before, “I really need to work on my Mario Kart skills.”

You like this.

As I was looking through my videos for something to watch, I heard the pop letting me know I had a message. It was Kate.



We chatted for 2 hours and 26 minutes. Conversation never got dull at all. There were plenty of moments that I thought I could definitely take it to another level, but I decided to play it slowly and steadily, increasing in intimacy methodically. The slow burn to an inferno. Here was my favorite moment:



The fact she got on chat specifically to talk to me even though it is not something she's done in over five years and the fact that she all but admitted to having some sexual attraction to me speaks volumes.

Yesterday I had to pick up the trash that has accumulated around the entire premises of the apartments due to the sheer fact that everything becomes hidden in the snow. Towards the end of the day, I was picking up sticks, turned around and saw Kate come home. She said hi, we exchanged pleasantries and I told her now she knew how Cinderella spent his days: Cleaning up everyone else’s trash. She smiled and went inside. I figured she would be online later that night, and she was.

We chatted for 3 hours and 14 minutes, same story. One of the disappointments, however, was that she could not attend my after-party on Friday. She has to leave for the airport on Saturday morning, but that did not stop her. She said she had to cancel because she got an email from Scott that he will return from his spring break trip to Arizona on Friday night early enough that he will be able to drive down and visit her before she leaves on her trip to Washington, DC on Saturday. Sucks. Best that could come of that is if he told her he cheated on her with Emma Frost and wanted to leave. Would love to have a self-eliminating problem like that.

She did mention him once, significantly, during our conversations. She said she likes country music because it makes her feel like summertime and home. Then, later, when describing what we both want out of our lovers, she said she only ever felt love once, and that was because when she was sitting beside him, it felt like home. She didn’t say his name, but I inferred, especially later when she said she couldn’t talk about that mushy stuff she feels with Scott with anyone face-to-face, but on the internet, she feels comfortable talking about it with me.

She told me some crazy personal stuff, like how her favorite literature is Regency Romance novels, which apparently are English history romance novels set between 1810 and 1820. How someone gets off on that, I have no clue. Then, we discussed our romantic histories.



She didn’t get the Psych reference, unfortunately. She doesn’t watch that show. YET. I posted it here mostly because I didn’t want it to go to waste.

She ended up saying a lot of things, which included how I was ‘swell’, ‘a very interesting person’, ‘bit of an odd duck’ and how she and Claire ‘enjoy your company on occasion.’ She also asked a lot of deep questions like, “What do you think is one thing everyone should know about you?”

My responses garnered reactions like, “That’s exactly how I feel” and “OMG, me, too!” She also said once she was glad we were, “friends....er, I mean, acquaintances....buds? amigos? two souls adrift in the world who pass by each other for a brief moment in time?” She also called me an old soul. Whatever the hell that means.

Anyway, I asked for her number, which she gave me, and then informed me that she was changing phones so she wouldn’t have texting until the end of the week. Which to me indicated she wanted me to text her. She said she was still looking forward to our St. Patrick’s day party, and for sure Han will be my Wingman then. Obviously, I like this girl.

Unfortunately, she’s attached. However, seeing’s how my sister is in this situation, I have little sympathy for a man who has been in a relationship for three years and hasn’t pulled the marriage trigger. Also, this girl is awesome. The attachment is the only thing that is bugging me slightly, but trust me, I’d get over it quickly. I suppose dating a tenant with two months left on her lease may be a bit unsavory, but it’s not illegal or anything.

I’m hoping to make out with this girl on Wednesday. I need to go back to the pick-up artist basics and pull out some maneuvers. If she can get to the point where she can admit physically that she has an incurable romantic attraction to me, I think I am in and I have usurped successfully.

Once can dream.

Opening it up to the Otters is always fun.

Damn, she is fantastic, though.
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Old 03-16-10, 04:38 PM
  #10  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

I read the whole thing because DP used to post some screamingly hilarious stories.

This post did not deliver.

Here's the short version. "I hit on one of my tenants. I think she's hot. She has a boyfriend and doesn't plan to leave him. I'm still hopeful."
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Old 03-16-10, 04:55 PM
  #11  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by Thor Simpson View Post
For those without a lot of time on their hands, I'll bold the important parts:
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Old 03-16-10, 04:56 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

I am still glad I requsted the full story.
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Old 03-16-10, 05:11 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
Spun off from this thread.

If I am going to shatter your dreams, I feel it's best to do so from the beginning. Sorry, no pics. We'll leave it up to fate. In the future, if I get to the point where we are taking pictures with each other, I will post one of those because it will be half mine. I find my moral code odd. I have no problem stealing intellectual property by downloading, but I can't bring myself to post a picture of a woman on an internet forum without her knowledge. In the meantime, I will give you a detailed description. So detailed, in fact, that if you are not used to my penchant for wordiness, you may want to run far, far away from this thread now.

As you may have surmised from my username, Jean Grey is my favorite. Truly. I think her character represents the consummate woman. I inexplicably drawn to redheads. The crimson-topped ones that are so rare they are more precious than gemstones, not the typical nasty gingers. I like a strong, intelligent, professional woman. The only thing I also require is a great sense of humor. Someone who can laugh at me and keep me laughing. I will also say at this point that I love Russians.

Lost flashback: April 2009. I was dating this beautiful little psychopath and attempting to fill my apartment vacancies. I just purchased the complex and had 11 vacancies, which is running at more than 20%. That's bad. So, a gal called and asked to see an apartment. We'll call this woman Kate, since we're in full-on Lost mode. I agreed to meet and show her.

I remember the first time I saw her vividly. She was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt and jeans. She looked very nice. She had red hair, blue eyes and the type of upper body men like myself dream of. She was thin, young and in shape. Honestly, the physical is not purely what I need, and actually is negotiable. But, physically, if I could create the perfect woman in a laboratory, almost all of the attributes I would use to construct the ideal woman for me, this woman has.

She brought her roommate, and keeping in the Lost tradition, we'll call her Claire. Claire was shorter and still attractive. If I met her in a bar, I would hit on her. If I had the opportunity after that, I would very likely sleep with her. Claire had a dog, but it was a scottie, which fits my 15 pound limit, so it was fine. They looked at the place and I rented it out. It was my second lease. I largely forgot about the two of them, because they have never caused me problems and always pay their rent on time. They're model tenants.

She did have a boyfriend living with her over the summer while her roommate was gone at an internship. We'll call him Scott, since Cyclops is a douche who doesn’t deserve Jean.

My favorite restaurant in town is called Bourbon Street and I like the casual bar downstairs, the Voodoo Lounge. They are the best place in town for a steak, fish or pretty much anything. Around mid-2009, I noticed that Kate had started working as a waitress in this establishment, but I wasn't home much, since I left for Iraq on June 1st, 2009. I added her as a friend on Facebook, however.

I didn't post anything on her wall or anything, she was just there, and I kind of forgot about it, since she never updates her page or anything. I guess it started getting interesting around the end of August. She emailed about a leaky faucet she had while I was in Baghdad. I emailed her back and told her I informed my father of the issue and also mentioned that while I was working there one day I heard Dr. Horrible on in the background and got Brand New Day stuck in my head. This started some correspondence which lasted about five or six emails back and forth. That died out to nothing again.

I came back home in December 2009. Stayed around until present day. Before Christmas, I saw Kate a few times at Bourbon Street, but didn't go out of my way to talk to her, or anything. As I dumped my girlfriend months ago, I did really begin to notice how damn hot she was, though, and in my mind, I decided that if I had the chance to date any of my tenants, she would win, hands down.

I did have to do a couple walkthroughs for the bank and for the county assessor's office, so I was in her apartment when I noticed she had a lot of Packers stuff, including a Willie Davis signed football. I only knew what this was thanks to the fact that my best friend Mopower is a huge Packers fan and he won a meet and greet with ol' Willie last year.

Meanwhile, my other buddy's (We'll call him Han Solo) breakup with his Devil Woman meant we could once again go out on a weekly basis. We began our nights at the Voodoo. Kate got promoted to Assistant Manager and began closing down the bar with us. I told Han about how I normally would never pursue a tenant of mine sexually, but if I ever did, it would be her. So, I brought up the topics of conversation and mutual interests I knew we had and she hit us with a Star Wars reference and debate that honestly impressed me, at which point Han said, "That's it, Bro. We're keepin' her."

I agreed with that assessment.

Over the course of the last month or two, Han and I have seen her on multiple occasions at the Voodoo and have spent quite a bit of time down there with her. I've even gone once or twice alone to be with and converse with her.

Someone here once referred to me as "the guy who has karaoke in every one of his stories." Well played, Sir. I guess you are correct. Although I generally do not get out to karaoke much anymore, they started it up at the Voodoo, so to show my support, I went one evening. My psycho ex-girlfriend, Joana from this thread, was there, so I turned around to leave. I found there, a table with Kate and Claire. So, I began talking to them and just sat down. I know my ex and knew she would not approach me if I was with someone else I didn't know. I liked Kate and wanted to move in anyway. So, I did.

I sat with them. Entertained them. Did the routine I know I had to do in order to be accepted in a group and make them admire me. It worked. It generally works. Kate bought me a couple rounds. Both of the ladies were excited to talk with me and I with them. Then, Scott showed up. It was amazing to me how clinical he was about their entire relationship. He said hi, took off his coat, sat down. Didn't hug or kiss her at all. He sat in a separate chair and had about as much conversation with Kate as I did after his arrival. Nothing looked as if it...sparked.

I suppose I could describe this guy. He was tall, but not as tall as me, naturally. He, too, was a redhead. Except the nasty kind. He has semi-bad acne and basically looks like a grown-up version of that kid Scut Farcus from A Christmas Story. He is going to school in Iowa City an hour away, trying to get his Master's degree in Journalism. He would be a good journalist, as he is one of those venom-spewers at anything remotely conservative. Needless to say, I didn't talk shop with him.

Luckily, my ex got ridiculously drunk, made a spectacle of herself and created good conversation for us. Including the time when Kate went in the bathroom and my ex had puked all over a stall saying, "You have to pull it together. He's out there. Pull it together!" I told her I have that maddening effect on women.

We always have good conversations, and even though I was attracted to Kate, I could never detect any attraction from her. Until about two weeks ago. I mentioned I would go to the karaoke contest the Voodoo was having, so she told me she and Claire would definitely be in attendance. When I arrived, only Claire was sitting at the bar, as Kate had to continue working. So, I sat and talked to Claire all night. She was laughing, we had a great time, and I could tell Kate was suffering from what I have long-ago termed the Competition Instinct.

Claire and I sang and drank all night with Kate serving us, incorporating her into the conversation whenever we could. Then we bounced to another bar for a last-call drink, which was on her way home. This was intentional to allow Kate to watch us go and desire. After we drank our final drink, I offered to walk Claire home. On the way, it hit me that she was probably going to ask me in when we got there. I mean, I would have asked me in. So, thinking on the fly, I told her I had an after-party to go to, but I would drop her off. Which, I did, when we got there.

