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-   -   Time for a dirty joke thread (https://forum.dvdtalk.com/other-talk/530313-time-dirty-joke-thread.html)

kvrdave 04-30-08 03:21 PM

From the other rednecks.....

How do you know your mom is having her period?
Spoiler:
Your brother's dick tastes like iron.

MartinBlank 04-30-08 03:35 PM

How do you circumcise a redneck?

Spoiler:
Kick his sister in the back of the head


What does a redneck chick say after losing her virginity?

Spoiler:
"Git up dad, yer crushin' mah smokes!!"

Kittydreamer 04-30-08 08:07 PM

You two are sick, sick, sick. :lol:

zekeburger1979 04-30-08 08:11 PM


Originally Posted by dogmatica
Sorry, I don't get it.

"Obviously, you're not a golfer."

I honestly can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not. Off to fix my sarcasm-o-meter.

Where do rednecks have orgies?

Spoiler:
Family reunions

Bacon 04-30-08 08:39 PM

If a stork brings white babies
and a blackbird brings black babies
what brings no babies?
Spoiler:
a good swallow


what does W.I.F.E stand for.
Spoiler:
washing ironing fucking etc


What’s the best part of sleeping with 26 year olds?
Spoiler:
there's 20 of them


What do a screen door and a blonde have in common?
Spoiler:
The more you bang it the looser it gets.

Mrs. Danger 04-30-08 09:04 PM

Spoiler:
Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench.

The town flasher came and showed them his all!

Well, the little old lady on the left had a stroke.

The little old lady in the middle had a stroke, too.

The little old lady on the right didn't have a stroke, though, because her arms weren't quite long enough.

Mrs. Danger 04-30-08 09:05 PM

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

Spoiler:
full.

calhoun07 04-30-08 09:46 PM

What did the blind man say when he walked by the fish market?

Spoiler:
Good morning, ladies!

mh4268 05-01-08 10:45 PM

An old man came into my pharmacy tonight and asked me if we carry Viagra at my store.
I replied that we do carry Viagra/
He asked "Can I get it over the counter"
I replied "Maybe if you took two!"

Mrs. Danger 05-02-08 12:35 AM

What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?

Spoiler:
He gets taller.

mh4268 05-02-08 09:21 AM

I just read in a medical journal that apparently diarrhea is hereditary.
Spoiler:
It runs in the genes!

mrhan 05-02-08 11:12 AM


Originally Posted by Mookysdad
A mother and her little boy are walking through the park when the little boy sees two dogs screwing.

The little boy says, "Mom, look at those dogs!"

The mother, seeing the dogs and not wanting to explain to her son what the dogs are really doing replies, "Yes dear, they're making a cake."

The little boy says, "I know, I saw you and dad making a cake last night, and I ate the frosting off of the couch."


Variation:

A father and his little boy are walking through the park and the little boy sees two dogs screwing.

The boy asked the father what the dogs are doing and he replied, "Their making puppies, son."


Later that evening the boy wakes up from his sleep wanting a drink of water. He walks in on his father and mother doing it. He shouts out, "Turn her over daddy. I want some puppies!"

phatboy 05-02-08 11:28 PM


Originally Posted by Burgundy LaRue
Who makes more money: the drug dealer or the hooker?


The hooker, because she can wash her crack and sell it again.


I just about crapped my short......oh wait I did.....

DarkestPhoenix 05-03-08 09:32 PM

I thought this thread was locked down?

I was pissed about it, too. One of the XCritic moronic merger consequences.

This place will be the same afterwards, though...sure.

drmoze 05-04-08 01:36 AM


Originally Posted by Canadian Bacon
What’s the best part of sleeping with 26 year olds?
Spoiler:
there's 20 of them

:hscratch:

TomOpus 05-04-08 02:10 AM


Originally Posted by drmoze
:hscratch:

-ohbfrank-

Substitute "26 year olds" with "20 6 year olds"

drmoze 05-04-08 09:46 AM


Originally Posted by TomOpus
-ohbfrank-

Substitute "26 year olds" with "20 6 year olds"

:blush:

:eek:

calhoun07 05-04-08 10:56 AM


Originally Posted by drmoze
:hscratch:


Read it a different way..."What's the best part about sleeping with twenty six year olds?"

It's a creepy joke, unless you are going to use it as a Michael Jackson joke then it's comedy gold.

crazyronin 05-04-08 11:45 AM

What can you say about a virgin on Monhegan Island?

Spoiler:
There's a girl who can run faster than her brothers.

crazyronin 05-04-08 11:51 AM

A guy goes into his doctor and says, "Doc, I've got a strange problem. I feel great, but everyone says I look terrible."

The doctor grabs his Big Book 'o' Symptoms™. "Let's see if this can give us the answer."

"Looks good, feels good. No thats not it.

Looks good, feels bad...Nope.

Looks bad, feels bad. Definitely not.

Looks bad, feels good...hmmm...I have bad news for you. You're a vagina."

calhoun07 05-04-08 12:31 PM

This young couple had only been married for about two weeks when the wife complains of a burning sensation in her chest. She tells her husband who suggests that she goes to the doctor to be examined. She arranges an appointment and goes the following day.

The husband, while at work receives a call from the doctor.

Doctor: "I am sorry to say your wife has acute angina..."

Husband: "Yeah, I know, she's got a nice pair of tits too!"

Quatermass 05-04-08 01:37 PM

A guy goes to the doctor. The doctor looks at him and says,
"You need to stop masturbating."
The guy says "Why?"
The doctor says "So I can examine you".

Imprint 05-04-08 03:28 PM

Why do rednecks always do it doggystyle?

So they can both watch nascar.

Rypro 525 05-08-08 05:12 AM

this is an old George Carlin joke(i.e its not mine)
what is a female version of a peacock
Spoiler:
a pea****

Gunshy 05-08-08 07:52 AM


Originally Posted by Quatermass
A guy goes to the doctor. The doctor looks at him and says,
"You need to stop masturbating."
The guy says "Why?"
The doctor says "So I can examine you".

you + joke = me get teh funny.

(reminded me of the ole monkey in the tree joke)

-Gunshy


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