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A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

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A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Old 04-07-10, 08:20 AM
  #201  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Fuck Claire or have a mod close this thread.
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Old 04-07-10, 08:39 AM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

That was the most boring, ever ending story that ever read. I had to force myself to read the entire OP. It was like forcing myself to finish Across the Universe.

I'm not reading all 9 pages. Have you fucked her yet?
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Old 04-07-10, 09:30 AM
  #203  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Oh jesus you suck

I find it hard to believe that someone who has spent substantial time in a warzone could be such a massive pussy

Last edited by Tommy Ceez; 04-07-10 at 09:35 AM.
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Old 04-07-10, 01:43 PM
  #204  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

You haven't been laid in 8 months. That's not standards. The problem is that the girl doesn't have a pair of balls for you to nuzzle against.
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Old 04-07-10, 01:43 PM
  #205  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Also, standards are for girlfriends, not casual sex.
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Old 04-07-10, 01:48 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

I think one reason people are directing you to sleep with "Claire" is because in your first post you said that if you saw her in a bar you'd hit on her and if the opportunity arose, you'd sleep with her. So in that regard it seems like you're trading a winning $50 scratch-off ticket for a ticket to a lottery which you're not going to win.
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Old 04-07-10, 02:41 PM
  #207  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
I know, a guy that doesn't fuck anything that's willing. Standards. It's like.....that just shouldn't exist!!!

It amuses me to no end that people are getting genuinely pissed that a guy turns down pussy once in awhile. I've turned down more than I've taken. Nice to know that there are a lot of nerds on the internet that just cannot get laid to save their ass, and that my rejection of some is incomprehensible.
If it makes you feel better... I am enjoying the creepy and desperate failed attempts to bang Kate out more hilarious then the whole not mixing it up with Claire shenanigans.

Shit, this is a long thread but I feel like I've read the same parts over and over... have you been specific yet about why Claire doesn't meet your "standards?"
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Old 04-07-10, 03:01 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
I know, a guy that doesn't fuck anything that's willing. Standards. It's like.....that just shouldn't exist!!!

It amuses me to no end that people are getting genuinely pissed that a guy turns down pussy once in awhile. I've turned down more than I've taken. Nice to know that there are a lot of nerds on the internet that just cannot get laid to save their ass, and that my rejection of some is incomprehensible.
If you were just saying you rejected some girl who was hitting on you, it'd be no big deal.

It's the part where you're rejecting her because you want to hook up with her friend who is (A) taken, and (B) quite obviously hanging out with you to help the first girl hook up with you, but (C) you're interpreting (B) as evidence that she does like you and (D) when we explain (C) to you, you don't listen -- that's why we think you're crazy.
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Old 04-07-10, 03:17 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by notkevinbacon View Post
Shit, this is a long thread but I feel like I've read the same parts over and over... have you been specific yet about why Claire doesn't meet your "standards?"
Did you read this part:

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
Spun off from this thread.

If I am going to shatter your dreams, I feel it's best to do so from the beginning. Sorry, no pics. We'll leave it up to fate. In the future, if I get to the point where we are taking pictures with each other, I will post one of those because it will be half mine. I find my moral code odd. I have no problem stealing intellectual property by downloading, but I can't bring myself to post a picture of a woman on an internet forum without her knowledge. In the meantime, I will give you a detailed description. So detailed, in fact, that if you are not used to my penchant for wordiness, you may want to run far, far away from this thread now.

As you may have surmised from my username, Jean Grey is my favorite. Truly. I think her character represents the consummate woman. I inexplicably drawn to redheads. The crimson-topped ones that are so rare they are more precious than gemstones, not the typical nasty gingers. I like a strong, intelligent, professional woman. The only thing I also require is a great sense of humor. Someone who can laugh at me and keep me laughing. I will also say at this point that I love Russians.

