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so,......i injured my penis today......

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so,......i injured my penis today......

Old 02-18-07, 12:25 AM
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so,......i injured my penis today......

So…this hag that im seeing suggested that I shave my testicles and cock handle. Im like “wtf, how do I shave a wrinkly sack, its not possible.” so I say fuck shaving, I’ll just use a mustache trimmer to trim the nappy jungle. This was on Wednesday…

today, at around 7:00 pm pacific time, I go to the bathroom and drop my trousers and I plug in the mustache trimmer(Its one of those cheap Target machines, with al borland on the box). im nervous cus ive never put something that sharp next to my favorite possession.

I begin by trimming the scrut(the area between my ass and nuts) and im trying to trim my nut sack but its impossible, im pulling on my sack to make the hairs more visible and im trimming them one by one. that’s not working out so I start trimming the shaft. Im like 3 inches from the base shaving downwards, as im shaving im getting a little more confidence and start going a little faster, so at about half an inch from the base I feel a sudden, and horribly horrifying, pinch.

I start breathing pretty hard, holding the machine in my right hand, and im saying “oh fuck, oh fuckkk, what the fuck.” I look down at my cock piece and I see BLOOD! And its bleeding profusely, I drop the machine and try to stop it with my hands….I grab some toilet paper and stop the bleeding.

So I step inside the shower, with toilet paper all over my cock hammer, and I don’t even wanna look at the wound. It was hell taking a shower, I felt a terrible sting every time the water hit the injured area.

After im done with the shower I observe the aftermath and I see that this damn machine took out a piece of meat. I can see the white meat, it looks deep as fuck and it still bleeds if I squeeze it. But seriously….im deformed, shit looks like a crater on the moon. I don’t even want to look at my penis right now, this is a sad day….I have a band aid on it now, im traumatized.

Wow, this is worse than that one time I pleasured a virgin.


wtf
Old 02-18-07, 12:48 AM
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rough. sounds like a thread for the mature forum.
Old 02-18-07, 12:54 AM
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Be sure to let us know how the band-aid removal goes.
Old 02-18-07, 12:55 AM
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Here's a simple formula to remember:

Injuring scotum with ice = Other forum
Injuring weiner with mustache trimmer = Adult forum
Old 02-18-07, 12:58 AM
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Ehh... Thanks for sharing?
Old 02-18-07, 01:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Mordred
Here's a simple formula to remember:

Injuring scotum with ice = Other forum
Injuring weiner with mustache trimmer = Darwin Award forum
Fixed.
Old 02-18-07, 01:06 AM
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Two words: Philips Bodygroom
Old 02-18-07, 01:16 AM
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Piece of advice: electricity + razor blades = carved meat.

It sounds like you were just going too fast, as you indicated. There is no such thing as confidence when it comes to sharp objects and your gentleman's gentleman.

Just use a regular razor. The less mechanical parts, the better. Granted, you do want to be a little extra careful with your sack o' nuts, but it all comes off just the same (the hair, preferrably, not your flesh). I just use a disposable double-blade razor and some shaving cream. The results: baby-smoothness.

Last edited by The_Infidel; 02-18-07 at 01:19 AM.
Old 02-18-07, 01:17 AM
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Moving to Polidickle Forum.
Old 02-18-07, 01:34 AM
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So much unnecessary detail...
Old 02-18-07, 01:49 AM
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If you injure it enough, you gain super powers. I call mine "scrodar" since I can now sense when a storm is coming.
Old 02-18-07, 01:57 AM
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Lorena Bobbitt has a cure for that. Look into it.
Old 02-18-07, 02:03 AM
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Toss some rubbing alcohol on it to disinfect the wound.
Old 02-18-07, 02:17 AM
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(floyd says..only 10 cents a nugget and I'm License too!)
Old 02-18-07, 02:37 AM
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Lolololol!
Old 02-18-07, 02:43 AM
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They key to healing is not not get any erections, because that will just open the wound back up and mess up the scar tissue. So... don't think about sex. Good luck!
Old 02-18-07, 03:08 AM
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Thankfully, spring training is just around the corner...
Old 02-18-07, 06:30 AM
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Originally Posted by TomOpus
I have one. Does a good job. Though a razor trims closer.

You need practice trimming your cock-a-doodle-do and nutsack. Oh, you forgot your asscrack! That's next.
Old 02-18-07, 06:52 AM
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is the only purpose of this thread to go for the most metaphors for your junk? If so you're about 4 off the record.
Old 02-18-07, 06:55 AM
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I find that it is easier to shave with an erection as there is less loose skin to deal with, but maybe that's just me.
Old 02-18-07, 07:50 AM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
If you injure it enough, you gain super powers. I call mine "scrodar" since I can now sense when a storm is coming.


Just to add...
Old 02-18-07, 08:53 AM
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I can't wait to use the word "Cock Hammer"
Old 02-18-07, 10:59 AM
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If he had used a simple razor, he wouldn't have had this problem.

In trying to avoid it, he caused it.
Old 02-18-07, 11:02 AM
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Originally Posted by rocketsauce
is the only purpose of this thread to go for the most metaphors for your junk? If so you're about 4 off the record.


Old 02-18-07, 11:18 AM
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Originally Posted by rocketsauce
is the only purpose of this thread to go for the most metaphors for your junk? If so you're about 4 off the record.
blue-veined junket pumper
bone-her
boner
cock
dick
ding dong
dip stick
dong
dork
doughnut holder
firm worm
free willy
goober
granite edifice
gristle missle
hairy bagpipes
hang down
hard on
harry & the hendersons
john thomas
johnson
joy stick
knob
love muscle
love pump
love stick
love truncheon
male organ
meat
meat whistle
meat wrench
member
nightcrawler
ol' one-eye
one eyed wonder weasel
one hole friction whistle
one-eyed fred
one-eyed trouser snake
organic dildo
pecker
pee stick
pee-pee
percy
peter
piece of pork
pink oboe
piss pump
pocket rocket
pole
pork sword
prick
pumping pole of penile power
purple-headed trouser snake
purple-helmeted warrior
purple-helmeted yogurt thrower
pussy plunger
ralph the fur faced chicken
richard and the twins
rod
root
russell the one-eyed wonder muscle
salty dog
schlong
sex pistol
skin flute
spunk stick
stiffy
the pink oboe
thrill drill
throbber
throbbing python of love
tobias the cheeky monkey
tool
trouser snake
trouser trout
vlad the impaler
wanker
wee-wee
weiner
weinie
wife's best friend
willy
woody

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