After that, Claire began her pursuit of me. She found me on Gmail chat and began chatting me up on an almost daily basis. I didn't lead her on any, though admittedly, talking to her with such regularity probably made her think a few things. But, I did not want to let my interrogator training go to waste, so I used this time to elicit as much information about Kate as possible from Claire. It came in especially useful for setting up future "chance" encounters. The times when Kate was tending bar on an off-night, especially. I also used the opportunity to talk Kate out of going to see her boyfriend one night through Claire. That was particularly delightful. The conversations were also essential in setting up our next group encounter last Friday night, at Karaoke.

Unfortunately, Han couldn’t be there. Our normal night out is on Thursday, and he is getting too old to be able to go out two nights in a row. I am too, truth be told. But I had to see her. Anyway, I went to karaoke with them and dominated the contest they were having that night, winning fifty easy bucks. Which had to be impressive. The night was filled with moments. To make things even hotter, Kate then began to say things in Russian. "Holy, shit, I love a Russian accent!" She continued, just to tease me at this point, in her feminine, high-pitched voice.

Whenever Claire would leave to sing, we would talk. Many times closely. I maintained eye contact and so did she. It was very intimate and gratifying. There was teasing. Banter. Laughter. All the fantastic things you’d want out of a night like this. Kate bought me some drinks, and I bought them some drinks and shots. We began getting nice and loose.

We again went to the other bar, State Street Station, for a last-call drink before the night was over. At this point, we started getting well inebriated. Again, this time with the pair, I offered to be a gentleman and walk them home. It was sprinkling and Kate exclaimed, “Yes!”

“I know. If I were on a first date, this would definitely be the time to kiss her. It’s easily justifiable. I’d just ask her to tell me how many opportunities can you possibly have in your life to have your first kiss on your first date out in the rain? ROMANCE. Boosh.”

She laughed and agreed and we started the journey to the apartments. About halfway to our destination, Claire began to complain about getting her shoes wet, so I offered her a piggy-back ride just to prove how ridiculously masculine I can be. Outside their apartment door, I was winding up my good-byes when Kate put her finger to the corner of her mouth, did her little toe-grinding technique and said, “Okay, now, you have to come in, just for a second. I have to show you something.”

In reality, she really didn’t want to show me anything. She just wanted me in the apartment. So, after a few minutes of standing there talking, she invited me to the couch. I took off my shoes and coat and sat down. She then got up and offered to mix me a drink, which I accepted. I noticed a lot of Gone With The Wind shit all around the place, so I asked about that. “Oh, my God, it is my favorite movie!!” Even though I am a devout movie buff, admittedly, I did not see it. “You have to take it home. Watch it, then bring it back.”

We continued our conversations, until Claire said, eventually, “Aaargh! It’s like I’m serving as a translator between you two.” I gave her a little positive reinforcement. We looked up some things on the internet, talked about Super Mario Kart and I told of some of my adventures. As the night grew later and later, Kate eventually fell asleep. Claire sidled up to me as I surfed around for funny youtube videos, then I took note of the time and insisted I had to go home. Since it was about 5:15 in the morning.

On Sunday, I returned home from Mopower’s house and began chatting with Claire. I told her I would probably make some lasagna and watch GWTW, and if she and Kate wanted to join me, they could. She said she didn’t know if Kate could come. I told her that I was planning on going over to their place, not have them over to mine. She told me to come on over.

I brought my delicious lasagna, the movie and some wine for the house. We ate and had a fun dinner conversation. I created some funny awkward moments, as did Kate. It began to get slightly competitive. Claire mostly just tagged along for the ride. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I can’t get into her. I need a leader and partner to assist me on my quest for the throne. Someone who can look at me wryly, knowing what I’m going to do the moment before I lay down that smack.

We started the movie and I asked about what time period the movie takes place in, much to their horror, since they both claimed it as their favorite movie. I was able to demonstrate my uncanny rapport with animals, as Claire’s dog snuggled up next to me and wouldn’t let anyone else interact with it. We watched GWTW and I began to notice that the movie is basically Star Wars with Rhett Butler as Han Solo, the North as the Galactic Empire and Scarlett as Princess Leia and her brother-in-law as the heroic Luke who really wants to bone Leia, even though he knows he shouldn’t/can’t. During the siege of Atlanta, I said, “Well, okay, the South or the Rebels, have just suffered a serious defeat and the town is burning and dangerous, so it’s like the asteroid field where they’re hiding out, so their first kiss has to be coming up soon.”

Kate just looked at me quite astonished and praised, “Really good call! You should write a paper on this.” We got about five minutes into the movie after the intermission and Kate asked, “Uhm, are you guys really getting into this second part?”

“Why, do you want to do something else?”

“I was thinking about putting on some Super Mario Kart.”

“All right, if you two want to get your asses kicked. We should really set up some kind of double-elimination championship bracket, but I’m not smart enough to know how to do that with three people.”

“Yeah, you kind of need a fourth. We’ll just say loser passes the controller.”

“Hmm. I’d play every race. How about every two races, you pass, after first race, loser passes.”

We played and I naturally dominated, even though I hadn’t played the original Super Mario Kart for about seven years, at least. They didn’t even have 150cc unlocked yet, so I knew it would not be a challenge. During our conversation, I was able to get Claire and Kate to agree to accompany Han and myself to the St. Patty’s Day celebration on Wednesday. Kate also agreed to come to my after-party on Friday. After a time, Kate went to her room, probably to give Claire and me time alone, which I quickly rejected. “Man, it really gets late quickly after daylight savings. I should probably head home.”

I took my leftovers and made my exit. I returned home, kind of depressed, actually. Even though I had spent hours over there, I really wanted to have more time with Kate. My depression was a moment of unjustified weakness. I got on Facebook to check out her profile and creep a little, and noticed she posted two minutes before, “I really need to work on my Mario Kart skills.”

You like this.

As I was looking through my videos for something to watch, I heard the pop letting me know I had a message. It was Kate.



We chatted for 2 hours and 26 minutes. Conversation never got dull at all. There were plenty of moments that I thought I could definitely take it to another level, but I decided to play it slowly and steadily, increasing in intimacy methodically. The slow burn to an inferno. Here was my favorite moment:



The fact she got on chat specifically to talk to me even though it is not something she's done in over five years and the fact that she all but admitted to having some sexual attraction to me speaks volumes.

Yesterday I had to pick up the trash that has accumulated around the entire premises of the apartments due to the sheer fact that everything becomes hidden in the snow. Towards the end of the day, I was picking up sticks, turned around and saw Kate come home. She said hi, we exchanged pleasantries and I told her now she knew how Cinderella spent his days: Cleaning up everyone else’s trash. She smiled and went inside. I figured she would be online later that night, and she was.

We chatted for 3 hours and 14 minutes, same story. One of the disappointments, however, was that she could not attend my after-party on Friday. She has to leave for the airport on Saturday morning, but that did not stop her. She said she had to cancel because she got an email from Scott that he will return from his spring break trip to Arizona on Friday night early enough that he will be able to drive down and visit her before she leaves on her trip to Washington, DC on Saturday. Sucks. Best that could come of that is if he told her he cheated on her with Emma Frost and wanted to leave. Would love to have a self-eliminating problem like that.

She did mention him once, significantly, during our conversations. She said she likes country music because it makes her feel like summertime and home. Then, later, when describing what we both want out of our lovers, she said she only ever felt love once, and that was because when she was sitting beside him, it felt like home. She didn’t say his name, but I inferred, especially later when she said she couldn’t talk about that mushy stuff she feels with Scott with anyone face-to-face, but on the internet, she feels comfortable talking about it with me.

She told me some crazy personal stuff, like how her favorite literature is Regency Romance novels, which apparently are English history romance novels set between 1810 and 1820. How someone gets off on that, I have no clue. Then, we discussed our romantic histories.



She didn’t get the Psych reference, unfortunately. She doesn’t watch that show. YET. I posted it here mostly because I didn’t want it to go to waste.

She ended up saying a lot of things, which included how I was ‘swell’, ‘a very interesting person’, ‘bit of an odd duck’ and how she and Claire ‘enjoy your company on occasion.’ She also asked a lot of deep questions like, “What do you think is one thing everyone should know about you?”

My responses garnered reactions like, “That’s exactly how I feel” and “OMG, me, too!” She also said once she was glad we were, “friends....er, I mean, acquaintances....buds? amigos? two souls adrift in the world who pass by each other for a brief moment in time?” She also called me an old soul. Whatever the hell that means.

Anyway, I asked for her number, which she gave me, and then informed me that she was changing phones so she wouldn’t have texting until the end of the week. Which to me indicated she wanted me to text her. She said she was still looking forward to our St. Patrick’s day party, and for sure Han will be my Wingman then. Obviously, I like this girl.

Unfortunately, she’s attached. However, seeing’s how my sister is in this situation, I have little sympathy for a man who has been in a relationship for three years and hasn’t pulled the marriage trigger. Also, this girl is awesome. The attachment is the only thing that is bugging me slightly, but trust me, I’d get over it quickly. I suppose dating a tenant with two months left on her lease may be a bit unsavory, but it’s not illegal or anything.

I’m hoping to make out with this girl on Wednesday. I need to go back to the pick-up artist basics and pull out some maneuvers. If she can get to the point where she can admit physically that she has an incurable romantic attraction to me, I think I am in and I have usurped successfully.

Once can dream.

Opening it up to the Otters is always fun.

Damn, she is fantastic, though.
So when are the X-men going to be on Lost?
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Old 03-16-10, 05:16 PM
  #14  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by dx23 View Post
So when are the X-men going to be on Lost?
Only when they can coordinate schedules with the Star Wars cast.

Decent storytelling, slow day, so I read it, need to get to the meat of the story quicker.

Btw, what did you answer to the one thing people should know about you question? If you're going to write all that may as well give what you answered and not just her reactions.
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Old 03-16-10, 05:17 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
Spun off from this thread.

If I am going to shatter your dreams, I feel it's best to do so from the beginning. Sorry, no pics. We'll leave it up to fate. In the future, if I get to the point where we are taking pictures with each other, I will post one of those because it will be half mine. I find my moral code odd. I have no problem stealing intellectual property by downloading, but I can't bring myself to post a picture of a woman on an internet forum without her knowledge. In the meantime, I will give you a detailed description. So detailed, in fact, that if you are not used to my penchant for wordiness, you may want to run far, far away from this thread now.

As you may have surmised from my username, Jean Grey is my favorite. Truly. I think her character represents the consummate woman. I inexplicably drawn to redheads. The crimson-topped ones that are so rare they are more precious than gemstones, not the typical nasty gingers. I like a strong, intelligent, professional woman. The only thing I also require is a great sense of humor. Someone who can laugh at me and keep me laughing. I will also say at this point that I love Russians.