Lost flashback: April 2009. I was dating this beautiful little psychopath and attempting to fill my apartment vacancies. I just purchased the complex and had 11 vacancies, which is running at more than 20%. That's bad. So, a gal called and asked to see an apartment. We'll call this woman Kate, since we're in full-on Lost mode. I agreed to meet and show her.

I remember the first time I saw her vividly. She was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt and jeans. She looked very nice. She had red hair, blue eyes and the type of upper body men like myself dream of. She was thin, young and in shape. Honestly, the physical is not purely what I need, and actually is negotiable. But, physically, if I could create the perfect woman in a laboratory, almost all of the attributes I would use to construct the ideal woman for me, this woman has.

She brought her roommate, and keeping in the Lost tradition, we'll call her Claire. Claire was shorter and still attractive. If I met her in a bar, I would hit on her. If I had the opportunity after that, I would very likely sleep with her. Claire had a dog, but it was a scottie, which fits my 15 pound limit, so it was fine. They looked at the place and I rented it out. It was my second lease. I largely forgot about the two of them, because they have never caused me problems and always pay their rent on time. They're model tenants.

She did have a boyfriend living with her over the summer while her roommate was gone at an internship. We'll call him Scott, since Cyclops is a douche who doesn’t deserve Jean.

My favorite restaurant in town is called Bourbon Street and I like the casual bar downstairs, the Voodoo Lounge. They are the best place in town for a steak, fish or pretty much anything. Around mid-2009, I noticed that Kate had started working as a waitress in this establishment, but I wasn't home much, since I left for Iraq on June 1st, 2009. I added her as a friend on Facebook, however.

I didn't post anything on her wall or anything, she was just there, and I kind of forgot about it, since she never updates her page or anything. I guess it started getting interesting around the end of August. She emailed about a leaky faucet she had while I was in Baghdad. I emailed her back and told her I informed my father of the issue and also mentioned that while I was working there one day I heard Dr. Horrible on in the background and got Brand New Day stuck in my head. This started some correspondence which lasted about five or six emails back and forth. That died out to nothing again.

I came back home in December 2009. Stayed around until present day. Before Christmas, I saw Kate a few times at Bourbon Street, but didn't go out of my way to talk to her, or anything. As I dumped my girlfriend months ago, I did really begin to notice how damn hot she was, though, and in my mind, I decided that if I had the chance to date any of my tenants, she would win, hands down.

I did have to do a couple walkthroughs for the bank and for the county assessor's office, so I was in her apartment when I noticed she had a lot of Packers stuff, including a Willie Davis signed football. I only knew what this was thanks to the fact that my best friend Mopower is a huge Packers fan and he won a meet and greet with ol' Willie last year.

Meanwhile, my other buddy's (We'll call him Han Solo) breakup with his Devil Woman meant we could once again go out on a weekly basis. We began our nights at the Voodoo. Kate got promoted to Assistant Manager and began closing down the bar with us. I told Han about how I normally would never pursue a tenant of mine sexually, but if I ever did, it would be her. So, I brought up the topics of conversation and mutual interests I knew we had and she hit us with a Star Wars reference and debate that honestly impressed me, at which point Han said, "That's it, Bro. We're keepin' her."

I agreed with that assessment.

Over the course of the last month or two, Han and I have seen her on multiple occasions at the Voodoo and have spent quite a bit of time down there with her. I've even gone once or twice alone to be with and converse with her.

Someone here once referred to me as "the guy who has karaoke in every one of his stories." Well played, Sir. I guess you are correct. Although I generally do not get out to karaoke much anymore, they started it up at the Voodoo, so to show my support, I went one evening. My psycho ex-girlfriend, Joana from this thread, was there, so I turned around to leave. I found there, a table with Kate and Claire. So, I began talking to them and just sat down. I know my ex and knew she would not approach me if I was with someone else I didn't know. I liked Kate and wanted to move in anyway. So, I did.

