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Advice: When to propose?

Old 04-23-09, 02:07 PM
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Advice: When to propose?

I'll spare everyone the backstory and get straight to the point.

I want to propose to my girlfriend of almost 3 years. Ideally I'd like to do it this weekend but her mom's 50th birthday is the following weekend. Hence the dilemna. Especially since this bday means so much to her mom.

Is it better to do it now or wait until after the birthday?
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Old 04-23-09, 02:11 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

The choice is yours. If it was up to me, I'd wait until after her mom's birthday. That way, her mom will be the center of attention for a while. Once you propose, your girlfriend (soon-to-be fiancee) will become the center of attention for weeks. Let her mom enjoy her time - unless she really is trying to avoid anyone mentioning that she's 50. If that's the case, propose ASAP
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Old 04-23-09, 02:17 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

Present her with one of those hypothetical situations and see what she thinks.

"I've got a friend who is thinking of proposing..."
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Old 04-23-09, 02:19 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

Wait until after the mom's 60th. You'll thank me.
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Old 04-23-09, 02:22 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

Don't do it.

I've been married for 5 years and it feels like 50.

I'm supposed to be 34 years old and feel like I'm 80.

Spoiler:



Good Luck. And yeah, wait after the mom's birthday.
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Old 04-23-09, 02:34 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

I will also suggest to wait until after the birthday party.
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Old 04-23-09, 02:35 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

How about AT the birthday party?

...I think I'd get disowned for life.
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Old 04-23-09, 02:38 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

Another vote for after the party.
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Old 04-23-09, 02:40 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

My gut told me after the party as well, but circumstances this weekend would've been good. Sucks.

I'm thinking later in the evening after the party - or a day or two after now....
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Old 04-23-09, 02:40 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

Whenever it's most convenient for you to face rejection and a crippling, multi-year bout of depression.
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Old 04-23-09, 02:41 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

Or she might say yes.
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Old 04-23-09, 02:42 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

After the birthday party. Good luck.
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Old 04-23-09, 02:45 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

If there's a bunch of family coming into town for the birthday party and you want to be able to share the news in person, do it before. Your fiancee is going to want to show off the ring and tell the story of how you proposed. If you're ready and whatever is happening this weekend will give her a better story to tell and re-tell, I say go for it.

Plus if she says no you'll get to skip the party.

But if you're really worried about your future mother-in-law being upset that you're upstaging her, do it after. I hope that wouldn't be the reaction, but I obviously don't know these people.

Good luck!
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Old 04-23-09, 02:49 PM
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First of all, do you get along with her mother? If so, she'd Love it and it would be seen as great gift. (I believe Mom's really Love good stuff happening to their daughters and having her marry a great guy ranks WAY up there.)

After THREE YEARS???

If it were me, I'd do it tonite. I mean, if she really Loves you & all, she'd LOVE you even more (if that's possible) by proposing. That's usually a BIG thing with the girls. Besides, why prolong something she's wanted all this time?

BTW: Why in the WORLD did you wait so long?

-Pablito

Last edited by The Edit King; 04-23-09 at 02:56 PM. Reason: I couldn't help myself.
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Old 04-23-09, 02:52 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

Originally Posted by The Bus View Post
Whenever it's most convenient for you to face a crippling, multi-year bout of depression.

Or she might say no.
fixed
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Old 04-23-09, 02:53 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

Three years is a long time?

And yes, her mother would feel upstaged, and my story isn't cool enough to be able to compensate for it. Had no 'grand plans', just a nice weekend and nothing crazy or hectic going on to get in the way of it.
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Old 04-23-09, 02:55 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

Originally Posted by The Edit King View Post
First of all, do you get along with her mother? If so, she'd Love it and it would be seen as great gift. (I believe Mom's really Love good stuff happening to their daughters.)
This is what I was thinking as well. It really depends on the type of person she is. I would think most mothers would love to get news like that on their birthday... assuming she likes you.
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Old 04-23-09, 02:55 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

Originally Posted by The Edit King View Post
BTW: Why in the WORLD did you wait so long?
I think that's cool. Too many people getting married WAY too soon
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Old 04-23-09, 02:57 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

Originally Posted by Sheff View Post
Had no 'grand plans', just a nice weekend and nothing crazy or hectic going on to get in the way of it.
It doesn't have to be elaborate ... something sweet and simple can be just as nice.
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Old 04-23-09, 02:58 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

Yeah, I think the mom would be bummed if she found out you guys were engaged one week after all her friends and family were in town. I would do it before, then have a serious conversation with the mom about how to approach the birthday.

Also, and I don't come from a very traditional/conservative/religious family, I did end up having a man-to-man with my wife's dad before proposing, and he always liked that. Conversely, my dad really liked it when my brother-in-law did it for my sister. It's not that you're necessarily asking permission ("Screw you, I'm marrying her anyway.") but laying your cards on the table in terms of your love, plans to support, etc. Up to you, but I think it'd be appreciated in most circumstances. I did that about 2-3 days prior to proposing to the girl.

Last edited by cgray; 04-23-09 at 03:01 PM.
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Old 04-23-09, 03:00 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

Originally Posted by The Edit King View Post
First of all, do you get along with her mother? If so, she'd Love it and it would be seen as great gift. (I believe Mom's really Love good stuff happening to their daughters and having her marry a great guy ranks WAY up there.)
You're assuming a lot here.

Or you can do it this weekend. If your soon to be fiancee (and soon to be ex-wife) doesn't want to upstage the mom, she doesn't really have to say anything until after the party.
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Old 04-23-09, 03:01 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

Originally Posted by The Edit King View Post
First of all, do you get along with her mother? If so, she'd Love it and it would be seen as great gift. (I believe Mom's really Love good stuff happening to their daughters and having her marry a great guy ranks WAY up there.)
Gut reaction was to say wait, but honestly is she really looking forward to her 50th that bad? THEEK has it right, assuming the mom generally likes you, do it now, I don't see how she could be upset with that news. She will have a memorable 50th in celebrating her daughter's engagement.

Bonus, it takes her mind off getting old.
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Old 04-23-09, 03:01 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

Seems I'm disappointing her mom either way, then.

I need to travel back in time a few months.
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Old 04-23-09, 03:02 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

Originally Posted by Michael Corvin View Post
Gut reaction was to say wait, but honestly is she really looking forward to her 50th that bad? THEEK has it right, assuming the mom generally likes you, do it now, I don't see how she could be upset with that news. She will have a memorable 50th in celebrating her daughter's engagement.

Bonus, it takes her mind off getting old.
The party is a huge deal for her. Her friends and family are all planning pretty elaborate activities for the party.
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Old 04-23-09, 03:05 PM
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Re: Advice: When to propose?

What if I proposed this weekend, as planned, and she has the option of telling everyone before or after the party?

...do I get out of jail free that way?
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