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-   -   Married couple wants to re-marry - got invitation to big wedding - do I bring a Gift? (https://forum.dvdtalk.com/other-talk/526268-married-couple-wants-re-marry-got-invitation-big-wedding-do-i-bring-gift.html)

al_bundy 02-29-08 10:31 AM


Originally Posted by Vibiana
You're not getting it, superior East Coast intellect and all. :lol:

Nobody is holding a gun to their heads to spend thirty grand on a wedding. Therefore, expecting the guests to reimburse them for the cost of spending more than they can afford is selfish, rude, presumptuous, and makes them look like jerks.


hate the game, not the player


that's life here, not for everyone but a lot of people play this game and if you want to be invited to people's life events you have to as well

it's like insurance. you pay $300 or so once or twice a year for these things and when it's your turn you can put on a party you otherwise can't afford and people will pay for it.

wedding is nothing, middle class people here spend $15,000 on a child's first birthday party and the guests bring money as gifts

Vibiana 02-29-08 10:39 AM


Originally Posted by al_bundy
hate the game, not the player

that's life here, not for everyone but a lot of people play this game and if you want to be invited to people's life events you have to as well

it's like insurance. you pay $300 or so once or twice a year for these things and when it's your turn you can put on a party you otherwise can't afford and people will pay for it.

wedding is nothing, middle class people here spend $15,000 on a child's first birthday party and the guests bring money as gifts

I don't hate anybody. But if you keep playing that game, people will keep promoting it.

SoSpacey 02-29-08 11:06 AM

Hasnt anyone seen The Godfather?

"A little something to help you get started"



And let's not get started on a cash bar. I tear the check up and write a new one! :)

Vibiana 02-29-08 11:14 AM


Originally Posted by SoSpacey
Hasnt anyone seen The Godfather?

"A little something to help you get started"

And let's not get started on a cash bar. I tear the check up and write a new one! :)

That was "Goodfellas." And you'd be surprised how many non-Italian, non-ethnically-descended-from-the-tradition brides want to carry money bags at the reception, claiming "tradition." It might be tradition among rude people to shake down the guests. :lol:

Hey, why don't we bring back that charming ethnic tradition of hanging the bloody sheets outside the bridal chamber to prove she was a virgin? After all, it's a CUSTOM! :D

Numanoid 02-29-08 07:25 PM


Originally Posted by Vibiana
If you <s>can't afford to give a fancy party</s> have a bunch of cheap-ass friends and relatives, have your wedding in the afternoon and serve cake and punch in the parish hall. This is not rocket science.

Fixed. :D

Numanoid 02-29-08 07:32 PM


Originally Posted by Vibiana
Nobody is holding a gun to their heads to spend thirty grand on a wedding. Therefore, expecting the guests to reimburse them for the cost of spending more than they can afford is selfish, rude, presumptuous, and makes them look like jerks.

Your logic is backwards.

People don't generally expect you to bring a full reimbursement for your plate, but it is simply what is done amongst well-heeled society. If the bride or groom is a close friend, they certainly aren't going to have a fit if your gift is a fraction of the cost of your plate. If you are poor or having some bad financial luck, no one that really cares about you will bat an eye at a small gift.

Otherwise, as a close friend or relative, YOU SHOULD FEEL OBLIGATED TO HELP THEM OUT. That's what being a friend is. If you're not that close, you shouldn't really be going to the wedding anyway. If you are that close and are still a chintzy gift giver, well, that says way more about your class than theirs.

Draven 02-29-08 08:49 PM


Originally Posted by Numanoid
Otherwise, as a close friend or relative, YOU SHOULD FEEL OBLIGATED TO HELP THEM OUT. That's what being a friend is. If you're not that close, you shouldn't really be going to the wedding anyway. If you are that close and are still a chintzy gift giver, well, that says way more about your class than theirs.

When we threw our reception, we made decisions about how much we wanted to spend per person. If people had come, had a great time and hadn't brought a gift I still would have been happy to throw the party.

Hell, I paid for my groomsmen tux rental, simply because I didn't feel like they should have to pay money to be in my wedding. My mother made the bridesmaids dresses too, so all we asked them to do was buy cheap shoes and wear some of their own jewelry.

I cannot fathom expecting my GUESTS to pay for anything. That's like charging a cover at the bar. It was a party that we threw for them. Gifts was just a nice "thank you" and I didn't assess every gift to rate it's monetary value.

Numanoid 02-29-08 10:10 PM

You've apparently missed my point as well. No one really gets upset at not being reimbursed. But it's the decent thing to do if you can afford it.

Originally Posted by Draven
That's like charging a cover at the bar.

I've been to weddings with a cash bar. If there is one thing that pisses people off more than a cash bar, I don't know what it is. Oh yeah...no bar at all. :lol:

Draven 03-01-08 02:00 AM


Originally Posted by Numanoid
You've apparently missed my point as well. No one really gets upset at not being reimbursed. But it's the decent thing to do if you can afford it.I've been to weddings with a cash bar. If there is one thing that pisses people off more than a cash bar, I don't know what it is. Oh yeah...no bar at all. :lol:

We had an open bar at our wedding too.

Maybe I did miss your point. But to everyone else...again, this is a party for the guests. Just the fact they showed up is "gift" enough.

SlartyBart 03-01-08 06:07 AM

I'm totally with Vibiana on this. If you're at a wedding you're there because you want to celebrate a marriage. You're not there to subsidise the event, nor should you feel any sort of obligation or even a hint that you're there to 'reimburse'. This crap about being 'blacklisted' for not giving couples enough money is ridiculous. In my family (and among my friends) the only people that give you actual money are direct family.