I sat with them. Entertained them. Did the routine I know I had to do in order to be accepted in a group and make them admire me. It worked. It generally works. Kate bought me a couple rounds. Both of the ladies were excited to talk with me and I with them. Then, Scott showed up. It was amazing to me how clinical he was about their entire relationship. He said hi, took off his coat, sat down. Didn't hug or kiss her at all. He sat in a separate chair and had about as much conversation with Kate as I did after his arrival. Nothing looked as if it...sparked.

I suppose I could describe this guy. He was tall, but not as tall as me, naturally. He, too, was a redhead. Except the nasty kind. He has semi-bad acne and basically looks like a grown-up version of that kid Scut Farcus from A Christmas Story. He is going to school in Iowa City an hour away, trying to get his Master's degree in Journalism. He would be a good journalist, as he is one of those venom-spewers at anything remotely conservative. Needless to say, I didn't talk shop with him.

Luckily, my ex got ridiculously drunk, made a spectacle of herself and created good conversation for us. Including the time when Kate went in the bathroom and my ex had puked all over a stall saying, "You have to pull it together. He's out there. Pull it together!" I told her I have that maddening effect on women.

We always have good conversations, and even though I was attracted to Kate, I could never detect any attraction from her. Until about two weeks ago. I mentioned I would go to the karaoke contest the Voodoo was having, so she told me she and Claire would definitely be in attendance. When I arrived, only Claire was sitting at the bar, as Kate had to continue working. So, I sat and talked to Claire all night. She was laughing, we had a great time, and I could tell Kate was suffering from what I have long-ago termed the Competition Instinct.

Claire and I sang and drank all night with Kate serving us, incorporating her into the conversation whenever we could. Then we bounced to another bar for a last-call drink, which was on her way home. This was intentional to allow Kate to watch us go and desire. After we drank our final drink, I offered to walk Claire home. On the way, it hit me that she was probably going to ask me in when we got there. I mean, I would have asked me in. So, thinking on the fly, I told her I had an after-party to go to, but I would drop her off. Which, I did, when we got there.

After that, Claire began her pursuit of me. She found me on Gmail chat and began chatting me up on an almost daily basis. I didn't lead her on any, though admittedly, talking to her with such regularity probably made her think a few things. But, I did not want to let my interrogator training go to waste, so I used this time to elicit as much information about Kate as possible from Claire. It came in especially useful for setting up future "chance" encounters. The times when Kate was tending bar on an off-night, especially. I also used the opportunity to talk Kate out of going to see her boyfriend one night through Claire. That was particularly delightful. The conversations were also essential in setting up our next group encounter last Friday night, at Karaoke.

Unfortunately, Han couldn’t be there. Our normal night out is on Thursday, and he is getting too old to be able to go out two nights in a row. I am too, truth be told. But I had to see her. Anyway, I went to karaoke with them and dominated the contest they were having that night, winning fifty easy bucks. Which had to be impressive. The night was filled with moments. To make things even hotter, Kate then began to say things in Russian. "Holy, shit, I love a Russian accent!" She continued, just to tease me at this point, in her feminine, high-pitched voice.

Whenever Claire would leave to sing, we would talk. Many times closely. I maintained eye contact and so did she. It was very intimate and gratifying. There was teasing. Banter. Laughter. All the fantastic things you’d want out of a night like this. Kate bought me some drinks, and I bought them some drinks and shots. We began getting nice and loose.

We again went to the other bar, State Street Station, for a last-call drink before the night was over. At this point, we started getting well inebriated. Again, this time with the pair, I offered to be a gentleman and walk them home. It was sprinkling and Kate exclaimed, “Yes!”

“I know. If I were on a first date, this would definitely be the time to kiss her. It’s easily justifiable. I’d just ask her to tell me how many opportunities can you possibly have in your life to have your first kiss on your first date out in the rain? ROMANCE. Boosh.”

