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Married couple wants to re-marry - got invitation to big wedding - do I bring a Gift?

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Married couple wants to re-marry - got invitation to big wedding - do I bring a Gift?

Old 02-28-08, 02:19 PM
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Married couple wants to re-marry - got invitation to big wedding - do I bring a Gift?

Friends of the family decided that they are going to get Re-Married in a church and have a huge wedding reception.

These people are 55+ years old. They are both divorced, got married to each other years ago at a Justice of Peace, broke up, back together, split up, back together (I have no idea if they got divorced and this is their big re-marriage or what - frankly I don't care)

I think this is an excuse to have a big party! They are from big Italian families and they love getting everyone together to eat, dance, and have a party.

I was friends with their kids in high school and still keep in touch with the boys. (talk 4 x a year)

I kind of feel like why should I pay NY wedding prices, if they want to have a get together? If this was a young couple getting married, a Baptism, baby shower etc... I would have no problem giving a large sum of money (because it would be used for the person to start off their lives)

FYI a Bronx style Italian Wedding runs close to $150 per person.. so I would be looking at $300 as a gift to just cover costs.

What would you guys do? It would be rude not to go, but what kind of "gift" could I bring that would say congratulations, but not "here's a ton of loot because you two decided to go overboard and I'm not paying for it."

Last edited by CPA-ESQ.; 02-28-08 at 02:22 PM.
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Old 02-28-08, 02:27 PM
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Most people have the courtesy to put "no gifts" on the invitation if they do not expect or want to receive them. So, they probably do. That doesn't mean you have to give one, though.
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Old 02-28-08, 02:30 PM
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Either don't go or give what you think is fair.. Think of it as a anniversary party...
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Old 02-28-08, 02:31 PM
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I think you have the right idea in mind. Think of it as eating out at a decent restaurant and figure how much would you pay for it? I would say a $200 gift should suffice.
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Old 02-28-08, 02:33 PM
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The reason for giving a wedding is not to make all your friends and associates cough up loot. It is to give them an opportunity to share in your happiness.

If you attend this wedding, it would be kind of you to remember them with a gift, but it need not be a $300 gift, a $150 gift, or in fact any dollar amount. You are not required to reimburse, through the cost of your wedding gift, the couple's cost of feeding and entertaining you, although that expectation seems to be widely held among the rude and crass these days.

Attend the wedding and give them a gift that you feel they would enjoy. Let's hope they love each other enough to have an attitude of "I'm so glad we finally got it worked out and can be together now!" rather than one of "These people better come across if they care about us."
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Old 02-28-08, 02:33 PM
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yeah bring an prenup papers!
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Old 02-28-08, 02:35 PM
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Originally Posted by True_Story1011
yeah bring an prenup papers!
With their history, seems like they may need it.
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Old 02-28-08, 02:47 PM
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If you gave at the first wedding, I'd say that gift is still valid.
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Old 02-28-08, 02:52 PM
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Old 02-28-08, 03:15 PM
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No gift!
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Old 02-28-08, 03:19 PM
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Originally Posted by DVD Josh
If you gave at the first wedding, I'd say that gift is still valid.
If you gave at the first wedding, you should have gotten that gift back within 1 year of divorce. Standard procedure, right? I know I always put that on the back of the card.

"Conratulations! You both mean so much to me! But a lot of people mean a lot to me and not all of them receive gifts, so if you get divorced, gift must be returned within 365 days as you clearly would lack the willpower to deserve such a kind offering which is bestowed upon your union. And to whoever cheated, you're a miserable whore! If you get divoreced, that is. I'll still love you, but seriously... return the gift. All this and many more blessings to you on this glorious day of celebration."

Last edited by Th0r S1mpson; 02-28-08 at 03:22 PM.
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Old 02-28-08, 03:19 PM
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buy them a gun... a loaded gun
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Old 02-28-08, 03:20 PM
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Just buy a card, take the card off someone else's present and replace it with yours.

The cost of my assistance is half of what you just saved.
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Old 02-28-08, 03:30 PM
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lol...

2nd marriages never last...

get them a book on how to start learning from past mistakes...
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Old 02-28-08, 03:40 PM
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If you want to go I'd give a gift. Think about how much it would cost you, and your wife to go out for a night of drinks, dinner, and dancing. I'd give that amount.
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Old 02-28-08, 03:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Vibiana
You are not required to reimburse, through the cost of your wedding gift, the couple's cost of feeding and entertaining you, although that expectation seems to be widely held among the rude and crass these days.
[gay cynicism] I would say these people fit "rude and crass" by definition.

Re-marriages, 2nd marraiges, re-committment ceremonies, whatever... Anyone with a modicum of class does these in a smaller and private way. Wanting them to be "big blowouts" (white dress, cathedral, reception) is *by definition* rude and crass.

"Come and celebrate our decision to wed again! For real this time! No, really, we mean it!" Shades of junior high.

You get one (1) chance to have the world celebrate the everlasting-till-death romantic nature of your blessed heterosexual coupling. On ceremonies 2 thru 10 you've lost the right to have 500 people blandly playing along with your naivete, giving you gifts and pretending it's forever. [/gay cynicism]

Last edited by adamblast; 02-28-08 at 04:11 PM.
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Old 02-28-08, 04:14 PM
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Is it just me, or has gay cynicism these days gotten way too cynical and way not gay enough?
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Old 02-28-08, 04:19 PM
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My apologies, Thor.

Bring on the blenders, toasters and chinaware! And make them name-brands, goddamit!
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Old 02-28-08, 04:21 PM
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F-That!!
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Old 02-28-08, 04:21 PM
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Definitely bring a gift, don't look like a cheapskate.
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Old 02-28-08, 04:24 PM
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Originally Posted by adamblast
My apologies, Thor.

Bring on the blenders, toasters and chinaware! And make them name-brands, goddamit!
Thank you, it's a start. You can withhold the groomsmen comment until later in the thread.
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Old 02-28-08, 04:28 PM
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How about an envelope with what feels like money, only to open it and it be pieces of paper saying, 'Your Fucked! OWNED!'

Make sure you dont put your name on the envelope.

Oh... and dont laugh before they open the envelope... major no-no!
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Old 02-28-08, 06:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Vibiana
The reason for giving a wedding is not to make all your friends and associates cough up loot. It is to give them an opportunity to share in your happiness.

If you attend this wedding, it would be kind of you to remember them with a gift, but it need not be a $300 gift, a $150 gift, or in fact any dollar amount. You are not required to reimburse, through the cost of your wedding gift, the couple's cost of feeding and entertaining you, although that expectation seems to be widely held among the rude and crass these days.

Attend the wedding and give them a gift that you feel they would enjoy. Let's hope they love each other enough to have an attitude of "I'm so glad we finally got it worked out and can be together now!" rather than one of "These people better come across if they care about us."
this might work in Kansas but in most cultures in NYC the way it works is your gift should cover the cost of the party for you and whoever you bring
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Old 02-28-08, 06:06 PM
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this is pretty tacky, i say you make an excuse not to go
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Old 02-28-08, 06:22 PM
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Give them a gift certificate for a cheap divorce lawyer.
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