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Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

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Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Old 10-15-09, 09:00 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Don't ask for advice on an internet forum full of single guys

Be fun, have fun, show her a good time and don't bring up anything that isn't fun. If you are fun, she will come back for seconds (unless you are totally physically repulsive, just ask El Scorcho )
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Old 10-15-09, 09:15 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

I'm really not into beer. I'm more of a strawberry daiquiri kind of guy. Would it be wise to order a beer instead of a sweet drink? I'm not sure how she would view me after I ordered something like that.
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Old 10-15-09, 09:16 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

You're thinking too hard.

As a few have already mentioned, approach this as a meet-up with an old friend (albeit with a nicer outfit).

All you have to do is show up, be charming, know exactly what you're drinking beforehand (I always order Manhattans w/Wild Turkey on dates...it's a man's drink and demonstrates that you know you're way around a bar. Have a go-to beverage so you don't waste time bumbling about.), and RELAX.

Have fun with it. First time in four years? Make this night about YOU. Treat yourself to a new outfit, get a new haircut, get your car washed. No matter how it turns out, the experience of meeting new people/getting back in the dating game is invaluable.

Oh, and don't say "gosh."
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Old 10-15-09, 09:22 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by mhg83 View Post
I'm really not into beer. I'm more of a strawberry daiquiri kind of guy. Would it be wise to order a beer instead of a sweet drink? I'm not sure how she would view me after I ordered something like that.
Dude, DO NOT order a daquiri. If you're in a dive bar, order something basic with whiskey (Jack and Coke, whiskey sour, etc). If you're in a classier joint, order something with scotch or whiskey, perhaps. A bew pub, ask for recommendations. If in a Mexican place, a Cadillac margarita (or any margarita...ALWAYS on the rocks).
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Old 10-15-09, 09:34 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by TimeandTide View Post
You're thinking too hard.

As a few have already mentioned, approach this as a meet-up with an old friend (albeit with a nicer outfit).

All you have to do is show up, be charming, know exactly what you're drinking beforehand (I always order Manhattans w/Wild Turkey on dates...it's a man's drink and demonstrates that you know you're way around a bar. Have a go-to beverage so you don't waste time bumbling about.), and RELAX.

Have fun with it. First time in four years? Make this night about YOU. Treat yourself to a new outfit, get a new haircut, get your car washed. No matter how it turns out, the experience of meeting new people/getting back in the dating game is invaluable.

Oh, and don't say "gosh."
I'll probably get my car washed. I dont think it's been washed in two years Got my haircut earlier this week.

For dressing up I plan to wear a white sweater with a gray shirt underneath, Jeans, and my new Converse shoes.
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Old 10-15-09, 09:39 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Holy crap I thought the half-colored rose thing was a joke, please please please never do that.
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Old 10-15-09, 11:35 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by DVD Polizei View Post
1) No rose.

2) Don't talk about being alone ever again unless she brings it up in conversation, and even then, talk a little about how it feels, then move on to another topic.

3) Don't make the first move to hug or kiss on a "drink date". If you both had a great time, admit it, then set a dinner date.

All you're doing is having drinks to see if you guys can actually carry a conversation together. If both of you can, and enjoy the conversation, then great. A dinner should follow.

Finally, you say she's meeting you for drinks. Meaning, you're not picking her up or she's not picking you up? She has a girlfriend in the background or she probably has a backup of some sort so she can pull out at any moment. This is fine. So, don't take this date seriously, because if you do, she'll come up with an excuse and leave early.

Think of this date as a drink with a friend. Nothing more.
This is mostly good advice, especially the last sentence. You are WAY WAY WAY overthinking.

The only way a kiss should come out of this is if there's a lot of alcohol, some good signals, and you're really feeling it. Look at it this way, if you like her and she likes you, there'll be plenty of time for a kiss later. If she's not into you, it won't happen anyhow. The first date kiss takes chemistry and game IMO, and right now, you're lacking the latter.
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Old 10-15-09, 11:47 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by Tracer Bullet View Post
You should probably visit a prostitute beforehand to relax yourself
Not only that, but bring her (or him) along in case you get nervous during the date.
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Old 10-16-09, 12:09 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Dude. It's a drink. Relax.

Get a beer. If you drink a daiquiri she will think you're a huge pussy, guaranteed. The rule with daiquiris is that you need to have first cum on her tits. After you've came on her tits, you should already be familiar enough with each other that she won't run away and might think it's cute.