She laughed and agreed and we started the journey to the apartments. About halfway to our destination, Claire began to complain about getting her shoes wet, so I offered her a piggy-back ride just to prove how ridiculously masculine I can be. Outside their apartment door, I was winding up my good-byes when Kate put her finger to the corner of her mouth, did her little toe-grinding technique and said, “Okay, now, you have to come in, just for a second. I have to show you something.”

In reality, she really didn’t want to show me anything. She just wanted me in the apartment. So, after a few minutes of standing there talking, she invited me to the couch. I took off my shoes and coat and sat down. She then got up and offered to mix me a drink, which I accepted. I noticed a lot of Gone With The Wind shit all around the place, so I asked about that. “Oh, my God, it is my favorite movie!!” Even though I am a devout movie buff, admittedly, I did not see it. “You have to take it home. Watch it, then bring it back.”

We continued our conversations, until Claire said, eventually, “Aaargh! It’s like I’m serving as a translator between you two.” I gave her a little positive reinforcement. We looked up some things on the internet, talked about Super Mario Kart and I told of some of my adventures. As the night grew later and later, Kate eventually fell asleep. Claire sidled up to me as I surfed around for funny youtube videos, then I took note of the time and insisted I had to go home. Since it was about 5:15 in the morning.

On Sunday, I returned home from Mopower’s house and began chatting with Claire. I told her I would probably make some lasagna and watch GWTW, and if she and Kate wanted to join me, they could. She said she didn’t know if Kate could come. I told her that I was planning on going over to their place, not have them over to mine. She told me to come on over.

I brought my delicious lasagna, the movie and some wine for the house. We ate and had a fun dinner conversation. I created some funny awkward moments, as did Kate. It began to get slightly competitive. Claire mostly just tagged along for the ride. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I can’t get into her. I need a leader and partner to assist me on my quest for the throne. Someone who can look at me wryly, knowing what I’m going to do the moment before I lay down that smack.

We started the movie and I asked about what time period the movie takes place in, much to their horror, since they both claimed it as their favorite movie. I was able to demonstrate my uncanny rapport with animals, as Claire’s dog snuggled up next to me and wouldn’t let anyone else interact with it. We watched GWTW and I began to notice that the movie is basically Star Wars with Rhett Butler as Han Solo, the North as the Galactic Empire and Scarlett as Princess Leia and her brother-in-law as the heroic Luke who really wants to bone Leia, even though he knows he shouldn’t/can’t. During the siege of Atlanta, I said, “Well, okay, the South or the Rebels, have just suffered a serious defeat and the town is burning and dangerous, so it’s like the asteroid field where they’re hiding out, so their first kiss has to be coming up soon.”

Kate just looked at me quite astonished and praised, “Really good call! You should write a paper on this.” We got about five minutes into the movie after the intermission and Kate asked, “Uhm, are you guys really getting into this second part?”

“Why, do you want to do something else?”

“I was thinking about putting on some Super Mario Kart.”

“All right, if you two want to get your asses kicked. We should really set up some kind of double-elimination championship bracket, but I’m not smart enough to know how to do that with three people.”

“Yeah, you kind of need a fourth. We’ll just say loser passes the controller.”

“Hmm. I’d play every race. How about every two races, you pass, after first race, loser passes.”

We played and I naturally dominated, even though I hadn’t played the original Super Mario Kart for about seven years, at least. They didn’t even have 150cc unlocked yet, so I knew it would not be a challenge. During our conversation, I was able to get Claire and Kate to agree to accompany Han and myself to the St. Patty’s Day celebration on Wednesday. Kate also agreed to come to my after-party on Friday. After a time, Kate went to her room, probably to give Claire and me time alone, which I quickly rejected. “Man, it really gets late quickly after daylight savings. I should probably head home.”

I took my leftovers and made my exit. I returned home, kind of depressed, actually. Even though I had spent hours over there, I really wanted to have more time with Kate. My depression was a moment of unjustified weakness. I got on Facebook to check out her profile and creep a little, and noticed she posted two minutes before, “I really need to work on my Mario Kart skills.”

You like this.