Lost flashback: April 2009. I was dating this beautiful little psychopath and attempting to fill my apartment vacancies. I just purchased the complex and had 11 vacancies, which is running at more than 20%. That's bad. So, a gal called and asked to see an apartment. We'll call this woman Kate, since we're in full-on Lost mode. I agreed to meet and show her.

I remember the first time I saw her vividly. She was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt and jeans. She looked very nice. She had red hair, blue eyes and the type of upper body men like myself dream of. She was thin, young and in shape. Honestly, the physical is not purely what I need, and actually is negotiable. But, physically, if I could create the perfect woman in a laboratory, almost all of the attributes I would use to construct the ideal woman for me, this woman has.

She brought her roommate, and keeping in the Lost tradition, we'll call her Claire. Claire was shorter and still attractive. If I met her in a bar, I would hit on her. If I had the opportunity after that, I would very likely sleep with her. Claire had a dog, but it was a scottie, which fits my 15 pound limit, so it was fine. They looked at the place and I rented it out. It was my second lease. I largely forgot about the two of them, because they have never caused me problems and always pay their rent on time. They're model tenants.

She did have a boyfriend living with her over the summer while her roommate was gone at an internship. We'll call him Scott, since Cyclops is a douche who doesn’t deserve Jean.

My favorite restaurant in town is called Bourbon Street and I like the casual bar downstairs, the Voodoo Lounge. They are the best place in town for a steak, fish or pretty much anything. Around mid-2009, I noticed that Kate had started working as a waitress in this establishment, but I wasn't home much, since I left for Iraq on June 1st, 2009. I added her as a friend on Facebook, however.

I didn't post anything on her wall or anything, she was just there, and I kind of forgot about it, since she never updates her page or anything. I guess it started getting interesting around the end of August. She emailed about a leaky faucet she had while I was in Baghdad. I emailed her back and told her I informed my father of the issue and also mentioned that while I was working there one day I heard Dr. Horrible on in the background and got Brand New Day stuck in my head. This started some correspondence which lasted about five or six emails back and forth. That died out to nothing again.

I came back home in December 2009. Stayed around until present day. Before Christmas, I saw Kate a few times at Bourbon Street, but didn't go out of my way to talk to her, or anything. As I dumped my girlfriend months ago, I did really begin to notice how damn hot she was, though, and in my mind, I decided that if I had the chance to date any of my tenants, she would win, hands down.

I did have to do a couple walkthroughs for the bank and for the county assessor's office, so I was in her apartment when I noticed she had a lot of Packers stuff, including a Willie Davis signed football. I only knew what this was thanks to the fact that my best friend Mopower is a huge Packers fan and he won a meet and greet with ol' Willie last year.

Meanwhile, my other buddy's (We'll call him Han Solo) breakup with his Devil Woman meant we could once again go out on a weekly basis. We began our nights at the Voodoo. Kate got promoted to Assistant Manager and began closing down the bar with us. I told Han about how I normally would never pursue a tenant of mine sexually, but if I ever did, it would be her. So, I brought up the topics of conversation and mutual interests I knew we had and she hit us with a Star Wars reference and debate that honestly impressed me, at which point Han said, "That's it, Bro. We're keepin' her."

I agreed with that assessment.

Over the course of the last month or two, Han and I have seen her on multiple occasions at the Voodoo and have spent quite a bit of time down there with her. I've even gone once or twice alone to be with and converse with her.

Someone here once referred to me as "the guy who has karaoke in every one of his stories." Well played, Sir. I guess you are correct. Although I generally do not get out to karaoke much anymore, they started it up at the Voodoo, so to show my support, I went one evening. My psycho ex-girlfriend, Joana from this thread, was there, so I turned around to leave. I found there, a table with Kate and Claire. So, I began talking to them and just sat down. I know my ex and knew she would not approach me if I was with someone else I didn't know. I liked Kate and wanted to move in anyway. So, I did.

I sat with them. Entertained them. Did the routine I know I had to do in order to be accepted in a group and make them admire me. It worked. It generally works. Kate bought me a couple rounds. Both of the ladies were excited to talk with me and I with them. Then, Scott showed up. It was amazing to me how clinical he was about their entire relationship. He said hi, took off his coat, sat down. Didn't hug or kiss her at all. He sat in a separate chair and had about as much conversation with Kate as I did after his arrival. Nothing looked as if it...sparked.

I suppose I could describe this guy. He was tall, but not as tall as me, naturally. He, too, was a redhead. Except the nasty kind. He has semi-bad acne and basically looks like a grown-up version of that kid Scut Farcus from A Christmas Story. He is going to school in Iowa City an hour away, trying to get his Master's degree in Journalism. He would be a good journalist, as he is one of those venom-spewers at anything remotely conservative. Needless to say, I didn't talk shop with him.

Luckily, my ex got ridiculously drunk, made a spectacle of herself and created good conversation for us. Including the time when Kate went in the bathroom and my ex had puked all over a stall saying, "You have to pull it together. He's out there. Pull it together!" I told her I have that maddening effect on women.

We always have good conversations, and even though I was attracted to Kate, I could never detect any attraction from her. Until about two weeks ago. I mentioned I would go to the karaoke contest the Voodoo was having, so she told me she and Claire would definitely be in attendance. When I arrived, only Claire was sitting at the bar, as Kate had to continue working. So, I sat and talked to Claire all night. She was laughing, we had a great time, and I could tell Kate was suffering from what I have long-ago termed the Competition Instinct.

Claire and I sang and drank all night with Kate serving us, incorporating her into the conversation whenever we could. Then we bounced to another bar for a last-call drink, which was on her way home. This was intentional to allow Kate to watch us go and desire. After we drank our final drink, I offered to walk Claire home. On the way, it hit me that she was probably going to ask me in when we got there. I mean, I would have asked me in. So, thinking on the fly, I told her I had an after-party to go to, but I would drop her off. Which, I did, when we got there.

After that, Claire began her pursuit of me. She found me on Gmail chat and began chatting me up on an almost daily basis. I didn't lead her on any, though admittedly, talking to her with such regularity probably made her think a few things. But, I did not want to let my interrogator training go to waste, so I used this time to elicit as much information about Kate as possible from Claire. It came in especially useful for setting up future "chance" encounters. The times when Kate was tending bar on an off-night, especially. I also used the opportunity to talk Kate out of going to see her boyfriend one night through Claire. That was particularly delightful. The conversations were also essential in setting up our next group encounter last Friday night, at Karaoke.

Unfortunately, Han couldn’t be there. Our normal night out is on Thursday, and he is getting too old to be able to go out two nights in a row. I am too, truth be told. But I had to see her. Anyway, I went to karaoke with them and dominated the contest they were having that night, winning fifty easy bucks. Which had to be impressive. The night was filled with moments. To make things even hotter, Kate then began to say things in Russian. "Holy, shit, I love a Russian accent!" She continued, just to tease me at this point, in her feminine, high-pitched voice.

Whenever Claire would leave to sing, we would talk. Many times closely. I maintained eye contact and so did she. It was very intimate and gratifying. There was teasing. Banter. Laughter. All the fantastic things you’d want out of a night like this. Kate bought me some drinks, and I bought them some drinks and shots. We began getting nice and loose.

We again went to the other bar, State Street Station, for a last-call drink before the night was over. At this point, we started getting well inebriated. Again, this time with the pair, I offered to be a gentleman and walk them home. It was sprinkling and Kate exclaimed, “Yes!”

“I know. If I were on a first date, this would definitely be the time to kiss her. It’s easily justifiable. I’d just ask her to tell me how many opportunities can you possibly have in your life to have your first kiss on your first date out in the rain? ROMANCE. Boosh.”

She laughed and agreed and we started the journey to the apartments. About halfway to our destination, Claire began to complain about getting her shoes wet, so I offered her a piggy-back ride just to prove how ridiculously masculine I can be. Outside their apartment door, I was winding up my good-byes when Kate put her finger to the corner of her mouth, did her little toe-grinding technique and said, “Okay, now, you have to come in, just for a second. I have to show you something.”

In reality, she really didn’t want to show me anything. She just wanted me in the apartment. So, after a few minutes of standing there talking, she invited me to the couch. I took off my shoes and coat and sat down. She then got up and offered to mix me a drink, which I accepted. I noticed a lot of Gone With The Wind shit all around the place, so I asked about that. “Oh, my God, it is my favorite movie!!” Even though I am a devout movie buff, admittedly, I did not see it. “You have to take it home. Watch it, then bring it back.”

We continued our conversations, until Claire said, eventually, “Aaargh! It’s like I’m serving as a translator between you two.” I gave her a little positive reinforcement. We looked up some things on the internet, talked about Super Mario Kart and I told of some of my adventures. As the night grew later and later, Kate eventually fell asleep. Claire sidled up to me as I surfed around for funny youtube videos, then I took note of the time and insisted I had to go home. Since it was about 5:15 in the morning.

On Sunday, I returned home from Mopower’s house and began chatting with Claire. I told her I would probably make some lasagna and watch GWTW, and if she and Kate wanted to join me, they could. She said she didn’t know if Kate could come. I told her that I was planning on going over to their place, not have them over to mine. She told me to come on over.

I brought my delicious lasagna, the movie and some wine for the house. We ate and had a fun dinner conversation. I created some funny awkward moments, as did Kate. It began to get slightly competitive. Claire mostly just tagged along for the ride. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I can’t get into her. I need a leader and partner to assist me on my quest for the throne. Someone who can look at me wryly, knowing what I’m going to do the moment before I lay down that smack.

We started the movie and I asked about what time period the movie takes place in, much to their horror, since they both claimed it as their favorite movie. I was able to demonstrate my uncanny rapport with animals, as Claire’s dog snuggled up next to me and wouldn’t let anyone else interact with it. We watched GWTW and I began to notice that the movie is basically Star Wars with Rhett Butler as Han Solo, the North as the Galactic Empire and Scarlett as Princess Leia and her brother-in-law as the heroic Luke who really wants to bone Leia, even though he knows he shouldn’t/can’t. During the siege of Atlanta, I said, “Well, okay, the South or the Rebels, have just suffered a serious defeat and the town is burning and dangerous, so it’s like the asteroid field where they’re hiding out, so their first kiss has to be coming up soon.”

Kate just looked at me quite astonished and praised, “Really good call! You should write a paper on this.” We got about five minutes into the movie after the intermission and Kate asked, “Uhm, are you guys really getting into this second part?”

“Why, do you want to do something else?”

“I was thinking about putting on some Super Mario Kart.”

“All right, if you two want to get your asses kicked. We should really set up some kind of double-elimination championship bracket, but I’m not smart enough to know how to do that with three people.”

“Yeah, you kind of need a fourth. We’ll just say loser passes the controller.”

“Hmm. I’d play every race. How about every two races, you pass, after first race, loser passes.”

We played and I naturally dominated, even though I hadn’t played the original Super Mario Kart for about seven years, at least. They didn’t even have 150cc unlocked yet, so I knew it would not be a challenge. During our conversation, I was able to get Claire and Kate to agree to accompany Han and myself to the St. Patty’s Day celebration on Wednesday. Kate also agreed to come to my after-party on Friday. After a time, Kate went to her room, probably to give Claire and me time alone, which I quickly rejected. “Man, it really gets late quickly after daylight savings. I should probably head home.”

