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I am 4 weeks away from my divorce date

Old 09-23-07, 12:05 PM
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I am 4 weeks away from my divorce date

Man I am not doing so hot, I am 4 weeks away from my divorce date and I have bent over backwards to try and put my marriage together. My wife and the guy she has been seeing took off Friday to a Detroit Red Wings expidition game and stayed the night in a hotel in Detroit and then she took him and met my in laws for the first time. She is still tell me they havn't slept together but christ oh mighty I don't know. This weekend was a huge blow. I start therapy this week on Thursday I pray to god this helps. I hate living by myself. On top of it all my wife asked me to help her with her bills and I told her no, if she had the monet to go running around then she can pay her own bills or have this guy who has yet to start his job (he has no diploma) help pay the bills.
I have been reading a lot about Russian woman and how they are different then American women in that they are not competitors and more like companions any one ever try international dating I was thinking about giving it a whirl. I am so sick and tired of American women mentality right now I want a companion not a competitor, I am not talking about a 1950's women either but you guys (men) know what I am talking about. According to what I have read Russian culture is vastly different then American women. I had a cousin who is an engineer married a gal from Sweden and she seemed really down to earth and nice, very different from any American woman I had ever met. what do you think.
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Old 09-23-07, 12:09 PM
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Hey, thanks for the update.
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Old 09-23-07, 12:17 PM
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I think you need to calm down. Wait until the divorce is final. Wait until all the financial stuff is squared away. Give yourself time to heal (I'd say at least six months, maybe longer). Once you are mellowed out, more confident and centered, and have rebuilt your "sense of self" as an individual as a opposed to a part of a couple, then and only then should you start seriously looking for another wife, be she Russian, Swedish, or the nice woman at the local DMV office. Good Luck!
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Old 09-23-07, 12:38 PM
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It sucks though I come home at night after seeing clients all day to an empty house, wake up to an empty house while that white trash that is living with my wife and daughter gets to see those to at night and in the morning. It hurts like hell, the weekends are the worse, I am waiting for 3:00 pm to come so I can go see Resident Evil I would have watched the earlier show but I missed the first showing because I was mowing my lawn. Christ I am 33 years old and I tried to ask this intern out who I think is 21 or 22 last week she didn't turn me down but she said she had plans I felt so akward and like an old fuddy duddy she was cute though. I hate the weekends I can't wait for monday when work starts.
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Old 09-23-07, 12:43 PM
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Don't start asking women out yet, you are obviously not ready for it (this is not a bad thing). Hang out with friends, try to spend as much time with your daughter as possible. You are still in a mode where another person is the only thing that will make you happy. Like Mike said above, take some time to get comfortable with living on your own. I know, easier said than done, right? It does take work.
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Old 09-23-07, 12:47 PM
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Originally Posted by themovieguru
I am so sick and tired of American women mentality...I want a companion not a competitor...


You just need to find a quality woman. It's got little to do with where they are from. more to do with who they are as people.
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Old 09-23-07, 12:49 PM
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I don't have any friends left I trust, all my friends were mutual friends between my wife and I and they all knew what was going on and never told me. I feel isolated and alone.
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Old 09-23-07, 01:16 PM
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Good for you for telling her she can pay her own bills.

My guess is that Russian women are only different while they are in Russia. You best bet is to do therapy, wait to date, and find a girl somewhere other than a bar.

Good luck.
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Old 09-23-07, 01:57 PM
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I thought it was Asian women that were the submissive type.
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Old 09-23-07, 02:15 PM
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Go gay?
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Old 09-23-07, 02:21 PM
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on the telling her to pay her own way.

Time heals. But it sucks in the meantime.

Is there anyway to find a gal who would just hang out with you and do some activities on the weekend?
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Old 09-23-07, 02:26 PM
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Paging CK and Bushdog to thread.
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Old 09-23-07, 02:35 PM
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As others have said, you need to chill and enjoy being with yourself. Another woman (companion) is not going to make you happy at this moment because you're miserable right now and you'll end up turning that other person off.

