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-   -   Married couple wants to re-marry - got invitation to big wedding - do I bring a Gift? (https://forum.dvdtalk.com/other-talk/526268-married-couple-wants-re-marry-got-invitation-big-wedding-do-i-bring-gift.html)

Draven 02-28-08 06:42 PM


Originally Posted by al_bundy
this might work in Kansas but in most cultures in NYC the way it works is your gift should cover the cost of the party for you and whoever you bring

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. The reception is a couple's way of saying "thank you" to everyone for sharing in their special day.

I would never consider a gift to be payment for that party. That's the very definition of "rude".

Vibiana 02-28-08 07:16 PM


Originally Posted by al_bundy
this might work in Kansas but in most cultures in NYC the way it works is your gift should cover the cost of the party for you and whoever you bring

It's not a geographical issue. It's a rudeness issue. Rude people are found everywhere.

Also, despite what you may believe, we actually have to pay for things in Kansas, too. There aren't Freebie Cowboys riding around on the range on horses holding people up with six-guns to shake their money out for the unwashed masses. :lol:

Vibiana 02-28-08 07:24 PM


Originally Posted by Draven
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. The reception is a couple's way of saying "thank you" to everyone for sharing in their special day.

I would never consider a gift to be payment for that party. That's the very definition of "rude".

Amen.

al and I lock horns on this issue in every wedding thread. :lol:

Draven 02-28-08 08:03 PM


Originally Posted by Vibiana
Amen.

al and I lock horns on this issue in every wedding thread. :lol:

My father is a minister and my mother is a typical "minister's wife" so I've been around weddings since I was born.

Anyone who claims that a wedding gift is payment for the reception has never learned what a reception actually is. It's not even up for argument - anyone who says otherwise is flat-out wrong.

zombeaner 02-28-08 08:36 PM


Originally Posted by DVD Josh
If you gave at the first wedding, I'd say that gift is still valid.

I'm with you

zombeaner 02-28-08 08:37 PM


Originally Posted by Thor Simpson
If you gave at the first wedding, you should have gotten that gift back within 1 year of divorce. Standard procedure, right? I know I always put that on the back of the card.

That is only if the marriage lasted less than a year

neiname 02-28-08 08:43 PM

Nope

dieinafire 02-28-08 08:57 PM

No way, a re-marriage is not like the first, I don't see the need for a gift.

Numanoid 02-28-08 09:03 PM

How the hell is contributing enough money to see that your dear, dear friends don't blow their life savings seeing that you have a nice dinner and free-flowing booze all night an expression of "rudeness"? :lol: I'd say to do otherwise shows a serious crassness all its own. And if you don't feel close enough to them to care about their expenditures, perhaps you should decline the invitation.

SoSpacey 02-28-08 10:26 PM


Originally Posted by Vibiana
Amen.

al and I lock horns on this issue in every wedding thread. :lol:


Al is actually right on this one. Is it the correct approach? Who knows. But in the NYC tri-state area, you try and cover the cost of your plate.

At the bridal shower you end up spending the same as what people in other areas of the county spend on the person's wedding.

On the specific topic posted, I just wouldn't go. Send them a vase and take your spouse out for a kick ass dinner in NYC.

Dave99 02-28-08 10:39 PM

No way would I opt for a large gift to 1) an older couple like this 2) where it's not their first marriages & 3) they've been married to each other before (especially this one).

toddly6666 02-29-08 12:38 AM

Give them the same present you gave them the first wedding....if you didn't go to the first one, just buy them an iron or silverware....

Anubis2005X 02-29-08 01:01 AM


Originally Posted by SuperJim88
I think you have the right idea in mind. Think of it as eating out at a decent restaurant and figure how much would you pay for it? I would say a $200 gift should suffice.

$200 as a gift for a second wedding? Damn dude, I don't know how much you make, but allow me to say..."must be nice"...

Vibiana 02-29-08 08:55 AM


Originally Posted by Numanoid
How the hell is contributing enough money to see that your dear, dear friends don't blow their life savings seeing that you have a nice dinner and free-flowing booze all night an expression of "rudeness"? :lol: I'd say to do otherwise shows a serious crassness all its own. And if you don't feel close enough to them to care about their expenditures, perhaps you should decline the invitation.

