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Dating without sex?

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Dating without sex?

Old 08-25-08, 09:56 AM
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Dating without sex?

There were a couple dating threads on the first page and those are always fun to read. That got me thinking about an "argument" I was having with some buddies lately. It wasn't really an argument, but in my little group I was definitely in the minority and I was wondering what other people thought.

My question is can you be a couple without having sexual relations? I don't necessarily mean intercourse, but can two people be considered dating if they haven't even gone further than just kissing?

I said no and everybody just jumped on me and told me how wrong I was.

My reasoning is that a sexual relationship is far and away different than a non-sexual/friends relationship. In my opinion if two people go out to dinner every now and then or they watch movies together or just hang out...without doing anything sexual, then they're friends. They brought up the argument like what if neither one of the people are "dating" anybody else nor are they having sexual relations with anybody else and they are committed to each other but still haven't done anything sexually? They considered that dating and I didn't. I considered that a very close friendship.

I'm also not saying that as soon as you have sexual relations you're automatically dating. It takes more than just that to be considered dating, but in my opinion I just can't consider two people to be dating if they haven't been intimate with each other.

Am I totally off base on this one?
Old 08-25-08, 10:06 AM
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I suppose theoretically if both agree that they are dating, then they could be dating. I think society would say if they're not bumping uglies then they're not really a couple. Sex is assumed now-a-days when in the old days it was not.
Old 08-25-08, 10:13 AM
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With the new forum, is it alright to discuss sex? I thought it was okay only if it was gay sex being discussed.
Old 08-25-08, 10:14 AM
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I don't believe in sex before marriage. Am I not dating my friend-who-is-a-girl until I marry her?
Old 08-25-08, 10:15 AM
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If your in middle school, sure.
Old 08-25-08, 10:33 AM
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I was engaged for six months without doing anything more than kissing. Does that count as being a couple?
Old 08-25-08, 10:43 AM
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Originally Posted by orangecrush18 View Post
I was engaged for six months without doing anything more than kissing. Does that count as being a couple?
Not these days, apparently. In fact, you're probably not even "really" married until the second marriage.

This is fascinating. And yes, whoopdido... I think you were quite wrong about that qualification for others, though not for yourself. You are dating when both people feel they are dating, whatever that entails.
Old 08-25-08, 10:43 AM
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Originally Posted by John_Shil View Post
I don't believe in sex before marriage. Am I not dating my friend-who-is-a-girl until I marry her?
Do you not believe in intercourse before marraige or do you not believe in ANYTHING sexual before marraige?
Old 08-25-08, 10:44 AM
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Originally Posted by orangecrush18 View Post
I was engaged for six months without doing anything more than kissing. Does that count as being a couple?
Just curious why you went that route. Do you not believe in sexual relations before marraige? Was that your choice, your fiance's choice or both?
Old 08-25-08, 10:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Thor Simpson View Post

This is fascinating. And yes, whoopdido... I think you were quite wrong about that qualification for others, though not for yourself. You are dating when both people feel they are dating, whatever that entails.
Fair enough. I guess I just feel that there is more to dating than just "really liking the other person". Sex isn't always just a physical thing. It's emotional too and it's the ultimate connection between two people.

Again, whatever people want to do is perfectly fine by me. I just think of dating vs friends differently I guess.
Old 08-25-08, 10:56 AM
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Originally Posted by whoopdido View Post
Am I totally off base on this one?
Yes. Dating has nothing to do with sex. Many people have one without the other.

Even without religion, there are valid reasons, and many people, that postpone sex until marriage.
Old 08-25-08, 11:02 AM
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Dating without sex? You mean marriage?
Old 08-25-08, 11:08 AM
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So if I go out on a date with someone and if I don't have sex, then it wouldn't be considered a date. Correct?
Old 08-25-08, 11:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Ranger View Post
With the new forum, is it alright to discuss sex? I thought it was okay only if it was gay sex being discussed.
Works for me.
Old 08-25-08, 11:11 AM
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Originally Posted by orangecrush18 View Post
I was engaged for six months without doing anything more than kissing. Does that count as being a couple?
Sure, but it also counts as you being insane.
Old 08-25-08, 11:15 AM
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Originally Posted by whoopdido View Post
I said no and everybody just jumped on me and told me how wrong I was.
There were girls around, weren't there?


But yes, any two people can be a couple if they choose to be, even if they never even take a dump on the other's chest. I don't get it either.
Old 08-25-08, 11:44 AM
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Originally Posted by John_Shil View Post
I don't believe in sex before marriage. Am I not dating my friend-who-is-a-girl until I marry her?
Sex, ultimately, is about procreation. Sure, you might find some "SuperFreak"y chick who wants it all night long, but as a rule, sex is the means to the end, that end being children.