I took my leftovers and made my exit. I returned home, kind of depressed, actually. Even though I had spent hours over there, I really wanted to have more time with Kate. My depression was a moment of unjustified weakness. I got on Facebook to check out her profile and creep a little, and noticed she posted two minutes before, “I really need to work on my Mario Kart skills.”

You like this.

As I was looking through my videos for something to watch, I heard the pop letting me know I had a message. It was Kate.



We chatted for 2 hours and 26 minutes. Conversation never got dull at all. There were plenty of moments that I thought I could definitely take it to another level, but I decided to play it slowly and steadily, increasing in intimacy methodically. The slow burn to an inferno. Here was my favorite moment:



The fact she got on chat specifically to talk to me even though it is not something she's done in over five years and the fact that she all but admitted to having some sexual attraction to me speaks volumes.

Yesterday I had to pick up the trash that has accumulated around the entire premises of the apartments due to the sheer fact that everything becomes hidden in the snow. Towards the end of the day, I was picking up sticks, turned around and saw Kate come home. She said hi, we exchanged pleasantries and I told her now she knew how Cinderella spent his days: Cleaning up everyone else’s trash. She smiled and went inside. I figured she would be online later that night, and she was.

We chatted for 3 hours and 14 minutes, same story. One of the disappointments, however, was that she could not attend my after-party on Friday. She has to leave for the airport on Saturday morning, but that did not stop her. She said she had to cancel because she got an email from Scott that he will return from his spring break trip to Arizona on Friday night early enough that he will be able to drive down and visit her before she leaves on her trip to Washington, DC on Saturday. Sucks. Best that could come of that is if he told her he cheated on her with Emma Frost and wanted to leave. Would love to have a self-eliminating problem like that.

She did mention him once, significantly, during our conversations. She said she likes country music because it makes her feel like summertime and home. Then, later, when describing what we both want out of our lovers, she said she only ever felt love once, and that was because when she was sitting beside him, it felt like home. She didn’t say his name, but I inferred, especially later when she said she couldn’t talk about that mushy stuff she feels with Scott with anyone face-to-face, but on the internet, she feels comfortable talking about it with me.

She told me some crazy personal stuff, like how her favorite literature is Regency Romance novels, which apparently are English history romance novels set between 1810 and 1820. How someone gets off on that, I have no clue. Then, we discussed our romantic histories.



She didn’t get the Psych reference, unfortunately. She doesn’t watch that show. YET. I posted it here mostly because I didn’t want it to go to waste.

She ended up saying a lot of things, which included how I was ‘swell’, ‘a very interesting person’, ‘bit of an odd duck’ and how she and Claire ‘enjoy your company on occasion.’ She also asked a lot of deep questions like, “What do you think is one thing everyone should know about you?”

My responses garnered reactions like, “That’s exactly how I feel” and “OMG, me, too!” She also said once she was glad we were, “friends....er, I mean, acquaintances....buds? amigos? two souls adrift in the world who pass by each other for a brief moment in time?” She also called me an old soul. Whatever the hell that means.

Anyway, I asked for her number, which she gave me, and then informed me that she was changing phones so she wouldn’t have texting until the end of the week. Which to me indicated she wanted me to text her. She said she was still looking forward to our St. Patrick’s day party, and for sure Han will be my Wingman then. Obviously, I like this girl.

Unfortunately, she’s attached. However, seeing’s how my sister is in this situation, I have little sympathy for a man who has been in a relationship for three years and hasn’t pulled the marriage trigger. Also, this girl is awesome. The attachment is the only thing that is bugging me slightly, but trust me, I’d get over it quickly. I suppose dating a tenant with two months left on her lease may be a bit unsavory, but it’s not illegal or anything.

I’m hoping to make out with this girl on Wednesday. I need to go back to the pick-up artist basics and pull out some maneuvers. If she can get to the point where she can admit physically that she has an incurable romantic attraction to me, I think I am in and I have usurped successfully.

Once can dream.

Opening it up to the Otters is always fun.

Damn, she is fantastic, though.
I stopped reading when you said there weren't pics.
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Old 03-16-10, 05:44 PM
  #16  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
I'm glad people are giving a nod to the length, because I was a little self-conscious about the girth.
Seriously, it reads like undigested rambling. It would have been improved if you'd cut out at least a third of it. If you're telling a story, instead of filling your diary, you lose your audience while you're noodling around.
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Old 03-16-10, 05:45 PM
  #17  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
Spun off from this thread.

If I am going to shatter your dreams, I feel it's best to do so from the beginning. Sorry, no pics. We'll leave it up to fate. In the future, if I get to the point where we are taking pictures with each other, I will post one of those because it will be half mine. I find my moral code odd. I have no problem stealing intellectual property by downloading, but I can't bring myself to post a picture of a woman on an internet forum without her knowledge. In the meantime, I will give you a detailed description. So detailed, in fact, that if you are not used to my penchant for wordiness, you may want to run far, far away from this thread now.

As you may have surmised from my username, Jean Grey is my favorite. Truly. I think her character represents the consummate woman. I inexplicably drawn to redheads. The crimson-topped ones that are so rare they are more precious than gemstones, not the typical nasty gingers. I like a strong, intelligent, professional woman. The only thing I also require is a great sense of humor. Someone who can laugh at me and keep me laughing. I will also say at this point that I love Russians.

Lost flashback: April 2009. I was dating this beautiful little psychopath and attempting to fill my apartment vacancies. I just purchased the complex and had 11 vacancies, which is running at more than 20%. That's bad. So, a gal called and asked to see an apartment. We'll call this woman Kate, since we're in full-on Lost mode. I agreed to meet and show her.

I remember the first time I saw her vividly. She was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt and jeans. She looked very nice. She had red hair, blue eyes and the type of upper body men like myself dream of. She was thin, young and in shape. Honestly, the physical is not purely what I need, and actually is negotiable. But, physically, if I could create the perfect woman in a laboratory, almost all of the attributes I would use to construct the ideal woman for me, this woman has.

She brought her roommate, and keeping in the Lost tradition, we'll call her Claire. Claire was shorter and still attractive. If I met her in a bar, I would hit on her. If I had the opportunity after that, I would very likely sleep with her. Claire had a dog, but it was a scottie, which fits my 15 pound limit, so it was fine. They looked at the place and I rented it out. It was my second lease. I largely forgot about the two of them, because they have never caused me problems and always pay their rent on time. They're model tenants.

She did have a boyfriend living with her over the summer while her roommate was gone at an internship. We'll call him Scott, since Cyclops is a douche who doesn’t deserve Jean.

My favorite restaurant in town is called Bourbon Street and I like the casual bar downstairs, the Voodoo Lounge. They are the best place in town for a steak, fish or pretty much anything. Around mid-2009, I noticed that Kate had started working as a waitress in this establishment, but I wasn't home much, since I left for Iraq on June 1st, 2009. I added her as a friend on Facebook, however.

I didn't post anything on her wall or anything, she was just there, and I kind of forgot about it, since she never updates her page or anything. I guess it started getting interesting around the end of August. She emailed about a leaky faucet she had while I was in Baghdad. I emailed her back and told her I informed my father of the issue and also mentioned that while I was working there one day I heard Dr. Horrible on in the background and got Brand New Day stuck in my head. This started some correspondence which lasted about five or six emails back and forth. That died out to nothing again.

I came back home in December 2009. Stayed around until present day. Before Christmas, I saw Kate a few times at Bourbon Street, but didn't go out of my way to talk to her, or anything. As I dumped my girlfriend months ago, I did really begin to notice how damn hot she was, though, and in my mind, I decided that if I had the chance to date any of my tenants, she would win, hands down.

I did have to do a couple walkthroughs for the bank and for the county assessor's office, so I was in her apartment when I noticed she had a lot of Packers stuff, including a Willie Davis signed football. I only knew what this was thanks to the fact that my best friend Mopower is a huge Packers fan and he won a meet and greet with ol' Willie last year.

Meanwhile, my other buddy's (We'll call him Han Solo) breakup with his Devil Woman meant we could once again go out on a weekly basis. We began our nights at the Voodoo. Kate got promoted to Assistant Manager and began closing down the bar with us. I told Han about how I normally would never pursue a tenant of mine sexually, but if I ever did, it would be her. So, I brought up the topics of conversation and mutual interests I knew we had and she hit us with a Star Wars reference and debate that honestly impressed me, at which point Han said, "That's it, Bro. We're keepin' her."

I agreed with that assessment.

Over the course of the last month or two, Han and I have seen her on multiple occasions at the Voodoo and have spent quite a bit of time down there with her. I've even gone once or twice alone to be with and converse with her.

Someone here once referred to me as "the guy who has karaoke in every one of his stories." Well played, Sir. I guess you are correct. Although I generally do not get out to karaoke much anymore, they started it up at the Voodoo, so to show my support, I went one evening. My psycho ex-girlfriend, Joana from this thread, was there, so I turned around to leave. I found there, a table with Kate and Claire. So, I began talking to them and just sat down. I know my ex and knew she would not approach me if I was with someone else I didn't know. I liked Kate and wanted to move in anyway. So, I did.

I sat with them. Entertained them. Did the routine I know I had to do in order to be accepted in a group and make them admire me. It worked. It generally works. Kate bought me a couple rounds. Both of the ladies were excited to talk with me and I with them. Then, Scott showed up. It was amazing to me how clinical he was about their entire relationship. He said hi, took off his coat, sat down. Didn't hug or kiss her at all. He sat in a separate chair and had about as much conversation with Kate as I did after his arrival. Nothing looked as if it...sparked.

I suppose I could describe this guy. He was tall, but not as tall as me, naturally. He, too, was a redhead. Except the nasty kind. He has semi-bad acne and basically looks like a grown-up version of that kid Scut Farcus from A Christmas Story. He is going to school in Iowa City an hour away, trying to get his Master's degree in Journalism. He would be a good journalist, as he is one of those venom-spewers at anything remotely conservative. Needless to say, I didn't talk shop with him.

Luckily, my ex got ridiculously drunk, made a spectacle of herself and created good conversation for us. Including the time when Kate went in the bathroom and my ex had puked all over a stall saying, "You have to pull it together. He's out there. Pull it together!" I told her I have that maddening effect on women.

We always have good conversations, and even though I was attracted to Kate, I could never detect any attraction from her. Until about two weeks ago. I mentioned I would go to the karaoke contest the Voodoo was having, so she told me she and Claire would definitely be in attendance. When I arrived, only Claire was sitting at the bar, as Kate had to continue working. So, I sat and talked to Claire all night. She was laughing, we had a great time, and I could tell Kate was suffering from what I have long-ago termed the Competition Instinct.