As I was looking through my videos for something to watch, I heard the pop letting me know I had a message. It was Kate.



We chatted for 2 hours and 26 minutes. Conversation never got dull at all. There were plenty of moments that I thought I could definitely take it to another level, but I decided to play it slowly and steadily, increasing in intimacy methodically. The slow burn to an inferno. Here was my favorite moment:



The fact she got on chat specifically to talk to me even though it is not something she's done in over five years and the fact that she all but admitted to having some sexual attraction to me speaks volumes.

Yesterday I had to pick up the trash that has accumulated around the entire premises of the apartments due to the sheer fact that everything becomes hidden in the snow. Towards the end of the day, I was picking up sticks, turned around and saw Kate come home. She said hi, we exchanged pleasantries and I told her now she knew how Cinderella spent his days: Cleaning up everyone else’s trash. She smiled and went inside. I figured she would be online later that night, and she was.

We chatted for 3 hours and 14 minutes, same story. One of the disappointments, however, was that she could not attend my after-party on Friday. She has to leave for the airport on Saturday morning, but that did not stop her. She said she had to cancel because she got an email from Scott that he will return from his spring break trip to Arizona on Friday night early enough that he will be able to drive down and visit her before she leaves on her trip to Washington, DC on Saturday. Sucks. Best that could come of that is if he told her he cheated on her with Emma Frost and wanted to leave. Would love to have a self-eliminating problem like that.

She did mention him once, significantly, during our conversations. She said she likes country music because it makes her feel like summertime and home. Then, later, when describing what we both want out of our lovers, she said she only ever felt love once, and that was because when she was sitting beside him, it felt like home. She didn’t say his name, but I inferred, especially later when she said she couldn’t talk about that mushy stuff she feels with Scott with anyone face-to-face, but on the internet, she feels comfortable talking about it with me.

She told me some crazy personal stuff, like how her favorite literature is Regency Romance novels, which apparently are English history romance novels set between 1810 and 1820. How someone gets off on that, I have no clue. Then, we discussed our romantic histories.



She didn’t get the Psych reference, unfortunately. She doesn’t watch that show. YET. I posted it here mostly because I didn’t want it to go to waste.

She ended up saying a lot of things, which included how I was ‘swell’, ‘a very interesting person’, ‘bit of an odd duck’ and how she and Claire ‘enjoy your company on occasion.’ She also asked a lot of deep questions like, “What do you think is one thing everyone should know about you?”

My responses garnered reactions like, “That’s exactly how I feel” and “OMG, me, too!” She also said once she was glad we were, “friends....er, I mean, acquaintances....buds? amigos? two souls adrift in the world who pass by each other for a brief moment in time?” She also called me an old soul. Whatever the hell that means.

Anyway, I asked for her number, which she gave me, and then informed me that she was changing phones so she wouldn’t have texting until the end of the week. Which to me indicated she wanted me to text her. She said she was still looking forward to our St. Patrick’s day party, and for sure Han will be my Wingman then. Obviously, I like this girl.

Unfortunately, she’s attached. However, seeing’s how my sister is in this situation, I have little sympathy for a man who has been in a relationship for three years and hasn’t pulled the marriage trigger. Also, this girl is awesome. The attachment is the only thing that is bugging me slightly, but trust me, I’d get over it quickly. I suppose dating a tenant with two months left on her lease may be a bit unsavory, but it’s not illegal or anything.

I’m hoping to make out with this girl on Wednesday. I need to go back to the pick-up artist basics and pull out some maneuvers. If she can get to the point where she can admit physically that she has an incurable romantic attraction to me, I think I am in and I have usurped successfully.

Once can dream.

Opening it up to the Otters is always fun.