I've never brought a gift on a date. Ever. Except if it's valentine's day or an anniversary (not a week or a month, but a year) never EVER give them presents before you start getting more serious (like, living together serious). Or else you'll either scare them or they'll see weakness and become pussy-whipping biatches.

Like the others said ... just treat it like you were going out with a buddy from the office. I would not go in for a kiss or any other move if you ever want to see this girl naked or otherwise have a long-term relationship with her. Kissing on the first date will make her feel "weird" and she'll say something like "kissing you was like kissing my brother" which will lead to the "just friends" dialogue.

The general consensus is wait till the 3rd date to kiss. ... ... of course I got laid on the 3rd date with my current girlfriend of 4 years, but that's beside the point.

The best way I can explain it is to treat the first date like a really really important job interview. Look nice, act cool and casual, try not to show negatives, and accentuate positives.

Make plans for the next date at the end of the first date. Some guys and girls like to play the "oh mah gaw, should I call first? nooooo" game and I fucking hate that. Just say at the end of the night "how's next Saturday". If she says "sure" you are getting in her pants FOR SURE with enough time. LOL
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Old 10-16-09, 12:18 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Bring a small jar of acid with you to throw in her face in the event she tries to dump you.
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Old 10-16-09, 12:20 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by mhg83 View Post

Problem is I haven't been on a date in nearly four and a half years! I'm so nervous and afraid I'm gonna fuck this up. I hope not since I really like this woman and have a possible future together. I told her how lonely it is being alone but then she replied with "If things work out between us you may not be alone all the time" .

You've never met the woman, and yet you are already talking about possible future together? Reign it in a little bit, you are coming off a little needy. Don't try to hard.
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Old 10-16-09, 01:20 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by mhg83 View Post
I'm really not into beer. I'm more of a strawberry daiquiri kind of guy. Would it be wise to order a beer instead of a sweet drink? I'm not sure how she would view me after I ordered something like that.
I would be yourself. Don't act like a muscle car when you are really a hybrid. If she wants the muscle car, you will lose. And if she wants the hybrid, she will see the muscle car, and you will lose. Have your girly drink and hope that is fine with her, but don't false advertise.
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Old 10-16-09, 01:39 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Do not wear a white sweater - cmon, it's October already.

And like others said, if you're going on a first date thinking you "might have a future" with her, you're doomed. There will be many surprises when you get to know her that will horrify/anger/repulse you.

Shit, I'm going on a date (again) tomorrow night with a girl I've known for years, and I know I have no chance of a future with her, even though I'd like one. I'll never get to kiss or touch her, let alone exchange other bodily fluids. Sometimes it's enough just to be with them for the brief, fantastical moments you are...then you go home and pull it and get on with your life.
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Old 10-16-09, 02:15 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by naitram View Post
Do not wear a white sweater - cmon, it's October already.

And like others said, if you're going on a first date thinking you "might have a future" with her, you're doomed. There will be many surprises when you get to know her that will horrify/anger/repulse you.

Shit, I'm going on a date (again) tomorrow night with a girl I've known for years, and I know I have no chance of a future with her, even though I'd like one. I'll never get to kiss or touch her, let alone exchange other bodily fluids. Sometimes it's enough just to be with them for the brief, fantastical moments you are...then you go home and pull it and get on with your life.
One of my best friends is a girl... we go on "dates" but I could never see myself kissing her or being with her (never ever ever, that WOULD be like fucking my sister). It's nice to have someone in your life like that though. She gives me protips when I get in trouble with the missus, lol.

I don't think the OP is looking for a best friend though
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Old 10-16-09, 02:26 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by RobLutter View Post
One of my best friends is a girl... we go on "dates" but I could never see myself kissing her or being with her (never ever ever, that WOULD be like fucking my sister). It's nice to have someone in your life like that though. She gives me protips when I get in trouble with the missus, lol.

I don't think the OP is looking for a best friend though
No, we're going on a "real" date. There are just complications that mean we'll likely never be able to be more than friends, even though we're both in denial about it, me especially. Trust me, I don't think of her as my "sister".

My only point was that the OP should just go into it feeling satisfied he's with someone he has romantic feelings towards, but don't expect anything to happen and he'll have a lot more fun. Basically what everyone else said already...

Good luck OP!
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Old 10-16-09, 05:45 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by DVD Polizei View Post
1) No rose.

2) Don't talk about being alone ever again unless she brings it up in conversation, and even then, talk a little about how it feels, then move on to another topic.