Claire and I sang and drank all night with Kate serving us, incorporating her into the conversation whenever we could. Then we bounced to another bar for a last-call drink, which was on her way home. This was intentional to allow Kate to watch us go and desire. After we drank our final drink, I offered to walk Claire home. On the way, it hit me that she was probably going to ask me in when we got there. I mean, I would have asked me in. So, thinking on the fly, I told her I had an after-party to go to, but I would drop her off. Which, I did, when we got there.

After that, Claire began her pursuit of me. She found me on Gmail chat and began chatting me up on an almost daily basis. I didn't lead her on any, though admittedly, talking to her with such regularity probably made her think a few things. But, I did not want to let my interrogator training go to waste, so I used this time to elicit as much information about Kate as possible from Claire. It came in especially useful for setting up future "chance" encounters. The times when Kate was tending bar on an off-night, especially. I also used the opportunity to talk Kate out of going to see her boyfriend one night through Claire. That was particularly delightful. The conversations were also essential in setting up our next group encounter last Friday night, at Karaoke.

Unfortunately, Han couldn’t be there. Our normal night out is on Thursday, and he is getting too old to be able to go out two nights in a row. I am too, truth be told. But I had to see her. Anyway, I went to karaoke with them and dominated the contest they were having that night, winning fifty easy bucks. Which had to be impressive. The night was filled with moments. To make things even hotter, Kate then began to say things in Russian. "Holy, shit, I love a Russian accent!" She continued, just to tease me at this point, in her feminine, high-pitched voice.

Whenever Claire would leave to sing, we would talk. Many times closely. I maintained eye contact and so did she. It was very intimate and gratifying. There was teasing. Banter. Laughter. All the fantastic things you’d want out of a night like this. Kate bought me some drinks, and I bought them some drinks and shots. We began getting nice and loose.

We again went to the other bar, State Street Station, for a last-call drink before the night was over. At this point, we started getting well inebriated. Again, this time with the pair, I offered to be a gentleman and walk them home. It was sprinkling and Kate exclaimed, “Yes!”

“I know. If I were on a first date, this would definitely be the time to kiss her. It’s easily justifiable. I’d just ask her to tell me how many opportunities can you possibly have in your life to have your first kiss on your first date out in the rain? ROMANCE. Boosh.”

She laughed and agreed and we started the journey to the apartments. About halfway to our destination, Claire began to complain about getting her shoes wet, so I offered her a piggy-back ride just to prove how ridiculously masculine I can be. Outside their apartment door, I was winding up my good-byes when Kate put her finger to the corner of her mouth, did her little toe-grinding technique and said, “Okay, now, you have to come in, just for a second. I have to show you something.”

In reality, she really didn’t want to show me anything. She just wanted me in the apartment. So, after a few minutes of standing there talking, she invited me to the couch. I took off my shoes and coat and sat down. She then got up and offered to mix me a drink, which I accepted. I noticed a lot of Gone With The Wind shit all around the place, so I asked about that. “Oh, my God, it is my favorite movie!!” Even though I am a devout movie buff, admittedly, I did not see it. “You have to take it home. Watch it, then bring it back.”

We continued our conversations, until Claire said, eventually, “Aaargh! It’s like I’m serving as a translator between you two.” I gave her a little positive reinforcement. We looked up some things on the internet, talked about Super Mario Kart and I told of some of my adventures. As the night grew later and later, Kate eventually fell asleep. Claire sidled up to me as I surfed around for funny youtube videos, then I took note of the time and insisted I had to go home. Since it was about 5:15 in the morning.

On Sunday, I returned home from Mopower’s house and began chatting with Claire. I told her I would probably make some lasagna and watch GWTW, and if she and Kate wanted to join me, they could. She said she didn’t know if Kate could come. I told her that I was planning on going over to their place, not have them over to mine. She told me to come on over.

I brought my delicious lasagna, the movie and some wine for the house. We ate and had a fun dinner conversation. I created some funny awkward moments, as did Kate. It began to get slightly competitive. Claire mostly just tagged along for the ride. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I can’t get into her. I need a leader and partner to assist me on my quest for the throne. Someone who can look at me wryly, knowing what I’m going to do the moment before I lay down that smack.

We started the movie and I asked about what time period the movie takes place in, much to their horror, since they both claimed it as their favorite movie. I was able to demonstrate my uncanny rapport with animals, as Claire’s dog snuggled up next to me and wouldn’t let anyone else interact with it. We watched GWTW and I began to notice that the movie is basically Star Wars with Rhett Butler as Han Solo, the North as the Galactic Empire and Scarlett as Princess Leia and her brother-in-law as the heroic Luke who really wants to bone Leia, even though he knows he shouldn’t/can’t. During the siege of Atlanta, I said, “Well, okay, the South or the Rebels, have just suffered a serious defeat and the town is burning and dangerous, so it’s like the asteroid field where they’re hiding out, so their first kiss has to be coming up soon.”

Kate just looked at me quite astonished and praised, “Really good call! You should write a paper on this.” We got about five minutes into the movie after the intermission and Kate asked, “Uhm, are you guys really getting into this second part?”

“Why, do you want to do something else?”

“I was thinking about putting on some Super Mario Kart.”

“All right, if you two want to get your asses kicked. We should really set up some kind of double-elimination championship bracket, but I’m not smart enough to know how to do that with three people.”

“Yeah, you kind of need a fourth. We’ll just say loser passes the controller.”

“Hmm. I’d play every race. How about every two races, you pass, after first race, loser passes.”

We played and I naturally dominated, even though I hadn’t played the original Super Mario Kart for about seven years, at least. They didn’t even have 150cc unlocked yet, so I knew it would not be a challenge. During our conversation, I was able to get Claire and Kate to agree to accompany Han and myself to the St. Patty’s Day celebration on Wednesday. Kate also agreed to come to my after-party on Friday. After a time, Kate went to her room, probably to give Claire and me time alone, which I quickly rejected. “Man, it really gets late quickly after daylight savings. I should probably head home.”

I took my leftovers and made my exit. I returned home, kind of depressed, actually. Even though I had spent hours over there, I really wanted to have more time with Kate. My depression was a moment of unjustified weakness. I got on Facebook to check out her profile and creep a little, and noticed she posted two minutes before, “I really need to work on my Mario Kart skills.”

You like this.

As I was looking through my videos for something to watch, I heard the pop letting me know I had a message. It was Kate.



We chatted for 2 hours and 26 minutes. Conversation never got dull at all. There were plenty of moments that I thought I could definitely take it to another level, but I decided to play it slowly and steadily, increasing in intimacy methodically. The slow burn to an inferno. Here was my favorite moment:



The fact she got on chat specifically to talk to me even though it is not something she's done in over five years and the fact that she all but admitted to having some sexual attraction to me speaks volumes.

Yesterday I had to pick up the trash that has accumulated around the entire premises of the apartments due to the sheer fact that everything becomes hidden in the snow. Towards the end of the day, I was picking up sticks, turned around and saw Kate come home. She said hi, we exchanged pleasantries and I told her now she knew how Cinderella spent his days: Cleaning up everyone else’s trash. She smiled and went inside. I figured she would be online later that night, and she was.

We chatted for 3 hours and 14 minutes, same story. One of the disappointments, however, was that she could not attend my after-party on Friday. She has to leave for the airport on Saturday morning, but that did not stop her. She said she had to cancel because she got an email from Scott that he will return from his spring break trip to Arizona on Friday night early enough that he will be able to drive down and visit her before she leaves on her trip to Washington, DC on Saturday. Sucks. Best that could come of that is if he told her he cheated on her with Emma Frost and wanted to leave. Would love to have a self-eliminating problem like that.

She did mention him once, significantly, during our conversations. She said she likes country music because it makes her feel like summertime and home. Then, later, when describing what we both want out of our lovers, she said she only ever felt love once, and that was because when she was sitting beside him, it felt like home. She didn’t say his name, but I inferred, especially later when she said she couldn’t talk about that mushy stuff she feels with Scott with anyone face-to-face, but on the internet, she feels comfortable talking about it with me.

She told me some crazy personal stuff, like how her favorite literature is Regency Romance novels, which apparently are English history romance novels set between 1810 and 1820. How someone gets off on that, I have no clue. Then, we discussed our romantic histories.



She didn’t get the Psych reference, unfortunately. She doesn’t watch that show. YET. I posted it here mostly because I didn’t want it to go to waste.

She ended up saying a lot of things, which included how I was ‘swell’, ‘a very interesting person’, ‘bit of an odd duck’ and how she and Claire ‘enjoy your company on occasion.’ She also asked a lot of deep questions like, “What do you think is one thing everyone should know about you?”

My responses garnered reactions like, “That’s exactly how I feel” and “OMG, me, too!” She also said once she was glad we were, “friends....er, I mean, acquaintances....buds? amigos? two souls adrift in the world who pass by each other for a brief moment in time?” She also called me an old soul. Whatever the hell that means.

Anyway, I asked for her number, which she gave me, and then informed me that she was changing phones so she wouldn’t have texting until the end of the week. Which to me indicated she wanted me to text her. She said she was still looking forward to our St. Patrick’s day party, and for sure Han will be my Wingman then. Obviously, I like this girl.

Unfortunately, she’s attached. However, seeing’s how my sister is in this situation, I have little sympathy for a man who has been in a relationship for three years and hasn’t pulled the marriage trigger. Also, this girl is awesome. The attachment is the only thing that is bugging me slightly, but trust me, I’d get over it quickly. I suppose dating a tenant with two months left on her lease may be a bit unsavory, but it’s not illegal or anything.

I’m hoping to make out with this girl on Wednesday. I need to go back to the pick-up artist basics and pull out some maneuvers. If she can get to the point where she can admit physically that she has an incurable romantic attraction to me, I think I am in and I have usurped successfully.

Once can dream.

Opening it up to the Otters is always fun.

Damn, she is fantastic, though.
Wasn't the Farcus kid named Scott? Maybe I'm wrong.

Oh well...
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Old 03-16-10, 05:51 PM
  #18  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post

And then I let her have a little secret.
That you dig her? DP this isn't a suspense novel or is it?
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Old 03-16-10, 05:55 PM
  #19  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by Nick Danger View Post
I read the whole thing because DP used to post some screamingly hilarious stories.

This post did not deliver.

Here's the short version. "I hit on one of my tenants. I think she's hot. She has a boyfriend and doesn't plan to leave him. I'm still hopeful."
Thank you.
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Old 03-16-10, 06:29 PM
  #20  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
I know me my Jean Shepherd.

http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0050388/
That you do. Christ, what an ugly name.
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Old 03-16-10, 06:31 PM
  #21  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
You are correct about one thing. I didn't edit it. I just threw it all out on paper. It's not like I'm submitting this for short story of the century. I mean, seriously, even if this is my favorite haunt, it's still just a fucking internet forum.
Speaking of fucking, are you going to let them pay rent "in kind"?
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Old 03-16-10, 06:34 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

This is begging for the Mark Twain treatment, as seen in his essays on Cooper.