If my dear, dear friends have to blow their life savings to throw a party, perhaps they should consider toning it down a notch, rather than expecting the guests to pay for it themselves. The definition of "host" does include financing the event.

al_bundy 02-29-08 09:53 AM

if you are rich, yes

but i noticed in a lot of ethnicities with a history of poverty or coming to the US dirt poor the tradition is to have a big party and the guests bring a gift in the form of cash or check to pay for it. kind of like wedding showers or baby showers or bringing a pie or a dish if you are invited to dinner at someone's home. you really don't see this in the midwest because most of the luxuries of the coast have only recently made it to the midwest

same concept as insurance

al_bundy 02-29-08 09:58 AM


Originally Posted by Draven
My father is a minister and my mother is a typical "minister's wife" so I've been around weddings since I was born.

Anyone who claims that a wedding gift is payment for the reception has never learned what a reception actually is. It's not even up for argument - anyone who says otherwise is flat-out wrong.

if you come to a lot of weddings in NYC and don't bring a gift like this it will blacklist you from a lot of events

someone i know who is very wealthy once said at a wedding that if this was a <insert ethnicity here> wedding everyone would leave and not give a gift. they would take the money back with them

the way it works is the father of the bride pays for the entire thing or what he can afford, the bridal couple keep the checks and use that to buy stuff to start a new life together and that's the parents' gift to their daughter

Draven 02-29-08 09:58 AM

???

What the hell? Wedding gifts are given to provide the couple with things they need for their new "home". Payment for a reception shouldn't enter into it. That is pure insanity.

al_bundy 02-29-08 10:00 AM

no one in their right mind brings a physical box of crap to a wedding. you do that to the bridal shower and something off the registry. to a wedding you bring cash or check that the wife puts in the money bag


http://www.theweddingoutlet.com/Bride/Money-Bags

Vibiana 02-29-08 10:14 AM


Originally Posted by Draven
???

What the hell? Wedding gifts are given to provide the couple with things they need for their new "home". Payment for a reception shouldn't enter into it. That is pure insanity.

I'm a minister's daughter myself. This attitude of "making back" the cost of giving a party is astoundingly rude. If you can't afford to give a fancy party, have your wedding in the afternoon and serve cake and punch in the parish hall. This is not rocket science.

All those people who would be offended at such a "chintzy" wedding can then stay home, sparing themselves the offense and everyone else the hell of being subjected to them. If you're attending a wedding, it should be because you care about the couple and want to share their day. If you're hosting a wedding, you invite people whom you care about, not people you rate as financially generous. What's next -- running credit checks on the guest list? rotfl

Vibiana 02-29-08 10:16 AM


Originally Posted by al_bundy
if you are rich, yes

but i noticed in a lot of ethnicities with a history of poverty or coming to the US dirt poor the tradition is to have a big party and the guests bring a gift in the form of cash or check to pay for it. kind of like wedding showers or baby showers or bringing a pie or a dish if you are invited to dinner at someone's home. you really don't see this in the midwest because most of the luxuries of the coast have only recently made it to the midwest

same concept as insurance

So only rich people can entertain? :lol:

You are the living personification of "We don't care how they do it in New York." :D

adamblast 02-29-08 10:20 AM

Mr. and Mrs. Michael Smithson announce

that you have been tentatively pre-approved

to attend the wedding of their daughter Tiffany and...

al_bundy 02-29-08 10:23 AM


Originally Posted by Vibiana
So only rich people can entertain? :lol:

You are the living personification of "We don't care how they do it in New York." :D


when the wedding costs around $30,000, yes

dieinafire 02-29-08 10:24 AM


Originally Posted by al_bundy
if you are rich, yes

but i noticed in a lot of ethnicities with a history of poverty or coming to the US dirt poor the tradition is to have a big party and the guests bring a gift in the form of cash or check to pay for it. kind of like wedding showers or baby showers or bringing a pie or a dish if you are invited to dinner at someone's home. you really don't see this in the midwest because most of the luxuries of the coast have only recently made it to the midwest

same concept as insurance

Why should being rich make a difference what kind of present I would give? Fuck that, I will give a gift to celebrate someones new like together. A re-marriage, you should expect shit, they already fucked it up once.

Vibiana 02-29-08 10:28 AM


Originally Posted by al_bundy
when the wedding costs around $30,000, yes

You're not getting it, superior East Coast intellect and all. :lol:

Nobody is holding a gun to their heads to spend thirty grand on a wedding. Therefore, expecting the guests to reimburse them for the cost of spending more than they can afford is selfish, rude, presumptuous, and makes them look like jerks.

al_bundy 02-29-08 10:30 AM


Originally Posted by dieinafire
Why should being rich make a difference what kind of present I would give? Fuck that, I will give a gift to celebrate someones new like together. A re-marriage, you should expect shit, they already fucked it up once.


in this case more than once


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