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Best Man Speech

Old 04-26-09, 09:52 PM
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Best Man Speech

The tux thread reminded me I am going to be a "Best Man" in a wedding at the end of the month.

I have never been best man before, and i was wondering about the speech/toast.

I have no fear of speaking, being a former grad student, I can talk about any topic for an hour.

But as for the speech, how long should it be, 5 minutes, 10? Do I focus mostly on the groom, since the maid of honor will talk about the bride?

Any suggestions will be appreciated. Also, before anybody asks, I didn't have sex with the bride, so there is no reason to mention it!
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Old 04-26-09, 09:53 PM
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Re: Best Man Speech

You should focus mainly on the bride.
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Old 04-26-09, 09:56 PM
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Re: Best Man Speech

Focus mainly on humor in a way that shows that men are stupid and women are controlling. The only reason it is funny is becuase it keeps the tears at bay.
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Old 04-27-09, 01:36 AM
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Re: Best Man Speech

Quote Jason Segals speech from "I Love you man."
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Old 04-27-09, 05:21 AM
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Re: Best Man Speech

My buddy had his dad be the best man, but told me 10 minutes before time the he wanted me to give the toast. I said something like:

I want to first thank Joe and Mary for letting us celebrate this great day with them. I met Mary about a year ago. The first thing I noticed about Mary was how beautiful she was. And Mary, you look especially beautiful today. Through this past year, I got to know Mary and realized not only that she was beautiful but smart as well. She is kind, loving and very caring. Joe is very lucky.

I met Joe about two years ago. The first thing I noticed about Joe was NOT how beautiful he was. I did however come to realize what a great friend he is. We have worked together, gone on ski trips together, helped each move (several times) and been there for each other through some tough times. And I have realized that Joe is smart as well. And he is proving how smart he is today my getting married to such a wonderful person.

Long life, and many, many years of happiness. To the bride and groom!

Yea, it was short....but considering the maid of honor broke down three times in tears before me and we couldn't understand half of what she said, I think it was appropriate to get in and out quickly!
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Old 04-27-09, 05:39 AM
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Re: Best Man Speech

Be sure to mention that you slept with the bride.
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Old 04-27-09, 05:42 AM
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Re: Best Man Speech

Be sure to retell the story as to how the groom got herpes from fucking that nasty hooker without a condom at his bachelor party.
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Old 04-27-09, 08:33 AM
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Re: Best Man Speech

My last Best Man speech turned into a roast. I basically roasted the groom (my best friend), his parents (both involved in local politics), and the brides parents who I met once (Dad worked for Enron).

Balance poking fun with being nice and it all works out. Speeches that are all nice are boring and ones that just make fun of the bride and groom get stale.
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Old 04-27-09, 08:43 AM
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Re: Best Man Speech

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Old 04-27-09, 08:43 AM
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Re: Best Man Speech

yeah, humor is good. my speech sucked for my brother but his for me was great.
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Old 04-27-09, 09:06 AM
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Re: Best Man Speech

It depends on the crowd. Is it bride-heavy, groom-heavy or about even? I still believe the speech I gave at my brother's wedding was stellar (maybe a bit long, but stellar), but it drew few laughs from my sister-in-law's side.
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Old 04-27-09, 09:21 AM
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Re: Best Man Speech

Just don't get too drunk!
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Old 04-27-09, 09:25 AM
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Re: Best Man Speech

Stay sober and I would talk about the relationship a lot and how you think they match really well and maybe how she's improved him as a person, if that applies?

Just be complimentary with a joke or two. Don't want to step on the family's toes so to speak.
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Old 04-27-09, 10:16 AM
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Re: Best Man Speech

Originally Posted by jonw9 View Post
But as for the speech, how long should it be, 5 minutes, 10?
OMG! Two minutes, maybe...tops.
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Old 04-27-09, 11:05 AM
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Re: Best Man Speech

I don't think I will be "too' drunk, since these things usually happen at the begining of the reception.

I just want it to be good. My current BIL was my best man (not my choice, long story) just winged his speech, it was terrible, and I am reminded how much he sucked at every wedding I go to.