For my part, you lack the brevity, observational skill, and tough-love sentiment of a Mr. Marlowe. Also, I didn't learn how to sleep with my tenants, and neither did you.
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Old 03-16-10, 06:53 PM
  #23  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
Spun off from this thread.

If I am going to shatter your dreams, I feel it's best to do so from the beginning. Sorry, no pics. We'll leave it up to fate. In the future, if I get to the point where we are taking pictures with each other, I will post one of those because it will be half mine. I find my moral code odd. I have no problem stealing intellectual property by downloading, but I can't bring myself to post a picture of a woman on an internet forum without her knowledge. In the meantime, I will give you a detailed description. So detailed, in fact, that if you are not used to my penchant for wordiness, you may want to run far, far away from this thread now.

As you may have surmised from my username, Jean Grey is my favorite. Truly. I think her character represents the consummate woman. I inexplicably drawn to redheads. The crimson-topped ones that are so rare they are more precious than gemstones, not the typical nasty gingers. I like a strong, intelligent, professional woman. The only thing I also require is a great sense of humor. Someone who can laugh at me and keep me laughing. I will also say at this point that I love Russians.

Lost flashback: April 2009. I was dating this beautiful little psychopath and attempting to fill my apartment vacancies. I just purchased the complex and had 11 vacancies, which is running at more than 20%. That's bad. So, a gal called and asked to see an apartment. We'll call this woman Kate, since we're in full-on Lost mode. I agreed to meet and show her.

I remember the first time I saw her vividly. She was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt and jeans. She looked very nice. She had red hair, blue eyes and the type of upper body men like myself dream of. She was thin, young and in shape. Honestly, the physical is not purely what I need, and actually is negotiable. But, physically, if I could create the perfect woman in a laboratory, almost all of the attributes I would use to construct the ideal woman for me, this woman has.

She brought her roommate, and keeping in the Lost tradition, we'll call her Claire. Claire was shorter and still attractive. If I met her in a bar, I would hit on her. If I had the opportunity after that, I would very likely sleep with her. Claire had a dog, but it was a scottie, which fits my 15 pound limit, so it was fine. They looked at the place and I rented it out. It was my second lease. I largely forgot about the two of them, because they have never caused me problems and always pay their rent on time. They're model tenants.

She did have a boyfriend living with her over the summer while her roommate was gone at an internship. We'll call him Scott, since Cyclops is a douche who doesn’t deserve Jean.

My favorite restaurant in town is called Bourbon Street and I like the casual bar downstairs, the Voodoo Lounge. They are the best place in town for a steak, fish or pretty much anything. Around mid-2009, I noticed that Kate had started working as a waitress in this establishment, but I wasn't home much, since I left for Iraq on June 1st, 2009. I added her as a friend on Facebook, however.

I didn't post anything on her wall or anything, she was just there, and I kind of forgot about it, since she never updates her page or anything. I guess it started getting interesting around the end of August. She emailed about a leaky faucet she had while I was in Baghdad. I emailed her back and told her I informed my father of the issue and also mentioned that while I was working there one day I heard Dr. Horrible on in the background and got Brand New Day stuck in my head. This started some correspondence which lasted about five or six emails back and forth. That died out to nothing again.

I came back home in December 2009. Stayed around until present day. Before Christmas, I saw Kate a few times at Bourbon Street, but didn't go out of my way to talk to her, or anything. As I dumped my girlfriend months ago, I did really begin to notice how damn hot she was, though, and in my mind, I decided that if I had the chance to date any of my tenants, she would win, hands down.

I did have to do a couple walkthroughs for the bank and for the county assessor's office, so I was in her apartment when I noticed she had a lot of Packers stuff, including a Willie Davis signed football. I only knew what this was thanks to the fact that my best friend Mopower is a huge Packers fan and he won a meet and greet with ol' Willie last year.

Meanwhile, my other buddy's (We'll call him Han Solo) breakup with his Devil Woman meant we could once again go out on a weekly basis. We began our nights at the Voodoo. Kate got promoted to Assistant Manager and began closing down the bar with us. I told Han about how I normally would never pursue a tenant of mine sexually, but if I ever did, it would be her. So, I brought up the topics of conversation and mutual interests I knew we had and she hit us with a Star Wars reference and debate that honestly impressed me, at which point Han said, "That's it, Bro. We're keepin' her."

I agreed with that assessment.

Over the course of the last month or two, Han and I have seen her on multiple occasions at the Voodoo and have spent quite a bit of time down there with her. I've even gone once or twice alone to be with and converse with her.

Someone here once referred to me as "the guy who has karaoke in every one of his stories." Well played, Sir. I guess you are correct. Although I generally do not get out to karaoke much anymore, they started it up at the Voodoo, so to show my support, I went one evening. My psycho ex-girlfriend, Joana from this thread, was there, so I turned around to leave. I found there, a table with Kate and Claire. So, I began talking to them and just sat down. I know my ex and knew she would not approach me if I was with someone else I didn't know. I liked Kate and wanted to move in anyway. So, I did.

I sat with them. Entertained them. Did the routine I know I had to do in order to be accepted in a group and make them admire me. It worked. It generally works. Kate bought me a couple rounds. Both of the ladies were excited to talk with me and I with them. Then, Scott showed up. It was amazing to me how clinical he was about their entire relationship. He said hi, took off his coat, sat down. Didn't hug or kiss her at all. He sat in a separate chair and had about as much conversation with Kate as I did after his arrival. Nothing looked as if it...sparked.

I suppose I could describe this guy. He was tall, but not as tall as me, naturally. He, too, was a redhead. Except the nasty kind. He has semi-bad acne and basically looks like a grown-up version of that kid Scut Farcus from A Christmas Story. He is going to school in Iowa City an hour away, trying to get his Master's degree in Journalism. He would be a good journalist, as he is one of those venom-spewers at anything remotely conservative. Needless to say, I didn't talk shop with him.

Luckily, my ex got ridiculously drunk, made a spectacle of herself and created good conversation for us. Including the time when Kate went in the bathroom and my ex had puked all over a stall saying, "You have to pull it together. He's out there. Pull it together!" I told her I have that maddening effect on women.

We always have good conversations, and even though I was attracted to Kate, I could never detect any attraction from her. Until about two weeks ago. I mentioned I would go to the karaoke contest the Voodoo was having, so she told me she and Claire would definitely be in attendance. When I arrived, only Claire was sitting at the bar, as Kate had to continue working. So, I sat and talked to Claire all night. She was laughing, we had a great time, and I could tell Kate was suffering from what I have long-ago termed the Competition Instinct.

Claire and I sang and drank all night with Kate serving us, incorporating her into the conversation whenever we could. Then we bounced to another bar for a last-call drink, which was on her way home. This was intentional to allow Kate to watch us go and desire. After we drank our final drink, I offered to walk Claire home. On the way, it hit me that she was probably going to ask me in when we got there. I mean, I would have asked me in. So, thinking on the fly, I told her I had an after-party to go to, but I would drop her off. Which, I did, when we got there.

After that, Claire began her pursuit of me. She found me on Gmail chat and began chatting me up on an almost daily basis. I didn't lead her on any, though admittedly, talking to her with such regularity probably made her think a few things. But, I did not want to let my interrogator training go to waste, so I used this time to elicit as much information about Kate as possible from Claire. It came in especially useful for setting up future "chance" encounters. The times when Kate was tending bar on an off-night, especially. I also used the opportunity to talk Kate out of going to see her boyfriend one night through Claire. That was particularly delightful. The conversations were also essential in setting up our next group encounter last Friday night, at Karaoke.

Unfortunately, Han couldn’t be there. Our normal night out is on Thursday, and he is getting too old to be able to go out two nights in a row. I am too, truth be told. But I had to see her. Anyway, I went to karaoke with them and dominated the contest they were having that night, winning fifty easy bucks. Which had to be impressive. The night was filled with moments. To make things even hotter, Kate then began to say things in Russian. "Holy, shit, I love a Russian accent!" She continued, just to tease me at this point, in her feminine, high-pitched voice.

Whenever Claire would leave to sing, we would talk. Many times closely. I maintained eye contact and so did she. It was very intimate and gratifying. There was teasing. Banter. Laughter. All the fantastic things you’d want out of a night like this. Kate bought me some drinks, and I bought them some drinks and shots. We began getting nice and loose.

We again went to the other bar, State Street Station, for a last-call drink before the night was over. At this point, we started getting well inebriated. Again, this time with the pair, I offered to be a gentleman and walk them home. It was sprinkling and Kate exclaimed, “Yes!”

“I know. If I were on a first date, this would definitely be the time to kiss her. It’s easily justifiable. I’d just ask her to tell me how many opportunities can you possibly have in your life to have your first kiss on your first date out in the rain? ROMANCE. Boosh.”

She laughed and agreed and we started the journey to the apartments. About halfway to our destination, Claire began to complain about getting her shoes wet, so I offered her a piggy-back ride just to prove how ridiculously masculine I can be. Outside their apartment door, I was winding up my good-byes when Kate put her finger to the corner of her mouth, did her little toe-grinding technique and said, “Okay, now, you have to come in, just for a second. I have to show you something.”

In reality, she really didn’t want to show me anything. She just wanted me in the apartment. So, after a few minutes of standing there talking, she invited me to the couch. I took off my shoes and coat and sat down. She then got up and offered to mix me a drink, which I accepted. I noticed a lot of Gone With The Wind shit all around the place, so I asked about that. “Oh, my God, it is my favorite movie!!” Even though I am a devout movie buff, admittedly, I did not see it. “You have to take it home. Watch it, then bring it back.”

We continued our conversations, until Claire said, eventually, “Aaargh! It’s like I’m serving as a translator between you two.” I gave her a little positive reinforcement. We looked up some things on the internet, talked about Super Mario Kart and I told of some of my adventures. As the night grew later and later, Kate eventually fell asleep. Claire sidled up to me as I surfed around for funny youtube videos, then I took note of the time and insisted I had to go home. Since it was about 5:15 in the morning.

On Sunday, I returned home from Mopower’s house and began chatting with Claire. I told her I would probably make some lasagna and watch GWTW, and if she and Kate wanted to join me, they could. She said she didn’t know if Kate could come. I told her that I was planning on going over to their place, not have them over to mine. She told me to come on over.

I brought my delicious lasagna, the movie and some wine for the house. We ate and had a fun dinner conversation. I created some funny awkward moments, as did Kate. It began to get slightly competitive. Claire mostly just tagged along for the ride. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I can’t get into her. I need a leader and partner to assist me on my quest for the throne. Someone who can look at me wryly, knowing what I’m going to do the moment before I lay down that smack.