3) Don't make the first move to hug or kiss on a "drink date". If you both had a great time, admit it, then set a dinner date.

All you're doing is having drinks to see if you guys can actually carry a conversation together. If both of you can, and enjoy the conversation, then great. A dinner should follow.

Finally, you say she's meeting you for drinks. Meaning, you're not picking her up or she's not picking you up? She has a girlfriend in the background or she probably has a backup of some sort so she can pull out at any moment. This is fine. So, don't take this date seriously, because if you do, she'll come up with an excuse and leave early.

Think of this date as a drink with a friend. Nothing more.
Best dating advice..ever!
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Old 10-16-09, 06:28 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Order the fucking strawberry daiquiri. If she's the type of person to make up her mind about you because of a fruity drink, she's a judgementle **** who is delaying her own happiness because she doesn't know what's important in life and she thinks like she's still in high school. You're not trying to get her vote for homecoming king, you're looking for a person that you like that will accept you for you- not for what you pretended to be like when you started dating. Odds are she's dated guys who drink beer, and she's single. The side of the beer fence you land on does not define you as a person. Being different is not bad. Eat what you want. Drink what you want. Wear what you want. Be you. If it doesn't work out, you'll find out alot sooner than if you hide things.

Most beers I like aren't served in 99.9% of bars in the U.S., and I'm wouldn't drink a Coors Light just because people on the internet 'guarantee' someone they've never met would think something. If they're wrong, what do you get for the guarantee? Nothing, free advice is worth what it costs. Unless her exes are all online telling you their mistakes so you can do the opposite, take the free advice for what it cost you. No one here knows this woman, and while the 'no rose' advice is right, the beer advice is conjecture. It's one thing to wait until the right time for a gesture like that, it's another to sit there and swallow beer you don't like to seem like someone you're not.

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Old 10-16-09, 08:25 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

As a female, I would think it kind of effeminate for a guy to order a daquiri. Judgmental? Maybe. But life is all about judgments and decisions.

I'm not saying I would cut him out of the picture for it, but yes, it would be something that would make me wonder if there's more to it. If other behaviors were weird as well, then it could be one of a few things that made me say, "move on".

If you're not a beer type, order a Jack & Coke. Otherwise, just order water. There's nothing wrong with a guy who doesn't drink.

Although, if you don't enjoy drinking, perhaps you shouldn't make drink dates in the future. Before I got married I did the internet dating. A lunch during the weekday is a perfect first meeting date because usually people have 1 hr before they have to get back to work. It's enough time to see if there's any chemistry and set up a second date.
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Old 10-16-09, 08:33 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by WallyOPD View Post
Don't harp on being alone all the time or how you think you guys have a future together. Either one will reek of desperation and act as girlfriend repellant.
Agreed. I'm surprised she didn't run away at that point. Don't make that mistake again.
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Old 10-16-09, 08:42 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Ordering a daiquiri is basically volunteering yourself for the friend ladder, and immediately things will go from a date to an episode of Sex in the City -- with you as one of girls.
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Old 10-16-09, 08:43 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

I thought the rose was a joke too. That's just creepy. First date in 4.5 years? Then don't blow it by over-thinking it. And don't mention how it's your first date in such a long time.

Oh, and no daiquiri. I would say "never", but at least not on the first few dates (if you get to "few").
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Old 10-16-09, 08:55 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by naitram View Post
No, we're going on a "real" date. There are just complications that mean we'll likely never be able to be more than friends, even though we're both in denial about it, me especially. Trust me, I don't think of her as my "sister".

My only point was that the OP should just go into it feeling satisfied he's with someone he has romantic feelings towards, but don't expect anything to happen and he'll have a lot more fun. Basically what everyone else said already...

Good luck OP!
has any guy who's been close to a girl think of her like a "sister"? i mean, girls think of guys all the time as "brothers" when they fall in that friend zone...
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Old 10-16-09, 08:58 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Rent Troy McClure's "Get Confident, Stupid!"
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Old 10-16-09, 09:52 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by Groucho View Post
Ordering a daiquiri is basically volunteering yourself for the friend ladder, and immediately things will go from a date to an episode of Sex in the City -- with you as one of girls.


And that rose thing? Holy crap...

Maybe OP should stick with the Costanza method, whatever you think you should do? Do the opposite!!!
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Old 10-16-09, 09:58 AM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Show up late and tell her you had to stop to buy condoms. Then order a water and tell her you can't drink because you just took a Viagra.
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