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How long should people date before getting engaged?

Other Talk "Otterville"
View Poll Results: How long should people date before getting engaged?
Love transcends time, baby. There's no minimum time.
14
16.87%
At least 3 months
1
1.20%
At least 6 months
12
14.46%
At least 1 year
31
37.35%
At least 3 years
5
6.02%
Never get married, it eats your soul.
20
24.10%
Voters: 83. You may not vote on this poll

How long should people date before getting engaged?

Old 12-01-08, 07:39 PM
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How long should people date before getting engaged?

Ok... let's not get into the "we dated for 3 years and it was sooooo special" sort of thing or the "I knew a couple that got married the same day they met, and they've been married for 50 years" one-off thing. There are also people who survive falling 13,000 ft without a parachute.

What I'm interested in is how long someone should date before you think it's acceptable to get engaged? Not how long you think it takes to be successful, but how long before you don't think to yourself "that's too soon".

Here's the reason: A guy I know recently got engaged after 3 months of knowing the girl. Immediately, I thought "too soon... they're not gonna last a year". Then again, that could have been because I also know that he's well off but bought her a fake diamond from the clearance rack at a pawn shop, and that they live in different cities and have seen each other in person maybe 12 days in those 3 months (and they met in a bar on a business trip, so it's not like they've "known" each other for 25 years or something like that).

Bonus questions: do you think there's a maximum time limit (like if two people have been dating for 10 years, do you just assume that they'll never commit)? Do you think people need to live together before marriage (or if people live together, does that decrease your minimum time threshold)?
Old 12-01-08, 07:41 PM
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until they owe each other too much money.....
Old 12-01-08, 07:42 PM
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Eh...if you know she's right, she's right. I think that would take at least 6 months to be sure.

I also think that people should get engaged, live together, and then marry. Living with someone is a lot different than dating someone.

= J
Old 12-01-08, 07:49 PM
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I'd say at least a year to really know someone.
Old 12-01-08, 07:49 PM
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I'd say at least a year. Mostly because in my dating experience, the 1-year mark seems to be about the time things fall apart.
Old 12-01-08, 08:14 PM
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It has more to do with the attitude towards marriage and the maturity of the people than the amount of time they have dated.
Old 12-01-08, 08:14 PM
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Originally Posted by matta View Post
Ok... let's not get into the "we dated for 3 years and it was sooooo special" sort of thing
66.67% of my breakups have been at the 3-year mark.


Old 12-01-08, 08:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Tarantino View Post
Eh...if you know she's right, she's right. I think that would take at least 6 months to be sure.

I also think that people should get engaged, live together, and then marry. Living with someone is a lot different than dating someone.

= J
I have to agree. Living together first seems essential.
Old 12-01-08, 08:26 PM
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Originally Posted by The Bus View Post
66.67% of my breakups have been at the 3-year mark.



So you dated one girl for three years and half a girl for less than 3 years?

Did you pick the top-half human or the bottom-half human mermaid?
Old 12-01-08, 08:38 PM
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I wish living together before marriage wasn't so "taboo". I think it would prevent a lot of divorces.
Old 12-01-08, 08:50 PM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave View Post
It has more to do with the attitude towards marriage and the maturity of the people than the amount of time they have dated.
This is the only correct answer.

Good stuff kvr.
Old 12-01-08, 08:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Kittydreamer View Post
I wish living together before marriage wasn't so "taboo". I think it would prevent a lot of divorces.
I don't know I lived with my ex it was okay but we learned each others annoying habbits. Hence, ex.
Old 12-01-08, 09:05 PM
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Originally Posted by matta View Post

What I'm interested in is how long someone should date before you think it's acceptable to get engaged?
I would say at least a year, 2-3 is better with the last year living together but really, fake diamond, who cares? It's not like being engaged is permanent, the only thing he is out is a cheap pawn shop fake diamond should it not work out

but none of that dating/living together stuff prepares you for raising kids

The reality is, these things can not be measured in time. It depends on the people and their life experiences and what they are looking for.
Old 12-01-08, 09:06 PM
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My wife and I lived together and bought a house together and are about to have our 8th anniversary. Therefore, the way we did it is the best way for everyone. Duh.
Old 12-01-08, 09:08 PM
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it's not the amount of time you date, but whether you agree on the big things like having kids and some common financial/professional plans
Old 12-01-08, 09:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Kittydreamer View Post
I wish living together before marriage wasn't so "taboo". I think it would prevent a lot of divorces.
There was a story in the local paper today how these two people got married, and they had never kissed or even been in a house alone together. I mean, I'm all for the religious stuff, fine, don't have sex, but how well can you really know someone like that?
Old 12-01-08, 09:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Quake1028 View Post
There was a story in the local paper today how these two people got married, and they had never kissed or even been in a house alone together. I mean, I'm all for the religious stuff, fine, don't have sex, but how well can you really know someone like that?
I heard that on CNN this morning. They dated for something like 3 years, too. I could see two people not sleeping together or kissing in that time span (some people are just asexual), but not being alone together? Honestly, that would be hard to do. Did they just meet in restaurants and church?

Last edited by matta; 12-01-08 at 09:36 PM.
Old 12-01-08, 09:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Quake1028 View Post
There was a story in the local paper today how these two people got married, and they had never kissed or even been in a house alone together. I mean, I'm all for the religious stuff, fine, don't have sex, but how well can you really know someone like that?

Again, it is an attitude towards marriage and putting work into it and making it work.
Old 12-01-08, 09:21 PM
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Right up to this moment:
Spoiler:
Old 12-01-08, 09:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Quake1028 View Post
There was a story in the local paper today how these two people got married, and they had never kissed or even been in a house alone together. I mean, I'm all for the religious stuff, fine, don't have sex, but how well can you really know someone like that?
Was it this one from a couple of days ago:

Practicing abstinence, bride and groom have never kissed
Old 12-01-08, 09:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Kittydreamer View Post
I wish living together before marriage wasn't so "taboo". I think it would prevent a lot of divorces.
That's because it's not what you know, it's what you think you know.

Divorce rates are higher for people that live together first. That has decreased in the last decade or so, but it is still higher. Some researchers believe that those that live together have a "lower" view of marriage as an institution. Also, another reason they site for the decline is that few people living together get married at any point now. So it does prevent some divorces because they don't get married to begin with, but big deal...what does that actually do? It only decreases a stat that doesn't have the same meaning as it use to. Is a divorce with no kids involved worse than people living together with kids that split up? I wouldn't think so.
Old 12-01-08, 09:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Talkin2Phil View Post
Right up to this moment:
Spoiler:
Randyc's wedding photo:

Old 12-01-08, 09:49 PM
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I think you should date for a year before popping the question.

And don't fuck it up by telling your wife
Old 12-01-08, 09:52 PM
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At least 2 years...which you didn't make an option!!
Old 12-01-08, 09:55 PM
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Originally Posted by pedagogue View Post
At least 2 years...which you didn't make an option!!
Mods, please add the following options:

- 2 years
- 3 years, 7 weeks, 4 days
- SQRT(Pi^[2/3]) years

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