We started the movie and I asked about what time period the movie takes place in, much to their horror, since they both claimed it as their favorite movie. I was able to demonstrate my uncanny rapport with animals, as Claire’s dog snuggled up next to me and wouldn’t let anyone else interact with it. We watched GWTW and I began to notice that the movie is basically Star Wars with Rhett Butler as Han Solo, the North as the Galactic Empire and Scarlett as Princess Leia and her brother-in-law as the heroic Luke who really wants to bone Leia, even though he knows he shouldn’t/can’t. During the siege of Atlanta, I said, “Well, okay, the South or the Rebels, have just suffered a serious defeat and the town is burning and dangerous, so it’s like the asteroid field where they’re hiding out, so their first kiss has to be coming up soon.”

Kate just looked at me quite astonished and praised, “Really good call! You should write a paper on this.” We got about five minutes into the movie after the intermission and Kate asked, “Uhm, are you guys really getting into this second part?”

“Why, do you want to do something else?”

“I was thinking about putting on some Super Mario Kart.”

“All right, if you two want to get your asses kicked. We should really set up some kind of double-elimination championship bracket, but I’m not smart enough to know how to do that with three people.”

“Yeah, you kind of need a fourth. We’ll just say loser passes the controller.”

“Hmm. I’d play every race. How about every two races, you pass, after first race, loser passes.”

We played and I naturally dominated, even though I hadn’t played the original Super Mario Kart for about seven years, at least. They didn’t even have 150cc unlocked yet, so I knew it would not be a challenge. During our conversation, I was able to get Claire and Kate to agree to accompany Han and myself to the St. Patty’s Day celebration on Wednesday. Kate also agreed to come to my after-party on Friday. After a time, Kate went to her room, probably to give Claire and me time alone, which I quickly rejected. “Man, it really gets late quickly after daylight savings. I should probably head home.”

I took my leftovers and made my exit. I returned home, kind of depressed, actually. Even though I had spent hours over there, I really wanted to have more time with Kate. My depression was a moment of unjustified weakness. I got on Facebook to check out her profile and creep a little, and noticed she posted two minutes before, “I really need to work on my Mario Kart skills.”

You like this.

As I was looking through my videos for something to watch, I heard the pop letting me know I had a message. It was Kate.



We chatted for 2 hours and 26 minutes. Conversation never got dull at all. There were plenty of moments that I thought I could definitely take it to another level, but I decided to play it slowly and steadily, increasing in intimacy methodically. The slow burn to an inferno. Here was my favorite moment:



The fact she got on chat specifically to talk to me even though it is not something she's done in over five years and the fact that she all but admitted to having some sexual attraction to me speaks volumes.

Yesterday I had to pick up the trash that has accumulated around the entire premises of the apartments due to the sheer fact that everything becomes hidden in the snow. Towards the end of the day, I was picking up sticks, turned around and saw Kate come home. She said hi, we exchanged pleasantries and I told her now she knew how Cinderella spent his days: Cleaning up everyone else’s trash. She smiled and went inside. I figured she would be online later that night, and she was.

We chatted for 3 hours and 14 minutes, same story. One of the disappointments, however, was that she could not attend my after-party on Friday. She has to leave for the airport on Saturday morning, but that did not stop her. She said she had to cancel because she got an email from Scott that he will return from his spring break trip to Arizona on Friday night early enough that he will be able to drive down and visit her before she leaves on her trip to Washington, DC on Saturday. Sucks. Best that could come of that is if he told her he cheated on her with Emma Frost and wanted to leave. Would love to have a self-eliminating problem like that.

She did mention him once, significantly, during our conversations. She said she likes country music because it makes her feel like summertime and home. Then, later, when describing what we both want out of our lovers, she said she only ever felt love once, and that was because when she was sitting beside him, it felt like home. She didn’t say his name, but I inferred, especially later when she said she couldn’t talk about that mushy stuff she feels with Scott with anyone face-to-face, but on the internet, she feels comfortable talking about it with me.

She told me some crazy personal stuff, like how her favorite literature is Regency Romance novels, which apparently are English history romance novels set between 1810 and 1820. How someone gets off on that, I have no clue. Then, we discussed our romantic histories.



She didn’t get the Psych reference, unfortunately. She doesn’t watch that show. YET. I posted it here mostly because I didn’t want it to go to waste.

She ended up saying a lot of things, which included how I was ‘swell’, ‘a very interesting person’, ‘bit of an odd duck’ and how she and Claire ‘enjoy your company on occasion.’ She also asked a lot of deep questions like, “What do you think is one thing everyone should know about you?”

My responses garnered reactions like, “That’s exactly how I feel” and “OMG, me, too!” She also said once she was glad we were, “friends....er, I mean, acquaintances....buds? amigos? two souls adrift in the world who pass by each other for a brief moment in time?” She also called me an old soul. Whatever the hell that means.

Anyway, I asked for her number, which she gave me, and then informed me that she was changing phones so she wouldn’t have texting until the end of the week. Which to me indicated she wanted me to text her. She said she was still looking forward to our St. Patrick’s day party, and for sure Han will be my Wingman then. Obviously, I like this girl.

Unfortunately, she’s attached. However, seeing’s how my sister is in this situation, I have little sympathy for a man who has been in a relationship for three years and hasn’t pulled the marriage trigger. Also, this girl is awesome. The attachment is the only thing that is bugging me slightly, but trust me, I’d get over it quickly. I suppose dating a tenant with two months left on her lease may be a bit unsavory, but it’s not illegal or anything.

I’m hoping to make out with this girl on Wednesday. I need to go back to the pick-up artist basics and pull out some maneuvers. If she can get to the point where she can admit physically that she has an incurable romantic attraction to me, I think I am in and I have usurped successfully.

Once can dream.

Opening it up to the Otters is always fun.

Damn, she is fantastic, though.
cool story, bro.
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Old 03-16-10, 07:10 PM
  #24  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
Spun off from this thread.

If I am going to shatter your dreams, I feel it's best to do so from the beginning. Sorry, no pics. We'll leave it up to fate. In the future, if I get to the point where we are taking pictures with each other, I will post one of those because it will be half mine. I find my moral code odd. I have no problem stealing intellectual property by downloading, but I can't bring myself to post a picture of a woman on an internet forum without her knowledge. In the meantime, I will give you a detailed description. So detailed, in fact, that if you are not used to my penchant for wordiness, you may want to run far, far away from this thread now.

As you may have surmised from my username, Jean Grey is my favorite. Truly. I think her character represents the consummate woman. I inexplicably drawn to redheads. The crimson-topped ones that are so rare they are more precious than gemstones, not the typical nasty gingers. I like a strong, intelligent, professional woman. The only thing I also require is a great sense of humor. Someone who can laugh at me and keep me laughing. I will also say at this point that I love Russians.

Lost flashback: April 2009. I was dating this beautiful little psychopath and attempting to fill my apartment vacancies. I just purchased the complex and had 11 vacancies, which is running at more than 20%. That's bad. So, a gal called and asked to see an apartment. We'll call this woman Kate, since we're in full-on Lost mode. I agreed to meet and show her.

I remember the first time I saw her vividly. She was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt and jeans. She looked very nice. She had red hair, blue eyes and the type of upper body men like myself dream of. She was thin, young and in shape. Honestly, the physical is not purely what I need, and actually is negotiable. But, physically, if I could create the perfect woman in a laboratory, almost all of the attributes I would use to construct the ideal woman for me, this woman has.

She brought her roommate, and keeping in the Lost tradition, we'll call her Claire. Claire was shorter and still attractive. If I met her in a bar, I would hit on her. If I had the opportunity after that, I would very likely sleep with her. Claire had a dog, but it was a scottie, which fits my 15 pound limit, so it was fine. They looked at the place and I rented it out. It was my second lease. I largely forgot about the two of them, because they have never caused me problems and always pay their rent on time. They're model tenants.

She did have a boyfriend living with her over the summer while her roommate was gone at an internship. We'll call him Scott, since Cyclops is a douche who doesn’t deserve Jean.

My favorite restaurant in town is called Bourbon Street and I like the casual bar downstairs, the Voodoo Lounge. They are the best place in town for a steak, fish or pretty much anything. Around mid-2009, I noticed that Kate had started working as a waitress in this establishment, but I wasn't home much, since I left for Iraq on June 1st, 2009. I added her as a friend on Facebook, however.

I didn't post anything on her wall or anything, she was just there, and I kind of forgot about it, since she never updates her page or anything. I guess it started getting interesting around the end of August. She emailed about a leaky faucet she had while I was in Baghdad. I emailed her back and told her I informed my father of the issue and also mentioned that while I was working there one day I heard Dr. Horrible on in the background and got Brand New Day stuck in my head. This started some correspondence which lasted about five or six emails back and forth. That died out to nothing again.

I came back home in December 2009. Stayed around until present day. Before Christmas, I saw Kate a few times at Bourbon Street, but didn't go out of my way to talk to her, or anything. As I dumped my girlfriend months ago, I did really begin to notice how damn hot she was, though, and in my mind, I decided that if I had the chance to date any of my tenants, she would win, hands down.

I did have to do a couple walkthroughs for the bank and for the county assessor's office, so I was in her apartment when I noticed she had a lot of Packers stuff, including a Willie Davis signed football. I only knew what this was thanks to the fact that my best friend Mopower is a huge Packers fan and he won a meet and greet with ol' Willie last year.

Meanwhile, my other buddy's (We'll call him Han Solo) breakup with his Devil Woman meant we could once again go out on a weekly basis. We began our nights at the Voodoo. Kate got promoted to Assistant Manager and began closing down the bar with us. I told Han about how I normally would never pursue a tenant of mine sexually, but if I ever did, it would be her. So, I brought up the topics of conversation and mutual interests I knew we had and she hit us with a Star Wars reference and debate that honestly impressed me, at which point Han said, "That's it, Bro. We're keepin' her."

I agreed with that assessment.

Over the course of the last month or two, Han and I have seen her on multiple occasions at the Voodoo and have spent quite a bit of time down there with her. I've even gone once or twice alone to be with and converse with her.

Someone here once referred to me as "the guy who has karaoke in every one of his stories." Well played, Sir. I guess you are correct. Although I generally do not get out to karaoke much anymore, they started it up at the Voodoo, so to show my support, I went one evening. My psycho ex-girlfriend, Joana from this thread, was there, so I turned around to leave. I found there, a table with Kate and Claire. So, I began talking to them and just sat down. I know my ex and knew she would not approach me if I was with someone else I didn't know. I liked Kate and wanted to move in anyway. So, I did.

I sat with them. Entertained them. Did the routine I know I had to do in order to be accepted in a group and make them admire me. It worked. It generally works. Kate bought me a couple rounds. Both of the ladies were excited to talk with me and I with them. Then, Scott showed up. It was amazing to me how clinical he was about their entire relationship. He said hi, took off his coat, sat down. Didn't hug or kiss her at all. He sat in a separate chair and had about as much conversation with Kate as I did after his arrival. Nothing looked as if it...sparked.

I suppose I could describe this guy. He was tall, but not as tall as me, naturally. He, too, was a redhead. Except the nasty kind. He has semi-bad acne and basically looks like a grown-up version of that kid Scut Farcus from A Christmas Story. He is going to school in Iowa City an hour away, trying to get his Master's degree in Journalism. He would be a good journalist, as he is one of those venom-spewers at anything remotely conservative. Needless to say, I didn't talk shop with him.