Damn, she is fantastic, though.
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Old 04-07-10, 06:56 PM
  #210  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

I find it amazing that the guy who wrote a 10000 word post on every aspect of his interaction with some chick who has never touched his dick is calling US internet nerds who cannot get laid
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Old 04-07-10, 06:59 PM
  #211  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Your conversations sound like the ones high schoolers have. I hope you are enjoying all of this, because I'm starting to feel kind of bad for you.
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Old 04-07-10, 07:01 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by spainlinx0 View Post
You haven't been laid in 8 months. That's not standards. The problem is that the girl doesn't have a pair of balls for you to nuzzle against.
I thought men die if they don't have sex at least every 2-3 months? I'd probably off myself if I hit a drought like that.
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Old 04-07-10, 07:33 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
Let me see if I can explain this better.

When I said if I saw her in a bar I'd hit on her and sleep with her, what I meant to say was this: Hypothetically, let's say I traveled to Miami. I went to a bar. I met someone who looked and acted like Claire. I was leaving the next day. All I wanted was to get laid. Yes, I would fuck her. IF and only IF my end goal was only to get some ass without ANY possibility of strings...

Our town consists of about 9,000 people. Not that huge. That's first. Second, she is one of my tenants and I cannot avoid her. Thirdly, I think she is borderline in love with me already the way she is always up in my shit.

I don't have the option to just have sex with this chick here. And I don't want a relationship just to pass the time. Or just to have sex. My last relationship was pretty much that, and it sucks. I would rather be single and keep my options open.

I tried to make it clear earlier that I don't really want to just start banging my tenants. However, Kate would be my only exception to that rule just because she is one of about three women I've met in my entire life that I thought could possibly be someone I would even be remotely interested in spending a great deal of time with. Someone who may be a good match for me.

Finally, you should never have sex with a woman who is in love with you. Unless you love her back. Or, if she is so fucking hot you can't help yourself and you gotta see them titties and get up in that crotch. Claire, unfortunately, falls into neither of those categories.


You sound like this guy.
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Old 04-08-10, 08:51 AM
  #214  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Here's the solution to your problems:

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Old 04-08-10, 05:33 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

That is AMAZING. I think Darkest Phoenix should enact that plan within the week!
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Old 04-10-10, 01:36 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

The real sad part of this is that the only instance of double-fisting is in regards to a few measly drinks.

Meanwhile, good job on hooking up with the attractive, available girl! Now Kate will back off because Claire has put a claim on you, which is I'm sure exactly what you intended in the first place. I know how to read between the lines.
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Old 04-10-10, 01:40 PM
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix View Post
And so, I am, by most accounts, a giant idiot.

Last night was karaoke, as is most Fridays. I went down to the Voodoo to sing. It was surprisingly dead. Dead-dead. Claire and I were the only two singers for most of the evening. I wasn't there but ten minutes when I got a text from Kate. She told me to come upstairs and spend time with her as she cleaned, and I sent a reply, but she was relocated downstairs by the time I sent it, so she spent time with us at the bar.

At one point, she told me to go stand in the corner so she could have her "girl talk" with Claire. I was well within earshot, and she started talking about some damn thing her boyfriend Cyclops did. Scott apparently never calls her and yet posted a Facebook update about being able to spend a month in Singapore for a summer internship and she called him all pissed off, but she said, "So that was my moment of flipping out about it." Not sure why she had to tell that story with me around, but I will wager it was likely only to tease the shit out of me.

Anyway, we left and went to the State Street Station for our last call, where I decided to start double-fisting Jack and Cokes, because I'm righteous like that. Kate started texting me some of our inside jokes and then wanted to know where the after-party was. I told her and then she said she was too old to party, since she's been working until 3 about all week. But then she started texting wanting to know if Claire was with me, which she was.

About 5-ish, I walked Claire home. Outside her apartment, she was talking to me, flirting and giving me the signal she wanted to make out, but I was thinking about Kate and couldn't.

Psych. No, I gave in to my idiot side and began ravaging her face and lips. I inadvertently gave her a hickey on her neck, though I don't specifically remember doing it. I noticed she was flushed as hell and told her how crazy-excited she was. I threw her on the ground and we were grinding right along when I told her I should stop. She agreed. I started nibbling on her nipples when she started shuddering as most women do when they get all amped up, and then she said it....