If you are only invited to a wedding so the family can rummage in your wallet, why would you go? Would anyone seriously object to being blacklisted by such materialistic, mercenary douches?

If someone were so shallow and rude as to complain about the monetary worth of a gift, I would pick it up and walk straight out. Of course, no one I know would ever imagine doing something so totally crass and classless. But then I don't live in New York, or in the Godfather movies.

JumpCutz 03-01-08 11:15 AM

Get them a windchime.

http://www.giftsofart.com/basso-profundo-wind-chime.htm

Draven 03-01-08 11:22 AM

That's an unfortunate website name.

foggy 03-01-08 01:48 PM


Originally Posted by al_bundy
hate the game, not the player


that's life here, not for everyone but a lot of people play this game and if you want to be invited to people's life events you have to as well

it's like insurance. you pay $300 or so once or twice a year for these things and when it's your turn you can put on a party you otherwise can't afford and people will pay for it.

wedding is nothing, middle class people here spend $15,000 on a child's first birthday party and the guests bring money as gifts

I know that you're not Italian, al, but what ethnic group is this that you are talking about? I am Italian on my mother's side, but this was rural Western Connecticut and we never had any of this goomba crap like you see in mobster movies at our family events. People who are as crass and materialistic as you describe, I would not mind not being invited to their "life events" and I would gladly not invite them to mine either.

parrotheads4 03-01-08 02:34 PM

It's an unwritten rule that you try to give the amount to cover your plate.

A good friend of mine married a girl from a wealthy family. At the time I didn't have a ton of dough. I had a card with $200 in it thinking it would do. The reception was at "The Riviera" in Brooklyn. I don't know if any of you guys have been there, but it's pretty impressive. It's the type of place that guys like me walk into and think "I should have tried harder".

Crystal chandeliers everywhere: check

Open bar complete with my own personal bartender(he followed me around with a drink always on deck) : check

Hor Devours ranging from caviar to filet mignon: check

Menu of 12 Entre' choices: check

Dinner show with fire dancing: check

Laser light show: check

And all the other usual stuff.

Part of me wanted to go reach into the envelope box, retrieve my card, and scratch together another $100. The other, more realistic part realized I was out of my league and it wouldn't matter. And to think when I first met his wife I just thought she was a cute chick with big boobs....

Draven 03-01-08 02:41 PM


Originally Posted by parrotheads4
It's an unwritten rule that you try to give the amount to cover your plate.

A good friend of mine married a girl from a wealthy family. At the time I didn't have a ton of dough. I had a card with $200 in it thinking it would do. The reception was at "The Riviera" in Brooklyn. I don't know if any of you guys have been there, but it's pretty impressive. It's the type of place that guys like me walk into and think "I should have tried harder".

Crystal chandeliers everywhere: check

Open bar complete with my own personal bartender(he followed me around with a drink always on deck) : check

Hor Devours ranging from caviar to filet mignon: check

Menu of 12 Entre' choices: check

Dinner show with fire dancing: check

Laser light show: check

And all the other usual stuff.

Part of me wanted to go reach into the envelope box, retrieve my card, and scratch together another $100. The other, more realistic part realized I was out of my league and it wouldn't matter. And to think when I first met his wife I just thought she was a cute chick with big boobs....

Christ...I don't think these people needed anything from their guests.

emanon 03-01-08 03:33 PM


Originally Posted by al_bundy
wedding is nothing, middle class people here spend $15,000 on a child's first birthday party and the guests bring money as gifts

Hmmm...maybe this'll help:

http://www3.zansstuff.com/welcome_coupon_us.pdf

Vibiana 03-01-08 06:03 PM

If that's "high society," leave me out of it. :lol:

al_bundy 03-01-08 07:02 PM


Originally Posted by Vibiana
If that's "high society," leave me out of it. :lol:


that magazine still around? i remember gawking at it as a kid when all the newsstands had these things out in the open

cdollaz 03-01-08 07:57 PM

Fire dancing and a laser light show is high class? Seems like something white trash would do, along with having their rehearsal dinner at Midieval Times.

CPA-ESQ. 03-03-08 09:11 AM


Originally Posted by parrotheads4

Dinner show with fire dancing: check


were these people Mid-Eastern?

Vibiana 03-03-08 11:36 AM

The idea of billing guests for the cost of entertaining them, however indirectly through those "unwritten rules" people are alluding to in this thread, strikes me as definitely LOW-class behavior. High society can afford to give parties. :lol:

Vipper II 03-03-08 11:51 AM

Spring for dessert: Ring-Dings and Pepsi

Bloomiesgirl 03-03-08 08:21 PM


Originally Posted by al_bundy
if you are rich, yes

but i noticed in a lot of ethnicities with a history of poverty or coming to the US dirt poor the tradition is to have a big party and the guests bring a gift in the form of cash or check to pay for it. kind of like wedding showers or baby showers or bringing a pie or a dish if you are invited to dinner at someone's home. you really don't see this in the midwest because most of the luxuries of the coast have only recently made it to the midwest

same concept as insurance

how many years exactly did you spend in the midwest?

SoSpacey 03-04-08 08:26 AM


Originally Posted by foggy
I know that you're not Italian, al, but what ethnic group is this that you are talking about? I am Italian on my mother's side, but this was rural Western Connecticut and we never had any of this goomba crap like you see in mobster movies at our family events. People who are as crass and materialistic as you describe, I would not mind not being invited to their "life events" and I would gladly not invite them to mine either.


3. goomba

2:An ethnic slurr for italian americans


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