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DeputyDave 05-08-08 10:59 AM

For real golfers:

There’s this guy who is a real golf nut. He takes a one week vacation from work with the intention of only playing golf by himself at his favorite course everyday. His first day of vacation as he’s getting ready to tee up he notices a beautiful, hot, young woman also waiting. The two talk for a minute and decide to pair up. The man plays one of the best games of his life but the woman is just a bit better, at the end of the round she beats him by two strokes.

Afterwards the woman asks for a ride home and the guy is still fuming over his loss. Halfway home the woman asks the guy to pull over at a rest stop. “It looks like you need this,” the woman says and proceeds to give him the best blow job of his life. Later, as the guy is dropping the woman off at home they agree to meet the next morning for another game.

The remainder of the week goes the same way. They meet in the morning and play a round, the woman barely beats him each time by one or two strokes, and afterward they stop on the way to her home and she gives him head.

Finally on Friday (after losing again) the guy pulls over the car with the woman in what has become their customary spot. Before she can begin the guy stops her and says, “Listen, my vacation is over and next week it’s back to the real world. We have so much in common, why don’t we take this to the next level? Start seeing each other outside of golf?”

The woman looks suddenly fearful. “I really like you and that’s why I’ve been afraid to tell you. I’ve been lying to you this whole time. I’m really a man.”

The guy explodes in anger. “You SON OF A BITCH! You’re a dude?!?! You’ve been teeing off from the red pins this whole time!”

dieinafire 05-08-08 11:49 AM


Originally Posted by DeputyDave
For real golfers:

There’s this guy who is a real golf nut. He takes a one week vacation from work with the intention of only playing golf by himself at his favorite course everyday. His first day of vacation as he’s getting ready to tee up he notices a beautiful, hot, young woman also waiting. The two talk for a minute and decide to pair up. The man plays one of the best games of his life but the woman is just a bit better, at the end of the round she beats him by two strokes.

Afterwards the woman asks for a ride home and the guy is still fuming over his loss. Halfway home the woman asks the guy to pull over at a rest stop. “It looks like you need this,” the woman says and proceeds to give him the best blow job of his life. Later, as the guy is dropping the woman off at home they agree to meet the next morning for another game.

The remainder of the week goes the same way. They meet in the morning and play a round, the woman barely beats him each time by one or two strokes, and afterward they stop on the way to her and she gives him head.

Finally on Friday (after losing again) the guy pulls over the car with the woman in what has become their customary spot. Before she can begin the guy stops her and says, “Listen, my vacation is over and next week it’s back to the real world. We have so much in common, why don’t we take this to the next level? Start seeing each other outside of golf?”

The woman looks suddenly fearful. “I really like you and that’s why I’ve been afraid to tell you. I’ve been lying to you this whole time. I’m really a man.”

The guy explodes in anger. “You SON OF A BITCH! You’re a dude?!?! You’ve been teeing off from the red pins this whole time!”

That one was great. http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/laughing001.gif

Mankal 05-08-08 12:55 PM

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

Walter Neff 05-08-08 01:30 PM

A woman goes up to the check-out at the supermarket and puts on the counter a quart of milk, two cans of Diet Coke, a bag with one apple in it, and a roll of toilet paper. The clerks looks at her purchases and says to her, "Gee, you must be single." The woman responds, "Yes, I am! How did you know?" The clerk says, "Because you're so fucking ugly."

wergo 05-08-08 02:10 PM

So, this woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the guy there that she's a HUGE Beatles fan and wants too tattoos; one of John and one of Paul, on each of her inner thighs. He thinks about it for a minute and tells her that it CAN be done, but it'll take all night, it'll be incredibly painful, and it'll cost a fortune. She says "go for it" and he gets to work.

Hours later, he's finally finished. He places a plaster over each of the tattoos and ells her that it'll take awhile to heal. There was a lot of detailed work and he had to use a lot of different colors. Check the plasters daily to make sure that there's no infection but don't take them off for five days.

So, daily, she's checking, the anticipation building up. FINALLY the five days are over and there's no sign of redness or infection. So, excited, she takes the plasters off. And is HORRIFIED to discover that neither one looks ANYTHING like either John or Paul. Not even close. FURIOUS, she heads back to the tattoo parlor and confronts the so-called "artist."

"What the hell is this!!? These don't look anything like John OR Paul!!"
"Are you sure? Get up on the table, hike up your dress, spread your legs and let me take a look."

So, she does, and he crouches down to check. But he doesn't agree with her.

"That's my best work ever! Those are perfect images. You DID mean John Lennon and Paul McCartney, didn't you?"
"Of course! But these don't look anything like them!!"
"Yes they do!"
"No they don't!"
"Yes they do!"
"No they don't"
"Look, I'll tell you what. I'll go outside and get a totally impartial observer. Let him make the call."

So he goes outside and the only one around is a drunk lying in the gutter. So he picks him up, drags him into the parlor and kneels him down in front of the woman and asks:

"Who are these guys?"

So the drunk looks back and forth a few times and says:

"I don't know who those two guys are, but the guy in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson."

Bandoman 05-08-08 02:34 PM


Originally Posted by Walter Neff
A woman goes up to the check-out at the supermarket and puts on the counter a quart of milk, two cans of Diet Coke, a bag with one apple in it, and a roll of toilet paper. The clerks looks at her purchases and says to her, "Gee, you must be single." The woman responds, "Yes, I am! How did you know?" The clerk says, "Because you're so fucking ugly."

rotfl


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