"Seth....oh....slow down, I've never done this before."

Great. What the fuck. Just what I don't need.

I knew she'd be a clinger, but this is just refuckingdiculous.

I'm an idiot.

I calmed it down a notch or two, told her good luck covering her neck and ended up going home. But now, my problems are vast.
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Old 04-10-10, 01:43 PM
  #218  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Oh, boy...
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Old 04-10-10, 01:54 PM
  #219  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

So you think she was implying she was a virgin, or just hasn't progressed things so quickly from nothing previously?
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Old 04-10-10, 02:04 PM
  #220  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Rookie Mistake.

Once she opens the door, you go in for the kiss. Think of it like momentum, as the Rookie would stake his claim OUTSIDE, which rarely ends in closure. You take the fun inside once you start kissing; it should actually be a fluid (no pun intended) set of moves where you are directing her in. At that point it is a game time decision if you look for a place on a couch, kitchen, or see if she just leads you to the bedroom.

You only keep it in public if you are dealing with a known exhibitionist, and nothing she has done has pointed in that direction. If she is an exhibitionist, than you should have started back at the bar, and by the time you get to her door it is mostly a race to the bedroom.

It's like DVDTalk needs to teach you everything!
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Old 04-10-10, 02:14 PM
  #221  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Originally Posted by darkestphoenix View Post
and so, i am, by most accounts, a giant idiot.

Last night was karaoke, as is most fridays. I went down to the voodoo to sing. It was surprisingly dead. Dead-dead. Claire and i were the only two singers for most of the evening. I wasn't there but ten minutes when i got a text from kate. She told me to come upstairs and spend time with her as she cleaned, and i sent a reply, but she was relocated downstairs by the time i sent it, so she spent time with us at the bar.

At one point, she told me to go stand in the corner so she could have her "girl talk" with claire. I was well within earshot, and she started talking about some damn thing her boyfriend cyclops did. Scott apparently never calls her and yet posted a facebook update about being able to spend a month in singapore for a summer internship and she called him all pissed off, but she said, "so that was my moment of flipping out about it." not sure why she had to tell that story with me around, but i will wager it was likely only to tease the shit out of me.

Anyway, we left and went to the state street station for our last call, where i decided to start double-fisting jack and cokes, because i'm righteous like that. Kate started texting me some of our inside jokes and then wanted to know where the after-party was. I told her and then she said she was too old to party, since she's been working until 3 about all week. But then she started texting wanting to know if claire was with me, which she was.

About 5-ish, i walked claire home. Outside her apartment, she was talking to me, flirting and giving me the signal she wanted to make out, but i was thinking about kate and couldn't.

Psych. No, i gave in to my idiot side and began ravaging her face and lips. I inadvertently gave her a hickey on her neck, though i don't specifically remember doing it. I noticed she was flushed as hell and told her how crazy-excited she was. I threw her on the ground and we were grinding right along when i told her i should stop. She agreed. I started nibbling on her nipples when she started shuddering as most women do when they get all amped up, and then she said it....

"seth....oh....slow down, i've never done this before."

great. What the fuck. Just what i don't need.

I knew she'd be a clinger, but this is just refuckingdiculous.

I'm an idiot.

I calmed it down a notch or two, told her good luck covering her neck and ended up going home. But now, my problems are vast.
This. Changes. Everything.
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Old 04-10-10, 02:57 PM
  #222  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

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Old 04-10-10, 03:55 PM
  #223  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Stoned on the door step...damn goalie.

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Old 04-10-10, 04:34 PM
  #224  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

Couldn't put the biscuit in the basket. That crease has never been penetrated.

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Old 04-10-10, 07:27 PM
  #225  
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Re: A Guide To Knowing Your Tenants. In The Biblical Sense.

This just keeps getting better and better.

*pulls up a chair*
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