I know it's a shock to be in a mode where there is constant social interaction in your house each day and then to suddenly have an empty house. But many people have gone through this. It takes time.

I'd suggest doing volunteer work to stay within a social network. Perhaps volunteering at a local animal shelter, homeless shelter, church outreach program, clean up the environment group, helping the elderly, whatever. Maybe get into a hiking club, on a bowling team, take a class at the local community college, in a co-ed softball league, etc. Be out amongst people, but I think you're trying to rush into another relationship too quickly. Who knows--after you've been involved in some of these groups for a while you might end up connecting with the kind of woman you're looking for.

Thirty-three is not an old fuddy duddy, but the age difference between a 21 and 33 can be awkward for some people. Maybe this woman feels the same way. Maybe this woman who is employed at your place of work knows what you are going through and just doesn't want to get involved in your baggage. At this point, I'd leave the women alone and start rebuilding your support network. I'm curious what your relationship is to your in-laws. How do they feel about their daughter leaving you and taking up with this new guy? How about your own relatives? What is their assessment of the situation?
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Old 09-23-07, 02:35 PM
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Whate veryone else said.. Chill for a while, enjoy life. Then hopefully everything else will settle in, in a nice way. Good luck!
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Old 09-23-07, 02:49 PM
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Originally Posted by waporvare
Paging CK and Bushdog to thread.
i don't even know where to begin, seriously. Mail order bride? Just how desperate are you dude?
For the record, if you're looking to import a wife from any country the only thing she'll be looking for is a green card. How are you going to know if she even likes you?
And getting remarried just because you don't like being alone is a huge, huge mistake.
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Old 09-23-07, 02:50 PM
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Im about a month or so away from my actual divorce date as well.

My advice to you would be to start drinking heavily. Find some hot bitch who spends ALL of her free time in a bar. Befriend her and her best friend. Now I'm not talking befriend them as if you are trying to get in their pants! Really try to be their friends! No matter what you do at some point you'll end up having sex with both of them. Then when it all blows up in your face (as it did for me last Monday) you'll be ready to truly hate women again.

Then and only then can you really feel good about yourself.
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Old 09-23-07, 02:51 PM
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Originally Posted by themovieguru
I start therapy this week on Thursday I pray to god this helps.

That's good! You've taken your first step into a larger world.
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Old 09-23-07, 03:53 PM
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I'd strongly recommend you *avoid* relationships in the short term. I know you want to get back on the horse, but clearly you're dealing with lots of emotions.

As for the mail order thing, while I suppose it is an option if you want a housekeeper/sex person just realize as CK said that you're not getting someone who loves you, you're getting someone who needs you. And incidentally I'd be paranoid about what she'd do when she no longer needed me.

As to cultural differences, I'll be ecumincal -- there's good and bad in all cultures. As to Russian culture, if you get a real, low end, non-city Russian chick (and it is likely they're the ones who will whore themselves on this mail order shit) what comes is a culture borne of socialism. That is one where screwing people over, making shady deals, etc... is considered the norm. Socialism legitimized black markets and that's why there's a lot of thuggery in Russia now.

FWIW, my wife is a professional, and was raised in Russia. She's much like any other professional woman I've met from the US, UK, Greece, etc... who is educated and professional. She's no competitor of mine, rather she's my equal. Works pretty well for me, but YMMV.
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Old 09-23-07, 03:56 PM
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You might want to get your name taken off of any credit cards to which she has access.
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Old 09-23-07, 03:58 PM
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Originally Posted by cdollaz
You might want to get your name taken off of any credit cards to which she has access.
Good point. Bank accounts, too.