Luckily, my ex got ridiculously drunk, made a spectacle of herself and created good conversation for us. Including the time when Kate went in the bathroom and my ex had puked all over a stall saying, "You have to pull it together. He's out there. Pull it together!" I told her I have that maddening effect on women.

We always have good conversations, and even though I was attracted to Kate, I could never detect any attraction from her. Until about two weeks ago. I mentioned I would go to the karaoke contest the Voodoo was having, so she told me she and Claire would definitely be in attendance. When I arrived, only Claire was sitting at the bar, as Kate had to continue working. So, I sat and talked to Claire all night. She was laughing, we had a great time, and I could tell Kate was suffering from what I have long-ago termed the Competition Instinct.

Claire and I sang and drank all night with Kate serving us, incorporating her into the conversation whenever we could. Then we bounced to another bar for a last-call drink, which was on her way home. This was intentional to allow Kate to watch us go and desire. After we drank our final drink, I offered to walk Claire home. On the way, it hit me that she was probably going to ask me in when we got there. I mean, I would have asked me in. So, thinking on the fly, I told her I had an after-party to go to, but I would drop her off. Which, I did, when we got there.

After that, Claire began her pursuit of me. She found me on Gmail chat and began chatting me up on an almost daily basis. I didn't lead her on any, though admittedly, talking to her with such regularity probably made her think a few things. But, I did not want to let my interrogator training go to waste, so I used this time to elicit as much information about Kate as possible from Claire. It came in especially useful for setting up future "chance" encounters. The times when Kate was tending bar on an off-night, especially. I also used the opportunity to talk Kate out of going to see her boyfriend one night through Claire. That was particularly delightful. The conversations were also essential in setting up our next group encounter last Friday night, at Karaoke.

Unfortunately, Han couldn’t be there. Our normal night out is on Thursday, and he is getting too old to be able to go out two nights in a row. I am too, truth be told. But I had to see her. Anyway, I went to karaoke with them and dominated the contest they were having that night, winning fifty easy bucks. Which had to be impressive. The night was filled with moments. To make things even hotter, Kate then began to say things in Russian. "Holy, shit, I love a Russian accent!" She continued, just to tease me at this point, in her feminine, high-pitched voice.

Whenever Claire would leave to sing, we would talk. Many times closely. I maintained eye contact and so did she. It was very intimate and gratifying. There was teasing. Banter. Laughter. All the fantastic things you’d want out of a night like this. Kate bought me some drinks, and I bought them some drinks and shots. We began getting nice and loose.

We again went to the other bar, State Street Station, for a last-call drink before the night was over. At this point, we started getting well inebriated. Again, this time with the pair, I offered to be a gentleman and walk them home. It was sprinkling and Kate exclaimed, “Yes!”

“I know. If I were on a first date, this would definitely be the time to kiss her. It’s easily justifiable. I’d just ask her to tell me how many opportunities can you possibly have in your life to have your first kiss on your first date out in the rain? ROMANCE. Boosh.”

She laughed and agreed and we started the journey to the apartments. About halfway to our destination, Claire began to complain about getting her shoes wet, so I offered her a piggy-back ride just to prove how ridiculously masculine I can be. Outside their apartment door, I was winding up my good-byes when Kate put her finger to the corner of her mouth, did her little toe-grinding technique and said, “Okay, now, you have to come in, just for a second. I have to show you something.”

In reality, she really didn’t want to show me anything. She just wanted me in the apartment. So, after a few minutes of standing there talking, she invited me to the couch. I took off my shoes and coat and sat down. She then got up and offered to mix me a drink, which I accepted. I noticed a lot of Gone With The Wind shit all around the place, so I asked about that. “Oh, my God, it is my favorite movie!!” Even though I am a devout movie buff, admittedly, I did not see it. “You have to take it home. Watch it, then bring it back.”

We continued our conversations, until Claire said, eventually, “Aaargh! It’s like I’m serving as a translator between you two.” I gave her a little positive reinforcement. We looked up some things on the internet, talked about Super Mario Kart and I told of some of my adventures. As the night grew later and later, Kate eventually fell asleep. Claire sidled up to me as I surfed around for funny youtube videos, then I took note of the time and insisted I had to go home. Since it was about 5:15 in the morning.

On Sunday, I returned home from Mopower’s house and began chatting with Claire. I told her I would probably make some lasagna and watch GWTW, and if she and Kate wanted to join me, they could. She said she didn’t know if Kate could come. I told her that I was planning on going over to their place, not have them over to mine. She told me to come on over.

I brought my delicious lasagna, the movie and some wine for the house. We ate and had a fun dinner conversation. I created some funny awkward moments, as did Kate. It began to get slightly competitive. Claire mostly just tagged along for the ride. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I can’t get into her. I need a leader and partner to assist me on my quest for the throne. Someone who can look at me wryly, knowing what I’m going to do the moment before I lay down that smack.

We started the movie and I asked about what time period the movie takes place in, much to their horror, since they both claimed it as their favorite movie. I was able to demonstrate my uncanny rapport with animals, as Claire’s dog snuggled up next to me and wouldn’t let anyone else interact with it. We watched GWTW and I began to notice that the movie is basically Star Wars with Rhett Butler as Han Solo, the North as the Galactic Empire and Scarlett as Princess Leia and her brother-in-law as the heroic Luke who really wants to bone Leia, even though he knows he shouldn’t/can’t. During the siege of Atlanta, I said, “Well, okay, the South or the Rebels, have just suffered a serious defeat and the town is burning and dangerous, so it’s like the asteroid field where they’re hiding out, so their first kiss has to be coming up soon.”

Kate just looked at me quite astonished and praised, “Really good call! You should write a paper on this.” We got about five minutes into the movie after the intermission and Kate asked, “Uhm, are you guys really getting into this second part?”

“Why, do you want to do something else?”

“I was thinking about putting on some Super Mario Kart.”

“All right, if you two want to get your asses kicked. We should really set up some kind of double-elimination championship bracket, but I’m not smart enough to know how to do that with three people.”

“Yeah, you kind of need a fourth. We’ll just say loser passes the controller.”

“Hmm. I’d play every race. How about every two races, you pass, after first race, loser passes.”

We played and I naturally dominated, even though I hadn’t played the original Super Mario Kart for about seven years, at least. They didn’t even have 150cc unlocked yet, so I knew it would not be a challenge. During our conversation, I was able to get Claire and Kate to agree to accompany Han and myself to the St. Patty’s Day celebration on Wednesday. Kate also agreed to come to my after-party on Friday. After a time, Kate went to her room, probably to give Claire and me time alone, which I quickly rejected. “Man, it really gets late quickly after daylight savings. I should probably head home.”

I took my leftovers and made my exit. I returned home, kind of depressed, actually. Even though I had spent hours over there, I really wanted to have more time with Kate. My depression was a moment of unjustified weakness. I got on Facebook to check out her profile and creep a little, and noticed she posted two minutes before, “I really need to work on my Mario Kart skills.”

You like this.

As I was looking through my videos for something to watch, I heard the pop letting me know I had a message. It was Kate.



We chatted for 2 hours and 26 minutes. Conversation never got dull at all. There were plenty of moments that I thought I could definitely take it to another level, but I decided to play it slowly and steadily, increasing in intimacy methodically. The slow burn to an inferno. Here was my favorite moment:



The fact she got on chat specifically to talk to me even though it is not something she's done in over five years and the fact that she all but admitted to having some sexual attraction to me speaks volumes.

Yesterday I had to pick up the trash that has accumulated around the entire premises of the apartments due to the sheer fact that everything becomes hidden in the snow. Towards the end of the day, I was picking up sticks, turned around and saw Kate come home. She said hi, we exchanged pleasantries and I told her now she knew how Cinderella spent his days: Cleaning up everyone else’s trash. She smiled and went inside. I figured she would be online later that night, and she was.

We chatted for 3 hours and 14 minutes, same story. One of the disappointments, however, was that she could not attend my after-party on Friday. She has to leave for the airport on Saturday morning, but that did not stop her. She said she had to cancel because she got an email from Scott that he will return from his spring break trip to Arizona on Friday night early enough that he will be able to drive down and visit her before she leaves on her trip to Washington, DC on Saturday. Sucks. Best that could come of that is if he told her he cheated on her with Emma Frost and wanted to leave. Would love to have a self-eliminating problem like that.

She did mention him once, significantly, during our conversations. She said she likes country music because it makes her feel like summertime and home. Then, later, when describing what we both want out of our lovers, she said she only ever felt love once, and that was because when she was sitting beside him, it felt like home. She didn’t say his name, but I inferred, especially later when she said she couldn’t talk about that mushy stuff she feels with Scott with anyone face-to-face, but on the internet, she feels comfortable talking about it with me.

She told me some crazy personal stuff, like how her favorite literature is Regency Romance novels, which apparently are English history romance novels set between 1810 and 1820. How someone gets off on that, I have no clue. Then, we discussed our romantic histories.



She didn’t get the Psych reference, unfortunately. She doesn’t watch that show. YET. I posted it here mostly because I didn’t want it to go to waste.

She ended up saying a lot of things, which included how I was ‘swell’, ‘a very interesting person’, ‘bit of an odd duck’ and how she and Claire ‘enjoy your company on occasion.’ She also asked a lot of deep questions like, “What do you think is one thing everyone should know about you?”

My responses garnered reactions like, “That’s exactly how I feel” and “OMG, me, too!” She also said once she was glad we were, “friends....er, I mean, acquaintances....buds? amigos? two souls adrift in the world who pass by each other for a brief moment in time?” She also called me an old soul. Whatever the hell that means.

Anyway, I asked for her number, which she gave me, and then informed me that she was changing phones so she wouldn’t have texting until the end of the week. Which to me indicated she wanted me to text her. She said she was still looking forward to our St. Patrick’s day party, and for sure Han will be my Wingman then. Obviously, I like this girl.

Unfortunately, she’s attached. However, seeing’s how my sister is in this situation, I have little sympathy for a man who has been in a relationship for three years and hasn’t pulled the marriage trigger. Also, this girl is awesome. The attachment is the only thing that is bugging me slightly, but trust me, I’d get over it quickly. I suppose dating a tenant with two months left on her lease may be a bit unsavory, but it’s not illegal or anything.

I’m hoping to make out with this girl on Wednesday. I need to go back to the pick-up artist basics and pull out some maneuvers. If she can get to the point where she can admit physically that she has an incurable romantic attraction to me, I think I am in and I have usurped successfully.

Once can dream.

Opening it up to the Otters is always fun.

Damn, she is fantastic, though.
Hey that's awesome!
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Old 03-16-10, 07:33 PM
  #25  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

I close the deal with a girl in less time than it took you to write that, let alone live it. Man up and make a fucking move.
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