I don't want to talk about knowing him, and ignore her, but I didn't want to talk about her too much since the MoH will.
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Old 04-27-09, 11:10 AM
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Re: Best Man Speech

Originally Posted by steebo777 View Post
Just don't get too drunk!
Or do the opposite and you won't even have to worry about what to say.
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Old 04-27-09, 11:34 AM
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Re: Best Man Speech

Originally Posted by kvrdave View Post
Focus mainly on humor in a way that shows that men are stupid and women are controlling. The only reason it is funny is becuase it keeps the tears at bay.
I agree. The Maid of Honor's speech will probably be gushingly sentimental. Keep yours humorous, and then climax into something about the groom being an incredible lucky guy to elicit the "Awww!"'s. Then wrap it up on a high note where you embarass him (not too badly, but generic enough for mainstream consumption) for the final big belly laughs and applause.

Unless you are as witty as the best stand-up comedians, I also agree that a speech has to be prepared and rehearsed. I've seen many people try to wing it and stumble so badly, with stories that went nowhere, that we all felt embarassed to be there.

Last edited by DieselsDen; 04-27-09 at 11:37 AM.
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Old 04-27-09, 11:38 AM
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Re: Best Man Speech

Originally Posted by Tommy_Harn View Post
It depends on the crowd. Is it bride-heavy, groom-heavy or about even? I still believe the speech I gave at my brother's wedding was stellar (maybe a bit long, but stellar), but it drew few laughs from my sister-in-law's side.
Then it wasn't that stellar, was it?
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Old 04-27-09, 02:10 PM
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Re: Best Man Speech

5 Minutes? Try one minute, if that. Get in, get out, and don't use profanity. The sad fact of the matter is at this point in the day NO ONE wants to hear speechs...it's all about the food and booze. Make people happy and make it quick so everyone can get on with the reception.
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Old 04-27-09, 02:20 PM
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Re: Best Man Speech

Originally Posted by Shannon Nutt View Post
5 Minutes? Try one minute, if that. Get in, get out, and don't use profanity. The sad fact of the matter is at this point in the day NO ONE wants to hear speechs...it's all about the food and booze. Make people happy and make it quick so everyone can get on with the reception.
My speech was a little over 5 minutes in front of 200 people and they were listening intently the whole time. I had to wait a bunch of times for them to stop laughing. People were coming up to me all night telling me it was the best speech they have heard at a wedding, including the band and photographer. People posted it on the bride's facebook page. I think it's about the material more than anything.

Don't spend a certain amount of time just to hit the 5 minute mark. Write your speech, edit the heck out of it, do a run through with a clock and whatever it is, it is...reasonably.

A good 5 minute speech will feel like a minute and a bad 1 minute speech will feel like 5 minutes.

I would post some of it, but I don't think it is as funny or heartfelt as it would be if you knew the bride and groom.
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Old 04-27-09, 02:34 PM
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Re: Best Man Speech

I was able to work in a Star Trek reference and a plug for my law firm (both as jokes) in my speech at my brother's wedding.
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Old 04-27-09, 03:03 PM
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Re: Best Man Speech

Best Man Speech: Welcome. State how long you've known the groom. Mention how you won't tell the embarrassing story about something you did when you were kids/how you met/that one time in college. Pause for laughter. Continue on talking about the merits of the groom. Suddenly be remind of a incident that proves your point. Make sure it is either funny or features male-bonding, or both. Finish with laughter. Shake hands with groom or, for less formal settings, high five. Make everyone toast. Turn microphone over to Maid of Honor.

Maid of Honor Speech: Promise not to cry. Immediately break promise. Mention being close as sisters (if sisters, mention being not just sisters, but best friends). Cry. Tell story about growing up/first meeting/stupid boy you thought you'd marry in high school. Cry. Mention how when Bride first met Groom, you thought he'd be the one (conversely, mention how at first you couldn't see what Bride saw in Groom, but now you see how wonderful you two are together). Cry. Hope you find someone like Groom someday (conversely, if married, hope they'll be as happy you have been). Cry. Wipe eyes and make toast.

Remember, if nothing else: Best man toast - laughs. Maid of Honor toast - tears.
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Old 04-28-09, 10:19 AM
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Re: Best Man Speech

I saw a pretty funny clip where the best man started out by saying...

"Fornication", paused for effect (or to think about what he said), then said, slower, "For an occasion"... then continued on with his speech.
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