Change your security info (mothers maiden name and the like) for other accounts.

passwords

etc...
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Old 09-23-07, 04:26 PM
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Originally Posted by themovieguru
Man I am not doing so hot, I am 4 weeks away from my divorce date and I have bent over backwards to try and put my marriage together. My wife and the guy she has been seeing took off Friday to a Detroit Red Wings expidition game and stayed the night in a hotel in Detroit and then she took him and met my in laws for the first time. She is still tell me they havn't slept together but christ oh mighty I don't know. This weekend was a huge blow. I start therapy this week on Thursday I pray to god this helps. I hate living by myself. On top of it all my wife asked me to help her with her bills and I told her no, if she had the monet to go running around then she can pay her own bills or have this guy who has yet to start his job (he has no diploma) help pay the bills.
I have been reading a lot about Russian woman and how they are different then American women in that they are not competitors and more like companions any one ever try international dating I was thinking about giving it a whirl. I am so sick and tired of American women mentality right now I want a companion not a competitor, I am not talking about a 1950's women either but you guys (men) know what I am talking about. According to what I have read Russian culture is vastly different then American women. I had a cousin who is an engineer married a gal from Sweden and she seemed really down to earth and nice, very different from any American woman I had ever met. what do you think.
wow she has some nerve.
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Old 09-23-07, 04:28 PM
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Went to the movies Resident Evil didn't even cheer me up, I found out my in laws thinks he a nice guy, so much for my inlaws. That blows, my inlaws assured me thier daughter would never move a man into the house with our daughter and what does she do? moves one right in. Christ no body seems to be seeing things clearly. I am therapist by training and I have been told by many I am highly intilligent and when I talk to people I often point out relationships, ideas, and feelings that people in general either don't like to see or hear about themselves. I guess one person put it this way I often show people the true reality of the way things are and not very many people like that about me. Sometimes it really sucks to be me.
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Old 09-23-07, 04:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Nesbit
Im about a month or so away from my actual divorce date as well.

My advice to you would be to start drinking heavily. Find some hot bitch who spends ALL of her free time in a bar. Befriend her and her best friend. Now I'm not talking befriend them as if you are trying to get in their pants! Really try to be their friends! No matter what you do at some point you'll end up having sex with both of them. Then when it all blows up in your face (as it did for me last Monday) you'll be ready to truly hate women again.

Then and only then can you really feel good about yourself.
Did you at least try for the thressome? Bar flies tned ot go for shit like that...a.llegedly.

-p
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Old 09-23-07, 04:39 PM
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Originally Posted by pedagogue
Did you at least try for the thressome? Bar flies tned ot go for shit like that...a.llegedly.

-p
No. I never talked about one to the other at all.

They were both aware of what was going on but never discussed it with me. It blew up in my face when it got out at my old workplace (yeah I worked with both of them while this was going on) that I had been having some sort of relationship with one and the other feared that the whole thing would get out.

That makes it sound a whole lot cooler than it actually was. Was hung up on one for a long time and the other was just a really good friend... At least I got my Freaks and Geeks dvd back from the friend one the morning that everything blew up otherwise I never would have seen it again.

Anyways movieguru. You should really get help man. You sound really broken up about it. If you ever need someone to talk to through IM, email, or whatever let me know. Both my (soon to be) ex and I were happy that our marriage ended so I can't offer much in the way of advice there but I'm glad to listen and hopefully can point out the good things about being single. I'd recommend pedagogue for this as he always has the best advice in these things but that fucker charges.
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Old 09-23-07, 04:44 PM
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Originally Posted by themovieguru
Went to the movies Resident Evil didn't even cheer me up, I found out my in laws thinks he a nice guy, so much for my inlaws. That blows, my inlaws assured me thier daughter would never move a man into the house with our daughter and what does she do? moves one right in. Christ no body seems to be seeing things clearly. I am therapist by training and I have been told by many I am highly intilligent and when I talk to people I often point out relationships, ideas, and feelings that people in general either don't like to see or hear about themselves. I guess one person put it this way I often show people the true reality of the way things are and not very many people like that about me. Sometimes it really sucks to be me.
You should put most of this in a yahoo personal. This is a surefire way to get laid.
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