Thus, many women will engage in pre-marital sex because they consider it a "normal" part of the mate selection process. That's not to say its right or wrong, it just is what it is.

And post-marital sex during the "honeymoon" period is usually a free-for-all. It is legitimate, celebratory, and can be spoken of freely. It is also necessary for conception.

Pregnancy sex becomes a transitory period. 1st term sex is also celebratory, but cautious. Don't want to hurt the baby, don't want to jinx the pregnancy, etc.

2nd term sex brings less concern about the baby, but more concern about the woman's comfort and body image.

3rd term sex is usually purely mechanical and more for "old times" sake than anything else.

Once the baby is born, in most cases, all recreational aspects of sex are gone and it reverts to its original purpose... procreation. You will have sex when the woman feels like she wants another child. This does not necessarily have to be a conscious thought or decision on her part, but trust me, you won't get any unless she is in the right "mood". Historically, this makes sense, as women were the nurturers, and had to devote massive amounts of energy to childcare. Today, I think they just do it that way for "old times" sake ("old times" cut with a two edged blade).

If you want to have a lot of sex after you're married with kids, find out how many children your wife wants. Lets call that number n. After you've had (n-1) kids, get a vasectomy (obviously w/o telling the wife, which means it'll have to be a carefully planned "work trip" or a week long fishing trip with the buddies, who will need to backup your story).

As for sex as a prerequisite for dating, if there is not, at a minimum, some sort of sexual tension or attraction between two people, then they are not dating, they are merely friends. Whether you express that aspect of your relationship physically or not is up to you and is nobody else's business. Without the sexual attraction, you're like Lenny and Squiggy. Maybe perfect for each other, but not dating, strictly friends.
Old 08-25-08, 11:59 AM
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God that was a depressing read Shoveler.
Old 08-25-08, 12:12 PM
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Originally Posted by spainlinx0 View Post
God that was a depressing read Shoveler.
Yeah, seriously....wtf was all that about?
Old 08-25-08, 12:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
Yes. Dating has nothing to do with sex. Many people have one without the other.
Exactly. The OP is off-base on this one, and most of the other comments were meant to be humorous. Dating is dating. Sex is sex. Sometimes you have both together, but in no way is having sex a prerequisite for being considered as "dating."
Old 08-25-08, 12:57 PM
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Originally Posted by whoopdido View Post
Just curious why you went that route. Do you not believe in sexual relations before marraige? Was that your choice, your fiance's choice or both?
We both think sexual relations before marriage is morally wrong. I can't see an engagement going too well if only one of the partners is on board the sex train.
Old 08-25-08, 01:13 PM
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a lot of people date without sex, it's called being married and having kids
Old 08-25-08, 01:27 PM
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While I do believe people can be considered a couple without having sex, I don't think they are necessarily healthy relationships. Despite what Shovler says, sex is about recreation as much as procreation. If you're having sex just to have kids, get out of that relationship!
Old 08-25-08, 01:39 PM
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Originally Posted by drmoze View Post
Exactly. The OP is off-base on this one, and most of the other comments were meant to be humorous. Dating is dating. Sex is sex. Sometimes you have both together, but in no way is having sex a prerequisite for being considered as "dating."
But like Shoveler said, doesn't there have to be some attraction and physcial chemistry between two people that date? Attraction ultimately can lead to sexual relations.

If you don't take physical attraction and the fact that people want to have sexual relations with each other into account wouldn't there be more "homosexual relationships"? I mean sometimes I get along with my guy buddies better than I do with my girlfriends. Well maybe I shouldn't say get along better, but I get along with them differently. The thing is that I don't want to have sex with my guy buddies. I'm not sexually attracted to them. I am sexually attracted to the girls I'm dating, or in some cases (using my rationale) the girls I want to date but aren't yet because we haven't had relations.

Many times guys can relate better to other guys and women can relate better to other women. Would you say that two guys or two girls that hang out all the time and would rather spend time together than go out with people of the opposite sex are dating even though they're not sexually attracted to each other and therefore are not gay?
Old 08-25-08, 01:51 PM
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Originally Posted by CKMorpheus View Post
While I do believe people can be considered a couple without having sex, I don't think they are necessarily healthy relationships.
I only agree if you are talking about married couples.

If you are saying that a dating couple not having sex is unhealthy, then many would say you have it exactly backwards.

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